Here & Now
by xoxoDesireh
Summary: Jenny Humphrey faces new challenges after a big discovery. During her 9 month journey she finds something that she has been looking for a long time. J/C, C/B, N/J, D/S
1. Life: harder than it looks

**I do not own Gossip girl or any of it's amazing characters. **

Note: Follows the events of season three final. Georgina's comeback or Chuck getting shot **DID NOT** happen.

* * *

_Baby I have been here before_

_I know this room, I've walked this floor_

_I used to live alone before I knew you._

_Hallelujah - Leonard Cohen  
_

...

Jenny stared at the mirror and splashed water on to her face. She was shaking and her whole body was covered in an angry, uncomfortable sweat that felt scratchy and constricting.

She kept telling herself that this had to be done, but she didn't have the courage.

She glances around the small bathroom that she is standing in.

The shower curtain is at it's breaking point, maybe her mom should get a new one, she thought.

She sits on the toilet, waiting for the hot flash to pass. It had been over five weeks since her life had been turned upside down. Moving into Hudson was the best decision for her and her family. What she did was horrifying and it made her sick to her stomach, literally.

Yes, she lost her 'V card' to Chuck bastard Bass.

It was maybe the most awful thing that she had done and Jenny Humphrey had done a lot of awful things.

Back there she was a liar, backstabber and the worst of all, bad daughter and a sister.

**Everybody hated her** there and some even had a good reason.

Blair Waldorf, she was the one person who Jenny couldn't stand, but still in a way looked up to the brunette goddess who had her very own army. Jenny was stronger than Blair, much stronger.

There had been millions of childish_ 'who's the queen?'_ battles and somehow Jenny always made it to the top.

The problem was, she didn't want that.

She did **want** that power at one point desperately, but when she realized she didn't want it there was no way to get rid of it.

She had that label on her for the rest of her life- the girl from Brooklyn who cut the snakes' head.

Ironically when Blair lost her virginity to Chuck Bass and Jenny heard about it, she couldn't do anything else than think how stupid Blair must have been. Jenny remembers the morning the_ 'news'_ hit Gossip Girl. She laughed her ass off with her dear brother Dan. She wasn't laughing now, that's for sure.

Then there was Blair's best friend, Serena. The blond bombshell who had everything. She was rich, gorgeous and could have any guy she wanted. When Jenny was younger and read Gossip girl she wanted to be like Serena. There were moments when they were nice to each other, but lately Jenny just ignored her.

The sad thing was that Jenny had lost herself during these years. Everyone had noticed how she changed from a sweet little girl into a total train wreck.

Gossip girl ruined her. She and her stupid site.

Jenny hadn't looked at the site at all during her time in Hudson. She didn't need to. Only contact she had back home was her dad, brother, Lily and Eric. It was good this way, no stress or rumors.

Somehow Jenny always managed in the upper east side.

She did have friends, close friends who could get mad at her, but wouldn't abandon her. People like Eric Van Der Woodsen, the amazing brother of Serena. Eric and Jenny had been friends since the day they made eye contact. Everyone always thought that there was more to it, but Eric was gay so it could never happen. When Jenny heard he was gay, she was bit disappointed, but also understood why their friendship worked so well. Like Eric said to her when she was leaving; _'you may be a total bitch sometimes, but you're still my best friend'_

Nothing could brake their unique friendship, not even her bitchiness.

Then there was the most gorgeous human being on the planet, Nate Archibald. The blue-eyed sweet guy who treated her like a true queen. There was always more to it than friendship, but the universe always somehow screwed them up and it always ended up in tears. She didn't mean to hurt him, she just wanted him, badly. Nate was always dating the wrong girl that's how Jenny saw it.

Serena and Nate would have never worked out, after all Serena still loved her brother. That one picture that she took, after Dan and Serena fell asleep into each other's arms was a mistake. She paid a big price when she ran into Chuck instead of Nate that night. Nate was supposed to be her first one that special guy who would treat her gently during the whole time.

Unlike Chuck,

He smelled like scotch, a strong perfume and a mixture of despair.

He didn't make any effort to make her feel good, it was all about Chuck that night. He wanted to forget about Blair and used Jenny to do it. He was rough, sweaty and _hard_. The minute he was inside her, she winced in pain. The pain was unbearable and it felt like forever. The fact that Chucks heavy breath filled her ears didn't help at all. When her name rolled out of his tongue between his hot breaths she felt so ashamed.

She tried to think of something, anything to distract her mind from his unkind touch. Nothing worked. Nothing could make the feeling of his sweaty hands rubbing her sides disappear.

It was painful, very painful, but it soon gave way to pleasure as he started to slowly move, pulling out, and pushing in again. She couldn't help, but gasp out his name. It just left her lips without permission.

Sounds of heavy breathing filled the room next as she tried to catch her breath, the pleasure slowly fading. She was tired, exhausted both emotionally and physically.

_"I can't believe I came inside you Humphrey." _

The tone of his voice pierced her ears. It was almost like a joke to him.

Everything went downhill from there. Later on Blair showed up, Chuck as a real gentleman told her to say quiet.

First when she saw the tiny bag on his nightstand she thought that this must have been a cruel joke.

He wanted to marry Blair.

Chuck didn't even like her,** he hated her** like anyone else did.

How did it all come into this? She was supposed to be better than Blair Waldorf or any other selfish girl from upper east side.

Jenny looks outside from the bathroom window.

She liked Hudson it was a quite place compared to Upper East Side and even Brooklyn. Her mother had been fussing over her since she arrived, her dad must have told her about everything. Much as Jenny loved her mom, she just sometimes didn't get it. She wasn't there always when she needed her the most, her dad was.

Hudson first seemed like a great idea, but when Jenny had to face the facts and walk into that pharmacy, all hell broke loose-

She just hoped that she could have had someone there to hold her hand.

This was is it; now or never.

She finally, after several days battling with it has the courage to look at the plain white stick that could ruin her life.

She pulls the box out of her makeup bag and places it on the counter in front of her.

She did the test already, but she just couldn't look at it, so like a coward she shoved it back into the box and pretended like everything was okay.

**She can't do it**. She simply can't because deep down she already knows. If the two lines are there, her life is officially over.

In a swift motion she grabs her cell phone from her purse and calls the person who she knows she can trust,

"Jenny?" His sleepy voice asks, "Why are you calling me at 4 am?"

"Hi dad."

She phoned Rufus because she wanted to be loved and comforted and made to feel human.

"Is everything okay?" He gets alarmed.

She swallows hard and tries not to cry. She was through her sobs and cries. "I'm fine dad. I just couldn't sleep, that's all."

"Oh, well how are things in Hudson kiddo?"

She wants to say horrible and that she feels lonely, but she doesn't want to upset him.. again.

"Fine," Jenny looks down at the box that was on the counter, "I just miss you all. How's everybody?"

"Me and Lily are doing great, Eric is also fine and Dan is still in Paris."

Yep, her brother had gone after Serena to Paris and Jenny kind of expected it from him. She knew that he still loved her or hadn't stopped from loving her.

"That's great. Well I better get going. I don't want ruin your sleep."

"Alright, I love you. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. I love you too dad." She chokes out, "Bye."

Jenny laid down on the cold bathroom floor taking deep breaths looking at the ceiling.

The box in her hand, she doesn't look at it instead pulls the plastic stick out.

Squeezing it hard, she finally looks at it. Two lines. Shit. Shit. Shit.

She felt her eyes start to well up with tears.

How could she be pregnant? She was sixteen, she was still just kid. Now that she thinks about it, she doesn't even remember Chuck putting a condom on, but the room was dark! He could have… it could have just broke, right…? She knew about protection, but it didn't really occur her. Chuck Bass of all people should know about these things. Not innocent Jenny Humphrey from Brooklyn.

With her head in her hands and her blond hair falling over hair face she takes a moment.

**Pregnant.**

How was she supposed to deal with this too? Everything was already messed up in her life. She squeezes her stomach.

She didn't want to be the stupid girl in the stupid nightdress who'd got herself pregnant by someone who is even more messed up than she is.

Jenny hadn't even talked to Chuck after that night, not a word. He made it very clear that day, he didn't want to ever see her again.

Faces from her life flashed through her head as she sat there,

images of her disappointed father and mother, Dan, Lily, Eric, Nate, Vanessa, Serena, Blair and even Chuck.

She could already imagine the headlines in Gossip Girl. _'Little J gets knocked up'_

**No, she couldn't let it happen.**

She had to get rid of the life that grew inside her.

* * *

Liked it? Want me to continue?

**Drop a review! :) It won't hurt you!**

_XoxoDesireh_


	2. Bad dream

_I was feeling sad_

_Can't help looking back_

_Highways flew by_

_Run, run, run away_

_No sense of time_

_Want you to stay_

_** Want to keep you inside** _

_Runaway - Yeah Yeah Yeahs_

_...  
_

She couldn't sleep. It was simple as that, she couldn't sleep. Her life wasn't supposed to go like this.

She was supposed to be a famous fashion designer.

She was supposed to be a good daughter that her parents could look up to.

She could toss and turn for hours and she still would be awake. The idea of a _thing _growing inside her was overwhelming.

She didn't want _it_. Maybe one day she would want _it _to grow inside her, but not now. Not when it's a creation of mistakes and bad perfume.

Jenny didn't want to bring a child into this world and start avoiding questions like_ 'Why don't I have a Daddy?'_. It was not like Chuck would step up and be a father, no way.

She was getting rid of an unwanted fetus. It wasn't a baby yet. Hell, it wasn't even a fetus yet. It was a ball of cells and that was it. Nothing else. It didn't even matter to her.

No matter how hard she tried to squeeze her eyes shut and hoped to fall asleep it didn't happen.

She doesn't want to get out of her bed because if she does it will turn out to be the harsh reality. Not a bad dream.

Jenny lets out a growl of dismay and buries her head into her fluffy pillow.

She was going to get rid of the ball of cells and not regret it.

How would everybody react when they heard that she was pregnant? Dan would be pissed off, most likely go after Chuck. Her dad would never look at her the same way. Her mom... well. She would probably escape the situation by leaving town. Blair would kill her with her bare arms, Serena would stand by Blair and Nate, the guy that mattered to her the most would never talk to her.

_Okay, that's it! _

She needs to get up before her mind wonders any deeper. She gets up and grabs her favorite cardigan from a rocking chair that she has had since she was a little girl. With a determined mind, she passes the hallway and walks the stairs down, towards their open kitchen.

"Hey pumpkin you're up early!" Her mom, Allison chirps from the kitchen.

The familiar scent gets stronger and stronger when she walks closer to her mom, who is behind the stove.

"You're making waffles?" Jenny asked with a slight confusion.

"I am! Unbelievable isn't it." She laughed,

Jenny's mom wasn't like any other mom. She was a stubborn woman who knew what she wanted. She left them in the first place, to fulfill her dream of becoming an artist. Now a bit older, but still learning new things. "Actually Rufus mailed me the recipe. I could never do anything like this by myself. I wanted to surprise my little girl."

Jenny looked at her suspiciously. "Are you going somewhere?"

She was dressed up, in a nice flower print dress and wearing makeup. Jenny never saw her mother wearing makeup because she was indeed a messy artist who just wrapped her hair in a ponytail and pulled something out of her closet.

"I'm meeting a friend." She told her, "What are you trying to make me feel guilty?" She chuckled putting the waffles on the kitchen work-top.

Jenny looked taken aback. "No. I was just… asking." There was a pause as they stood alone together in the kitchen.

"Now eat up. I'll be back before noon."

"Wait, your leaving? It's not even 7 am." Jenny asked, concerned.

"Jenny you are not a baby anymore, you can take care of yourself." Allison teased.

"I _know_." Jenny looked at her and shrugged, "Its just.. well me and dad used to eat breakfast every morning together and I miss that."

"I know you miss Rufus pumpkin, but right now we need to concentrate on what's best for you."

"Fine."

"I trust you Jenny. I believe you can eat your waffles alone without supervision."

Jenny laughed it off, trying not to let her see how her words hurt her. "Have fun with your _friend_."

"Bye!" She yelled before the door shut.

Jenny looked back at the plate of waffles and after the first bite, she felt like not having anymore. They didn't taste so good when she was eating alone. She quickly threw the waffles down to the garbage and got the phone book out.

Suddenly she knew what she had to do. Jenny picked up her phone and dialed the number from the phone book.

"I would like to make an appointment please."

...

A few hours later, Jenny sat nervously in the waiting room, waiting for her to be called in.

"Jenny Humphrey?" the receptionist called her name and Jenny made her way to the corridor. She knocked timidly on the door that had Dr. Carter's name on it before going in.

"Hi," She greeted her, "Take a seat please."

She sat on the leather chair, looking around her; everything looked so expensive. The room was big and for a second Jenny even forgot about being at a hospital. This was a private hospital for those who are rich and famous, not for Jenny Humphrey who had to use all her savings on a doctor's appointment, just so that she could make sure that no one saw here there.

She bit her lip, too anxious to say anything.

"So what can I do for you Miss Humphrey?" She looked at her right into the eyes.

"I-I mm," She played with the sleeve of her cardigan, getting more anxious by the second, "I need to know if I am pregnant."

The doctor nodded, like she was expecting to hear those words from Jenny. "Okay, that can be arranged. Have you done a test at home by any chances?"

Jenny nodded back at her.

"How many tests did you take?"

"Just one."

"Well it's good then that you came. You should always take at least two tests because they are not always correct." She lectured her.

"Oh, I didn't realize that."

She had never felt so stupid in her life, of course she should have taken more than one test, but for Jenny even that one was a huge task.

The doctor looked at her computer screen, reading through her personal file.

"You are sixteen correct?"

"Yes."

"Have you ever been pregnant before?"

"No." _God no._

"Could you describe any of your symptoms?"

"I've been more tired than usual, I have these awful cramps sometimes and I missed my period."

"Anything else?" The doctor raised her gaze to meet hers.

She couldn't sit still anymore. Her heart racing and body trembling, she tried to look away. To the doctor she clearly looked upset. "Are you okay Jenny?"

Her eyes were watery and her mascara had been ruined. She looked like she was going to burst into tears any minute now.

"This must be hard on you," She looked at Jenny with sympathy flashing from her eyes, "Is there anybody I could call?"

"No!" Her voice trembled, "No, there is nobody."

The doctor gave her a simple nod. It wasn't her job to be a therapist to her patients, but seeing Jenny Humphrey just broke her heart.

...

After one needle and a whole lot of blood, Jenny had to wait for the results.

She felt cold and alone, nobody was there with her. Jenny couldn't progress this all, not just yet.

She knew that the test would end up being positive, but she had to have somebody to tell her it.

It might sound crazy to some people, but she needed someone to tell her that she was pregnant as proof that this all wasn't just a bad dream.

Last night she tried to figure out whose fault this was and she always came back to herself.

She should have been smarter than to stay with Chuck that night, she knew Chuck. She had schemed with him, all her problems somehow started and ended with Chuck. He tried to rape her that was the most ridiculous thing about this. If this wasn't a bad dream, Jenny really didn't know what this was.

Doctor Carter finally came back, holding the results on her hands.

"It's positive Jenny." she informed her.

Jenny nodded. "I'm pregnant?"

"You are pregnant."

There, it wasn't a bad dream. This was reality and it hit Jenny.

And now, as the doctor handed her various leaflets. She was barely listening. Jenny was wallowing as her bright future suddenly disappeared right before her eyes.

"Of course, you have three options…" Dr. Carter was saying.

Jenny's head snapped up.

"You are still in a very beginning of your pregnancy. Just over a month, so abortion is still an option for you."

"I want an abortion," She said immediately.

"Are you sure?" the doctor looked at her and she nodded her head as an answer. "Yes," Jenny whispered.

She couldn't let this baby wreck her future and her family, but there was a small part of her mind telling her not to do it, that abortion was wrong and it wouldn't solve any problems. But then there was the rational side- nobody knew, nobody would get hurt except Jenny herself.

"Would you like to think about it or should I book you an appointment now?"

"Now." Jenny said firmly, "The sooner this is over with the better."

Dr. Carter called another clinic for her and arranged her an abortion for five days later. Jenny thanked her before leaving, trying, and failing, to hold back the tears.

...

"Charles you've got to be kidding me."

Lily sighed in fury as she saw Chuck passed out on her new Persian carpet. He had really hit his lowest point.

Lily tiptoed closer to him to see if he was actually breathing. He was, and newsflash, he stank.

"Wake up it's noon already." Lily patted his shoulder. She couldn't stand her drunken step son any longer. She understood that it hurt to lose someone important, but Chuck was throwing his life away and Lily wasn't going to watch by.

"Charles one last time, get up!" She pulled the curtains aside in the living room and the sun shined on it's fullest, it was summer after all.

"I'm awake!" He slurred from the floor, "Calm down."

"I won't calm down Charles. I didn't invite you to live with us so that you could get wasted in my living room for fun." She snapped.

"Yeah, yeah understood." He muttered and got up.

"You look like hell."

Lily only saw a ghost of Chuck Bass who probably hadn't showered in weeks and was wearing the same clothes as four days ago. His hair was messed up and he even had little stubble. This was serious, Chuck Bass didn't have a stubble, ever.

"Thank you for the compliment." He snorted and walked off with a whisky bottle on his other hand, "Oh and we are all out of scotch."

Rufus walked in and passed Chuck on his way to the living room.

"Great." Chuck muttered as he looked at Rufus and walked off.

Rufus and Lily both watched as the very slurred Chuck disappeared to the elevator.

"We have to do something about this."

"I know Rufus, but Charles needs time. He will come around."

"I just don't find it comfortable to see him hanging around when I still don't know what went on with him and Jenny." He said softly, "I'm not sure if I really want to know."

"Listen to me Rufus. You need to trust him. Charles will always be a part of my family and what happened between Jenny and him was probably nothing."

"I'm sorry. You're right and Dan would have told us if there was something wrong." He said with a calmer tone of voice.

"I promise you, he will get it together."

That's what Rufus loved about Lily, she always saw the best in people.

She made even impossible situations seem possible. They had gone a lot lately, but they were going stronger than ever.

"So Mrs. Humphrey what about a nice quiet lunch just for two of us?" He captures her in his arms and holds her.

"Well Mr. Humphrey I have a few errands to do, but after that I'm all yours." Lily leaned to give him a peck.

"Hey wow, I don't need to see that." Eric walked into the room interrupting the snuggling couple,

"Please, respect other people in this house. I do not want to be traumatized." He joked and sat on the living room lounge chair.

Lily smiled back at him and asked, "Have you heard anything about your sister?"

"She is having a blast, even though she has a horrible migraine." He chuckled

"Oh my.. I hope she is okay. Maybe I should call her-"

"No mom." Eric stopped her, "Serena has a horrible migraine because of Dan and Blair, apparently these two don't get along so well." Eric laughed.

"I told that boy to stay here. He's only causing trouble there." Rufus grinned.

"Dear, he is in love." Lily stated back with a smile.

"Now that we are talking about the lost teenagers of this family... Eric have you talked to Jenny?" He asked eagerly.

"No, not really. Like a week ago." Eric thought about it, "She seemed a little down."

"She called me last night and she sounded so quiet, like there was something bothering her mind."

Eric shrugged, Jenny was his best friend if she was unhappy, he was unhappy.

After a little thinking, he had an brilliant idea. "We could make a surprise visit!"

Lily and Rufus looked at Eric with confusion.

"It would totally cheer her up. I know Jenny! Trust me."

"Eric, I don't know. I have the gallery to look after. I don't think I have the time to go to Hudson." Rufus smiled weekly.

"I have work too." Lily watched as Eric's face fell, "You could go by yourself." She smiled at her son.

"Really?" Eric's face was filled with hope again.

"That's a great idea!" Rufus smiled and squeezed Lily's hand, "I have a feeling that Jenny will be more than surprised."

* * *

Thanks for reading and all the reviews on the first chapter! I'm definitely looking forward on writing more of this :)

Next chapter: more characters appear! We will take a little glance towards Paris and the chaos that S is surrounded by.

_XoxoDesireh_


	3. Surprise, Surprise Little J

_One life to live_

_One love to give_

_ One chance to keep from falling_

_ One heart to break_

_Only one - Alex Band_

...

The sky was inky blue, deep and mysterious as if holding a secret, dotted with twinkling stars, like that of diamonds scattered on dark, dark velvet. The sleepy town of Paris was there right in front of her, but still Blair always looked at it with new eyes. The entire balcony was bathed in white moonlight, reflecting off the pale marble. Truly she is the Queen of the night, with her deep brown locks and long white robe. The hotel that they had picked up was perfect, right in the middle of the city.

Blair Waldorf wouldn't accept anything else than perfection.

"He called again didn't he?"

Blair looks behind her, there stood Serena. She had her flannel pajamas on her and hair tied up to a simple messy bun.

With sleepy eyes she joins Blair, both leaning on the balcony railing and watching the city sleep.

"He always calls at night." Blair said bitterly, "Even with the time zones, he knows when to call."

Chuck wouldn't even let her sleep. She knew when he would call and she surprisingly waited for it. Every night right before she would close her eyes, her phone would light up. She liked to think of it as sign from him. He wanted to say good night.

She never answered his calls because she felt like she wasn't obligated to. What he did was unforgivable. She could never love him the way she did before... then why did she feel so empty without him?

She would let it ring, sometimes even for hours.

She knew that he was probably drunk and looking for attention. She didn't plan to give it to him.

This was her new life, and it killed her inside that she didn't want to start it without Chuck.

"Blair, you should just close your phone for the rest of the trip." Serena suggested.

Blair couldn't close her phone, the fact that he was making these desperate phone calls was proof that he missed her.

He truly missed her and it gave Blair the satisfaction she needed. She had won the final game. She had won his heart for good.

"Don't patronize me S." She sent her a threatening gaze, "I am over Chuck Bass. He has nothing on me. I despise him."

"I thought that we already talked about this. We only have a few weeks left of this vacation! Let's enjoy it while we can." Serena smiled kindly, "No more mentioning or thinking about him, okay?"

Blair nodded and hugged Serena, "Easier said than done."

...

_"Name?" the receptionist asked when Jenny explained that she was at the hospital for an abortion._

_"Uh… Jenny Humphrey," She informed her._

_"Yes." The woman nodded. "Down the hallway. Room six."_

_"Okay. Thank you," Jenny said, before making her way down the corridor. _

_Her stomach was churning and her palms were sweaty, it had nothing to do with the baby. She was terrified._

_She went into the room and was directed to a bed, which she sank down. The room wasn't like the doctors office, this time it definitely looked like a hospital.A nurse came to the side of her bed and told her to lie down and take her top off. Her heart raced and for a moment she felt like she couldn't breathe. _

_She'd seen those gruesome pictures handed round the classroom at school, of big black bins full of pink and purple parts, of small fat legs and alien heads with sealed eyes, of gore and blood and waste. There she was in dreadful place with linoleum flooring, strip lighting._

_She pulled off her top, just as the nurse came back to the room with some medical equipment._

_"Are you doing it now?" She asked, her voice trembling._

_"No." The nurse smiled kindly at Jenny, "I'm going to give you a quick ultra-sound just to double check that you really are expecting and that you're less than twenty weeks along. We won't really be able to see the fetus properly on the screen because right now it should be size of a thumb."_

_"Oh." She didn't know if she wanted to see that. She thought that she would in and out in thirty seconds._

_"Are you nervous?" the nurse asked._

_Jenny gave her a slight nod._

_"Don't worry," She said, plugging the tiny monitor in and switching it on, "It's perfectly normal to be nervous." She smiled, "This will be a little cold," she informed her, before squeezing some gel- like substance on her stomach. _

_Jenny closed her eyes at this point, she didn't want to see it. _

_"Yes, there's a fetus," She told her, moving the equipment on her belly. _

_Jenny had to fight back the tears, she didn't want to look,_

_ but she couldn't help it. _

_She flinched when she looked at the monitor. It felt like someone stabbed her into the heart. There it was, right in front of her. _

_She felt tears run down her cheeks as she fought with her decision. _

**_She had to kill it. _**

_It wasn't a ball of cells anymore, it wasn't even a fetus. That little dot on the screen was **her baby. **_

_Jenny stared at the monitor motionless._

_"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" The nurse asked._

Jenny woke from her thoughts when she heard a knock on the door.

"Eric?" Jenny looked surprised when her best friend jumped into her arms and gave her a tight hug.

"Surprise!" Eric smiled and looked at Jenny, this time a little closer. She had been crying. He glanced over her shoulder and noticed how the living room looked like a mess, there was even a broken glass vase on the floor.

"What happened in here?"

"Nothing!" Jenny quickly answered, "funny little accident." She tried to explain while wiping her eyes.

Eric scrunched his brows in confusion.

"So what are you doing here? Does Lily and dad know about this?" Jenny sat on the living room sofa, where she had just ten minutes ago been balling her eyes out.

"I'm here for a little visit. I figured I could stay here for a couple of days and be with my best friend." Eric smiled, "it was actually my mom's idea."

"Oh.."

"Jenny are you sure everything is okay?" Eric sat next to her.

"I am!" She immediately got up and made her way into the kitchen. "You want some water or a soda?"

"A soda would be nice." Eric yelled as answer and reached to grab a magazine from the coffee table, but that's when Eric saw a little piece of paper that took his breath away.

"I'm so happy that you are here. We can-"

"What's this Jenny?" Eric looked at her, holding a pamphlet on his other hand.

"Oh that!" Jenny stiffened up and looked away, "Someone just gave it to me while I was at the mall."_ Yeah, that was it._

"Nobody hands out pamphlets that are titled 'Post Abortion Healing and Help' on the mall Jenny." He accused, "What is going on?" His tone of voice changed.

"Nothing! I got it from the mall!" She yelled desperately.

"I'm not stupid Jenny." He walked closer to her and squeezed the poor girls hand, "He got you pregnant didn't he?"

Jenny looked away to hide her tears and shook her head.

"Didn't he?" Eric repeated.

She couldn't hold it in any longer. Tears falling from her eyes and sobbing, she does the bravest thing she has ever done and nods. He captures her into his arms and lets her ruin his shirt.

After a glass of water and an hour of crying, she spills her whole secret to him. Everything from how she found out and when she visited the doctor.

"I can't believe you went through this all alone." He holds her hand, "Why didn't you call me Jenny?"

_Because, last time I told you a secret, you ran and told my brother._

"I needed to think about it." She shrugged.

"Jenny, this is a big deal."

"Don't you think I know that already?" She spat, clearly upset.

"I'm only trying to help you."

"I'm sorry." Jenny's hurt sunk, "I can't blame this on you. This is all my fault."

"This is not your fault Jenny." He squeezed her hand harder, "You couldn't have known, Chuck is the one who should be blamed."

Jenny was shocked to find herself almost choking on the words "I-I should have stopped in time."

Instead she burst into tears and clung onto Eric like he was her favorite teddy bear, wetting the fabric of his blue cotton shirt with her tears and her misery.

...

"Nathaniel!" Chuck stormed into Nate's room with his whiskey bottle, "Get up! I have an amazing idea."

"What?" Nate pulled his head from his pillow, "Have you officially lost your mind."

Chuck sat on the edge of his master bed and took a sip from the bottle,

"Me, you and Paris."

"Chuck, I'm not desperate. I'm not hooking up with you." Nate joked and grabbed the bottle from his hand.

"No, No, No. Hear me out- Me, Blair and you, Serena" He grinned.

"No way." Nate got up from his bed and walked out of the room with Chuck on his tail.

"You can get her back and I can get Blair back." He explained, but Nate didn't want to hear it.

"Chuck, Blair doesn't want you, end of story. Serena doesn't want me, end of story."

"You know you still love her." He said, plotting against him. Trying to get him to realize how much he needed his help.

"I'm done with Serena!" Nate yelled and poured some whiskey on his glass, "I still don't know what happened exactly between you and Blair, but man you have to let it go. Blair Waldorf is the most stubborn woman on this planet. You will never win."

Chuck snorted. _I always win. _

If Nate even had an idea what he had done to Jenny, he wouldn't be talking to him, but for his luck Jenny left town and so did all the people who knew about his little experiment around the Humphrey zone.

Now they were both alone and broken, what was there to do? other than get viciously drunk.

"I'm not giving up." Chuck drank his glass and walked off with a new plan on his mind.

He needed to get Blair back, he needed to.

Nate watched as Chuck walked off and drank his side of the whiskey.

He felt good, he had never felt so good in his life!

He was his own man for gods sakes!

He didn't have a girlfriend who controlled him or whiny parents watching over his shoulder.

Nate had what a guy like him needed; booze and women.

Nothing more, nothing less. Nate was happy, so happy that he had even completely slipped Jenny out of his mind.

...

Back in Hudson things were looking better, Jenny had Eric now.

"When did you visit the clinic?" Eric finally has the courage to ask her.

"This morning." She says rather calmly. "I came home and trashed the living room in frustration, then you came and now here we are."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Eric looked at abortion pamphlet.

"What?"

"The abortion." He began, "I mean I understand it's a tough topic for you and if you don't want to talk about it I completely understand and have your back on this. Women have the right to get rid of unwanted children. You had the right to get rid of Chucks child. Nobody will have to know Jenny, your secret is safe with me." He went on and on and Jenny watched by.

"I actually saw this one program about abortion and it's one of the bravest thing a woman could do, I mean-"

"Eric!" Jenny jumped, **"I didn't do it!"**

_"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" The nurse asked._

"_No," Jenny answered, surprising even herself by how sure she sounded. "No, I don't want to go through with this."_

_"You've changed your mind?" The nurse asked._

_"Yes. I can't kill it," She admitted, taking the paper towel she handed her and wiped the gel off of her stomach before sitting up. "I'm so sorry for wasting your time."_

_"Don't worry about it," The nurse said. "So many people come here hoping that they have the strength to go through with this, but you know what Jenny.. The real women who have the courage to say 'no' to this are the true strong ones."_

_Jenny quickly pulled her top on and walked towards the door._

_"Thanks," She said before running out of the door. This was her decision and she would never look back._

"What?" Eric had to repeat again. He couldn't believe it.

"I couldn't do it! I saw the baby! I couldn't just let them scrape it out of me." Jenny explained.

"So that means that.."

"I'm still pregnant." She sighed, looking at her stomach.

"Oh my god." He gasped, "Your going to have baby." Eric sat down on the sofa again, "Wait.. are you keeping it?"

That was the question that Jenny didn't have an accurate answer for.

"I don't know. I guess adoption would be the next step."

"You do understand that you will have to eventually tell everyone, including Chuck." he murmured.

Jenny sat down next to him, "I'm going to ruin so many people's lives."

"You have nothing, whatsoever, to be sorry for. I'm very proud of you. I can't even imagine how difficult this all is for you."

Eric looked at her, "I think you should move back home."

"No, I can't." Jenny resisted, "Dad doesn't want me there. Nobody wants me there."

"You have to Jenny. The sooner you tell everyone the better."

"Fine." Jenny said blankly, "I guess you're right."

"Gossip girl is so going to have fun with this one." He nudged her and she had to laugh at that one too.

* * *

Beware Chuck! little surprise is heading towards you!

And if you are wondering, No Nate or anyone else doesnt know about C/J hook up. Only Blair, Eric, Jenny, Chuck, Dan and Serena know about it! More drama for me yay!

Plus: Chair or Chenny? My answer... Both! I don't wanna say too much because well I like to play around with the ideas. There will be for sure Chair because.. well come on, they have an unbelievable history together and Chenny also has to happen a little in sake of the baby Bass. I promise you its not gonna be corny like 'oh Chuck is with Blair, but she is being a bitch to Jenny so Chuck leaves Blair for Jenny and turns into a good person blah blah blah'

**Thanks for reading!**

Review if you liked it! **:)**

_xoxoDesireh_


	4. Webbed fingers and toes

_I don't wanna be without my baby_

_I don't want a broken heart_

_Don't wanna to take a breath without my baby_

_I don't want to play that part_

_Broken Hearted Girl - Beyonce  
_

...

Jenny sat on the round kitchen table, flipping through a magazine when Eric appeared.

"Morning!" He said and took a seat across Jenny with a book on his hand.

"What's that?" She asked curiously.

"I got it from the library. It explains every week of your pregnancy in a very detailed way. Like how your body will change and how the fetus turns into a baby." He explained, "So how far along are you?"

"Eric that is too much." She responded cheekily pointing at the book, her eyes teasing.

"Jenny come on, this will be fun and a good learning experience. You do want to know what is happening in there, do you?" He looked at her stomach.

Slowly, the smile slid off of her face and she bit her lip. "Ugh oh right!"

"Well?"

"I guess I'm somewhere between six and seven weeks."

Eric flipped through the book, "Oh here it is." he smiled and read straight from the book. "Your baby is about the size of a lentil this week. If you could see inside yourself, you'd find it has an oversized head in proportion to it's body. Your baby's facial features are forming, you can't hear it yet, but the baby's heart is beating at about 150 beats a minute – twice the rate of yours. At seven weeks, your baby enters a very busy stage. Now about 1 cm long, the size of a grape, your baby has slightly webbed fingers and toes."

Jenny forced a smile, "It has fingers and toes already?"

She was supposed to get rid of _it_ a week ago and now she is actually imagining what the baby looks like.

There was a person growing inside her and she didn't want to admit it, but she didn't feel empty anymore.

"Yeah, amazing isn't it?" Eric said holding up the book, so that Jenny could see the picture of the alien- like creature.

"It looks like a dead shrimp."

Eric rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Morning kids!" Allison came into the kitchen, "What are you to up to?" She walked towards the table, holding a cup of coffee in the other hand.

Eric quickly hid the book into his backpack and flashed a smile, "Morning Mrs. Humphrey."

"So how are things in Upper East Side?" She sat on the table, looking at Eric. She had always been a bit jealous of the Van Der Woodsen's. They had money and resources, all those things that Allison herself didn't have. They always looked smart, like Eric looked right now, but it was time to move on. Rufus was happy with Lily and she had her own thing going on.

"Great, a bit quiet though without Jenny." Eric looked over at Jenny as a sign to finally let her mother know about her plans to go back to Upper East Side.

"Are you okay ?" Allison asked staring at Jenny intently who seemed to be lost in her own thoughts.

"Yeah I'm fine" She said avoiding her gaze.

"Are you sure? you've barely touched your breakfast." Her mother questioned.

"Yeah I'm sure I'm just not that hungry that's all," She lied.

Jenny smiled at her to try and show that there was nothing wrong with her and that she was okay. But really she was worried and felt sick.

"Is there something going on that I should know about?" Allison looked at Eric who then decided to help Jenny,"Me and Jenny were talking about how much she would like to come home with me, and see her family again." Eric explained and Jenny shot a worried look towards him.

"Is this true Jenny?" Allison then turned her attention on Jenny.

Jenny nodded, "I miss my family."

"I don't know if this is a good idea. You just got out of there. Those people who caused problems in your life are still there and I'm worried that you get sucked into that world again."

"Mom, I could just make a quick visit and then come back. I just need to see dad.." She began, but Eric interrupted.

"And Rufus misses his daughter terribly. We all miss Jenny." he said, trying to convince Allison.

"Okay then," She replied, "Only for a little visit."

...

Jenny stormed into the bathroom barely making it over the toilet before her breakfast came out. She grabbed her stomach, breathing heavily after vomiting two times. She sat back, pulled her knees to her chin and took a deep breathe.

"Oh God." She murmured and swiped her mouth with a piece of toilet paper.

This was the third morning in the row that she was throwing up.

Someone knocked the bathroom door, "Jenny, it's me."

Jenny got up and opened the door, before sitting down on the floor again.

Eric closed the door, sat beside her and handed her a glass of water.

"I feel like I'm dying." Jenny sighed before taking a sip, "This sucks."

"It should pass in time."

"I can't believe I'm going back to Upper east Side." She turned to look at him, "When I found out about _this_, I promised myself that I would never go back." She admitted.

"Jenny, no matter what happens. I promise that I will help you."

"Thanks again." She muttered, "You don't have any idea how lost I would be without you."

"The most important thing now is that you tell the truth to Rufus and Dan and I hate to say this, but to Chuck too."

She sighed at the topic about Chuck, "I hate to do this to my mom."

"Do what?" He asked, sounding little nervous himself.

"She is going to feel like I don't trust her after I tell my dad first."

"You could tell her before we leave."

Jenny shrugged, "I don't think so. She left out and I have a feeling that she won't be back here until tomorrow. She knew that we are leaving in couple hours and she still left"

"Oh.."

"When does our train leave again?" She asked, feeling a bit nervous.

"Five pm. I already packed my stuff and yours." He said, smirking, "I knew you would try to get out of this, but now you simply can't." He joked.

She laughed with him, but then remembered something very important "Oh shit."

"What?"

"I forgot to call dad about this. He doesn't know I'm coming with you."

"Well you can call now." Eric handed her his phone.

...

"Lily!" Rufus made his way into their bedroom, where Lily was relaxing and reading a book.

"What's going on Rufus?" Lily asked, "Is everything okay?" She put the book aside and got up from the bed.

"I'm not quite sure." Rufus replied, "Jenny just called."

"Is she okay?"

"She is coming here tonight with Eric."

"What?" gasped Lily.

"Exactly. She said that she missed everybody so much that she decided to come for a visit."

Rufus explained to Lily, "I just don't know if it's a good idea."

"Does Allison know?"

"Yeah, apparently Eric and Jenny talked to her already.I can't believe that woman! She was supposed to make sure that Jenny stays there for the whole summer."

"Calm down Rufus." Lily hissed.

Rufus wasn't excited about this at all.

He did miss his daughter, but he also wanted to move pass the drama that surrounded the house when Jenny was home.

He wanted the best for his only daughter, he wanted her to be safe and happy. This town wasn't the answer.

"I think it's great that she is coming for a visit." Lily smiled, "We all miss her. Few days here won't hurt her."

Rufus sighed and sat on the bed, "I just hope there won't be any trouble when she comes back."

"There won't be any. Jenny is a smart girl. It is good that she is making a visit because eventually she will move back home." Lily said warmly. "We should do something to make her feel like she is home again."

Rufus smiled, "I think I know what I'm making."

...

_Back in Paris, France..._

"Bonjour mademoiselle." Dan said, his normally deep voice sounding high pitched and nervous.

Dan's eyes looked shyly into Serena's

"Bonjour."

"Beautiful afternoon isn't it?" Dan joined her on the hotel terrace.

"Yes," she smiled gently at Dan, "Very beautiful."

"Is something wrong?," Dan sat down in the chair across from Serena's. "We haven't really talked about _us_."

Serena smiled, looking down at her hands, unsure of what to say to the man sitting at her table.

"I just feel like we shouldn't ruin this vacation by stressing out about where we stand. You know?"

She explained, "We can talk about it soon as we are back home. I just want a simple holiday with my friends."

_Friends.._ that word burned.

"I guess your right." He smiled, "I'm sorry for ruining your and Blair's amazing adventure."

Serena laughed, "I don't think you're sorry."

"You are right.. I'm not." He laughed, "So how's Blair doing?" He asked gently.

"She's coping by being in denial about the whole situation."

Serena could feel Dan's eyes watching her, but she was hesitant to look at him.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"I wasn't staring!"

"Yes you were Cabbage Patch." Blair smirked behind her sunglasses.

"Blair!" Serena greeted her friend, "I thought you wanted to sleep the whole day."

"S, we are in Paris. I do not sleep in Paris."

"If it wasn't you, then who was snoring so loudly last night that even I could hear it to the next room?"

Dan looked at Blair and smirked. Serena giggled quietly, unsure of how to react to their fighting.

"Remind me again... Why are you still here?" She looked back at him.

"Now, who is ready for Louvre?" Blair looked at her best friend and ... Dan.

...

After an exhausting train ride, Jenny's head was spinning. She was back in the place that wrecked her, destroyed her.

She could swear while they walked in the crowd she heard someone snap a picture or maybe it was just her own mind that played with her.

Yes, a strong part of Jenny hated this place, but the other half love it. She didn't feel like she belonged in Hudson or even Brooklyn. She had always been into the glitz and glamor that Upper East Side brought. She belonged there, not in Hudson and she knew it. This was the town she would want **her baby** to grow up in. She would most definitely find good adoption parents from the Upper East Side. Jenny wanted her unborn child to have everything that she didn't have when she was a child.

With Eric by her side they walked out of the station, into the car that was sent there for them.

Eric and Jenny were making their way back **home**.

The car ride wasn't long and Jenny felt upset. She wasn't sure was she upset or was she just nauseas.

"Don't worry, everything will be okay." Eric looked at her before he opened the door.

When she stepped out of the car, she could have sworn that everyone was looking at her.

They walked into the building and went inside the elevator.

"Do I look different?" Jenny asked nervously and looked at her stomach.

"Don't worry Jenny, no one will notice. You look exactly the same."

Eric watched as she flipped her long blond disheveled hair nervously.

The elevator finally opened, and they were finally** home**.

"Mom?" Eric yelled from the hallway, "We are home."

Lily then rushed from the living room to greet her two children.

"I missed you!"

She first hugged Eric tightly, and then looked over at Jenny who seemed very nervous.

"Welcome home." She said and captured Jenny into her arms.

"Thanks." Jenny mumbled and looked around the familiar penthouse, then she felt her stomach tighten up, making her feel horrible.

"Jenny, your father is waiting for you in the kitchen." Lily smiled.

Jenny smiled back. _Oh this will be great... _

She walked ahead into the kitchen, anxiously holding her hands across her chest. Just so he wouldn't notice anything under her big sweater that she wore.

"Kiddo!" Rufus yells and runs to hug her, "I missed you!" He kisses the top of her head and smiles.

"I've missed you too dad." Jenny whispers and hugs him again.

"It's great to have you back." Lily patted Jenny's shoulder.

Jenny nods back at her and then holds her stomach. The usual feeling of nausea had kicked in again.

"I have to use the bathroom." She quickly says and runs to the bathroom.

Finally, after closing the door behind her, she threw up.

She was about to leave the bathroom when Jenny got that; oh so familiar, sick feeling in her stomach and it was rising.

She rushed to the toilet and got there just in time. This was starting to feel like a routine to her.

Jenny's heart pounded as she got up off the floor and walked out of the bathroom, eyes red and face pale.

In her silence she could hear cheerful laughs coming from the kitchen.

"Jenny is everything okay?" Rufus looks at her daughter who sits on the table.

"I'm fine." She looks at her plate. Her dad had done her favorite food and now it was making her sick to her stomach, "I'm not hungry." She pushes the plate away and gets up, "I think I will get some sleep now. I'm really tired."

"Okay, well good night then." Her dad says to her and smiles.

He didn't have any idea.

...

She tried to sleep, but the guilt that she felt kept her awake. She just stared into the darkness and rolled over in her bed.

Trying to ignore the horrible wave of nausea again, she rubs her stomach gently.

Jenny could swear that she felt a little bump there, but it was probably nothing.

Closing her eyes wasn't helping, she wasn't going to sleep tonight.

Jenny didn't want to listen to it, but somewhere inside her a voice was nagging, a horrible, whiny, but impossible to ignore voice and the voice was telling her to go and wake up his dad and tell him the truth, telling her that he needed to know now.

Jenny was the lucky one and she thought that she did not deserve a family like she had -

she was going to ruin their lives, she was going to make them miserable, she was going to disappoint them.

She rose quietly from her bed and walked out of her room, to the living room.

Only in her oversize t-shirt she looked around the room.

Lily had bought some new furniture, she smiled.

Only Jenny didn't know that she wasn't alone anymore.

"Humphrey?"

* * *

**O M F G...** horrible cliff hanger, I know.

**Thank you for amazing Reviews! :) **

_xoxoDesireh_


	5. Lacy sneakers

_Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face_

_ You told me how proud you were but I walked away_

_ If only I knew what I know today_

_Hurt - Christina Aguilera_

_...  
_

Chuck Bass himself watched the blond turn around slowly.

The expression on her face wasn't excited or joyful, no. It was pure horror that she was feeling.

"Chuck." Jenny's voice broke little as she started to speak.

Chuck watched her for a moment, aroused clearly by her long lean legs.

"Look what the cat dragged in," He smirked and took a threatening step closer, "What are you exactly doing in here?"

"I-I'm just visiting my dad and stuff."

The words hung in the air between them.

Statements like that always reminded Chuck how young and naive she actually was.

She might look older than she is, but truly she was still just a typical teenager.

Jenny still in complete shock, tries to walk away from to situation, but he blocks her way.

The look on his face makes her want to die, literally.

She wanted to scream on the top of her lungs how much she hated him right now, how she ruined her life and ruined **her baby's **life.

"What are you doing here?" She croaked instead.

"I live here." He drawled, "looks like we will spend more time together than I thought." his smooth voice catches her ears.

Startled, she stumbled, his arm tightened, helping her catch her balance.

"Stay away from me."

"You are the one who walks around the house half naked," his dusky voice said in quiet amusement,

words whispering across her neck. "Don't worry, I've seen it all already. No need to be embarrassed."

Jenny stiffened. He was even more disgusting than she remembered.

"Don't touch me." she hissed, trying to slip out of his hold.

"I **don't want to** touch you, "he told her simply and released her from his tight grip, "You are the reason I lost everything."

_You're the reason I got pregnant _

"It was a mistake, but I'm not the only one who to blame." Jenny countered.

"Mistake." Chuck snorted, brown eyes barely flickering to her. "Not many people call their first time a mistake."

"Apologize." Her tone was menacing.

"Excuse me?" He looked amused for a millisecond, before annoyance overtook his expression.

"Apologize," She snarled. "You make fun of me, after everything that I have _given _to you. You have no idea how much I regret that I trusted you out of all people."

"Get over it." He scoffed. "It's not like I raped you."

She wished he knew what it was like to feel disgrace because when he spoke to her that's how she felt.

His words pierced through her and made her weak. For a second she even thinks that she deserved that, all of it.

Jenny shook her head, "I don't want to talk to you right now." Her voice trembled.

"The feeling is mutual." His tone was sharp and just the slightest bit amused.

Her eyes flashed at him dangerously.

"You know what Chuck," She for a moment thought about telling him.

She thought how she would destroy him with her revelation, but it wasn't worth it, not now, "Forget it."

"Alright." he said, after a moment. "I'll be heading off to Paris, so be a darling and tell Lily." He started walking away, leaving Jenny behind in confusion.

"Huh?"

...

Jenny without a notice stormed into Eric's bedroom.

All night, she had been thinking about it, trying to understand why something like this happened to her. She cried for hours again, trying to block the baby out of her mind. When she woke up in the morning, she had deep regrets for even coming back.

"Why didn't you tell me that Chuck lives here?" Her voice was tight, as if the words hurt her.

Eric merely blinked at the girl. "...what?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked.

"I just didn't want to stress you out." Eric looked at her.

"You have no idea how hard this is." Her voice cracked. "He is going to be a part of me forever and you didn't bother to tell me that he lives in the same house as me while I'm expecting his child!"

"Jenny I'm sorry, but If I told you, you would have stayed in Hudson." He explained, "He doesn't even really live here, he just sort of comes and goes."

"But it does matter. He makes me sick and I don't want to see him ever again." Jenny suddenly backed off, hands trembling.

"I didn't-" Eric tried to protest, but even to his own ears, it sounded weak.

"Stop." Jenny tried to compose herself, as she pushed her face into her hands. "Just stop."

"Jenny" Eric tried again, "I don't know what he said to you, but you can't take him seriously. Chuck Bass is a joke."

"If he is a joke, then what am I?" His friend asked weakly, looking up from her hands.

"You are better than him. Nobody else is strong like you are Jenny. You had the courage to safe your baby."

"It isn't my baby." Jenny closed her eyes tightly, as if refusing to even look at Eric, "It isn't."

"Jenny." His voice was soft. "I would never do anything to hurt you." He amended.

There was an interval of silence.

"I know that." She replied quietly. "I guess last night it suddenly hit me. I'm really pregnant." Her voice was ragged with raw emotion.

"I'm so stupid." She sobbed.

"You are not stupid," Eric handed her a tissue, "You are just finally realizing the whole situation or you are just extremely hormonal."

He made her laugh.

"I can't tell everyone not just yet."

"The sooner you tell everyone, the easier it is."

"What if dad tells me to get out and he never wants to see me again?"

It was a bitter question she was addressing to herself.

Eric shook his head, "Rufus isn't like that."

"I'm going to tell them when Dan gets back. I can't let him find this out from anyone else than me." Jenny hissed, realizing the truth in her words. She didn't question the heaviness her heart felt.

"Let's get you cleaned up before breakfast."

The heartfelt conversations that they had sheared made Jenny think again. She felt better actually,

she had made her decision and she swore to herself that she wasn't going to let Chuck Bass ruin her again.

...

Jenny walked into the kitchen, facing her biggest challenge yet. Breakfast. This time not just any breakfast, a whole buffet filled with anything from croissants to champagne. Funnily this was Lily's way to welcome her back home. She gathered herself before stepping any closer to the awful scent of coffee.

Finally, after getting the courage, she walks into the family dining room and sits down like nothing was wrong.

"Did you sleep well?" Rufus looks at his pondering daughter.

"Yeah, just fine." She looks at him and gives him a smile that he deserved.

Lily walked into the room, looking gorgeous like always in her designer clothes and jewelry.

"Morning." She sat next to Rufus and looked over at Jenny, "I was thinking we could go shopping in the afternoon. Just you and me." Lily sipped her orange juice, "What do you think?"

"Yeah, sure." Jenny nodded, "I would like that a lot."

"I'm giving you two my permission" Rufus smiled and shot a look towards his wife, "If you promise not to spoil her rotten."

"I promise." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

Jenny loved to see Rufus like this, in love.

"So do you have train ticket booked yet?" Rufus asked, moving into a more serious topic.

"No, not yet. I figured I could do that later." Jenny sighed.

Lily looked over at Rufus and noticed how tense he looked.

"Lets not worry about it right now. We have time to do that later."

...

"AAH!" she screamed, as she stomped in her heels and pencil skirt.

Serena hurried from the bathroom to see what had made her friend so upset.

"What's wrong B?"

"I can't believe that sneaky little brat." she screamed and held her phone. "I told her to leave!" Blair's fury continued.

Serena took Blair's phone and read the post,

_I spy with my little eye,_

_a blond making her way back to her throne. _

_Hopefully our Queen won't mind, _

_but Little J is here to stay this time. _

_You know you love me, _

_XOXO Gossip Girl _

"Blair you promised me that you wouldn't read Gossip Girl." Serena said, totally ignoring the big problem which made Blair very, very angry.

"Jenny is back in town and I am here. Stuck in stupid France while she-"

"Does what? Steals your little army?" Serena snorted, "I thought you wanted this summer to be the changing point for you. I thought you had finally grown up."

"Says Miss Serena Van Der Woodsen who changes her boyfriend more often than her underwear," Blair snapped, "Oh wait, she doesn't use underwear."

She froze, "I don't want to be part of this drama Blair. Do not drag me into this when it's clearly about Chuck."

"I do not love Chuck Bass!"

"Who said anything about love?" Serena sighed and walked out of the burning conversation.

...

Hours of shopping had exhausted her. Lily was dragging her to everywhere from little boutiques to big shopping malls.

It was wearing her down, but it was also nice to have something else to think about.

Fashion, her savior.

Somehow they had made their way to a bigger store because Lily wanted to pick something up for waited and waited, while Lily talked to the salesperson and finally she got bored.

Minutes later she found herself in the middle of the section for babies.

Jenny looked around and smiled to herself. The little pieces of fabrics were all so colorful and made her heart sink.

She approached the shelf on the very back, there was something that caught her attention; little sneakers, softer than a fluffy pillow.

There were multiple colors choices, but those ones in pearly white just asked to be picked out from the shelf.

"_It has fingers and toes."_

The words echoed in her mind as she squeezed the little sneakers.

"Jenny-" Lily walked in and saw Jenny's stormy eyes on the ground.

There was something that had changed in that girl, she looked so lost, so sad. "Did you find something interesting?" Lily asked as she approached her.

She woke from her thoughts and swallowed, "I don't know." Her voice was distracted and yet filled with tension. She quietly put the snickers back on the shelf and turned around.

"Jenny is everything okay?" Lily blinked, surprised by her choice of words.

"I'm fine! Why does everyone keep asking me that?" She yelled and stormed out of the store.

Lily watched as she ran. "Jenny wait!"

Jenny ended up in the park that was located across the street from the store.

She sat on the wooden bench and dropped her head. "Why did I do that?" She murmured to herself.

Lily appeared and looked over at the blond girl who was torn.

"I'm sorry" Jenny rasped out, "I don't know what happened. I just I'm really tired."

She nodded and took a seat at the other end of the same bench.

"Jenny," Lily looked at her with her understanding eyes, "We only want you to be happy, and right now I don't see a happy girl in front of me."

Jenny raised her gaze, "I'm not ready."

"Ready?"

"Ready to tell." She muttered.

"Whatever it is- you have to know that me and your father would never ever want you to go through with it alone." She said seriously, "We love you Jenny, no matter what."

She shook her head. Jenny was frustrated, so frustrated that she couldn't stay still.

She held her breath, even thought it felt like she was running out of air. She couldn't turn back anymore.

She stood up, "You want to know what bothers me?" Tears shined from her eyes, she felt like she was lining up for her own execution.

"Yes I want to know." Lily looked at the girl who was having her breakdown, "Help me understand."

With trembling lips she says what **was not supposed to be said**, not just yet.

"I'm pregnant."

* * *

I know I'm horrible person for leaving it like that!

I'm scaring myself with how much I actually enjoy writing Chuck...

**Liked ? Review? :)**

_xoxoDesireh_


	6. Everything happens for a reason right?

_Lying down and out of luck_

_My mistakes are in the open and know I'm finally coming clean_

_Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way I was before_

_Say hello, say hello to a new way_

_New Day- Tamar_

_...  
_

_"I'm pregnant."_

You hear about it happening on the news all the time, but no one expects it to happen to your own family.

Her step daughter who she considered her own, was pregnant.

Lily's expression hadn't changed, still shocked, numb.

This was the very least thing she had suspected her to say. She was excepting her to complain or whine about typical problems like boys.

Not this. Hell no.

"Please say something." Jenny begged.

Still no words. Her expression was blank.

Finally, Lily raised her gaze, "Are you sure?" Her voice was rather calm.

"I already knew back in Hudson."

Lily nodded, but couldn't keep it in any longer, "What were you thinking?" She spat.

Jenny got imitated by the tone of her voice and took a step back, "I-I didn't know what to do or who to turn to and it was a mistake." She sobbed, "I'm so sorry. I ruined everything again."

"Did you get this confirmed by a doctor?" Lily looked at her, "It can always be a false alarm."

With a little bit of hope inside Lily looks at Jenny and gets her answer when she shakes her head, "It isn't a false alarm."

Jenny takes a seat next to her trying to reach out, "I don't know what to do."

"Me neither." Lily admits bluntly, "When did this happen?"

Questions, she had so many questions about the whole situation.

Lily had always expected it to be Serena who came home in tears, pregnant. Not Jenny, she was little girl from Brooklyn and Lily couldn't help, but to feel a little guilty. She had brought her into these circles, she pushed her to dangerous and mischievous people's arms.

Jenny, looks at the ground to avoid her burning gaze, "I'm not sure."

"Don't lie to me Jenny." Lily looked at her straight into the eyes, "When did you get back together with Damien?"

Jenny shook her head again, "I was never with Damien."

"What?"

"I haven't seen him in ages."

Lily narrowed her eyes, "Then who's the father? Nate Archibald?"

Jenny lets out a chuckle, "I wish." She muttered.

"Jenny you have to tell me, right now." Lily was dead serious, "I'm going to find out anyway, just spit it out and it's done."

Jenny's heart froze. Fear crippled her and screamed at her to run.

She dropped her head, not wanting to see her reaction, "Chuck."

"WHAT!" Lily yelled, clearly shocked out of her mind.

She knew that Chuck could sink low, but not this low. Jenny was practically his sister, his own sister.

They had lived in the same house, Oh God! They lived in the same house!

"Please, tell me that you are joking," Lily looked like she was in a verge of tears, she felt so humiliated.

She had taken his sorry ass to live with them, and what he had done as a thank you?

He got his sixteen year old _practically a sister _pregnant, "Jenny, please tell me that Charles is not the father!"

"I'm so sorry." She cried again, shaking her head, "I- I was lost a-and he was the only one who cared, he didn't want me to be alone." As she stutters the words out, Lily could see how much there was desperation in her words. She was hurting, and she couldn't do anything else than to look.

"How many times?"

"What?" Jenny looked at her, confused by her words.

"How many times did you two-"

"Once." Jenny said firmly, "It was my first time."

"Oh."

Then it all made sense.

She and Rufus had walked into a love triangle that night, when they found Jenny in tears at the hospital.

"We need to talk to your father."

"No!" She caught Lily off guard, "We can't tell him."

"Jenny, Rufus is your father. He needs to know-"She shrieked.

"No!" She yelled again, "He will hate me."

Lily sighed, "Does Charles know?"

"I can't tell him. I don't want him to know." She defended, "I already ruined his and Blair's relationship, I can't do this too. He will-"

"Jenny, listen to me!" Lily interrupted her, "This is not only your problem. This child is his flesh and blood. I will guarantee you that he is not going to get the easy way out."

"I want him to get the easy way out!" She closed her eyes and balled her fists, "I don't want Chuck to be a part of my life."

Lily tries to come up with something smart, but the only thing that was in her mind was pure anger towards Chuck , "Let's go home." She finally says.

"Promise me that you won't say anything to dad."

"I promise." Lily's lips twisted in frustration.

She hated to lie to Rufus, but she also knew that this was the kind of thing he needed to hear from his own daughter.

...

The car ride home was quiet and awkward. Jenny stared out of the window while Lily could once in a while take a glance towards Jenny and her thin frame which would look so different after couple of months. There was a baby growing inside her and Lily had to shake her head at the thought.

She knew what it was like to be in a situation like that, when the pregnancy was not planned.

"Have you been thinking about your options?" Lily broke the silence.

"I'm going to give the baby up for adoption," She said firmly.

Jenny knew that she was not ready to be a mother. She had learned and seen enough to know that she wasn't ready to raise a child.

For Jenny it seemed like, sometimes things happened that no one would have neither wanted or expected.

"And when the baby is born, I will leave Upper East side, for good."

"The sooner you tell your father, the easier it will get for you."

"What do you mean?"

"You can start looking for the adoption parents. When you know them and can trust them, the easier it is to give the baby away."

Jenny blinked. She shrugged slowly. "I guess so."

Lily looked at her, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For everything. I know that it's hard."

"It is, but moping around won't do anything good." Jenny stuttered.

"There is just one advice I can give to you," Lily said and continued, "Do not let anybody else make this decision for you. Do not listen what people talk because at the end of the day it doesn't matter."

Jenny nodded, and smiled gently.

Lily smiled back and took her hand, "I'm proud of you."

...

"Are you sure?" Dan glared at Serena, seriously.

"Yes. I saw it myself! Jenny is back."

"I can't believe this," Dan sat on the sofa with a frown on his face, "She promised me that she would stay in Hudson for at least two months."

"Maybe this is for the best." Serena suggested and took a seat next to Dan.

"No, Serena."

Serena shot him a curious look.

"I should just go home, book the first flight and make sure that she is okay."

"You can't do that. Dan we are in Paris! You can't just leave like that because Jenny is back home."Serena argued, "Besides Eric, my mom and Rufus are home. They will look after her."

"You don't understand!" Dan got frustrated, "I can't let him touch her again. Ever again."

"Please don't say that we are talking about Chuck." Serena collapsed on the sofa. She had heard too much the name 'Chuck Bass' on her vacation.

"Yes I am talking about Chuck! Now that Jenny is back I'm quite positive that he will try to take advantage of her, again." Dan growled.

"Dan, I'm not trying to defend Chuck, but they were both _doing it_."

Dan grimaced at the thought, "You remember what happened on the kiss on lips party couple years ago?"

"Yes, I do remember." Serena nodded, "Chuck crossed the line that night."

"What if he did it again the night Dorota's baby was born, but this time I wasn't there to stop him?"

"Dan lets not get delusional here," Serena looked at him, "Chuck did not rape Jenny that night. Jenny told us herself, she did it because she wanted to."

"Jenny was so screwed up that I wouldn't be surprised if she even herself knew."

Serena gave him her best 'are you serious' look, "I know that you are upset, but you do understand that we can't change the past. There is nothing we can do to make this go away."

Dan knew that Serena was right, there was nothing they could do.

He couldn't make decisions for Jenny, but as a big brother he felt like he was obligated to protect her, from monsters like Chuck Bass.

"I know that you are right," He said sincerely, "How do you do it?"

"Do what?" She smiled back.

"Make problems disappear. Make everything so easy."

"I guess I've just grown and I've finally realized that things happen for a reason."

"Yeah," He could only hope that regardless the difficulties that Serena and him had faced, they would be able to stand up against new troubles and stay strong – together, "Everything happens for a reason."

...

Jenny sat on her bed. Staring at the wall, yet again.

So many thoughts raced through her mind that she felt obnoxious and tired.

Lily had finally allowed her to be a minute alone after many questions about the doctors appointment and the baby itself.

She took a deep breathe and finally allowed herself to relax for a minute, but she didn't know that someone was about to walk through the door.

"I can't believe you're here." He says to her with a charming smile on his face.

"Nate!" Jenny jumped from the bed and quickly ran to hug him, "What are you doing here?"

"I was passing by and figured that I could come and say hi."

She smiled and hugged him again, "I've missed you." She blurts out without even thinking about it.

Something about her, it sparked an unquenchable desire in the deepest parts of his broken heart.

He was still reeling from his breakup with Serena, although it was a good thing he had finally admitted to himself that it was over, but he wasn't sure if he was ready yet to open his heart again. But something about Jenny Humphrey made him want to tear down the walls he had been building during the weeks that led up to his breakup.

She was as beautiful as she was creative and talented. She stirred a part of his soul that until now, he thought he had lost. The way her eyes shimmered and the velvet touch of her blond hair, these were the things he had come to notice and love about her. But what he felt for her went beyond the mere physicality of things.

"So what's up?" He says casually.

"Nothing much. I'm just visiting for a couple of days." _More like nine months..._

"I was bit surprised when you just left like that, but after all that you have been through this year, I couldn't blame you for leaving." Regaining his posture, Nate looked back at her face, his eyes suddenly freezing over, "Are you okay now?"

"I'm better." She tries to convince him with her lies, but deep inside she knows that he can see through her.

"Good."

There was an awkward silence, he stared at her and she stared back.

"You look different." He breaks the silence and she goes into panic mood.

"What do you mean?" She looks away and crosses her arms over her chest, determinately.

"I don't know, it's something. I can't just figure it out."

"So how's your summer been?" She changes the topic, "Any girls I should know about?"

He laughs at her joke, "No don't worry, but yeah pretty relaxed. I was thinking about leaving to Hamptons for a couple weeks. "

"That's nice."

"At least I'm not going to Paris like everyone else." He smirks, "It's like Paris is the new big apple."

She forced a smile.

"Even Chuck is leaving tonight. Not that I want to sound like a horrible friend, but he is getting desperate," He grinned, "I guess he just loves Blair that much."

Jenny suddenly felt the wave of nausea coming, this time she felt sick to her stomach because she was lying to Nate.

If he knew that she had done it with Chuck, he wouldn't be standing there joking about his so-called _'best friend'. _

Even thinking about telling Nate about her pregnancy made her heart skip a beat.

"I guess he does." She smiled bitterly.

"Well.. I have to get going," He smiled.

"Thanks for visiting."

Nate hugged her and breathed into her fragrant hair. "I'll call you." he granted.

She could feel tears prickling behind her eyelids when he walked out of the room.

...

Lily cursed out for the hundred time as she reached Chuck's voice mail.

"Charles, call me. This is urgent!"

"What's urgent?" Rufus walked in with the groceries.

Startled by her husband, Lily looked behind her, "Nothing big. Just the usual." She rambled.

"Okay." He said, "Are you sure? You look a bit tense."

"It's just work that is bothering me."

"I was thinking about surprising Jenny. We could take her out to a nice restaurant."

"Sure, sure."

Rufus looks at Lily who was definitely not being herself.

"Lily what is it? I can see that something is clearly bothering you."

Lily shrugged, "It's nothing."

"Is this about William?"

"Not this again Rufus," Lily muttered, "I said already that nothing is bothering me."

"I don't believe you."

"Just let it go!"

"I can't let it go, we live together and you're my wife. You can't just-"

"What's going on?" Jenny walked into the kitchen right in the middle of the fight.

"Jenny you should go to your room." Lily looked at her, and gave her a look that worried Rufus.

"What is going on here?" Rufus asked, frustrated.

"Jenny, go to your room." Lily looked at her again.

"I have the right to know if there is something wrong in my family! What is going on?" He repeated angrily.

"Rufus drop it, you can't expect me to tell you everything when-"

"When what?" he interrupted her, "You are clearly hiding something from me and I have to right to know what."

"Both of you just shut up!" Jenny yelled, "Shut up!"

"Jenny-"She warned.

"No Lily. Dad needs to know." Jenny said firmly, "Right now."

Rufus looked at Jenny in confusion and Lily had to just wait for the chaos to drop into their household.

* * *

Hopefully I didn't disappoint..

Next Chapter is gonna be tense... really.. really.. tense :P

Review! :) They always make me so happy! Thanks for your amazing reviews already!

_XoxoDesireh_


	7. life's no story book

First, I want to thank you for amazing reviews! I really appreciate each and everyone! :)

This story feels very special to me and I can't just wait to write more of it!

Now, Enjoy!

* * *

_You tell me that you're sorry_

_Didn't think I'd turn around and say..._

_That it's too late to apologize, it's too late_

_ I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late_

_Apologize - Onerepublic_

...

After ten minutes of anger, yelling, loud swearing and denial, the news were sinking into Rufus.

"What were you thinking?" His voice cried in disbelief, "You are pregnant? You are still just a little girl Jenny!"

Jenny blinked slowly, trying to fight back the tears, but she couldn't.

Lily stood in the background trying to act strong, but inside she was breaking as she watched Rufus.

"Jenny!" He rasped out, "Answer me!"

Terror ran through her head and she lost her nerve. Her face flushed, but her body broke out in a cold sweat.

"I wasn't thinking!" She hissed as the tears fell."Nobody understood me! You were going to send me away. Instead of talking to me, you just ignored me and shut me out! Just like mom." She gestured wildly.

Rufus didn't make a sound.

"I've always been a burden on this family. Always." Jenny screeched.

"Don't make this about our whole family when clearly you are the one with the attitude problem. I've tried so hard to make you happy, but it was never good enough for you." His voice was calm, albeit a bit weak.

Jenny stopped short, as if she had been slapped.

"That's how you see me?" She asked, expression twisting into one of insult and disbelief.

Rufus had wanted to for a second tell her to get out of his sight, but he couldn't do or say an awful thing like that to his only daughter.

**"You are pregnant!"** He repeated, still trying to understand his own words.

Her mouth opened and closed several times as if she could not process what he had just said.

"I know!" She cried, "I would do anything to make this go away, but I can't!"

"I don't know what to believe." He looked her firmly in the eye "Are you sure? I mean are you definitely sure that you're-"

"Pregnant. Yes, I'm sure." She cringed.

While silence took over the room, Eric appeared on the scene.

"What is going on?" He exclaimed, chuckling, scratching his head, "You told them didn't you?"

He looked at Jenny and she just gave him a slight nod.

"Get up to your room." Lily looked at Eric.

"But mom-"

"Now!" She screamed.

"It's not like I was the only one who knew." Eric announced bitterly and stomped out of the room.

"You knew about this?" Rufus turned around and looked at Lily. He was furious and shook his head, "I thought we weren't going to lie to each other anymore."

"Rufus try to understand. I promised to Jenny and I just found out today."

"She is my daughter!" He yelled, "You were going to hide this from me, hide everything! like with our son!"

"Dad stop it! This has nothing to do with Lily."

Rufus looked at Jenny again, battling to look at his little girl.. who was far from a little girl now.

"Who is the father?" He tried to stay calm, his voice was low and tight, "Who did this to you?"

Jenny did not reply, and yet her face remained impassive.

"Jenny!" There was a warning in his scratchy voice.

"Daddy please-"

He stopped dead in his tracks. He was taken aback when she used the word daddy.

She hadn't called him that since she was ten. He pictured his once pure little baby girl.

He would never have that little girl back, ever again.

She had to take a deep breath. "I can't- I can't tell you." She shook her head and Lily stepped in, taking her into her arms. Lily whispered something into her ear, trying to sooth her, trying to encourage her.

Jenny nodded at her and pulled away.

"Okay." She gasped and Lily took her hand as she turned to look at her father.

Rufus closed his eyes. "Who is the father Jenny?" He repeated.

Jenny felt like his heart was going to explode at the rate it was beating.

"Chuck." She whispered.

His eyes snapped open.

"Chuck Bass." She managed to say with difficulty.

Rufus's face was slowly crumpling in front of his wife and daughter.

"No." He shook his head, "No, no, no." His voice broke.

"I'm so sorry dad." She cried and cried. Harder, trying to breathe in between, "I wasn't thinking and I didn't know what he was doing, it just happened."

It took Rufus moment to register what she had just said.

"Why Jenny?" He asked, disappointed.

She sobbed on the sofa, her head resting on her hands.

"Did he force you?" He barely managed to gasp out breathlessly.

Lily looked at Rufus, "Charles would never do anything like that."

After quickly glancing at his wife, Rufus turned his gaze towards Jenny, "Did he force you?" He repeated.

"No!" She covered her face, moaning into her palms, but then her head snapped up "When are you going to get it dad?" She forced her tone to be polite, but it came out as accusing.

Rufus and Lily stared at the blond mess, sharing the same look of confusion.

"I wanted to do it. I did it because I'm not a little girl anymore!"

"I know that." Rufus looked at Jenny, eyeing her stomach.

"Then why do you treat me like one?" She scowled, "I had sex with Chuck because I wanted to!"

Rufus screwed his eyes shut, face burning.

"Exactly. That is what you do, you ignore me!" Jenny stood up, "Me being pregnant isn't the only problem in this family. Believe me."

This was a foul realization and it had shocked him to the core.

"When did you find out about this?"

"In Hudson." she said quietly, accepting that this was no lie, accepting that this was really happening, accepting that soon everyone would know.

"Did you tell your mother?"

"No."

"Why?" He asked in a whisper.

"I wanted you to know first because I thought that you deserved to know first, after everything."

Rufus paused trying to think of something to say.

"Do you understand how hard this will be?"

"I do understand. I'm going to give the baby away and then move back to Hudson." She explained, like she had everything planned out.

"What about school? What about college? What about Chuck?" He kept insisting.

"I'm going to just study extra hard. I don't think that Chuck will be a problem." She breathed, wishing it was true.

"He is the father Jenny! He has rights! If he doesn't want to give the baby away, you are in deep trouble."

"Chuck hates me dad! I don't think getting rid of a baby that could ruin _**his precious future **_with Blair would be that hard." She spat, "He hates me, just like you do."

"What?"

"You can't even look at me and I don't blame you! I'm a horrible person!" She cried.

"I would do anything to protect you." He said seriously. "I love you Jenny. You are my only daughter, and I wouldn't trade you for anything."

Jenny blinked, taken aback, "Don't say things that you don't really mean."

"Jenny we all love you and care about you deeply, don't even think about anything else." Lily stood now on Rufus's side.

"Why would you even think that we don't love you?" Rufus asked, there was deep sadness in his eyes.

"Because **everybody hates me**." She broke down, "Everybody in this town hates me. I ruin everything! I always ruin everything!"

Both Lily and Rufus were surprised by Jenny's heated outburst.

He watched as tears ran down her cheeks, her eyes red from all the crying.

Rufus blinked. Then, a genuine smile, strange in this situation, crossed his face. "Oh, Jenny."

He pulled her into a tight hug, and kissed her forehead, "I won't leave you." Rufus held her tight and buried his face in her hair.

"I-"Her eyes scrunched up even tighter. "I'm a horrible person. I-I-I-"She gulped. "I'm so scared."

"Look at me." He commanded, and searched for her beautiful eyes.

She raised her gaze.

"We will make it through." He said. It might have sounded incredible corny, but Jenny knew that he meant it.

Lily wiped her eyes and joined the duo, "We all, are going to make it through."

...

"Did she fall asleep?" Lily glanced at Rufus who was settling down on the bed.

He sighed, "I think she did. She was exhausted."

"Did you talk to her?" She asked.

"We talked.. I still don't understand this."

Part of Rufus felt unspeakably sad. He was being forced to watch her daughter throw her life away.

"I'm sorry for not telling you." She said, but he seemed to be ignoring her.

"I know you are."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"What is there to talk about?" He hissed, "Jenny is going to have a baby, and there is nothing I can do to make this situation go away."

There was a pause.

"He lived in this house, he mocked me and laughed at me, after everything he did to Jenny." Rufus said in a very disgusted tone, "The next time I see his face- I swear, I'm going to lose it. I feel physically sick for even thinking about him."

Lily couldn't defend Chuck anymore, she didn't want to after everything that he had done.

"We can only hope for the best." Lily nuzzled closer to him.

"Dan will be devastated. He wont be able to control himself."

"I do not want to even think about it." She shook her head, "The whole Upper East Side will blow up."

"Mmm.." He had no idea what to say. Was he sad? Was he angry? The whole conversation felt like, it wasn't really happening. He was speechless. Just two hours ago, he learned that someone took his little girls innocence and now..

He felt like he wanted to go after Chuck, smash his head against a wall and throw him from the rooftop of** his stinking hotel.**

"Rufus?" Lily stiffened, "Maybe we should arrange a doctors appointment for her?" Lily suggested softly, "We need to know what's going on in there.."

"This feels so surreal," Rufus lowered his head almost ashamed that he basically knew nothing about Jenny's life before she showed up, "Just yesterday she was sitting in the kitchen with me, eating, laughing, acting like a normal girl- and now she is pregnant, having her own daughter or a son."

"There is nothing we can do right now. We can only be there for her."

"She is not ready Lily.." He hesitated for a short second, "Jenny, isn't ready to go through something like this. She is not ready to be pregnant-"

**"She is pregnant."** She replied curtly.

"Jenny will not be able to give that baby away. I can guarantee you that! She will need years of therapy to get through this. I know my daughter, this will push her off the edge."

She refused to let him fall into desperation, "Jenny has been thinking about this a lot. She understands that this is not going to be easy."

"But that is the problem." Rufus looked concerned, "I don't think she understands that this is a big deal. She can't just give the baby away and forget. This child will be a part of her, literally."

...

Jenny went over to her vanity and looked into her mirror. She stood sideways and lifted up her shirt. There were no signs of the life inside of her yet. She sighed in relief and rubbed her hand over her flat stomach. She didn't know if she was relieved or even more miserable after she told her dad about everything.

She knew that Rufus and Lily were still awake in their room, probably talking about _how wrong and awful this was_.

She was all grown up now, or at least on the way there.

Jenny knew that the hard part wasn't over, there were still so many people out there who needed to know.

She also knew that she wasn't going to get any sleep if she didn't call him now, and tell him.

The desperate blond girl pulled her phone from her bag and dialed a number that she thought she would never have to dial again-

"What?" He spat on the other end of the line.

"It's me, Jenny." She whispered.

She could tell that Chuck was probably rolling his eyes at the moment, "What do you want?"

"I need to talk to you."

Her head was just so full of things, things going round and round and she could feel tears prickling behind her eyes, like water at a dam and if she'd let just one tear out she wouldn't be able to stop.

"I can't deal with this right now," He murmured, "I'm boarding on a plane in seconds, so make it quick."

"I don't know how to say this-"

"Jenny!" He interrupted firmly, "Forget it already."

"But, Chuck you don't understand-"

"I don't care what you do, just stop thinking about it." He wouldn't let her finish, "Get over it! I'm with Blair and you can finally be with Nate."

"Chuck, really you should know that-"

"I don't care!" He yelled, **"Move on Jenny."**

With that said, he hung up the phone leaving Jenny behind in tears, yet again.

_Why was he being so cruel towards her? _

_Why Nate couldn't be the father? _

_Why did her life have to be so damn complicated?_

Questions swirled in her head as she was walking faster and faster now.

Her eyes wide, making small moaning sounds under her breath,

fighting the tears, fighting the thoughts, fighting the desperate feeling of being alone.

She crashed on the floor, her arms wrapped around her body, shaking and staring at the floor.

* * *

So little notes; 

I didnt make Rufus go so psycho maniac on her because

**A.** He is not like that.

**B.** Rufus stands behind his kids no matter what.

And Jenny was being a little whiny/annoying towards Rufus because

**A.** She is a teenager after all.. She likes to think of herself as a woman, not a little girl like daddy does.

**B.** She is a little naive.. Despite the innocence she lacks.

And Chuck is a bastard because

**A. **He is Chuck Bass...

Then finally: yes Chuck will find out soon, but right now I'm focusing on bringing **CHAIR **into this dramatic picture!

**Thanks for amazing reviews, again! and thank you, thank you, thank you for everything! :-)**


	8. Physical Encounters

_It's all your fault_

_You called me beautiful_

_You turned me out_

_And now I can't turn back_

_It's all your fault - Pink  
_

_..._

"Man you have got to give up already." Nate's voice was laced with dry humor, but there was a trace of worry.

He had received numerous desperate calls from Chuck during these two weeks.

Chuck had made it to Paris, he had wormed his way into the same hotel as Blair and had been hunting her since the day he arrived.

"I'm so close. I can't just give up on her." His voice was a rough.

First when Blair saw him standing on the hotel lobby, she had slapped him.

She had cursed and yelled.. and slapped him again, but Chuck could see how much she still cared for him.

Her beautiful big brown eyes had flamed up from the moment she laid her eyes on him.

He wasn't going to give up. Even though, he had to ran into some people who weren't so happy to see him.

In particular, Dan Humphrey. He didn't punch him this time, he just told Chuck to get out of their lives.

It was a bit of a surprise for Chuck that _Humphrey _had defended Blair, but inside Chuck knew that he was looking out for his sisters best interest.

First part of his plan was to **apologize** to Blair, sincerely. No games, just a heartfelt apology.

_Blair settled down into a chair at a table, happily sipping a glass of wine. Humming slightly, she opened up her book that she had brought. She was not going to let Chuck ruin everything, even if she had to face his gorgeous face every morning when he stared at her from the lobby with his hungry eyes._

_Her eyes grew round, fingers tightening around the book, as something cool and smooth traced the inside of her shin. With a shocked squeak, she shoved her chair away from the table. Across from her, sat the man who had destroyed her far too many times. _

_She was about to leave, but his deep voice stopped her._

_"Wait Blair."_

_Chuck looked thoughtful for a moment. _

_Damn him and his gorgeous face, she mentally cursed. _

_"I told you already to stay away from me." she snarled._

_"Five minutes. Give me five minutes."_

_"You said you wouldn't bother me. That you'd respect my personal space." she accused._

_She could have just walked away, but something inside told her to stay. Just for those five minutes._

_"You know why I'm here." He breathed softly, "I'm not here for games. I'm not here to mess around with your head. I want you to know how much I regret everything that happened. How much I hate myself for letting you go."_

_Blair knew that it was a big step for Chuck to say stuff like that, but it didn't justify what he did. _

_"I really couldn't give a damn." She replied coldly._

_"I love you," He blinked at her, "I won't give up. I won't move on."_

_"Your words mean nothing to me," Blair looked up at him in stunned silence. Then her eyes narrowed dangerously, "You can't do this to me anymore. I wont let you. I won't let you hurt me again."_

_He was her boyfriend; he wasn't supposed to do that thing to begin with. Of course he had apologized over and over, claiming that he had not meant it, and that he had just lost control, but she had not been willing to listen to reason. She had screamed at him to get out of her room, and out of her house, and when he finally did, she had locked herself in her bedroom for a good hour and a half, crying. She had fallen asleep with tears staining her pillow, after refusing to come downstairs for dinner._

_"I'm going to keep apologizing to you for the rest of my life. It doesn't matter how long it will take, but I wont let this end like this." He said quietly, his eyes serious, "I know you still love me."_

_The words hurt her because he was right, but Blair couldn't let him know._

_ She really did love him- love him so much it hurt her to the pit of her stomach, it made her weak._

_ Blair Waldorf wasn't weak, not in her mind. _

_She just shook her head and snorted with a smug look on her face._

_"Your five minutes are over."_

"Chuck? You still there?" Nate said from the other end of the line.

Nate's voice brought Chuck's attention back to the phone call, "I'm here."

"So what are you going to do to win her back?" His voice was infinitely curious.

Second part of his plan was **jealousy**.

Yes, he had sworn to her that he wasn't there to mess around with her pretty head, but then again-

he had to get her back, **no matter what rules he broke.**

_It was one of those awful crowded wannabe hip clubs that Serena had pulled Blair into. She wanted to cheer her up, after all those tears she had seen in Blair's eyes during the couple of days. Serena knew that she needed to make her feel better. _

_They walked into the club, Serena with Dan and Blair following the couple. _

_Blair looked at Serena and then at Dan who gave her a tiny tiny smile. _

_He hadn't pushed her buttons in weeks and Blair kind of had started to consider him as a friend. _

_"Isn't this amazing?" Serena shouted as the bright lights flashed around them._

_Blair shrugged and nodded as an answer._

_She wasn't such a fan of the bright lights and the loud music. She liked to party or whatever, but this just didn't feel right. It felt like a **pity-party.**_

_"I love this song!" Serena jumped out of her bar stool, "Let's dance!" _

_A flash of panic was noticeable in Dan's face when Serena took his hand. _

_He looked at Blair in order to get some help, but Blair just grinned back, "You two go. I'll stay here." _

_"You sure?" Serena shouted back._

_Blair nodded and watched Serena drag Dan to the dance floor. _

_She laughed at the sight and returned her attention back on the martini that she had ordered. _

_Taking a sip of her newly arrived martini, Blair felt a heavy gaze following her. She turned her attention to the other end of the bar and gasped._

_"You have got to be kidding me." Her jaw dropped as she noticed Chuck with a beautiful tall brunette who was all over him. _

_He knew! He knew that she was coming her and now he was trying to make her jealous. She cursed under her breath as she made her way to him. _

_"What do you think you are doing?" she hissed vehemently. Her knuckles turned white as she clenched her hands tightly into anxious fists. _

_Chuck first ignored her and kept chatting with the other girl. He quickly turned around and looked at Blair with his evil smirk, "I'm enjoying myself." _

_The other brunette looked at Blair with mischievous gaze and Blair stared back._

_ Chuck whispered something into the girl's ear which caused her to blush and backdown. She planted a kiss on his cheek and walked away._

_"I thought you were done with the games." She snapped, "You're sick."_

_"With you." he mocked._

_Blair growled in frustration. "What the hell do you want?"_

_"What do I want?" he drew the words out into a long raspy drawl. He bent down his head until his lips were millimeters away from her earlobe, "You."_

_He watched her gulp and take in a shuddery breath. _

_"Leave me alone!" She stormed out of the club, panting. Dying inside because he had triggered something inside of her again._

"I don't know." He replied to Nate who had been waiting for his answer.

Nate was a bit confused by this.

To him it always seemed like Chuck had an answer, but he had sworn to himself that he wasn't going to get sucked into the drama.

That is why he hadn't even bothered to ask the reason why Chuck was trying to win her back.

First he was curious, but then again Chuck and Blair weren't just a normal couple.

There always seemed to be something wrong with their relationship.

Nate just wanted to **stay out of it.**

"Good luck with that." Nate chuckled, "I saw Jenny couple days ago."

He ran into her at the store and they had lunch between friends. Just two friends having lunch.. right.

"I didn't know she was back in town." Chuck replied abruptly.

"She has been here for a couple of weeks." He exhaled slowly, "I don't know exactly what to do."

Chuck didn't respond.

"I mean there is still so much between us. I know she is still young and all, but maybe this time it could work."

"Don't take it so seriously Nathaniel." He cleared his throat, "Just go with the flow."

Chuck had been quite amazed that Blair, Serena or Dan hadn't told Nate.

Even Jenny had kept her mouth shut.

"She has changed you know." Nate stayed in the topic, "She seems more mature."

"That's.. nice." He chuckled. _Oh, she was 'mature' alright.._

"I've got to go now man." He said, "Good luck with that special surprise.."

Nate closed the phone and left Chuck pondering.

He knew that he was going to get a beat down from Nate at some point, but right now he needed to concentrate on Blair.

...

Jenny rested her head on top of the kitchen counter, face hidden by messy blond hair.

Her chest was hurting so much. So, so much. Thoughts of Chuck, the baby, Nate and her parents were making her head and heart ache.

Plus, the nausea had been worse this week.

It had been two weeks since she had told her dad about the baby and things seemed to be back to normal or normal, as they can be.

The whole thing had become somewhat of a blur over the past days. Everyone in the household seemed to want to forget it. They all knew, however, that eventually the situation would have to be confronted. The tension when Rufus and Jenny were in the same room was overwhelming. He had no idea what to say to her. He had wanted to be supportive, but right now he just needed time to adjust.

"Whatcha doing mommy?" Eric teased as he walked into the kitchen.

Jenny narrowed her eyes at the nickname, but decided to let it go.

"Trying to stay alive," She breathed and held her head, "My head is killing me."

"That bad?"

She lifted her head, "How do you think it feels like when you are forced to throw up your guts every morning?" She snapped unintentionally.

"Looks like someone is a little moody." He chuckled sarcastically.

Jenny shot him a look. "Do you have the book with you or not?"

She had figured that now that the whole subject was out in the open, she was allowed to talk about it aloud, or at least read about it.

Eric pulled the white book out of his backpack and handed it to her.

"What made you change your mind about this?"

Jenny raised her eyebrows. "About what?"

"The book."

She looked puzzled for a second. "I don't know. I was bored. Besides I'm not allowed to leave this house and it really gets boring in here."

Rufus did what a good parent would do in this situation. He had grounded her.

"Admit, you want to know more about the baby."

She glanced up at him, "No.. I'm just bored."

"Whatever." He laughed.

He was being awfully cheerful today, Jenny thought and it suddenly hit her.

"Spill!" Jenny squeaked.

"What?"

"You've met someone!" She said, grinning again, "Who is he? What does he look like?"

He nodded slowly. "It's nothing serious."

"Eric, come on!," She moaned, "I told you I was pregnant, at least in favor you could tell me his name."

She couldn't help, but smile slightly.

"Sebastian." The smile fell from his lips as he said it.

Jenny gasped and jumped out of her stool.

She had no idea who this guy was, but the most important thing was that Eric was happy and had met someone.

She hugged him tightly as she giggled.

"What's going on in here?" Rufus walked into the kitchen and stared at the laughing couple.

"Nothing!" Eric looked at Jenny and smiled, "Now I'm going. I'm late already."

Both Humphreys said goodbye to the boy and suddenly an awkward silence landed into the room.

Instead of talking, Rufus went to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle.

As Jenny sat on the stool, Rufus asked, "Everything okay?"

He turned to glance at her daughter with a smile, but as his eyes passed over her, the smile fell.

Catching the look, Jenny shook her head. "I just feel a bit nauseous."

Rufus's hand tightened around the water bottle. "Oh."

His attention next turned to the book that laid on the counter in front of Jenny, "What's that?" He raised a brow.

Jenny stared at him, wide-eyed. "It's just a book about pregnancy."

"Oh." He repeated and then, remembered something, "Lily arranged a doctors appointment for you. Next week."

"Okay." Her face was blank.

Rufus walked up to her and sat on the stool beside her.

"So what does the book say?"

She snapped out of her daze suddenly. She flipped throw the pages and swallowed,

"The fetus may be small, but it's very active, swallowing fluid and kicking new limbs. Vital organs – liver, kidneys, intestines, brain and lungs – are fully formed and functional. If you could take a look at your baby, you'd be able to see some exciting details, such as fingernails and peach-fuzzy hair." Jenny had a big smile on her face, and Rufus saw it. He saw how much she enjoyed knowing about the little person that grew inside her.

"Fascinating." He said.

Jenny gave him a half-smile while inconspicuously avoided his eyes.

Before he could say anything else there was a knock on the door.

"I think you should go and answer that."

There was a moment of silence and Jenny couldn't for the life of her have figured out what he was thinking.

She nodded with a quiet, "Okay." and walked the hallway, towards the door and opened it.

Finding something she definitely wasn't ready to face.

**"Mom?"**

* * *

Excited for what happens next?

Review!And let me know if you liked this chapter!

_XoxoDesireh_


	9. Heart to Heart

_Her feelings she hides_

_Her dreams she can't find_

_She's losing her mind_

_She's falling behind_

_Nobody's home - Avril Lavigne_

_..._

Allison marched in with a serious look on her face. She glanced around the beautiful penthouse while she followed Jenny to the living room.

She was not happy about the fact that Jenny's little vacation had turned from two days to two weeks.

She greeted Rufus in an odd formal way and then sat on the living room, both parents staring at Jenny.

"Jen…"

Allison looked up at Jenny. Jenny didn't really want to talk to her, but the sound her voice made her choose otherwise.

"Hm?" She arched an eyebrow at her in question.

"Are you alright?" Her mother asked; her voice was full of concern.

Jenny shrugged and nodded.

"No, you're not." Rufus stated.

Jenny snapped. "Dad!"

"What's going on?" Allison stared at Jenny, "Your father suddenly calls me and asks me to come here immediately. I had to drop out of work for this. Clearly something is wrong and I have the right to know what are you two scheming here. You want her to move back here? Is that it?"

"Allison.." Rufus said bitterly.

Jenny breathed heavily. She wasn't really in the mood, and her mom showing up wasn't making things anything better.

"No Rufus! You called me. Now tell me what the hell is going on?" Allison cut him off angrily.

He completely ignored Allison and turned his look towards their daughter who sat on the edge of the sofa, "Jenny, I think it's time to tell your mother the truth."

Allison's eyes met Jenny's. Her mother raised an eyebrow in question.

"What is going on Jenny?"

"Dammit." Jenny hissed in frustration. She had to go through with this all over again, "I'm pregnant."

She had said that same sentence awfully lot during these couple of weeks, so saying it aloud didn't sting as much as it did at the beginning.

Allison stopped tapping her fingers and just looked at Jenny.

She raised an eyebrow. Then she smiled.

One of those smiles people always get on their faces when they hear something they** don't believe or don't want to believe.**

"Sorry...what?" She asked, grinning like an idiot.

For a moment Allison thought it was a joke. A cruel, stupid joke.

"I'm pregnant." Jenny repeated, this time with a little more confidence.

"So." Her mother started, breaking the awkward silence in the room, "You are pregnant? Having a baby?"

Jenny was surprised by her mothers calmness, "Yep."

Her face was serene one moment and the next, it quickly turned red.

"How could you be so **stupid**? How could you do this to **our family**?" She started yelling, "How could you be that **irresponsible**! You** idiot**!"

Jenny was surprised by her outburst. Rufus saw how scared Jenny looked, "Allison, calm down."

"Calm down?" She spat, "She is pregnant Rufus. Her life is ruined!"

"Mom, calm down." Jenny repeated like her father.

"How did this happen?" she asked, not looking at her.

"How do you think it happened? " She mumbled.

"I am not in the mood for your sarcasm!" Her mom shouted. Mad? That was an understatement.

"It just happened and I'm sorry"

But instead of getting angry with her, Allison stopped pacing and walked up to Jenny who still sat on the sofa.

She kneeled down in front of her and looked at her.

"It's gonna be okay." She promised to her little girl.

Jenny was surprised by her words, even Rufus was confused by Allison.

"I know."

"We'll take care of it. Tomorrow we're going to call one of those clinics and..."

At the word 'clinics', Jenny's head shot up.

"Wait..." she interrupted her. "**Clinics?**"

"Yeah...one of those family clinics where they do abortions. I'm telling you, it's all going to be alright. The day after tomorrow it'll be like nothing ever happened."

Neither Jenny or Rufus could believe their own ears.

"How can you say that?" Jenny yelled and got up, "How could you even suggest something like that when you don't even know how I feel about this?"

"You are not having this baby." Allison told her. "It would be a huge mistake."

"Did it ever occur to you that I could give it up for adoption?"

"Do you think that's smart? Do you really?"

Rufus couldn't watch by anymore and he had to get in the middle of this, "Allison, as much as I agree with you, but in the end this is Jenny's decision."

"She is sixteen years old!" Allison shouted.

"I know that! I know that, okay? But that doesn't mean that she can 'just' get an abortion and pretend it never happened."

"Well she can't 'just' give the baby away and pretend like it never happened."

They were all silent.

"I'm can't do this right now." Jenny said weakly. "Mom, I'm exhausted. I don't want to talk to you right now."

Another silence fell upon them.

"Jenny, you go rest. I'll talk to your mother."

Allison looked at Rufus. She couldn't believe that he was letting her go, just like that.

Jenny walked up to Rufus and hugged him quickly as a thank you before walking out of the room.

"I can't believe you!" Allison scowled when they were left alone, "She is playing you and you can't even see that."

Rufus looked up and saw Allison's seething face. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on' Rufus. She has always been a daddy's girl and you are not even flinching about this."

She rolled her eyes in annoyance and wondered why he was acting so calm about the whole subject.

"Do you really think I approve this?" He growled and narrowed his eyes at Allison, "I can't even look at her without thinking about how disappointed I am with her. It kills me inside that I screwed up like this and allowed this mess to happen."

She shot him a dirty look, "You promised me that raising her here wouldn't be a problem and- now she is pregnant Rufus!"

"Says the mother of the year, who didn't even notice that something was wrong when she was in Hudson." He snapped back, "She was pregnant already when she arrived there and you had no idea because you were busy being with your boyfriend who is half your age."

"Do not make this my fault! Liam has nothing to do with this." She was stomping her foot angrily.

"I do not care about your personal life Allison, believe me. I only called you here for Jenny, for support and the first thing you do is suggest abortion in front of her face."

"If you had suggested it in the first place, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation!"

"It's more complicated than that. I could never even suggest something like that and Jenny hasn't even told Chuck yet-"

"What?" She stared at him quietly, "What did you just say?"

Rufus's face straightened and he shrugged, "Chuck Bass is the father."

"Are you kidding me? The same Chuck whose father was married with Lily?"

"The same." Rufus hissed.

"I didn't even know that they were dating! Why didn't you tell me?"

_Oh crap_, Rufus thought, "They weren't dating or involved in any way."

"Rufus what are you saying?"

"Apparently.. it happened just one time and this is the result."

Allison was quiet for awhile. She couldn't believe that her poor little girl was sleeping around with people who she didn't even love. She choked up on the subject that they were entering, "Did you even know that Jenny is.. sexually active?"

"No!" Rufus grimaced, "Did you?"

"No!"

...

An arm snaked around her waist and tugged her into a warm, chest.

"I almost lost you." A low voice husked, calloused hand trailing up her thigh. Blair smelled alcohol and squirmed.

"What are you doing Chuck?" Blair tried to turn around, but his arm tightened.

"What do you think I am doing?" He murmured, placing an open-mouthed kiss right on her pulse.

She let out an involuntary gasp, and tried to pull away.

"You're drunk." She whimpered, as his hand ventured to the inside of her thigh. She stiffened.

"Sober enough to make sure you have a good time." His breath was hot on her neck.

As people bumped into them, Chuck's grip loosened and Blair took the opportunity to wrestle out of his embrace. Gathering her wits, she turned around.

Chuck looked disheveled.

"Blair." He spoke huskily, a goofy, almost charming grin coming upon his face. And that was when she realized.

He wasn't drunk. He was wasted.

It was a situation Blair was familiar with. She had seen him in this condition before, maybe even worse.

As he approached her, she narrowed her eyes, hands coming up in front of her to stop him.

"How many drinks have you had?" It was a harsh demand.

He shrugged slowly. "Don't know."

"Are you wasted?"

He smiled. "Maybe."

"You're going into your room." She snapped, snatching his wrist and tugging him, "Now!"

He would not budge.

"No, I'm not." His expression was dark.

"Don't be stubborn!" She cried. "Just look at yourself!" Blair gestured with her free hand. "You're wasted! You can't do this to me."

Chuck raised a shoulder lazily in a shrug. "Why would you care? **Nobody cares**, Blair."

"Wha-nevermind!" Blair heaved out a breath in exasperation. "Leave. Me. Alone."

"You don't want that."

She shrugged offhandedly and lied. "Yes I do! Why cant you just give up and stop this?"

"I'm never going to give up."

"You should." She demanded, loudly.

He smiled in response. "I love you."

He pulled his arm away from her and started to walk away, slightly stumbling. She felt irritated that she felt a responsibility towards him. She wasn't supposed to be talking to him, or not to feel bad to him. He ruined her and now it was all happening again.

Still...his present state brought up a familiar sense of sadness, pity, and responsibility within her, and instinct was hard to ignore after so many years.

"God, I hate you." She hissed.

She pulled him down the hall to where the staircase was and started leading him up towards her room.

She had to offer him a safe place to crash because knowing Chuck, he would probably go out and wonder around the streets.

Blair felt her eyes sting, tears of anger and exasperation prickling the back of her throat. Why was she always left to clean up other people's messes? Why was she helping him?

She pulled Chuck into the room and closed the door behind her, slumping against it wearily. Anger ebbed away, leaving her exhausted. She closed her eyes, keeping her legs from buckling, as she took in steadying breaths.

"I don't need your help." She heard him murmur in the darkness. She heard the creak of the bed, and assumed he was sitting on it.

"I don't want to help you." She whispered, clearing her throat.

She took in three deep breaths. She turned around to leave, when she felt her head was fairly cleared. As she opened the door, a throaty voice spoke up quietly.

"Where're you going?"

"Serena's room." She whispered. "I can't stay here."

"Don't go." The voice was urgent as she took a step.

Startled, Blair turned around, "Chuck-"

"Don't go, Blair." Chuck's voice was a desperately sincere plea.

She flinched at the usage of her name.

"Please." He croaked, "I can't lose you like I've lost everyone in my life."

She hesitated. She could just leave him there to clear his head or she could stay there to make sure, just to make sure, that he was safe..

"I don't want to be alone." It was an agonized groan.

That made her decision for her. She was sick of feeling numb and for Blair, this wasn't even the beginning. She shut the door and slowly walked towards him.

...

"Jenny, are you awake?" A voice woke her, but she didn't bother checking who she was talking to. She was too lazy to open her eyes.

"Yes, I'm awake." Jenny rolled over on her bed and rubbed her eyes groggily, "What now mom?"

"We need to talk."

"We are talking."

"Me and your father have been talking about this and we have are both now on the same page." Allison informed her, but she couldn't care less.

"Good," She pulled the covers on again, "Close the lights before you leave."

"Jenny!" Allison winced, "Listen to me for once."

"What now?" She shrieked.

"I've had enough with this attitude of yours!" She went up to her and sat on the bed, "Do not take it all on me when you have clearly something on your mind."

Jenny snorted, "Yeah, you."

"What do you mean?"

"You can't just show up and expect me to be okay with it. You are not a part of my family. My family lives in this house! If you knew me, you would have seen in Hudson that something was wrong and would have been there for me when I was going the hardest part of my life." She couldn't just go on and pretend as if nothing ever happened early that day that nearly brought her to tears, "You had no idea how scared I was."

"Jenny, what do you want me to do? I only suggested the abortion because I want to protect you." She stared at her quietly, "I know what is it like, to have a baby at a young age. You have no idea how exhausting it is and how hard it is."

"So you regret having Dan and me?"

She shook her head, "That's not what I said."

Jenny frowned, "I'm not even keeping the baby, okay? I'm giving it to someone who wants and deserves it."

"It's not that easy! What about Chuck?"

"Why suddenly everybody is interested in Chuck?" Jenny heaved a sigh.

"Because he is the father! You can't give away his baby when he doesn't even know about it."

"I'm going to tell him, soon."

"I don't know Jenny.." Allison's voice was shaky, "This is insane, just think about it how much work-"

"I want to sleep," Jenny pointed towards the door, "Leave."

...

Carefully, Blair slid onto the silk sheets, where he was already lying down on his back. His head was already turned to her, they were not touching. A silence fell between them.

"You hate me." The words hung in the air between them.

Blair nodded slowly. She said nothing else, there were no words needed.

"I don't blame you, even I hate myself." Chuck chuckled humorlessly. "I only did it because I thought there was no one else left. Jenny Humphrey was the last human contact that I had and I used her, to get revenge, to prove to the world that I am a deadbeat like everyone expects me to be."

He stared into Blair's eyes. Watched them grow wide with shock, then soften in sadness. He closed his own eyes and turned away. He could not bear to see the pity in there.

"You made your choice and I'm the one who ended up hurting because of it." She finally opened her mouth, "You know what hurts the most?"

He turned to look at her.

"You were never going to tell me and that is why I can't do this again."

Blair waited. He said nothing further and cautiously, she laid a hand on his forearm. The muscles tensed beneath her fingers. With regret, she started to withdraw it, when his fingers clamped down on her wrist. Suddenly, he tugged her closer and clutched her tightly, solid arms locking themselves around her torso. Burying his face into her neck, he breathed in deeply and kissed her cheek.

"It's over." She whispered into the darkness. "It's over. I can't forgive you" Her voice was shaky and terrified.

Her voice sounded sorrowful, even to her own ears as she pulled away from him and walked out of the room.

She was lying to herself and she knew it.

* * *

I can't believe Im already on chapter 9! Next is Chapter 10!

Thanks again for reading and sticking by this story!

Allison and Jenny don't really get along, but you have to admit that they don't have the most healthy daughter-mother relationship and I'm afraid this pregnancy is gonna push everyone on the edge.

And YES, NEXT TWO CHAPTERS ; two/three (haven't yet decided) characters are going to find out about baby Bass..

Bring in the drama!

_XoxoDesire_h


	10. Power Struggle

_ I'm looking at you through the glass_

_ Don't know how much time has passed_

_ All I know is that it feels like forever_

_ Through Glass - __Stone Sour_

_..._

"You ready to go?" Lily looked at Jenny who did not just look nervous- she looked terrified.

Jenny closed her eyes briefly and breathed out a sigh. "I'm ready."

She could still recall her last appointment at the doctors office. The loss of her innocence and youth came with just two words: "You're pregnant." Back then she felt ashamed, confused, scared, lonely and stupid. Now it was more complicated because this was going to affect everyone around her.

The whole idea of it put her into an emotional spin.

"Don't worry," Lily gave her a smile, "It's a simple scan."

"I guess so." Jenny answered, still sounding doubtful while packing her bag.

"Did you talk to your mom about the doctor?"

She ran a hand through her hair and tried to smile at her. "Yeah, well…"

"You didn't tell her?"

"I don't think she really cares." Jenny said bitterly, "Dad agreed with me, she just brings problems with her. The sooner mom leaves, the better."

_Oh the irony_.. Jenny thought, she hadn't really before understood that she was much like her mom. **Impulsive and stubborn.**

She shrugged, trying to play it off as if she didn't care even if they both knew that she did, a girl has to have her defenses after all.

"Allison was just shocked that's all." Lily stared at Jenny's tired eyes, "We all were shocked and still are."

They were silent for a few moments then, Jenny said quietly, "The difference is that you or dad didn't try to make this decision for me. It's been a week and she still tries to make me do something that I simply can't do. "

Lily didn't say anything. Jenny had during the past week reached the point where she was ready to talk about the whole incident.

She took a deep breath. "Look," she said it as gently as she could, "I know it's not really my place to pass pressure, but it seems to me that you are ready to tell Charles."

Her back immediately stiffened at the announcement and she could swear she felt a chill from a drafty of some sort run through the room at that sudden proclamation.

The blond gave her a sad smile. "I'm not," she continued. "I'm never going to be ready-"

"You are almost three months along, Jenny." Lily said, trying desperately to keep her tone controlled.

"I just…" She shut her eyes as if flinching at her own thoughts, "I want to tell him myself. I'll just wait him to come back."

A wide range of feelings passed Lily, but she decided to smile in return.

...

Dan pushed away his now-empty tray, void of any traces of hamburger or fries. Leaning back, he looked at the girl sitting across the table from him.

"Has Jenny called you?" She asks.

He looks down, playing with the straw sticking out of his Coke. Actually, he hasn't looked up before, so he couldn't technically have looked down just then. Whatever he did, he was evading her , Serena knew Dan. He was thinking about how to best phrase his thoughts.

"She doesn't answer my calls. If does, she manages to say two words."

"You are worried about her." She comes into a conclusion, "Well at least now you can relax because Chuck is here, not there."

"Chuck," he barely whispers to her, "I still can't understand how can Blair even talk to the guy, I mean he destroyed her. He has done it more than once."

"They have a long history together, it's not easy to throw someone out of your life when he has been a big part of it."

He raises his brow on the subject. Deep down, he knew that she was referring to him. There was so much that needed to be said. He knew that she was as confused and disoriented as him.

This summer seemed to be more about other people, and there was always someone or something on the way.

Dan also knew that she loved him like he loved her, but life doesn't work like a fairytale.

"Blair, is looking for trouble Serena, believe me." He tried carefully to keep his tone gentle, "Thanks for not letting me do anything stupid that I would regret." He referred to the night he first saw Chuck in Paris.

"No problem," She smiled as they stepped out of the diner, "I wouldn't want you to spend the rest of our vacation in jail."

"I wouldn't either." He chuckled, "I can't believe I got sucked into this drama. I swore to myself before we started dating in the first place that I would never be in the middle of something like this."

"It's called Upper East Side, Dan." Serena laughed, "You can't be a part of our world without the drama."

"I just wish there was something I could do to make things better."

She was unsure of what to say in reply. There was silence for a few long moments as they walked down the street.

"You can't blame yourself for what Jenny did, it was her decision. She isn't a little girl anymore."

"Far from that." He joked and Serena laughed with him, "Then again, if we had never started dating, I wouldn't have met you." His voice cracked.

She smiled foolishly and looked at him with a big grin on her face.

She didn't care.

There was something about Dan that made her always want to grin like a little kid, "No matter what happens, we will always be there for each other."

"Always." He smiled back and hugged her.

The moment was ruined by the sound of his cell phone vibrating. Dan sighed out loud and, unhappily for Serena, he took out his hand from hers and got his cell phone from his pocket and answered it.

"Dan, I need to talk to you." She said, her words slightly stiff.

"Vanessa?"

...

Jenny and Lily were waiting in the doctors room, anxiously. Jenny sat on the bed which was surprisingly uncomfortable and Lily sat on the left side as support. She was smiling at her, hoping that she could make Jenny a little bit more comfortable as she sat there and stared at all the pictures of babies on the wall.

Suddenly the door opened and a nice looking lady came inside.

"Miss Humphrey, my name is Dr. Roberts, but you can call me Karen," She greeted, "I'm so sorry for being a bit late."

"No problem." Jenny shook her hand and smiled nervously, "I'm Jenny."

Then, the doctor greeted Lily who she had known for many years. This was the same doctor who was there when Serena and Eric were born.

"So you are here for your first scan!" She smiled at her reassuringly, "Excited?"

Jenny just shrugs and lies down

"Don't worry this won't hurt at all." She turned on the machine behind her, which looked just like the one that she saw on the abortion clinic.

"Please lift up you shirt slightly," She said as she pressed a few buttons on the machine. Jenny nodded and proceeded to lift her black top up slightly. She put the cold gel on her stomach. Jenny watched her as she put the probe on her stomach, while staring intently at the screen.

"We should be able to see something soon," Karen said, as she and Lily continued to stare at the small screen. Waiting for something to happen.

Then she suddenly stopped and turned a knob on the machine. Jenny heard a faint sound.

A beat, again and again.

The doctor noticed Jenny's overwhelmed expression, "That is the baby's heartbeat."

Everything was quiet for a moment, as she realized what Karen had just said to her and Jenny tried to take in the fact that she'd actually said it

"There it is. Can you see it?" She said pointing at the small blob, this time it was bigger. Last time it was still just a little dot.

Jenny gave a slight nod.

"Oh my God!" Lily enthused in what was supposed to be a hushed tone, "Amazing, right?"

"Lily." Jenny deadpanned. "You're squealing." She bit her lip.

Silence filled the room as the baby's heart pounded on the background.

"So when can I get it out?"

Surprised by the firmness in Jenny's voice, Dr. Roberts flinched.

"By the look of this scan, I would say that your estimated due date is on February 20th ." She continued to explain, "It always depends on when the conception occurred, but I can't say this day is one hundred percent accurate. The baby could come earlier, which we do not hope or even later."

"And now everything looks like fine?" Lily asked as she squeezed Jenny's hand.

"Yes. The baby's heart sounds strong and normal." She replied. "I can only advice on the fact that Jenny needs to take things easily because she is now on the first trimester which could end tragically."

"What about her age- does it effect this at all?" Lily kept asking.

"No. In Jenny's case I can say that everything is okay and I can't see any reason why something would go wrong. She is sixteen, but If I correctly understood you aren't raising this child?"

Jenny nodded. "I'm giving it away."

"That is a brave decision."

Jenny raised her eyebrows as she didn't understand what she meant.

"What do you mean?" She questioned suspiciously and smiled.

"I think it would be good for you to visit our support group a couple of times, just to talk."

"I know what I'm doing," Jenny snapped and pulled her shirt back on.

Lily's mouth dropped open, "Jenny I think you should listen-"

"It's my decision isn't it?" She said frantically, "I choose not to talk about it, okay? I'm fine with this."

It didn't feel right anymore. Lately she had felt bad, awful about having this baby because she felt like she was a freak, she was evil, she wasn't normal, **she was ill**.

If Jenny was to drop dead, who would care? And why should anyone care? What had she ever given to anyone else?

She had acknowledged that Rufus couldn't talk to her like he used to.

Lily was being stupidly overprotective and even Eric seemed distant.

She had predicted this to happen, her family to break down around her and hearing that heart beat had triggered it all inside her.

She was bringing a baby into this world and it had the most messed up **genes**.

This baby could grow out to be worse than her and the thought scared her.

Lily's eyes were steadily staring at her with a rare seriousness as she walked out of the room. All she could think was that she was broken.

...

It took more than two hours to find his number, but Allison knew what she was doing. She was going to teach this boy some manners-

She looked back and forth between the buttons, taking deep breathe before dialing the number.

"Nate?"

She put it to his ear, not sure if she should speak, just yet.

"Nathaniel, quit it with the frigging' prank calls" He said with obvious annoyance.

Allison could tell this was the guy she was looking for and that he was not happy.

"Uh…" She said unsurely, "Is this Chuck Bass?"

"Who the hell's this?" He spat.

"I'm calling behalf of my daughter, Jenny." Allison said firmly.

She heard an annoyed sigh on the other end, "Are you kidding me?"

"If I was you I would lose the attitude right now," She said angrily, "I'm going to make you pay for what you did to-"

"Hold on lady." Chuck growled, "I don't know what your little Jenny has told you, but what happened is **between me and your daughter**."

"I'm not going to let you or your words scare me." She snapped, "You people think that you are better than other people, but you know what Chuck? I'm going to make this public and make sure people will find out what kind of low life you really are."

Chucks smirk fell for a split second, "I really don't understand what your problem is." He retorted, "It was _just _sex."

"You sick bastard." She groaned, "Jenny is sixteen. She is still just a child and you ruined her life, I'm going to make sure that you will pay for this the rest of your life. She is not going to be the only one who will have to deal with this burden. She is pre-" She was cut off by an angry voice.

"Allison! What are you doing?" Rufus looked at her in shock, "Give me the phone!"

Chuck heard Rufus yell and with that, he closed his phone. He couldn't care less what was happening in New York.

After realizing what she was doing, Rufus couldn't believe it. Allison was sitting in Lily's home-office, talking into his wife's phone and she even had Lily's personal phone book on the other hand.

Allison swallowed and handed the phone to Rufus, knowing that she was in trouble.

"What do you think you were doing?" Rufus demanded and looked at the caller ID, "You called Chuck!"

"I just wanted to exchange a couple words."

"You were going to tell him that Jenny is pregnant!" Usually Rufus didn't like raising his voice, but what Allison did was unacceptable. **He was pissed-off.**

"I just lost my temper." Her lips tightened.

"You lost your temper?" Rufus cried in outrage, "I still can't believe you did that."

"What did she do?" Jenny walked into the room with a confused look on her face.

* * *

Allison is busteed!

Thank you for reviews on the last chapter! :))

And oh my Vanessa calling Dan.. thoughts?

_XoxoDesireh_


	11. Desperate? Maybe

_All we know is distance_

_We're close and then we run_

_Kiss away the difference_

_I know you hate this one_

_But this is where the story ends_

_Or have we just begun_

_Where the story ends - The Fray_

_...  
_

"What did she do?" Jenny had asked, after looking at her parents expressions.

They looked stiff, nervous like they were hiding something.

Her mom's eyes flash towards her dads and now she knows that they are definitely hiding something.

"Well?" Jenny demands.

"Nothing pumpkin," Allison squeaks nervously. Jenny almost laughed at the absurdity of the sound of her voice,

"Right Rufus?" Allison smiles and looks at Rufus again.

To his shock, Rufus studied her through narrowed eyes. He knew that look.. She wanted him to lie.

He closed his eyes, feeling too weak to make such a decision.

He hated to lie to Jenny, but he didn't want to upset her right now."It's nothing important." He sighs and looks at his daughter.

"So how was the doctors appointment?"

Allison raised a brow, "What appointment?"

Jenny stared at her mother, unease settling in the pit of her stomach. "It was just my first scan or something like that.."

Before Allison had the time to raise her voice, Lily barged in.

"What are you all doing in my office?" Lily narrowed her eyes suspiciously, "Is everything okay?"

"Everything is just fine." Allison said quickly and then turned her attention on Jenny, "Why didn't you tell me that you had an appointment? That is a big deal, Jenny."

"I had Lily with me. It was nothing special." She waved off her mother's comments.

"Everything was fine. The baby is okay and Jenny is okay, nothing else matters." Lily smiled, but Allison wasn't buying it.

She gritted her teeth and shook her head.

"I should have been there. I should have the right as your mother to know every single detail."

Jenny glanced away and snorted in a most unladylike manner, "Here." She slammed a photo on Allison's hand, "Happy now?" The blond threw her arms in frustration and stormed out of the room.

Allison looked at the picture for a second.

There it was.

**The baby that she was dreading.**

"I think this whole situation is very overwhelming for Jenny." Lily said smoothly, "We all need to just stand beside her and make her feel safe."

"That is ridiculous." Allison snarled and went on, "Jenny needs to understand that this is serious and she can't act like a brat because she is mad about this whole thing. She needs to face the facts and start taking responsibility."

It was clear from Lily at that point that Allison was going to be honest.. brutally honest.

"And you calling Chuck was a responsible thing to do?" Rufus contradicted.

Lily looked at Rufus, "What are you talking about?"

"Allison called Chuck, and almost told him about the baby."

Shock, and heartache slammed into Lily all at once.

"I had the right to call him, after all I wasn't the one who introduced him to my daughter."

Lily now knew what Allison's intentions were. She now knew and understood the reason for her coming there today,

"Okay, I've been able to ignore all these things you have said to Jenny during this week, but I can't let you come here and do decisions for her that clearly aren't best ones. You are supposed to be her mother and support her." She was on the defensive at this point. She loved Jenny like her own and she wasn't going to let someone else tell her otherwise.

"You are accusing me of being a **bad mother**?" Allison challenged her, "I wasn't the one who allowed her to get pregnant."

"You can't blame us for this." Rufus almost shouted.

It was more of a declaration, however. "Lily has been her rock during all of this drama and has kept her sane. You can't blame her for that-"

Allison stood up straight, burning with unbridled rage. "And you think that I don't know this? You think that I don't think about this every single waking moment of my life? I hate myself for leaving my family, and now my daughter is paying for it." She continued, "I'm leaving tonight and I want her to come with me."

"What?" Rufus narrowed his eyes, "You can't be serious."

"She is clearly not ready to tell Chuck or anybody else, so she can give birth to the baby in Hudson and give it to a local couple."

"This is Jenny's decision to make alone." Rufus told her.

"Allison, I know that you're going to end up breaking her heart and that's going to destroy her," Lily said softly. "And I won't sit back and let you when I know that I can do something to stop it."

"This has nothing to do with you, Lillian."

As if her piercing words weren't hurtful enough, Allison spared her a glance.

The air between them tightened, and Lily decided to be the adult here.

"This will ruin her. These people here, Rufus! They will make her life a living hell." Allison accused, "Her pictures will end up in newspapers and internet, she will be the laughing-stock of this city!"

Rufus shook his head. "That's not true. She's strong. Jenny is strong and independent and she can make her own decisions for herself. I trust my daughter enough to say that I believe in her and her decisions."

Lily tried to convince her. "We are here to take care of her. You have to trust us, Allison."

"I can't trust anyone in this house."

"**Jenny stays**. She isn't going anywhere." Rufus seethed under his breath.

Allison turned to leave. She stopped at the door and looked over her shoulder at him. "Don't call me when everything is messed up again. I don't want any part of this anymore."

The instant that Allison left and the door made a click behind her, both Lily and Rufus gasped out loud, as if they had been holding their breaths the whole entire time.

...

Blair was having a good day. She had just finished her two-hour shopping spree and the best part? She hadn't even seen Chuck in days.

It was a gorgeous, most amazing day in Paris and she had decided to make the best of it.

"B, what are you doing here?" Serena looked a bit surprised by the cheerful Blair who had stormed into the room.

"I'm here to take you to lunch and after that we are going dancing!" She giggled, and made little swirl.

Serena gave her a sad smile. She was glad to see Blair happy again, or at least not lost in her thoughts, "Great.."

"What's wrong?" Blair asked.

She gulped hard and said, "Nothing."

Oh, but she knew better than that.

"Serena, tell me what's wrong," She persisted.

"Dan just left to the airport," Serena sat down on the king size bed and still felt overwhelmed by everything, "Vanessa called him."

"Oh.. I'm sorry, S"

"It's not that." She tried to clarify, "It's not that or I don't think it is."

"What do you mean? Then what is it?"

"I don't know. She called Dan and after that he choked up and told me that he needed to leave."

A second of silence passed between them before Blair took the hammer and broke it.

"So you don't think that this has something to do with Vanessa and Humphrey?"

"Dan would tell me! I don't understand why didn't he say anything, he just kept insisting that everything was okay and then, he just took off."

"S, they have a clear history together, maybe she called to-"

"Dan wouldn't do that to me, besides he booked a flight to New York.." She insisted.

"Wait.. so he left back to New York in the middle of our vacation?"

Serena nodded.

"I can't believe how he just betrayed you." Blair shrieked, "I almost started to consider him as my friend, major eww!"

"He didn't betray me B." She muttered sullenly, "I just need to know that he is okay."

Blair recalled how devastated Serena had been last time when she had lost him.

She wasn't going to watch her like this, she was miserable.

"Go."

"What?"

"Go find that dumb ass. Then, finally kiss him and tell him how you feel." The petite brunette pouted.

"I can't Blair, I can't just go and leave you and-"

Blair grabbed her jacket, purse and shoved them to Serena, "Stop making excuses and go!"

Serena still shocked by Blair's sudden suggestion, had to admit that she was right.

This needed to be sorted out, once and for all.

"Fine! Are you sure you don't mind?"

"There is only like a week left of our vacation, I'll see you then."

Serena quickly hugged her, "Thank you so much, Blair!"

"Go now!" Blair smiled as she watched her best friend go after the love of her life.

...

"Can I come in?"

Jenny sighed when she heard her dads voice behind the door.

"Sure." She got up from her bed and faced her dad.

He sat next to her, "Is everything okay?"

She just nods and frowns.

Jenny looks down at her belly which had a bigger bump now.

For Jenny it was a shock that it just suddenly was there. One minute her belly had been flat and the next it had a **clear bump**.

"I have something that belongs to you," Rufus pulls the picture of the baby out of his pocket and hands it to Jenny.

She takes glance at the black and white photo of her baby.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore."

Baffled, Rufus asked, "What do you mean?"

"I thought I could just.. I don't know." She trailed off.

"Your mom is leaving back to Hudson, tonight."

She lifted her head, "Oh.." She wasn't sure was she disappointed or relieved.

"She asked me to tell you how much she loves you," His face fell, "I hope you know that after everything that has happened, you can always come to me or Lily if you want to just.. talk."

"I know that dad," She closed her eyes and took another breath. Her tone was heavy; it worried Rufus, "I can't help myself from thinking that this was just a mistake that I should have just done the abortion and get it over with. Maybe mom was right"

"Jenny, you are doing something that not many people could do and **I'm proud of you** for it."

Dumbfounded, Jenny could hardly find her voice anymore. She had never in million years believed that she would hear her dad say those words.

"Lily told me about the support group that the doctor suggested for you." Rufus paused, "There are girls that are in the same situation as you and I think you could get a lot out of it."

Jenny shrugged, "I'm not sure."

"It's your choice- I won't pressure you, but just think about it."

"So, you think I should go?" Jenny questioned.

"I think you could try it."

She gave him a small smile, "I promise to think about it."

"Now, are you hungry?"

"Just for this." Jenny didn't believe in eating her feelings, but it had been a horrible day,so she slid open her emergency drawer, pulled out two Snickers bars, and tossed one to Rufus.

"There's a bag of candy bars hidden in the back of your bottom drawer.. Should I be worried?" He laughed.

Jenny took a bite of the chocolate bar, taking a moment to savor it before she replied. "I'm pregnant dad. I need chocolate."

...

She kept calling him, but he wasn't answering.

"Pick up!" She yelled into the phone.

The cab driver's low voice interrupted her when she was finally at the airport.

Serena threw some money - not caring how much - at him, then ran out of the door. She ran inside, looking everywhere for him. She ignored the looks of contempt the other travelers gave her as she raced through the airport. She looked at the boarding list from the big screen and tried to figure out what way to go. She had to take a chance and buy a ticket, fast.

"I need a ticket for the plane that's leaving right now to New York."

"Miss, I'm sorry, but the plane is boarding." The woman behind the counter explained in bad English, "Next flight leaves in three hours."

"No! You don't understand I need to get on that plane." She exclaimed, "Please."

Finally, after pleading.. She got the ticket.

She kept mentally cursing as she waited for her turn to go through security.

Pushing through the heavy crowd, she tried to run as fast as she could so that she could find the gate.

B37. She searched around for his dark brown hair and broad shoulders.

There he was.

Just about to walk inside the gate.

"Dan! Dan stop!" She yelled and tried to get his attention.

Dan turned around, amazed by what he saw. Serena waving her hands, asking him to stop.

"Sir, please keep walking," the lady said.

Instead, he stepped out of line. "I'll be back." He murmured.

"What are you doing here Serena?"

He was shocked to see her right there in front of him, with no luggage just a plane ticket.

"I-I can't let you leave like this without any explanation." She stumbled with her words.

Dan looked genuinely confused, "I don't understand what are you-"

Suddenly she leaned forward and brushed her lips against his, their kiss grew until it had taken passion to a new level. Serena had never felt more happy, more at peace with herself, than at that very moment.

"Wow," He breathed, "What? What was that?"

"**I love you**." Serena spoke softly to him, "I'm sorry for not realizing that earlier. I know that this is complicated because you still love Vanessa and-"

"I love you too." He looped a strand of her lovely hair behind her ear.

"I don't understand." Her voice broke as she whispered, "Then why did you leave? Why did you leave me like that for Vanessa?"

He looked like he had seen a ghost, his eyes filled with worry and he could barely speak.

"Dan, what's wrong?"

He swallowed again before speaking. His words were slow and deep, "This is not about Vanessa."

"What is it then?" Serena asked, concerned.

Dan clenched his fists and gritted his teeth once more. He finally locked gazes with the woman he loved more than everything.

"**Jenny is pregnant**."

* * *

GASP! OMG! EXCITED?

Yeah I know Vanessa.. what a stupid girl for telling Dan OVER THE PHONE.

_XoxoDesireh_


	12. Beyond All Telling

_Just don't give up I'm workin it out _

_Please don't give in, I won't let you down _

_It messed me up, need a second to breathe _

_Just keep coming around_

_Whataya Want from me - Adam Lambert_

_..._

Jenny had opened her closet, all her drawers and even emptied her makeup bags on her bed.

She stared down at the pieces of fabrics and little plastic cases that had changed her so much and it wasn't even worth it. She had decided to get rid of everything that reminded her about the time she had gone overboard.

Everything, her clothes, makeup were so.. depressing.

There is sadness in her eyes but something else.. Hope, maybe.

With a smile on her face she starts packing her old clothes to a simple cardboard box.

She knew that these fishnets and revealing black lace tops weren't truly her. These weren't her clothes-

She had missed that spark for a long time, knowing **who she really was**.

Jenny Humphrey wasn't going to watch these horrific black clothes that yelled desperate and needy.

She wasn't needy or desperate anymore. She was back and wasn't going to let anything or anybody walk over her again.

Not even Chuck or Blair.

These rags that hung on her closet were nothing compared to what she had always wanted to create.

Clothes change, and even looks change. But the worst kind of changing is when a **person changes** and Jenny knew that.

"What are you doing?" Lily looked at Jenny who stood in the middle of a chaos.

"I'm finally moving on and getting rid of.. these." Jenny laughed and held a pair of fishnet stockings on her hands.

"Can I join?"

"Sure."

Lily wasn't sure if Jenny was glowing from the happiness of having solved problems with her parents or if it was the afterglow from finally being happy and free from secrets. Either way, she still looked radiant in a beautiful flower dress that she wore.

"What?" Jenny asked, who had seen Lily's soft expression watching her.

"I'm happy for you." She intoned.

The smile from Jenny's face faded, "I don't know if I'm _that_ happy."

Jenny's childlike voice brought Lily's focus back on her.

She was still young and stuck in the same circle, no matter how her looks changed- she was still pregnant.

Lily had seen another change in Jenny. She was full of life again, exuberant and in high spirits. It made her and Rufus happy to see her smile.

Now both blonds sat on the ground in the middle of piles and piles of clothes.

"You know that I want to be honest with you, right?" Lily's tone was serious.

Jenny looked at her worried face and nodded immediately, "Sure I do."

Lily nodded and smiled affectionately back to her.

"What is it?"

"I received a phone call from a friend of mine," She explained, "And I might have mentioned the baby of yours to her earlier."

Jenny saw nothing wrong with that. "And?"

She knew that she could trust Lily because she also knew that Lily only told personal information like this to people who she considered trust worthy.

"You see, Taylor and her husband Richard have always been very close friends of mine. Taylor has always wanted children, but after the loss of their first child they discovered that she couldn't have children of her own anymore."

She opens her eyes and blinks in initial confusion, "You mean they want to adopt **my baby**?"

"Well I think they would just want to meet you. It's too early to make big decisions like that. You understand that, right?"

"I understand." Jenny assured her and then she paused, "Are they nice?"

The girl had decided to keep her mind open for everything because in the end, she wasn't going to keep this baby.. **Her baby**.

She knew what a disaster it would be and she knew that she could trust Lily, that is why she went to her on the first place.

Lily knew people like Taylor and Richard.

Wealthy, married couples without children, and that's what Jenny wanted for her baby more than everything, a place where to belong, without problems. Money was important too because she wanted this baby to have everything in the future.

Lily had to smile, "Yes. They are very nice." She continued, "But, I don't want you to stress about this. These things take time and I know that you shouldn't rush with big decisions like these when Charles doesn't even know."

His name echoed in her mind, and that same name echoes in her mind when it's dark and she's lying under the sheets and the clock says 4 AM.

_Tell Chuck. Find Chuck. Call Chuck._

Jenny shook her head and cleared her mind before throwing the very same black silk night gown on the bottom of the cardboard box, where it definitely belonged.

...

It was a beautiful day outside, with the sun shining brightly and a clear blue sky.

Blair looked around the street, not completely believing that she was in **Paris**. Yet, the street signs confirmed it.

She loved this town, the people, the fashion and even the food.

"**Were inevitable Waldorf**."

She first thought that she was having a serious flashback moment, but again, the street sign confirmed that she wasn't.

There was a limo, and she didn't have to guess twice on who was sitting on the backseat.

"I'm not talking to you." Blair snapped.

He peeked out of the limousines tinted window,

"You have to talk to somebody. After all, your all alone now."

She looked partly amused, partly annoyed, "I am not talking to you!"

"We both know you want to do so much more than talking." Chuck wriggled his eyebrows suggestively, bowing his head to look her straight in the eye.

Blair gulped, trying to stay calm and collected, "Don't flatter yourself."

"I don't need to," He grinned good-naturally, "I'll take you out."

She laughed softly to herself. Oh, she could smell the desperation from miles away.

"You are really going to sit in your room and order something from room service? When you could attend one of the most anticipated social events in Paris?"

Blair stopped and looked back at him, "What are you talking about?"

Chuck looked mildly amused, "Didn't you get the invitation?"

She furrowed her eyebrows together over her confused brown eyes.

"The summer event, for all the future leaders and powerful names. Everybody is going, from the prime minister to local art, fashion collectors and most importantly, me." Chuck went on, "But, **you are a Waldorf**. I'm sure you have received yours already."

"I'm positive that my invitation is already waiting for me in the hotel room," She corrected with a frown, but it soon transitioned into one of curious confusion, "When did you get yours?"

"Two weeks ago." His voice was gently mocking, "I'll see you there."

Blair glanced at the him. Then, she closed her eyes, deep in thought for a slight moment.

She would have kicked herself if she could, to snap up from even thinking about such a thing.

The brunette thought about her options.

She had to get to that event.

He seemed to be smirking. "You know what's funny?"

Blair glanced at him.

"My invitation reads; Chuck Bass, plus one." He held his invitation up so that she could see it.

The brunette took obvious offense. But before she could gnash her teeth at him, she tried to gather her thoughts.

She needed to calm herself. All she had to do, was respond, damn!

It was more important than everything!

She could finally make her mother and father proud by standing next to the _freaking_ prime minister in a photo, it could even be featured in the social pages of a French magazine.

Blair blinked, alert.

She suddenly felt trapped by him, yet again.

She should have just walked away, but she was Blair Waldorf.

Blair Waldorf didn't miss important social events, she just didn't!

"Pick me up an hour before the event starts." She muttered under her breath, barely saying it aloud.

And again, Chuck Bass had won.

...

"What are you doing here?" Rufus sat, with no emotion on his face, staring off into space. Which was how he'd been for quite a while. It was a true shock when he walked into the living room and ran into Dan and Serena, "I thought you two were coming back home next week."

"Something came up." Dan said quietly.

"Well, what is it?" Rufus reasoned, "I'm just surprised."

Serena looked down at her feet and tried to keep herself calm, "So.. where is Jenny?"

Rufus merely blinked at the angry blond, "She is out with Lily. Why do you ask?"

"No reason." Serena felt an eyebrow twitch in annoyance. She suddenly blew out a weary sigh, "Okay this isn't working!"

Both Humphrey men shot a look towards Serena, clearly confused.

Serena looked then at Dan, trying to help him to finally open his mouth. "Dan, you need to tell him."

"What are you two whispering about?" Rufus furrowed his eyebrows and stared at his son who seemed puzzled, "You're acting more strange than usual."

Dan brought his eyes back to him. His eyes were filled with heartache, "Jenny.."

His lips trembled as he said her name. Serena took his hand and stared at Rufus, "Jenny is pregnant."

The couple waited nervously for some kind of reaction, but Rufus just sat there.

"Dad?" He repeated, emphasizing his name, "Did you hear what Serena said?"

Rufus stared at them and didn't make any movement.

"Say something." Serena demanded.

He narrowed his eyes at Dan and sat up a bit, "I know."

"What?" Serena gasped in shock, "When did you find out?"

"Weeks ago." Rufus admitted.

After he stopped talking, Dan just stared at his dad, with a look of hurt and anger on his face.

"You knew all this time and didn't bother to tell us?"

"Jenny didn't want to tell you." He went on, "I promised to her that she could tell herself.. Wait, who told you?"

Serena sighed deeply, "Vanessa."

Before Rufus could even continue on his sentence he heard familiar sounds from the hallway.

"Rufus are you here?" Lily yelled , "You can't believe what we did. You should have seen how much stuff we took-"

"Could you both come to the living room?" Rufus yelled back.

Jenny looked at Lily, not realizing that there was something waiting for her that she might not like so much.

Both of them walked into the room, without understanding how many problems were ahead.

"Mom!" Serena stood up from the sofa and went to hug her.

Lily gasped in shock and hugged her daughter, while Jenny felt a sharp, sudden pain struck as she stared down at her brothers eyes.

Her heart felt like it shattered into deadly fragments of glass.

She clutched her chest.

"What are you two doing here?" She asked quietly, softly, because she could not find her voice.

Serena snapped out of her excitement and remembered why they really were there.

"You tell us Jenny." Dan snapped, "It isn't so much fun, when you suddenly get a phone call from someone telling that your little sister is pregnant with a complete bastards child."

Stunned into absolute silence Jenny's eyes immediately began filling with stinging tears.

She was worried that she would break down into sobs right in front of him and the rest of her family

Suddenly there was complete silence, but Serena decided to open her mouth because no one else would, "So it's true?"

Jenny just stared at the ceiling, waiting for it to fall. She knew it wasn't the end of the world, but it felt like it, "Yes, I'm pregnant." She confirmed.

Hearing his little sister say those words tore Dan apart.

Memories came rushing back. Things he had buried deep in his mind and had forgotten rose to the surface and flashed across his internal vision.

His little sister, his innocent little sister.

"Why didn't you tell us?" He yelled after a few moments of silence, "You could have said something before you left to Hudson!"

She brought a hand up to cover her mouth, which had dropped wide open in shock.

Jenny never thought she'd ever see him this way, "I'm sorry."

Serena studied her face and still couldn't believe it. When Dan had told her at the airport, she had to sit down to calm herself.

Serena didn't understand why she felt so **heartbroken**.

She felt bad for Dan, and even for Jenny. Then, there was that one person she could cry for, Blair.

As Jenny sat there, her back quivering, the tears sliding down her cheek like a faucet unable to be shut off, memories of the night she had with Chuck flooded back to her.

"Dan I..I didn't mean this to happen."

"Do you even understand how much it hurts to hear something like this from Vanessa?"

"I only told her because I needed to talk to someone."

That prompted a response from Lily. "We all wanted to tell you after you came back. Me and Rufus both knew and we agreed on not telling you."

Rufus looked at Lily, "Exactly. Lily and I were just looking out a solution that could work both ways."

"You could have told us! This isn't just about Jenny." Serena raised her voice in frustration.

"Serena, watch your mouth." Lily looked at her daughter, "This is a hard subject, but looking for who to blame isn't the right solution."

"Chuck and Jenny are the ones to blame!" He snapped, a cross between a hurtful whisper and a hateful hiss, "Why can't you all see that? Everything, all the things you have done this is the lowest of them all Jenny. You decided to throw yourself at him and this is all your own fault."

Jenny closed her eyes and vehemently shook her head. Trails of tears mapped out on her face. "I'm so sorry Dan . . ."

"So.. are you keeping the baby?" Serena asked, starting to sound a bit impatient.

"No!" She reassured quickly, "I could never keep it."

"Do you even understand what does this mean?"

Jenny nervously looked at Dan and Serena. She broke eye contact with him and diverted her gaze to anywhere else.

"Chuck is going to be a part of you forever. He tried to Rape you! Remember that?"

"You don't think that I know that?" She spat, "I regret this so much that it kills me! It was a mistake!"

"You can't say that it was a mistake when you clearly wanted this to happen." He said harshly.

Her voice was strained as if holding back a sob, "What?"

"You always dreamed of being a part of _that_ world," He said bitterly, "And now you are going to be a part of it forever, congratulations."

"Dan!" Rufus warned, "Stop."

He suddenly broke down, his anger disintegrating into grains of sand inside him. He couldn't keep up the facade for long enough, "I'm done."

"Dan.." Serena held his hand, trying to make him stay, "Please, for me."

He now had a stern look on his face, quite sober and almost indifferent.

The way he stood, it told Serena that he wasn't going back on his decision.

Dan kept his gaze determined and walked out the room, just like that.

All in a matter of seconds, Jenny felt like all the sorrows and woes and miseries of hell had just come crashing down on her and her life and world was crumbling... all in a matter of a few words they had changed.

* * *

Sad.. I know. Depressing.. I know.

Next chapter will move forwards more- because I know everybody wants CHUCK to know! ME TOO !

_XoxoDesireh_

THANKSSSS again for being awesome!


	13. Lucky Number Thirteen

Warning this chapter contains_ "Stronger_" language

* * *

_You make me wanna die_

_I'll never be good enough...you make me wanna die_

_And everything you love...right up in the light_

_Every time i look inside your eyes..._

_make me wanna die_

_Make Me Wanna Die - The Pretty Reckless_

_...  
_

Almost two long and hard weeks had passed, the Humphreys and Van Der Woodsen's had now deeper problems than ever.

The rift between Jenny and Dan did not heal. It seemed like Dan couldn't even look at Jenny anymore.

The house was quiet, all the happiness had faded away.

Serena and Dan had torn the family in half, which caused major turbulence every day.

For Jenny it seemed like every day was the same; she got up from bed, had breakfast, closed herself into her room.. maybe once in a while she even dared to leave the house with Eric, but mainly she was alone.

She was too afraid to talk to Dan because always when she tried to reach out, it ended in cursing and loud yelling.

Serena tried to help, but she always ended up being on Dan's side.

She had barely said a word to Jenny after the night they came back, but Jenny didn't mind. She knew that every single person in that house was holding back their feelings. It was sometimes like nothing had happened, they went to dinner and had breakfast together as a family, but even a simple breakfast might turn into a war between a sister and a brother.

Rufus and Lily were plain tired. They had to watch their children fight and struggle every day and it didn't seem to be changing any time soon..

"Hey Eric! What's going on?" Serena asked as she messed her brother's hair.

"Watch it! I just combed it!" Eric answered angrily. He fixed his hair while scowling at his older sister.

Serena laughed at her brother. "Whatever. You'll always be the baby." Serena mussed Eric's hair once again and walked off. She heard his little brother grunt, which earned another good laugh. Entering the dining room, she saw her mom and the rest of the family seated on the table.

"Good morning." Serena greeted as she slid onto the seat next to her mothers.

"Morning sweetheart." Her mother replied, while Rufus nodded in greeting. Serena saw her brother enter, trying to fix his hair back the way it looked before she entertainingly messed it up.

Jenny sat on the other end of the table, alone in the corner.

Trying to be invisible, but it was getting hard because she was getting bigger and bigger.

Eric took a seat next to Jenny and glanced around the family, "Where is Dan?"

"He is still sleeping." Serena's voice dropped, "He was tired."

Eric forced himself not to roll his eyes, "Tired like he was on Monday, Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday?"

Serena shot him a glance, "Dan is tired and it's none of your business." She gritted out.

"Are you sure you are dating a human?" Eric scoffed, "He sleeps more than a Koala and they sleep like twenty two hours per day."

"Shut up, Eric."

"Do you two have something you would like to share with the rest of the family ?" Lily asked quietly after sensing the tension between her kids. Her voice cut through the air with it's silent authority.

Both of them shook their heads and returned on eating their pancakes.

Rufus turned towards Jenny who had barely touched her breakfast, "You don't like them?"

Her head snapped up, "I'm not that hungry." She put her fork and knife down onto her plate.

"Are you feeling sick?" Worried Lily asked, "You don't have to eat if you're having morning sickness. It's normal to feel like that sometimes."

Jenny saw Serena's face twitch into a frown because of the subject.

"No Lily it's not that. I'm fine." She bit her lip nervously.

A clear, clean silence resonated in the dining room when Dan walked into the room.

Jenny lowered her gaze and broke it. "Excuse me."

Silence greeted her departure as she escaped once again to safety of her own room.

...

"This needs to end." Rufus had pulled Dan into a serious conversation after breakfast, "You have proved your point already."

"Dad I don't need your lecturing." His voice was ice-cold.

"Dan listen to me carefully," Rufus shook his head, "You are torturing her with this. Do you even understand how much this is affecting her?"

"What about me? What about you! How you stopped to think about this without thinking about what's best for her?"

"I don't need to do that. She is my daughter and I know that she is _trying_."

"Yeah, but what about-"

"Dan!" Rufus interrupted him, "This is not the time to think about the past when we can't change it. I don't even know how many times we have had this same conversation and honestly I'm getting sick of this. Jenny can't do anything about this anymore. What is done is done and **we** are going to support her when she is in that hospital giving birth."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"She needs her big brother." Rufus breathed deeply, trying to calm himself, "People are going to start talking and when they are, I'm not going to be able to control that. She needs you Dan."

Dan sent him a questioning glance, "What about Chuck?"

"You shouldn't be worrying about Chuck. I'll deal with him."

Dan sighed and lowered his head.

"When you admitted that you knew about Chuck and Jenny before she left to Hudson. Remember what I said?"

"After the rant about how disappointed you were with me.. You said _'No matter what happens, you are my son and I love you'_."

"Exactly. I forgave you." Rufus patted his son on the back, "Think about it."

...

"Okay I'll see you then. Bye." Jenny hung up her phone and smiled to herself.

Looking around, Jenny turned to her right and saw Eric, moving to sit next to her.

Eric could see that she was nervous. Very nervous.

"Who was that?" Eric asked, still smiling at her.

"Taylor Aldridge." Jenny said, trying to smile back sweetly at him, "We were just talking about when we could meet up and really talk face to face. I mean it's different from just talking on the phone."

"That's true," Eric admitted, "So this is pretty serious isn't it?"

Eric had seen how much Jenny had changed in his eyes over the years and right now she was more of an adult than his sister, who was being a brat towards Jenny which made Eric mad. He had tried to talk to Serena about how she should understand Jenny and her situation, but she insisted that she was on Dan's side and wanted to support her boyfriend.

"I think it is serious. After all that we have talked about.. I think she gets where I'm coming from and understands what I want for this baby. Taylor and Richard are more than I could ever expect from a parent."

"Jenny.. I don't know."

"What do you mean?" Jenny waited for an explanation, "Do you know something I don't?"

"No. It's not that." Eric shifted nervously, "I just don't want you to rush with a decision like this."

She tried to find something to say frantically, knowing she had to, but terrified that something stupid would pop out of her mouth.

"I'm not rushing. I'm being reasonable and thinking about my options."

Eric nodded in agreement.

In a playful tone, Jenny asked, "So what are you doing today?"

"I don't know, maybe going to the library. Wanna come with me?"

It made Jenny uneasy that he wanted her to go with him and Eric noticed how she had stiffened.

"Jenny, you can't hide in your room."

"It would be easier that way."

"Before Dan and Serena came back you were so different. What happened? Why are you acting like this?"

Jenny froze, "Maybe I realized I'm not the one who deserves to be happy."

"Are you seriously making yourself miserable because of Dan?" Eric asked, sounding genuinely concerned for her, "That doesn't make any sense Jenny."

"It doesn't need to make any sense. Things are the way they are and after all the things I have done.. I deserve everything that comes along."

Eric's voice came back, comforting, "Nobody deserves to be treated like thin air."

Jenny looked up at his pensive face. "Maybe I'm an exception," She firmly answered him.

...

Serena and Dan had made their ways to grab some lunch from one of those fancy restaurants.

They weren't even hungry, they just needed to get out of the house.

The only positive outcome from this was the fact that they were closer than ever, and had realized how much they needed each other.

Serena could make him laugh and even forget just for second the chaos that surrounded them.

"Can I help you?" A waitress came towards their table and asked.

"Coffee." They both said in unison.

Dan groaned and put his face in his hands.

"What is it?" Serena asked affectionately, not caring if people stared.

"Dad," He went on, "He wants me to forgive and forget."

"I don't know what to say to that.. I mean you know how I feel about all of this."

"I know! It's wrong and disgusting." Dan claimed, "I will never be able to live with this."

"But she is your sister, Dan."

"I could deal with anything else than this. This is the worst thing that could happen to our family."Dan explained, while the waiter came in with their drinks.

Serena watched the waiter leave their sight, "On the bright side Jenny is giving the baby away. She can continue her life and get everything she always wanted."

"But that is the problem." His words caught Serena off guard, "This baby will grow up and get interested on where it came from. You can't deny his or hers rights to look for the biological parents, or family."

"I'm sure Jenny has figured out what do." Serena sighed, "I just hate to see you like this. Beating up yourself because of something that we can't change."

"You know what I fear the most?"

Serena squeezed his hand, "What?"

"One day that child could show up behind my door and ask for answers that I can't give. Chuck and Jenny will be tied together for the rest of their lives and right now I wouldn't mind _killing _him."

"Don't say that." She said with a worried look on her face.

Just when they thought that the hardest part was over, it wasn't.

In all of her glory **Blair Waldorf** walked into the restaurant, "Serena!" She tried to get her attention.

_Oh shit, _Serena cursed as she noticed the brunette coming towards them.

Dan flinched, "I'm leaving."

"Dan don't-"

"I don't want to hear what she says about Jenny after you tell her." He got up from his seat.

Serena watched Dan pull on his jacket and pass Blair on the progress.

Blair watched the grumpy guy give her no attention, he just passed her like he didn't know her.

"What's up with Humphrey?" Blair asked Serena who had a lovely smile on her face, the same kind of smile that she always had when she was nervous or hiding something.

"Oh nothing.."She pursed her lips, looking a bit miffed, "How did you even find me?"

Blair held up her Blackberry and smiled, "How do you think I found you?"

Serena cursed under her breath, "_Gossip Girl_."

Blair brushed off the strange situation, "S, I cant believe you didn't call me last night!"

"I forgot."

"You forgot that I was coming back in town **with your luggage**?"

At that reminder she growled at herself in frustration, "I had something else in mind, besides you were supposed to come a week earlier, remember?"

"Well something came up." She rambled.

Serena stared at her best friends brown eyes and realized soon enough what had happened.

"Oh no!" Serena chewed on her lower lip, "You were with Chuck weren't you?"

"**No!**" Blair shrieked, "At least not the way you think I was."

"Blair!" Serena snarled, "What were you thinking?"

"Nothing happened, believe me I'm not that stupid." Blair explained, "We actually had fun as friends. Friends only. Like before when we were just Chuck and Blair, having fun without the drama."

Her reply was short and simple. "Wow."

"He didn't even make my blood boil." She sighed and suddenly sounded tired, "I've never felt this good in a long time."

"But." Serena licked her dry lips. "Does this mean you would be able to forgive him?"

"No," Blair frowned, "At least not yet."

Serena's mind was racing, she didn't know what to think.

If she hadn't been so tired she would have broke down in tears right there, in front of everyone."

"What's wrong?" Blair gasped, expressive eyes getting wide with worry, "You can tell me."

Serena sighed once more, letting out some pent-up frustration.

"Blair there is something that you should know_.._"

...

Jenny had passed Eric's offer to go to the library. She didn't even like reading so it didn't matter if she went with him.

She sighed as she sat down on the lounge chair with a big bag of chips on her hands.

She had craved something salty, very salty.

Finally, she was having a moment to herself and she allowed herself to carelessly collapse on the chair.

Then, out of nowhere she heard the front door open.

"Crap," She muttered to herself and got up. She was definitely not in the mood to talk to Dan again.

While fixing her shirt, somebody's hand patted her shoulder which startled her.

She gasped out loud and turned around, "**C-C-Chuck**."

"I haven't heard you moan my name like that in a long time." He threw his jacket on the near by sofa and grinned, "Did I interrupt something?"

Jenny had to hold herself together, she didn't want to give him the pleasure to see her cry in front of him.

She stood there with wide eyes as shock and terror ran through.

"Jenny?" Chuck asked, eyebrows furrowing together in a puzzled frown.

"What are you doing here?" She whispered, barely opening her mouth.

"Getting rest of my stuff," His voice was sharp, "I'm moving back to the hotel because I can't risk anything anymore."

She studied his face.. He was _happy ? _and Jenny immediately understood who he had on his mind.. Blair.

"So, you and Blair huh?"

His expression was one of disbelief, "Why do you care?"

Her already wide eyes widened even more to a fearful prey-like gaze, facing that of her predator.

Chuck dared to get closer, "Are you jealous?"

She froze in her wary, stricken form. "No."

He couldn't help, but notice that her large eyes gave her a doe-like innocence. A childishly expressive quality. She was utterly in shock. She could not imagine something hurting like that. His gaze burned into her skin, and she squirmed and tried to gather her thoughts.

He turned his back on her and walked towards the hallway, but Jenny knew that **she needed to do it now**.

"I'm pregnant." Jenny's voice was so quiet, and she suddenly had the feeling she was about to cry.

Chuck regained his composure, and looked at her, "Huh?"

"I'm pregnant."

She surprised him with her words, she could tell. She glared up at him, finding confusion now etched into his features, "Congratulations."

Jenny raised a brow, "What do you mean?"

"I didn't know that you and Nathaniel were moving this fast, but I guess I should be happy for my best friend after everything-"

"It's yours you ass!"

"Hell, no." He growled, "We used protection. Stop kidding around."

"Do you think I would be _kidding around_ about something like this?" Jenny screamed.

"It isn't mine!" Chuck paced around the room nervously, "I used a condom! You can't be pregnant!"

"This is all your fault! You stupid idiot!" Jenny was getting hysterical and tried to slap him, but he caught her wrist.

"It isn't mine!" Chuck repeated, and pushed her away.

Jenny slid slowly to the ground. Her long, blonde hair draped across her legs as she tucked them in and cried into her knees. "I haven't done _it _with anybody else." She managed to say between her sobs.

He kept walking towards her and she kept moving back until her back met the door.

**It was awkward**. He simply didn't want to watch her cry, "Don't cry." He said without any sympathy.

Jenny stared at him helplessly, eyes wide. Her lips tightened, before she looked away and wiped the tears from the corner of her eyes.

"Leave."

"What?"

"Leave, now." She commanded. Jenny exhaled slowly, before standing up. "I don't need anything from you. Leave."

There was silence, but the silence was broken by voices that came closer and closer.

Jenny and Chuck both listened the voice grow and realized that the door opened.

"Blair!" Serena tried to hold her back, but she barged in and ran into the living room.

"**You stupid bitch**!" Blair screamed, and without hesitation slapped Jenny.

It wasn't just any slap against a cheek, it was a raw and hard.

Jenny held her burning cheek in shock. Her eyes were filled with tears again.

"I'm going to make your life a living hell." She spat, eyes glittering with anger.

"Blair, stop!" Serena yelled and tried to reason with her.

Dan suddenly arrived on the scene, "Serena take her out of here."

While Serena was dragging Blair out of the penthouse, Dan walked up to Jenny and hugged her.

"This isn't over," Blair shouted angrily struggling harder in Serena's tight grip, "I'm going to destroy you."

Blair's hurtful words caused Jenny to cry hard on Dan's shoulder, "Shh," he said, soothingly stroking her hair as he felt her tears create a damp patch on his shirt. "It's going to be okay, I'm not leaving you."

Dan hoped that he was just imagining him there, but he wasn't. **Chuck Bass had been there the whole time.**

...

"AARGH!" Blair screamed in frustration in the elevator.

"Blair calm down." Serena looked at her.

"I'm going to show that little brat.." She muttered while looking for her phone.

"B, what are you doing?"

Serena stared at Blair who now had her Blackberry on her hands, "Jenny wanted attention.."

"What are you talking about?"

She was typing furiously something.. a text message, "I'm going to give her that attention."

The elevator was on the lobby now and Blair stormed out with a mischievous smirk on her face.

Serena watched her disappear from her sight and minutes later her phone vibrated.. A text message.

_Buckle up your seat belts ladies and gentlemen.._

_because the scoop of the year is here._

_Looks like, Little J brought something new to the _

_town with her, a Chuck-bump._

_Nine months and a new Bass is born. _

_Lets see how C handles this one._

_XOXO Gossip Girl _

"Oh Blair.." Serena muttered to herself in disappointment.

* * *

Well that was a long chapter :D And for that you have to Review.. just kidding.

Oh the Drama.. I hate admit this, but I'm so loving this. LOL

_XoxoDesireh_


	14. The Truth is Out

_In your brown eyes I walked away_

_In your brown eyes I couldnt stay_

_In your brown eyes you? watch her go_

_Then turn the record on and wonder what went wrong_

_Brown Eyes - Lady Gaga  
_

_...  
_

"Are you sure your okay?"

"Don't worry about me" Jenny said, leaning back in the chair.

Dan then turned around and looked at Chuck.

Before Chuck even had the chance to react, Dan shoved him outside their front door.

"Listen, I don't have time to kick your ass now, so leave." As soon as the sentence was out of Dan's mouth, Chuck looked irritated.

"Tell Jenny to leave me out of this." He said calmly, but there was a hint of anger in his tone.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dan asked harshly, his face snarling as he retorted back, "You are the one who got her into this trouble. You knocked her up, no one else did."

"Oh please, stop the charade already." Chuck spat back, "I don't know who put her up to this, but that _thing_ isn't mine."

Then Dan snapped, he wanted to wipe that smirk away from his face and make him pay for that he had done to his sister. Dan grabbed him by his collar and pushed him roughly against the wall. "Are you accusing her for this? you asshole!"

"If you don't have a good lawyer.. I would advice you to back off" Chuck hissed, "now."

"Dan!" Jenny called out from the house.

Dan took a last look at Chuck. He flashed his perfect teeth and raised his brow,

"You don't want to keep her waiting, do you?" His voice was casual. Indifferent. He didn't even bother to mock him.

"I'm going to make you pay for what you did to her."

Chuck simply pushed Dan away with the tip of his fingers, he knew that he wouldn't dare to punch him there when Jenny was waiting inside.

"Touché Daniel," Chuck raised a single eyebrow, casually slipping his hands into the pockets of his pants, "Tell Jenny.."

"What?"

"That she can do whatever she pleases with this so-called 'child' of mine. Frankly, **I don't give a damn**."

Dan could feel his blood heat up until it almost reached boiling point. A burning pain began to torment his chest and he cursed under his breath. Chuck had walked away like nothing was wrong, like this didn't have any affect on him and Dan felt helpless. He wanted to help his sister and make the bastard pay for everything that he had done to their family over the years.

Anger and rage exploded in him, but he supposed he had no one to be angry with, but himself. It was his fault, after all, wasn't it? He should have never allowed it to become the gigantic situation it was now.

He slammed his forehead onto the wall and punched it with his fists. His knuckles were bleeding, but that didn't matter. After a good beat down, he finally managed to calm himself down and go back inside. He did it all for Jenny.

...

She was sobbing now as she walked, not caring who saw her, not caring that people might think she was mad.

Blair walked, as fast as she could to escape her miserable life.

She had felt unworthy through her whole life, but had ignored the feeling. Now she realized she'd been right. **She was unworthy**.

She was angry at herself for trusting him in the first place.

She hated him more than everything right now. First thought in her mind was revenge, but revenge couldn't heal her broken heart.

When Serena told her what Chuck had created with Jenny, Blair had been overcome by a sea of emotions ranging from jealousy, to despondency and to a deep, deep sense of loneliness as she realized that she had never, in her life **felt so humiliated**.

**Jenny Humphrey**, that stupid girl from Brooklyn who first stole her friends for a short period of time and then, had the nerve to go after Nate who she was supposed to marry and when she couldn't have him.. She had to take something that was keeping Blair's hope in love alive- Chuck. Part of her had wanted to run away then, to take flight back to Paris with her hands over her ears so that she wouldn't have to listen to another word of it, but instead she slapped that pregnant teenager.

Blair turned around the corner and without a warning he was there.

"Blair!" His perfect face made her sick to her stomach, and Blair wasn't going to take any explanations from him anymore.

In France, he had made her feel safe again, he had proved that he was trust worthy.

Blair Waldorfs life was crumbling down.

"Blair! Wait!" Chuck yelled as he ran after the brunette who was trying to avoid his agonizing gaze.

He took her by the arm and lead her to an alley behind some stores.

"_Don't_," She snapped, her words were full of hate and agony, "Don't, touch me."

Her words, and the way she delivered them, it absolutely destroyed him. He put his hand away and he knew that his eyes mirrored his own agony.

"I can explain." He consoled her, although he knew it meant nothing.

Tears stung Blair's eyes. "Explain? Explain what?" She sniffed before she spoke again, "She is going to have **your baby**."

"It doesn't matter!" Chuck corrected her, cutting deeper with every word.

She felt so sick, by him like she was going to die. She couldn't remember feeling pain like this before.

"I thought you loved me." Blair trailed off. The grief was too heavy to bear.

"I do love you." He tried to assure her, "Blair, I love you."

"Don't!" Her lower lip trembled with the fear that she would lose it in front of him.

Chuck observed her and her now-pale face. It was as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her slender shoulders.

"It does matter Chuck. Everything matters."

"Jenny Humphrey means nothing to me. She was just-"

"Don't say it!" She wanted to feel anger towards him. She wanted to be wrathful. She wanted to feel anything for him except for the love she knew she could never truly deny, "From this day on.. I want nothing from you. Not a word."

"But Blair-"He was wounded by her response, but he knew he couldn't blame her.

"No!" Her face was red-hot, not just from her tears, but from the anger consuming the grief in her shattered heart.

"I will do anything," Chuck said firmly, "anything, whatever you want me to do. I will do it."

"There is nothing you can do," Blair murmured quite clearly, "Just leave me alone."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"You don't want that." He persuaded.

"For a long time I wanted to be with you," She went on. "I wanted to be the one you loved and to be the one who made you happy."

"We can still have all that." His voice cracked in spite of his efforts, "Jenny doesn't change anything."

"Yes she does!" She lashed out at him, "I can't even look at you without feeling sick to my stomach!"

"Don't say that."

"It's the **truth**," She said firmly,"I was supposed to be the one who had your first child.." Blair admitted brokenly. "But now I can't."

She was finished, she wanted nothing else from him.

She walked off and left heart broken Chuck there in the alley while rain started to pour from the sky.

...

"I can't believe she would do this." Jenny whispered while looking at her phone.

"What's wrong?" Dan approached her, she looked so fragile. Her face looked like a mess, her cheek was burning red because of Blair, her eyes were puffy from all that crying and he couldn't blame her.

Jenny held her phone and gave it to Dan.

Dan read the blast that Gossip Girl had posted and sighed deeply.

"Jenny it's going to be okay." He tried to courage her, but he knew that she was broken.

"Everything is ruined." She was choking on her tears now, "Why me? Why does _my life_ have to be like this! I can't do this anymore." She sobbed silently, weakly, knowing that she didn't want to do that. She didn't want to hurt anymore.

"Jenny-"

"NO!," Thoughts barked at her until the point where she broke down completely, "I want to just forget and make this go away."

"You will get through this," Dan squeezed her hand, "You don't need Chuck or anybody else because **you have us**, your family."

"You are just saying that." She said bitterly.

He shook his head, "I'm serious Jenny."

"Do you hate me?"

"No." He continued, "You are my sister and I love you, no matter what you end up doing."

Jenny had listened to his genuine words and knew that he meant it, "Thanks."

"I know that it doesn't change the fact that you're going to have to carry his baby.."

"Nothing could change that." She agreed sadly.

"You're giving his kid a chance here, and one day Chuck will regret how he has acted around you."

Jenny laughed at the absurdity of that, "I would like to see that happen."

Serena walked in on the smiling duo.

"What happened to your hand?" Serena questioned.

She looked at Dan, but he only turned away from her.

"Nothing," he told her almost coldly. "Just a little accident."

"Was Blair alright?" Dan changed the subject.

Serena shrugged, "I really don't know.."

"I can't believe that she attacked Jenny like that."

Serena **didn't find it hard to believe**.

After all Blair had a temper, but even she had to admit that it was an awful thing to do.

"Jenny, I'm sorry for letting Blair go that far. You didn't deserve that. She was just upset and well- she is Blair." Serena looked at her, "And I'm sorry for not understanding your side of the story."

"You don't need to apologize." The blond insisted.

Dan thought for a moment, "No Jenny. We do."

"What do you mean?"

"I wasn't being a responsible big brother when I ignored you and your feelings. I should have talked about this and been there for you."

Jenny smiled, "Don't worry about it."

"If there is anything we can do, just tell us." Serena said sincerely.

"Nothing. Seriously just relax," Jenny felt strange. She had basically told the whole world that she was pregnant, and still somehow had found something positive out of it. Dan was back in her life and it meant the world to her, "I think we should just move on. All of us. What happened between me and Chuck- stays between me and Chuck. I don't want to explain myself anymore.. I just want you guys to focus on yourselves and forget about my troubles."

Dan hugged her, "You can always come and talk to us about this."

"I know that."

"Are you sure we shouldn't take you to the hospital to get checked up?" Serena asked.

Jenny glowered up at the serious girl,"No, I'm feeling fine. Though I have to pee.. again."

Serena and Dan watched her rush to the bathroom and laughed.

"What a mess." Serena sighed, "I'm glad that she isn't so shaken up by this."

"She is, but just doesn't want to show it." He gazed at her fondly.

Serena studied his pondering face and finally had the courage to ask something that had been in her mind for a while now,

"What happened between you and Chuck?" She prided.

"Nothing."

Serena shook her head, "Your hand was bleeding Dan.."

"I didn't even have the chance to punch him. Besides, I don't want to do anything that could upset Jenny. "

"I guess Jenny was right." She pointed out, "We should give her some space and focus on something more important."

"Like what?"

Serena's eyes brightened, "A kiss would be a good start."

...

Chuck walked into his new bar, it had been one of his great ideas to build inside the hotel.

It was still surrounded by renovation, but Chuck didn't care.

He walked up behind the simple counter that was just delivered there that morning.

He had lost everything. Blair was everything to him. All he wanted to do was get drunk and forget.

He stood alone in there, looking around the empty room.

It was just him and his best friend, alcohol.

Taking a swig, Chuck lazily sloshed the beer around in his mouth, before swallowing.

It burned and tasted like shit. He slouched against the counter, head lolling heavily against the cold metal. He slowly frowned.

He had recapped the night she had spent with Jenny in his mind million times.

She wasn't pregnant! She just couldn't be! Chuck was not stupid. He had used protection.. right?

He lashed out at the bar counter, swiping all the cluttered bottles on top of it and watched them hit the floor.

He seethed under his breath, "Shit.."

He tossed his damp jacket on the floor and took another swig from the bottle.

"Rain." He mumbled, half-heartedly.

He smiled slowly, heart-breaking in its brittleness.

"You always hated the rain..." He murmured, oblivious to the slow slurring of his words. He raised his bottle to the sky.

"To my father..." Chuck's voice rose in volume. "Thank you. Thank you...thank you! Thank you, you fucked-up asshole! Thank you for royally fucking up my life! Thanks for being so fucking selfish! Thank you for making me just as selfish and just as-" He had to pause to cough. Breathlessly, he continued. "-fucked-up..."

He finished up the bottle of beer in his hand and threw it on the wall. Chuck watched the bottle smash into pieces, and laughed.

This was all so ironic, his father had always said that he would eventually screw up something.

And he did, literally.

The door opened, and Chuck shook his head.

"We are closed."

He heard someone walk into the room, "Didn't you hear! get lost."

When Chuck didn't get any response from this trespasser, he turned around and wasn't surprised at all who he was facing.

"Oh, it's you." Chuck spat, "What do you want?"

Rufus stared at him, motionless.

"You tell me."

"What do you want me to do?" Chuck turned to meet his eyes. There was anger within their depths.

"I don't know Chuck," Rufus admitted, his voice full of hatred, "I need to know why."

Chuck raised his brow.

"Why did you take_ her _out of all girls? Out of all girls! How could you do this to Lily?"

"You want the truth?" He slurred and opened another bottle of beer.

Rufus nodded. He knew that **he was a brat**, but all he wanted was an apology for Jenny's sakes and he wasn't leaving until he got one.

Chuck stumbled with his steps and got closer to him, "Jenny was easy. A good fuck."

In a blur, Rufus lifted his right fist and it collided with Chuck's jaw, sending him stumbling back a few steps before crashing down on the floor.

Rufus looked at him, right into the eyes, "Stay away from my family."

...

Dan was making his way into the kitchen in the middle of the night.

He heard some mumbling, and soon recognized the voices.

Lily was treating Rufus's hand, and had the first-aid kit next to her.

"Dan," Lily looked over her shoulder, "I thought you were sleeping."

"I was.. I just got thirsty." He explained.

Rufus lowered his head in shame. He didn't want Dan to get the wrong idea. He wasn't violent.. well usually wasn't.

"So.." Dan started the awkward conversation while Lily was putting bandages on Rufus's hand.

"Dan you should go to sleep." Rufus said firmly, "We can talk about this later."

He respected his dad's privacy, but still turned around once more before leaving.

"Chuck?" He simply asked, wanting to get an simple answer.

Rufus nodded, "Chuck."

Dan walked away, not worried at all in what shape Chuck was after seeing his dad's knuckles on blood.

That bastard deserved it.

* * *

This chapter was more of a reflection on how everyone handled the stuff that happened on chapter thirteen..

If you were disappointed that NATE wasn't there, yet again. SORRY. I meant to write him into this chapter, but he didnt fit in.

So don't be alarmed by this. He will be here soon enough ;)

And sorry for over-using some _dirty_ words lol

Then the important stuff: I want to send big hugs to **nicensweet28**, **SingYourselfToSleep aka Kelsey**, **ChairDerenaNennyFan95**,**shadylady21**, **Rose**, **BoxingKangaroo**,**MysteryMoods**,**Phoebee**,**Mfoto**,**s m Neal**, **7 gifts**,**Miss Charstar**,**Lisa Levine**,**hpfan27**,**wiccanforever**,**xxflychica88xx, kitty1982**,** ashleen**,**SusanXG** and many others! I mean some of you have reviewed/put story alerts etc every single chapter and supported this story so much so big thank you :)) All anonymous reads also-** thank you**!

And I might not reply on your reviews, but I read each and single one of them! You guys have great opinions and I appreciate them :-)

**THANK YOU**,

with love _XoxoDesireh_


	15. Oh the madness

_Now i know we said things, did things, that we didn't mean_

_ and we fall back into the same patterns, same routine_

_ but your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me_

_Love The Way You Lie - Eminem Feat. Rihanna_

_.._

"Hi, it's me again. I know that you don't want to talk to me, and probably hate me so much that you wished I was dead, gone." Jenny whispered into the phone, "Nate, **I need you**. I can't just let go, and I know that I've told you this one hundred times over the phone.. I'm sorry for hurting you so badly. I hate myself for what I did with.. Chuck" She sighed, "Please call me. **I'm worried about you**- everyone is."

She ended the call and took deep breath. Everything had been hectic for the last month.

Jenny had stayed inside for what almost felt like years, she didn't want to go outside because she knew people would notice her and her bigger belly. Her phone had been buzzing since the blast gossip girl posted. Everyone wanted their piece of the big news. She had become a some kind of obsession for some people. Especially for Gossip Girl readers.

It sometimes felt like harassing. She couldn't go anywhere without a question thrown at her.

She hadn't heard a thing about Nate.. not a word. He wasn't in town and no one knew where he actually was- that made her worried. She wished he was there with her, to hold her and tell her how everything was going to be okay, but Jenny knew that he probably didn't even want to see her.

"How are you holding up?" Lily ran her hand down her arm, in a soothing motion.

Jenny smiled at her softly. "The usual."

Lily chuckled, her hand flexing on the cup of coffee in her hand. "Sometimes life doesn't exactly go the way you plan it. I know, believe me." She took a sip of her coffee, eyes trained on hers, "I heard about Nate. I'm sorry."

"He doesn't want to talk to me. I'm never going to find anybody else like him."

"He will come around and when he does you just need to be honest." She spoke, keeping her voice low and calm, "Have you heard anything about Charles?"

She shook her head, wrapping her arms around her body, suddenly feeling anxious. "Nothing much."

"Does he know about the adoption?"

"No." Jenny said, her voice quiet. "I told him that I'm pregnant and that was it. He hasn't made any effort to talk to me and to be honest.. I don't mind."

Lily sighed, "Charles is a bit difficult sometimes.. He just needs time to adjust after all that has happened." Even she had kept her distance towards Chuck mainly because of Rufus and the rest of the family. She had tried to call him and talk, but he wasn't that cooperative.

"I'm going to the hospital tomorrow."

It took Lily a moment, her smile broadening once she remembered. "It's time for your first meeting?"

Jenny struggled to gather her thoughts. "I ah… This still feels so-"

"Surreal?"

She nodded, "Something like that."

"I heard from Taylor that you're meeting her and Richard soon."

"Well we were supposed to see each other weeks ago, but then Chuck came back and everything kind of fell apart. I needed time for myself and they understood that. Besides it's not like the baby is coming any time soon."

Lily studied her out of the corner of her eye, "But are you sure about giving the baby away?"

Taken aback, Jenny let her arms drop, "Of course I am. I want it this baby to have the life that I will never have."

...

He had listened with patience to Serena's story and felt stricken with misery that he could not make her feel any better. He did, however, know that Serena had come to him for comfort. It made him realize the full weight of how much she actually did love him. It was astounding to him, the real love she felt for him.

"Try to take it easy," he offered her. "You guys have been through worse."

"I don't know about that," Serena protested. "This is looking pretty bad."

"You know what I mean." he said.

"I know."

"You and Blair will work it out," Dan promised her. "Maybe she and I will become best buds after this."

Serena laughed. "I wouldn't count on that if I were you." Her face suddenly turned into a frown, "It's just.. one moment she talks to me and acts like nothing ever happened and the next she is yelling me to get out of her house, like today."

"Blair has a different ways to handle things. I guess she just doesn't want you to see that **she is hurting**."

"But I am her best friend. I'm supposed to be comforting her and be there for her." She shook her head, body weary from everything, "She doesn't trust me anymore. I should have told her soon as I found out."

"At least she got to hear this from you and not over the phone like me or Nate."

He walked up to her, wrapping her in his open arms. He smiled into her head when she nestled into the crook of his neck. "Blair just needs some time. You just need to tell her how much you care for her."

She shook her head, "I can't. She's so closed off, so full of hurt. It'll just make it worse."

An exasperated sigh filled the room and she pulled back, watching him with a withering look, "Why do you think she's like that?"

...

Brooding for a few more moments, he sulked at the turn of events, until his cigarette burned down to his fingertips, snapping him out of his thoughts. Damned he wasn't going to let Jenny ruin his life. Picking up the phone more forcefully than he'd intended; a tremor ran through his fingers against his will.

The phone rand three times before she picked up.

"It's me." His voice wasn't too eager.

It took the span of a heartbeat for her to answer.

"**What do you want**?" her voice was frosty, sending ice across the line.

There was a bite that said don't mess with me.

Chuck took a deep breath. "We need to talk about.. things."

A scoff, "I really-"

"I want to get this over with." Chuck rested his head on his hand. This was going to be harder than he thought. Under the anger and disinterest, he could hear the hurt thrumming in her voice, calling out for help, "I will make sure my lawyer is presence."

Silence,

Her voice was soft with hesitant apprehension. "That isn't necessary."

"It is."

More silence stretched out and he almost thought she'd hung up.

"What time?" She asked and he could almost see her crossing her arms over her chest.

"Just come here and we will talk."

She scrambled for a response. "I-"

"See you then." He closed the phone.

Releasing the breath he hadn't known he was holding, he leaned on his desk. She was obviously still hurt. An unlit cigarette dangling from his mouth, he lets his thoughts slip into the other world they went to whenever he smoked. He kept Jenny in the front of his mind, wondering how in the hell he was going to get **rid of her and his responsibilities**.

She finished buttoning up her navy blue dress, Jenny took a deep breath, trying to visualize a calm ocean. This had been a stupid thing, to agree to see with Chuck. He was clearly still just playing with her. Why was she letting him pull her into this? Maybe because she wanted closure. She didn't want to admit it, but she felt a bit relieved and was ready to move on.

A pick in her hand, she fluffed her blond curls, nervously checking her reflection in the mirror. She'd never been this nervous or edgy before. The next time when she would see Nate, he would know for sure that Jenny had nothing to talk about with Chuck.

She was just going to meet him, maybe put signatures on papers and then walk out. She didn't have time for some stupid game. With a toss of her head, she grabbed her black bag and headed out the door.

...

"Hey, we have something important we need to talk about." Serena declared.

Blair looked at Serena expectantly.

"I need to say something," Serena broke the quietness. "I want to be honest."

Blair looked lost for a moment, but regained her composure. "What now S?"

"I want you to be able to talk to me about everything. After what happened with Jenny, you have barely said a word to me. I want you to yell and shout at me like you used to when you were mad at me.. not shut me out and act like nothing never happened" Serena could see Blair's apprehensive expression. She was preparing herself for what was to come. "Blair I can't be there for you if you don't tell me what's going on in your mind."

"Let me guess.. Humphrey put you up to this?" Blair inquired.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact he did. Dan knows when I'm upset and isn't going to stand by and watch me be miserable.. And Blair he was right about this. You need to talk to someone."

Serena wasn't finished yet. In fact, she was far from the finish line.

She had just left the starting point. She took a deep breath before proceeding to continue.

"Maybe you should try to talk to someone who is a professional," Serena went on. "You need to be able to open up to someone and if that isn't me.. I'm fine with that. It isn't healthy to not talk and ignore this.."

"So you think I'm insane?"

Serena had not been prepared for that stinging remark, but she nevertheless was offended and returned with a comment of her own. "No! I just want to help."

"It would help if you stopped talking about it."

"I just want to make sure you can move past this-" Serena said.

Blair shook her head, "Do you even realize how hard these weeks have been for me?"

"To put it bluntly, yeah," Serena admitted, knowing that she was hurting her best friend with every slice of her words.

"You just don't get it!" Blair shook her head in disapproval and then turned her scowl towards Serena, "I'm the victim here! I'm allowed to be depressed and sleep through my days if I choose so."

Serena never had in her lifetime imagined Blair to be the one who would get depressed like this. She wasn't like that, she was strong, but what happened between her and Chuck might have changed her.

The anxiety rises in Blair as she speaks, and she cracks open her purse, looking for that safe plastic orange container. She has vial on her hands, shakes it, and swallows two white pills.

"What about those?"

"What about them?" Blair cut off, "A doctor wrote me prescription."

"Blair **that's Xanax**. You can't just use them like that."

"I'm not an addict, gosh S. **How stupid are you**?" Blair said with gritting teeth.

"Stupid enough to be worried about you," Serena defended. "How long have you been using them?"

"They are for anxiety. Nothing else."

"And your mom is okay with this?" She insisted.

"This was my moms idea." Blair stated, "She took them when dad told her he was gay. They make the pain go away."

Serena started, "Blair I understand that, but-"

"You don't understand. No one understands.." She trailed off, "Now. Let's go shopping. This is getting ridiculous."

Blair stood up from the couch. She was furious that **Serena didn't understand**. She understood her fears and concerns; they were legitimate, reasonable ones, but she didn't even make an attempt to see things from her point of view. She wanted to explode at Serena, but kept her cool. She could never understand this. Blair didn't need Serena's advice. **She knew what she was doing**.

Blair said nothing. Her eyes seemed to spell out a strange grief or rage. She stared into space. Serena could only wonder and assume what Blair was thinking. Something told her she didn't want to know.

...

Jenny made her way across town towards Chucks place. She really wasn't excited to walk inside the big building that was right there. The tight knot of stress in her stomach was making her nauseous and dizzy and she desperately needed to get out of there.

"May I help you?" a woman behind the reception asked, her turquoise eyes settling on Jenny.

"I'm here to meet-" She turned at the feel of a firm hand on her elbow. Chuck was standing behind her, a serious look on his face. She could only stare at him, and he stared back at her.

"Lets go upstairs."

The trembling in her knees caught her off guard as she stepped out of the elevator. She hadn't been in his suite since the day everything went down hill.

She dropped her bag and sat on the sofa, just like the last time. Except this time between her and Chuck was good distance as he stood pouring himself a drink in the corner of the room.

He turned around, stared at her and weirdly didn't know what to say.

Something about his eyes-

something serious was scaring her. She looked away, to avoid his gaze.

"So…" Chuck began, breaking the silence. "You look.. bigger."

Jenny shifted, breaking his focus, "Thanks.. I guess." She sobered quickly, a deep sadness creeping over her.

"Even your boobs look bigger." He set his glass down, his eyes focused on her, his body taut.

Her head swung around, thrown off-balance by his little remark. "Um, _excuse me_?"

He cleared his throat, "Just checked if you are actually awake."

She gave him a look, "That's not funny." Jenny took a shaky breath, "Could we just get this over with? I want to go home."

"My lawyer should be here soon.." He looked at his watch and shifted, "You want something to drink?"

"No thanks."

"You want something to eat?

"No. I'm good."

He wandered around the room until he stopped to sit next to her on the sofa. Jenny looked away and guilt and shame was forming in the pit of her stomach.

Chuck drank his scotch and stared into emptiness, he was tired. He wanted to get this over with like Jenny, quickly as possible. It wasn't his idea to invite her over there and talk about this unfortunate accident. It was his lawyers.. and Chuck trusted Christopher's opinions.

Finally, the elevator opened and Chuck heard it. He got up to usher the guest inside.

Jenny waited in the living room area and corrected her composure.

A minute later a gray headed man walked into the room with Chuck. He had a black suite on, probably Italian.. Jenny thought. He looked like a serious business man.

"Jenny, meet **Christopher Reyes**." Chuck introduced him.

Jenny got up, "I'm Jenny." She shook his hand.

"The pleasure is all mine Miss Humphrey." He said seriously and gave a firm hand shake.

After pulling out his Hermes briefcase and some papers, he placed the papers in front of Jenny.

"As you know I'm here to represent my client Charles Bass. Mr. Bass came to me for advice and we formed a **contract** that seems reasonable enough for both of you." He explained, "You are still underage so before signing any of these, I need to know that you are here by your own will and also understand the seriousness of this. When you sign something, you can't go back. So you don't want anybody here with you?"

"No. I understand that completely." She whispered, her bottom lip trembling, "So what does this contract mean?" Jenny took a glance at the papers that rested on coffee table.

"My client is ready to pay for **child support**, but doesn't want his name to be mentioned to this child at any times. The child doesn't have the right to know about my clients whereabouts until the child reaches the age of eighteen. Charles Bass **won't sign away** his right as parent-"

"Wait." Jenny interrupted, "Chuck I'm not raising the baby."

"What's that supposed to mean?" His voice was scratchy.

Mr. Reyes raised his brow, "Is there some kind of misunderstanding here?"

"Yes there is. A big one." Jenny replied snidely, "I'm giving this baby away for adoption."

"What?" Chuck sat forward, his mouth working, but no sound coming out.

She chuckled, "You didn't actually think I was raising a baby when I'm still underage and not clearly ready for it."

"Christopher, I don't think we need you now. Me and _Miss Humphrey _will have to go trough some details before signing these papers.." Chuck snarled and directed the lawyer towards the elevator, "I'll call you."

After saying goodbye Chuck barged into the living room.

"What do you think you're doing?" He sneered, growing weary of Jenny's stupid statements and foolish whining.

Jenny shot out of the sofa, shaking, face twisted with anger," I thought you understood when I first told you that I didn't want to have anything do with this baby."

"So you are just giving it away to complete strangers." He snapped, heading over to the mini bar. Pouring a double shot of scotch, he took a healthy swallow, savoring the warmth as it slid down.

"Chuck, I don't understand what's the problem here." Jenny cut in, feeling more than confused,

"I don't want the baby, you don't want the baby.. So I'm giving it away to someone who actually is ready love him or her."

He scoffed at her illiterate speech, twirling the glass in one hand. "That _thing_ is a Bass!"

"Stop calling it a _thing_!"Tight lines on his face had Jenny's pulse racing. "You are being ridiculous."

Chuck rounded on her, a grim look to his face, "Calm down."

She backed away, her hands in front of her. "No, I'm not letting you destroy this." She was not going to put herself out there, just so Chuck could get what he wanted, "What about Blair? You think she could ever be with you if this child was in the picture?"

"Blair has nothing to do with this." He declared, "I wouldn't even be raising it.** You would**."

"Chuck listen to me carefully," Her voice was louder than she'd intended, "I am not raising this child, neither are you."

"Jenny-"

"Chuck, just…don't, okay? I don't need you pushing me. It's over."

She took her bag and walked towards the elevator.

Chuck followed her trying to make her stay, to listen what he had to say.

She kept pushing the button for the elevator to come back up and it finally did.

The doors opened and what she saw stopped her dead in her tracks.

"**Nate**?"

* * *

Just to clarify: Xanax - Alprazolam (trade name Xanax, among others) is a potent short-acting drug. It is primarily used to treat moderate to severe anxiety disorders (e.g., social anxiety disorder) and panic attacks, and is used as an adjunctive treatment for anxiety associated with moderate depression. - Wikipedia

Soo.. I'm super excited to write these new chapters because I can actually start really getting into the story.. unlike in the start when I had to worry about who to tell the news first etc. so we are past that phase!

Thanks for reading :-)

_XoxoDesireh_


	16. Don't ever look back

_Before you met me_

_ I was a wreck_

_ But things were kinda heavy_

_ You brought me to life_

_ Now every February_

_ You'll be my valentine, valentine_

_Teenage Dream - Katy Perry_

_..._

She tilted her head back, defiance ringing in her voice. "Nate.."

Jenny didn't know what else to say. She had waited for this moment for so long, but what she saw in front of her wasn't happiness. No. There stood a sad, confused young man.

"What the hell is going on?" Angry blue tiger eyes jumped from her to him, "Wait. I know exactly what is going on."

Chuck stepped back, face flushed. He looked over at Nate, apologetic. "Maybe I should go."

"No." Nate stepped out of the elevator, "We _need_ to talk."

Jenny felt her heart break at the look of disgust in his eyes. So, this was it then, "Nate I'm so sorry."

He passed both Chuck and Jenny, walked up the sofa and sat down.

The guilty twosome followed him into the living room, both now facing him. He was clearly struggling to keep everything inside.

"Nate I want to explain everything." Jenny gasped at him with wet eyes, "It happened just once and I was looking for you, it meant nothing. Nothing." She kept explaining, but he just shook his head.

"Are you kidding me!" Nate shrieked, his arms had flown to the arm of the sofa and he sat up straight on the edge of his seat defensively. His eyes searched for some sign that she was joking.

"Do you understand how it feels? When your **whole life** is changed and have no one to tell you till after it's done?" He yelled, the loose he grip he'd had on her emotions breaking, letting the flood of hurt and rejection sweep him up. Everything he'd been holding onto he was letting go. What was the point of keeping it all in when it wasn't going to matter, when it didn't make a difference?

"Nate I didn't want to hurt you." She gulped, her eyes bulged with trepidation, "I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you soon as it happened, but then-"

"It doesn't matter anymore!" He roared and shot his gaze towards Chuck, "And_ you_!"

His eyes were cold and flat, but his voice had Chuck shaking, it was harsh with anger, "Nathaniel-"

"No!" Nate defensively got up and got dangerously close, "After everything you have done! **Everything**!"

"It meant nothing. I swear, she means nothing to me." He said, grim satisfaction written across his face.

"Nothing?" He huffed, "She is having your baby and is sleeping around with you, and you say she means nothing."

Jenny quickly moved, her eyes large with confusion. She stood between Nate and Chuck, her body tensed, "Nate **it's not like that**."

Nate's arm was grabbing onto Jenny's elbow. "Get out of the way."

She could only stare at him, blindsided by his statement. Nate shot him a glance and she backed away.

He had never been like that around her.

"Nathaniel-" Chuck was stopped short when Nate punched him.

Jenny watched helplessly, not knowing what to do.

There was a blur of punches from both sides-However,

The fight only lasted a minute, but the deed had been done, the two guys staring furiously at one another.

"Stop it!" Jenny was shouting, trying to grapple the two friends off of one another, but Nate backed down himself. He didn't want **her to get hurt**. Jenny continued to stare at Nate in shock, his breathing heavy and his eyes still locked on Chuck. There was a small cut above his left eye and on his lip, but otherwise he looked unharmed. Chuck had similar injuries, but was bleeding a bit more as he spit out blood onto the floor, breaking his glare at Nate for only a second.

"What the hell was that about?" Chuck asked harshly.

"What the fuck do you think that was about Chuck?" Nate looked utterly lost, glancing between Jenny and Chuck, while the cut above his eye was starting to drip blood, but he didn't pay any attention.

Jenny stared at both of them, ashamed that she was the reason for this terrible train of events.

"First Blair and now Jenny," He took a deep breath and took a last glance towards Chuck, "You are _dead _to me!"

He was leaving, but Jenny couldn't watch by any longer so she stepped on his way, "Nate, please don't-"

Nate just shrugged, "You could have told me." He pushed her out of his way.

He was ready to walk out of that building and never come back.

He had stopped by to tell Chuck how he felt about him and now he had.

Jenny looked up, tears in her eyes. "Don't leave me please.." Her pretty face scrunched up, the knowledge of what she had done hitting her.

"It's too late." He says before walking out of the room.

...

She felt tired when she woke up. She always did.

Blair rolled over in the bed and blinked fuzzily at the clock on the bedside table, in time to see the glowing red digits change from 18:59 to 19:00. When they winked again and changed to 19:01, she threw off the covers and got up. Hungry. Her stomach yawned emptily; her first conscious desire was to fill it. That never changed. She shrugged on a robe and padded into the kitchen, where she hesitated in front of the medicine cabinet.

"Mother! Where is my medication?"

Eleanor Waldorf walked into the kitchen with a disappointed look on her face, "I threw everything out."

"What?" Blair asked with irritation.

"You have been moping around for a month now. It's time to get over it, you're a Waldorf for God's sakes. Snap out of it."

Blair wasn't giving up, "They were **my pills** not yours! This is my life and I know what I'm doing"

"Things you do in the past," Eleanor lectured, "have a tendency to come back at you."

"So what do I do?"

"Deal with it."

Blair stepped in front of her and stated firmly, "I want my medicine."

"Look at yourself! You look like you walked out of a Sears catalog." She said dramatically and continued to blab about the upcoming events and what she wanted her daughter to do. There was an odd, remote look in her eyes that told Blair she was only half-interested with what was going on in Blair's life.

"Are you listening to me?" Eleanor's high voice broke into her thoughts.

Blair struggled to gather her thoughts. "What?"

She glanced away again, the air feeling thick and heavy.

It was always this way when she thought up** memories of Chuck**. Anger and self-doubt eating a hold in her stomach like acid.

"This is exactly what I am talking about Blair. You need to concentrate. School starts soon and you need to be focused if you want to make it in this life." Blair stared at her mind somewhere or at someone else, while Eleanor went on and on.

"Yeah, yeah mom." Blair brushed off her mother's comments and walked away.

...

"You okay?" Chuck demanded.

Taking a deep breath, Jenny turned to him. "Just** stop it** already."

"I was being nice." He had his smug confident smile in place, "I don't understand what's your problem."

She looked dazed, her eyes glassy as her mind tried to process what was going on.

"No! **You are the problem** here Chuck. Just a moment ago you wanted me to raise your child and the next you dare to punch Nate after everything you have done to him and to me."

"That's bull and you know it." He merely stared at her, unblinking.

"Is it?" Startled by the bite in his voice. Jenny jerked her head up. She held up a hand, a tremor racing through it. "I'm done with you."

"Oh really?" Chuck expelled a low breath, his voice sounding as if he were speaking through clenched teeth, "You know what! Do what you please with _that_." He pointed towards her stomach, "You don't even deserve to carry my child. It would be crime if you raised a child." He kept snarling under his breath, "Brooklyn trash.."

She was going to be sick. The need to get out of the room and as faraway as possible from all this was making her head spin.

"If I had the choice- I wouldn't be pregnant or even know you."

He gripped her upper arm, yanking her against him, "**I made you**. No one would know you without me."

Her head snapped back, blue eyes flashing angrily, "Let go of me."

Chuck shrugged and stared at her face for a second before pushing her roughly away.

Jenny turned her back at him immediately and walked to the elevator. This time finally ready to get out of there and his poisonous company.

"Get out and never come back." Chuck smirked behind her with his favorite drink on his other hand.

The elevator came up and Lily stood inside it.

"What are you doing here?" Jenny looked at her, confused.

"Its' a long story," She smiled sweetly, "You should go and wait in the car. I'll talk to Charles."

Jenny nodded and finally got out of there.

"Lily!" Chuck shouted, he looked a bit tipsy, "You came just in time to enjoy the party."

He made himself another drink before settling down on the sofa.

Okay, she would start easy. "What happened?" She gave a smile, knowing he couldn't see it with his eyes on the drink that he had poured.

"Nothing."

The curt answer cut deep, but she pressed on. He couldn't ignore her the whole time they were there.

Chuck was going to have to talk to her sometime and it was better that they get this out in the open.

"Is everything okay?"

"No."

"You are bleeding-" she took another step towards him, surprised when he got up and turned on her, eyes blazing fire.

"I said, no." Another terse clipped response, before he started to move past her.

Reaching out, Lily grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks. "Charles you need–"

He shook off her hand, striding towards the mini bar.

"I don't need you to take care of me. It's obvious where we stand, so **stop pretending**." He was right at her back, voice abrupt and dark.

"I want to _understand_ you."

"You can't."

Her kind eyes scanning his features, "Did Jenny tell you about the adoption?"

Chuck laughed out loud, "She made everything pretty clear."

"Is that what you want?"

He looked her straight in her eyes, "Yes. She can do whatever she wants to."

"What are you going to do now?" Lily stared up at him, eyes sharp and reproachful as she waited for an answer.

"What do you think I will do?" He asked and poured another drink.

...

Blair was so full of her own thoughts that she didn't notice when a familiar attractive man sat down beside her on the poolside,

he cleared his throat. "Ahem."

Blair started visibly. "Omigosh! You scared me!"

Nate shook his head apologetically. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were so deep in thought."

"When did you get back?"

"Yesterday."

"So.." Blair trailed off, eyes full of concern as she noticed the cut above his eye, "Chuck?"

He nodded slowly, "He got what he deserved."

"This is **too ironic**." She laughed.

"What?"

"Both of us, again miserable because of Chuck."

"Well, it's nice to see you haven't lost your sense of humor in spite of all the problems."

"What makes you think I've got '_problems_'?" Blair asked defensively.

"Well, the red, puffy eyes and the tears on your cheeks are dead giveaways. But, even driving by, I could see that something was bothering you.. You looked lost and alone- or maybe just sad and miserable." He pulled a clean, white linen handkerchief from the pocket of his jacket and gently dabbed the tears from her cheeks and eyes.

"I thought I would never be in a mess like this again."

"Me neither." He admitted, "**It's hard to let go**."

She knew that he was referring to Jenny, and grimaced at the thought, "What do you see in her?"

"Huh?" He stuttered, surprising himself that he would be thinking about her yet again.

"Jenny." She went on, "The girl who is pregnant with your best friends baby-"

"_Ex _best friends baby." He pointed out. A thin smile spread across Nate's face and just as quickly, it was gone, "This is all so wrong and absurd, but still.."

That had her pausing. _What was he talking about?_

"Nate," She tried to smile, but all she felt were tears burning at the back of her eyes, her bottom lip trembling from the effort, "**Don't let him ruin your life like he did mine**."

He moved to sit closer to her, a hand on her shoulder, trying to bring comfort.

Blair smiled at the thought of knowing that Nate still cared for her as a friend. When she smiled at him, Nate knew what he needed to do.

...

Jenny walked out of the first meeting feeling proud of had been there and shared her story to other girls who were maybe even tougher situation than she was. It had only lasted an hour, but still she felt better and knew she would go back there soon as she could. For Jenny it was a big step to admit to other people she was pregnant, but still no matter how hard she tried- everything that happened with Chuck and Nate last night swirled in her head. All the hurtful comments she had sheared with Chuck and the tense looks she had received from Nate.

It had been almost a whole day since she'd seen Nate. She'd tried calling, but he'd either not gotten her messages or just chosen to ignore her. Running a hand over her stomach, she sighed, while walking down the hospitals hallways. Jenny didn't know how much more of herself she could afford to put out there for him to reject. Sorrow and despair swirled up and she had to close her eyes against the constant heartache she felt every time she thought of what's she'd lost. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_; she should have gone after him and forced him to listen to her. She was afraid she would never see him again. Her fears were proven wrong when she stepped out of the hospital.

Nate was there leaning against his car **waiting for her**. Just her.

"Wha-How did you find me?" Inwardly, she winced. _That was an ridiculous question._

Nate shrugged, "Your dad told me."

"Oh." Jenny stood closer now, his eyes looking straight through her. Gnawing her bottom lip, she backed away a step, "What are you doing here?"

"I don't exactly know." He didn't smile, just stared at her, as if he were waiting for her to say something.

"I'm sorry I got you into this…mess." She was faltering. She'd been so sure earlier that she would know what to say, but now with the way his eyes seemed frosty, she wasn't so sure. She twisted her hands together, screwing up her nerve. "Nate, I wanted to talk about what happened the night.. when.. when everything went wrong."

This time his eyes did focus on her and for a moment so brief she nearly missed it, a hurt and love flashed in his eyes. "You know, I was thinking of that too, but then I realized that it wouldn't be worth it."

"Why?" Maybe things were as bleak as she was starting to think.

"It doesn't matter what happened because I know what I want." He looked her straight in her eyes, daring her to say something different.

She could only stare at him open-mouthed, trying to wrap her brain around what he'd just said.

_This was not happening._ "I don't understand." She squeezed out the words, "I thought that you hated me and never wanted to see me again."

"When I found out about _this_.. I was hurt by everything because two people from my life who I thought I could trust **betrayed me** in the most horrible way and lied to me. For the weeks that I spent in the Hampton's I only could think about **you and you only**. After everything that I had found out.. I still couldn't stop thinking about you. I hated you so much for doing something that low-"

"I-"

"Let me finish." He left out a deep heavy sigh, "I feel like I should have protected you from _him_ and everything that has happened. The drugs, Damien, everything. I knew that you would change that it was too good to be true to find someone so down-to-earth like you."

"What are you saying?" Eyes narrowed, she waited for him to finish.

"**I want to be there for you**."

"What?" She whispered watching him, humbled by the caring shining in his eyes.

Pulling her forward, he kissed her.

Cuddling her close, he rocked her from side to side, his grip gentle, but still firm as he nuzzled her hair,

"I'm going to be there for you **from the start to end**."

* * *

Well.. Nate came back with a bang.

And I must say, he is probably the hardest one to write.. hopefully I did justice to his character.. if I didnt- sorry..

Let me know how you feel about NJ coming into the picture..

Oh and many people are wondering.. Do I know what happens to that little baby? YES. I know what I am doing.

_Is Jenny keeping it? What are the adoption parents like? Is it a boy or a girl? How Chuck feels about Nate coming into the picture? Is Allison making a comeback? Are Serena and Dan going to last for long? What happens to Blair?_ - All this will be answered.. Just keep reading and be patient ;)

_ with lots of love, XoxoDesireh_


	17. Giving up

_If someone said three years from now_

_ You'd be long gone_

_ I'd stand up and punch them out_

_Who Knew - Pink_

_..._

"So.. you and Nate?"

Jenny's smile was slow to come, uncertain of what to think.

"Serena it's seriously _not_ what you think." She explained, "We are just friends.."

Serena beamed, flashing a white smile. "Why would you say that?"

"Well we.. talked." Jenny stared down at her feet, "He doesn't want _that kind_ of relationship with me. Well at least not yet. He said that I need time for myself blah blah blah, but I guess we are more than friends, but taking it slow or something."

Serena laughed, grin still in place. "Well that's complicated."

"Uh.. tell me about it" She looked up, her shoulders moving in a helpless gesture.

"The important thing is that you two are talking and he is ready to be there for you." She kept her gaze on Jenny, as if trying to piece together a puzzle, "Nate is a sweet guy. He just wants to find that someone special to share everything with him. He is the kind of guy who could settle down and have a family."

"I guess I should be thankful that he is talking to me." Jenny answered, her tone sharp.

She looked down at her stomach and** cradled her growing stomach**.

Sometimes it felt like her baby was growing so fast. 

_This is nuts_, she thought.

Dan walked on the balcony, "What are you two gossiping about here?"

He stopped to stand beside Serena, his arm on her shoulder.

"Nothing that you should be worried about." She chirped in his ear.

"Speaking about something that worries me.." He glared at Jenny, "Is Chuck out of the picture?"

Jenny sat up instantly, "Chuck and I have nothing to talk about. I'm done with him, for good."

"What about the adoption papers?"

She felt a headache start to form at the thought, "Dan, I really would like to get through _one_ morning without talking about him."

Serena playfully smacked his arm, "Now look what you did."

"What did he do now?" Rufus, Lily and Eric arrived on the scene, all smiling and enjoying a Saturday morning.

Jenny smiled at the sight, her family around her, all care-free and talking together like a normal family.

She would have never in years expected them to be so supportive on the whole thing.

Lily was always there for her and even her dad had been more open about the subject.

Serena and Dan were also a big support for her, just like Nate and Eric had been.

Maybe this baby did bring her more joy than misery.

"Dad you don't have to worry about Dan," She gave a giddy laugh, "I'm sure Serena has him under control."

Dan visibly flinched as he looked up, "Hey when did we start talking about my manhood?"

"What 'manhood' ?" Eric arched an eyebrow and laughed.

Before her brother had the chance to snap back at Eric, Rufus decided to finally open the real conversation.

After all this was a **special day for Jenny**.

"So today is the big day." Rufus glanced at Jenny out of the corner of his eye, "Nervous?"

"I'm excited to meet them." Uncomfortable, she shifted in her seat, averting his gaze.

She looked back into his eyes, her pulse quickening.

It had been Lily's and Rufus's idea to have breakfast with the whole family before Jenny was actually meeting **Taylor and Richard Aldridge**.

Yes, the _maybe _future parents of her baby.

Lily smiled slightly and squeezed Jenny's hand, "I'm sure everything will go smoothly."

She nodded as an response, but still couldn't ignore the feeling of panic inside her.

"Are you going to sign any papers today?" Eric asked innocently.

Suddenly all eyes were on Jenny, staring and wanting to know what was going on in her mind.

It was a little awkward, sitting across your whole family, all of them waiting for an answer, some different from others.

"What am I supposed to say to all this?" She cried out. So much was happening at once and she couldn't concentrate on anything. Her lips twitched in a sad smile as a thought hit her, "I-I need to go. Nate is waiting for me." She spun around and rushed out, the balcony door slamming behind her.

Rufus made sighed soon as Jenny was gone, sagging into his seat. He rubbed a hand over his face wearily.

...

Jenny stepped out of the house and walked her way towards Nate.

She wanted to smile when she saw him. He had that quality in him. He made her laugh and smile, no matter what was going on in her life.

"Hi." She greeted before she hugged him and felt safe for the first time in what seemed like forever.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, clearly concerned.

"Honestly.." Jenny frowned, crossing her arms, "**I'm scared**."

He looked at her, eyes warm as he stared at her. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

It dawned on her then how serious the whole issue was becoming.

"No. I need to do this alone."

Drawing a breath, he stroked a hand along Jenny's arm, and met her sorrowful, sea-colored gaze,"I can tell you without hesitation that I will be there for you. I know you want to be strong about this, but you need to** let me help you**."

Jenny trembled, something shattering on her face. "I don't want to drag you along. You don't deserve this." She confessed on a whisper, "I feel trapped."

He curved an arm around her back and drew her close. "I want to help you as much as I can."

He offered what comfort he could, as she buried her face against his chest and sighed.

He didn't speak as he held her, fighting the jealousy that twisted inside him. He had said to himself many times that he wanted to be there for her and understand her, but always when he laid his eyes on her the baby was there. It was not like he hated the baby, no not at all. He felt bad for that unborn human being who would be a son or a daughter of Chuck Bass. It was an emotion unworthy of him and one he knew he should not feel. Still, he wasn't a saint, far from it. He was only human, only a man. And despite his best efforts to be noble and self-sacrificing, a small, selfish part of him couldn't help, but to want that** baby to be his**. He wasn't sure if he could watch by and let Jenny give her first child away.

"You have no idea how much this means to me," she declared, straightening slightly inside his embrace, "I feel so stupid and must look like a mess as usual."

But she didn't, she looked beautiful, he thought.

Her lashes framed her blue eyes in dark, spiky rings, while her cheeks were burnished as red as a crisp apple.

"It isn't wrong to feel insecure," Taking a step back, he made sure she was steady on her feet, then he let her go, "And you look beautiful as always."

Her eyes popped open, "Do you think I'm making the right decision?"

Rather than responding, he lifted a brow, "It's your life Jenny. I can't make decisions like these for you. All I can say that I support you on whatever you decide."

"I know that," She went on in a breathless voice that made shivers run down his spine. "But why? Why would you still be there for me after everything I have done?"

"Because," He drawled in a smooth tone, "I- you are important to me."

Jenny stared, her heart racing frantically in her chest, "Thank you Nate. For everything. I don't know what I would do without you."

Nate cocked his head. "Are you one hundred percent sure that you don't want me there?"

"It could be easier for me," she admitted. "But **I still want to do this alone**."

"Of course." he said solemnly, "I didn't mean to pressure."

She smiled and hugged him once more as a thank you for being such a sweetheart. Grinning, Jenny closed the door and waved goodbye. She noticed that Nate waited for her to get in the house before leaving. He was almost too good to be true.

...

She couldn't even count numbers as she paced around the living room.

Her nerves were all over the place. It was just that, she didn't expect that she'd be nervous as hell.

Lily and Rufus watched the girl pace back and forth, mumbling something to herself.

"Jenny honey, try to calm down." Rufus said, his voice curt.

She released a pent up breath, feeling resentful and small all at the same time, "You're only making it worse." Jenny nervously straightened her dress and looked at her belly. She had just reached her second trimester and in fact felt like a whale, "Is this dress okay? Maybe I should change-"

Lily sat next to her, laying a tentative hand on her knee, "Sweetie the dress is fine. Taylor and Richard aren't coming here to cross-examination you. They are our friends, and want just to talk-"

"And they want **my baby**." Jenny added nervously.

Rufus turned to look at his daughter, "Are you sure you want to do this now? We can postpone as long as you like. There is no rush."

She turned to gaze at her father, her expression calm, though on the inside she was shaking, "No! No! I'm ready. I need to do this."

A moment later the doorbell rang. Jenny had never felt so overwhelmed or nervous. Lily got up to open the door while Jenny and Rufus waited in the living room. Rufus laced his fingers with Jenny's, and squeezed. She closed her eyes for just a moment before opening them again as she heard new voices coming closer. All of a sudden she was staring at a woman and a man who very anxiously stood on the other side of the room.

Jenny's attention first landed on Taylor and her angelic face. She looked much younger than she had imagined. She looked perfect, there was not a another word to describe her. Right next to her stood her husband, Richard. He was fairly handsome. Jenny was not going to lie to herself, he looked rich.

Before things went on to an even more awkward direction, Jenny got up, and allowed herself to relax.

"I'm Jenny." She said meekly.

Taylor took a quick step closer, "It's nice to finally meet you." and out of nowhere hugged Jenny, her tight grip forcing up a gasp from the pressure.

"You too." Jenny patted the other woman's back in an awkward motion, her ribs poking into her lungs.

Taylor pulled back, grin still in place. "Oh, and this is my husband, Richard." she dropped her arms and stepped back while Richard shook Jenny's hand in a very formal way.

Rufus then extended his hand towards both of the guests, "I'm Rufus, Jenny's father."

"Yes, I believe we once met at a charity event months ago," Taylor said with an enormously friendly smile,

"I'm just very excited to finally meet both of you."

Jenny smiled shyly next to her dad.

"Would anybody want something to drink? Coffee?" Lily asked.

Both Aldridge's shook their heads, "No, we are good."

After a silence the filled the room Richard decided to speak up, "So, Jenny- First off, how far along are you?"

"Oh. Uh, about seventeen weeks. So that means.. four months."

"That's marvelous. So you are on your second trimester, then?"

Jenny nodded, "Yep."

"Is there anything you would like to ask from us?" Taylor looked back at Jenny, her lips quirked in a smile, "I mean, there must be something."

Jenny thought for a moment, "You don't have any children of your own?"

Taylor froze, "I haven't been able to have children of my own since I suffered a miscarriage eight years ago. We kept trying, but nothing was working." She smiled, a content sigh escaping her lips, "I've always known that **I'm going to be a mother** and I feel like I have a lot of love to give to this child."

A beat of silence passed.

"Why haven't you adopted earlier?" Rufus asked eagerly.

Richard turned to look at his wife, "Well.. it was hard for Taylor to accept that she wasn't having children of her own. Then, it just slipped out of our minds.. I started my firm and Taylor also found a busy job."

"But right now I'm not working." She corrected, "I quit because I wanted to make sure that when the baby arrived I would be there every step of the way."

Jenny could see the passion in her eyes as she spoke, "I think.. you would make an amazing mom."

"Really?"

She had no doubt in her mind about this. Jenny knew it soon as they walked inside that they were the parents. These people could give so much for this baby, love and a future. Things she couldn't give herself. It was awful for Jenny, but she had to do it for **her baby**.

"I want this baby to grow up with people are ready to love it and be parents," Jenny went on, "I want you to have this baby." Soon as the sentence is out there, Taylor hugs Jenny again, "You're doing an amazing thing for us. I don't think I can ever thank you enough."

...

"Nate!"

Nate turned around to see Blair on his tail, running towards him.

"What's going on Blair?" He kept walking with Blair on his side now.

"You forgave her!" She snapped, "**Are you an complete moron**?"

They just stood there for a moment, staring at each other.

"You should have known better Nate," She pointed out, "It's just a matter of time when she double-crosses and hurts you again."

Nate looked at her, not believing what she was saying.

"It's nice to see that you're back to your old self, but I don't see any reason to doubt Jenny."

"Oh, come on!" She hissed, giving him a slap on the shoulder, "Jenny Humphrey doesn't change. She knows how to manipulate people! When she can't get Chuck to be the baby daddy, you're the next one."

"Blair."

"And when she finds a way-"

"Blair!" He snapped, clearly frustrated, "I forgave her because she deserved it. Jenny is giving her baby away so that she could move on. She isn't staying here after she gives birth because of people like you. You have been taunting her from the start and **all of us drove her to do all those things she has done**."

They glared at each other, and Nate turned his back on her.

"What about Chuck?" She seethed.

"What about him?"

"You didn't forgive him. You are blaming just him," She challenged, "It takes two to tango, Nate."

"It's different-" His voice was flat, "Chuck knew exactly what he was doing unlike Jenny."

"You're impossible!" She cursed, "Poor Jenny huh? Are you kidding me?"

"Don't blame me for being difficult! You are being difficult!" He gritted out.

"I just can't see why is that you can be on her side and not Chuck's after **so many years**."

"And you are the one who should be lecturing me about this? You haven't even talked to the _poor _guy in weeks."

"Me and Chuck," She mumbled weakly as she backed away from him, "it's a completely different story."

"It's the same story Blair," He said firmly.

"It isn't a same story.. You don't even know the whole story or the other side of it."

She glowered at him and walked away.

...

"Next week we can draft some preliminary documents about the adoption.." Taylor explained, but noticed Rufus's face turn into a frown, "Well.. of course if Jenny doesn't mind."

Jenny looked at her dad and then back at Taylor, "No. I don't mind at all."

Richard hesitated for a moment, "Have you been thinking about your adoption options Jenny? Open adoption? Closed Adoption?"

"Wait. What does that mean?" Rufus interrupted.

"We personally would prefer closed adoption.." He went on, "It means that we wouldn't be obligated to send annual updates or photos. Jenny wouldn't have any contact with the child and of course Jenny's legal rights would be terminated."

"So I would **never be allowed** to see him or her." Jenny looked up at Richard, her eyes unfocused.

"We don't want to pass pressure Jenny," Taylor was insisting, "It would be just so much easier for the child to think that we are in fact the biological parents and not confuse the** poor baby** with something like this." Jenny could only see how Taylor's eyes were full of pity.

Rufus was shaking his head, not knowing what to say.

Jenny on the other hand was feeling like a cornered animal, "I guess that's reasonable."

Taylor flashed her million dollar smile, "So what about the father of the baby?"

* * *

So.. Is Jenny really ready for this? What do you guys think ?

_XoxoDesireh_


	18. The Ups and Downs of the Humphreys

_Can we pretend that airplanes_

_ In the night sky_

_ Are like shooting stars_

_ I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)_

Airplanes - B.O.B feat. Hayley Williams

...

"There has to be another way." Rufus finally said when it was clear Jenny was going to give the baby away.

Lily gave a brief nod, head bowing a bit.

"It is Jenny's decision." Lily said, her words slightly stiff.

"You're only saying that because they are your friends."

"Rufus.. I know it is a drastic measure, but Jenny wants this. She would have said something if she wasn't comfortable with the idea." Lily replied hesitantly, "Besides nothing happened yet. No papers were signed, only words were exchanged. Jenny is a smart girl, she wouldn't make a decision like this without thinking about it."

Everything went silent. Rufus shrugged, "She said herself that she is going to give the baby away."

"And we are going to be there for her soon as that happens."

"Still it is my grandchild-"

Rufus was stopped short as Jenny walked into the kitchen, yawning, "Why are you two still awake?"

Before she knew it, she found herself in the middle of heated conversation.

The couple looked at each other nervously.

"We were just talking." He smiled innocently at her.

"Dad, it's been a long day- could you wait for tomorrow to disagree with my decisions."

She felt uncomfortable just standing there as her dad stared long and hard.

"I mean this in the most respectful manner possible," Rufus drew out, "Jenny I just think this is too soon. All of this.."

"If you cared about me, you would try to see this from my point of view." She retorted, "The baby is going to be born and then it's over. I'm giving it away so he or she could have a good life and good parents unlike me and Chuck. I think everyone knows that! This is not only about me, or you. This is also about giving a child to a couple that deserves it."

The tension surrounding the room was clearly there due the words of Jenny had spit out. She knew what he wanted to hear. He wanted to hear something that could make his life easier, but she wasn't going to talk around it anymore.. instead she wanted him to face the reality of this process. She was having a baby, and for some reason it was still an absurd thought for Rufus.

His bloodshot and unfocused eyes met hers, "What about the idea of closed adoption? Do you really think that you are capable of giving away your first born to strangers and never hear or see a thing about that kid-"

"Rufus." Lily snapped rather harshly in his direction, "We can continue this in the morning. It's three am for crying out loud. Jenny needs to rest."

"No it's better to just get it over with." She stammered, and looked at her dad frustrated, "You think I'm a horrible daughter, a soulless monster who doesn't care a damn about what happens to this child! Did you even look at this from my point of view? Do you really think I would like to see pictures or hear updates when I'm already so torn up inside. I would do anything to be able to give this baby a good home and a love that it deserves, but I can't!"

Rufus's eyes were suddenly bearing into hers. His usually unreadable expression was now portraying surprise. He didn't expect her to react like that.

"I was just saying that I don't want you to sign any papers." He addressed her after a pause, "I don't want you to regret this decision. I'm just trying to protect you Jenny."

Again, Jenny attempted to disguise how his words stung.

"I know that you are." She replied coldly. "Really dad, I don't want you to over think this. I consider myself lucky. Some girls have to give their kids to people who they can't even trust. I know I can trust Richard and Taylor and that's the only thing that matters."

"No it isn't," He said dryly, "You also matter. To the baby and to us."

Jenny took that as her cue to leave, ducking into her room just as her hands rubbed across her swollen belly and out of nowhere felt a good firm kick.

"Oh my God." She muttered. Not believing what she had felt.

Jenny looked confused for a few moments, trying to process the events happening inside her.

"Jenny is everything okay?" Lily rushed to her side, "Are you in pain-"

"It moved."

"What?" Rufus's eyes flickered over to Lily for a moment, then back towards Jenny.

"The baby- it moved." She said quietly. Quickly she reached for his hand, placing it over her belly. She watched as her dads eyes grew wide with surprise, and a slow smile spread across his face. "Do you feel it?"

"Kicking," he said in awe, "Your baby is kicking."

...

Nate hadn't been able to sleep for the entire night because of Blair's words..

She did make a good point, he did know Chuck.

He had been like his own brother for a lifetime. When he was younger he had always asked himself _'What would Chuck do?'_ if he was in a tough spot.

Even though Nate was the one who was saving his ass all time.. Chuck was almost like his big brother in a way, a confusing way that was. He was the one who he always went for advice. He knew his advice was always extremely _bad_, but still he was his best friend and considered him as family.

He did hate him at the moment because he had yet again not thought about his actions. He never seemed to think the consequences of his actions and it disturbed Nate a lot.

He was still waiting for him to grow up, but after hours of thinking he had realized that Chuck Bass would never change.

Now face to face with none other than him, who was surprise, surprise – in the process of exhaling a cloud of smoke.

He nodded in the direction of Nate before raising an eyebrow.

"What now? You want to beat me up again?" He asked, as if he was not even noticing him.

"I want to talk." Nate supplied, impressing Chuck by the accuracy of his statement.

He leaned against the wall now. Nate watched as he continued to smoke, the unpleasant smell invading his senses.

"Why did you do it?"

Chuck regarded him with yet another look of derision, "I was lonely."

"That's not the truth," Nate didn't even blink, "Or at least I hope that it isn't."

This time, he didn't ignore him, "I don't even remember what happened. I thought I had lost Blair and I just.. lost it."

"Why can't you just say it?" He asked shortly, his shoulders stiff, "Admit that you did something horrible and apologize."

The troubled man raised an eyebrow. "What do you want me to do? beg for forgiveness and cry?"

His tone was typical, so Chuck-like.

"No. I want you to admit that you were wrong to touch her or even think about touching her." Nate insisted, but he didn't want to hear it.

"Nathaniel sorry to break it to you, but you two weren't even involved. You didn't even like her back then, and now suddenly it's all about her? Besides, me and Blair weren't together at the time." He went on, "Nobody cheated and that's the truth."

His eyes looked at Nate motionlessly, "Why are you even here?"

"I want to help Jenny unlike you. She deserves better-" He muttered lamely, effectively killing the topic.

"If you really wanted to help her.. You would tell her to keep the baby."

He was dumbfounded, "What?"

"Let's face the facts here," His confident drawl came, "After she gives the baby away there is no Jenny Humphrey anymore, there will be a angry, frustrated person who wont be able to move on with her life and she will never trust anyone in her life. Nathaniel, no matter what you do.. you will lose her. Maybe not physically, but emotionally she will never be the same."

He seemed skeptical, "You don't even know her Chuck."

"I know enough to say that she will regret it for the rest of her life."

"What do you get out of this?" Nate said suddenly, his anger and stubbornness vanishing, "Why would you want her to raise your kid when you don't even want it?"

Chuck turned around to leave, "Who said I didn't want it?"

...

Jenny strolled down the streets of Upper East Side feeling like all eyes were on her.

She almost laughs at the thought when she remembers how months ago she would have loved this, all eyes on her.

Now the thought was almost unbearable. There was always someone to snap a picture soon as she walked outside, and thirty seconds later it was on Gossip Girl. She hadn't even looked at the site in months, but she knew that there was so much speculation going around that one day she would have to address some of the rumors.

Rumors were one of those things she would have to face soon.. school was starting and Jenny couldn't escape that because Rufus and Lily wanted her to go to school instead of sitting around home.

Jenny turned around the corner, before raising her gaze from the ground, she realizes there are one pair of eyes staring back.

_Blair Waldorf._

Her immediate reaction is to turn away and walk to a different direction, but instead of just waiting for her to disappear she rushes after her.

"Humphrey!"

_Oh shit_, She cursed under her breath and stopped. She was definitely not in the mood of public humiliation.

"I'm going now." Jenny sounded annoyed.

"Wait." She heard her foot-steps stop. "I'm not good with apologies." She finally admitted.

Jenny froze for a second.

_Wait.._

_What?_

"I'm sorry about... what happened. It wasn't just about you that pissed me off." Blair confessed.

She could admit that to herself deep down, truly deep down, as long as no one could hear them.

Jenny jaw dropped. "I-I don't know what to say.."

"Let's not talk about it," Her voice was cold again, "I'm not doing _this_ because of you. There are people involved with this that are important to me. I don't want _this _to affect my friendship with Serena or Nate."

"But you just-"

"You stay away from my way and I stay away from yours. Got it?"

Jenny nodded, "Thanks I guess.."

So after doing the days good deed Blair turned around on her heels and walked a few steps before Jenny heard her faintly saying, "Take care."

She couldn't believe it. Blair Waldorf apologized.. well in her own way.

She let out a weary sigh, hand sliding from her hair to her cheek. She stiffened in realization.

Her life didn't suck that bad.

...

After she had gotten home, she had been in a mode of shock. So much so, for most of the evening that she hadn't even though to eat or worry about the baby.

Jenny just couldn't wrap her mind around it, Blair had apologized.

Her hands began shaking as the gravity of the situation hit her.

Maybe after all she would make it.

"Earth to Jenny.." Dan waved his hand in front of her face.

"Ugh, Dan! I was having a moment." She stated breezily.

"This pregnancy thing has really messed up your head." He chuckled while making her a sandwich.

Jenny gave a snort. "Well you would need a moment for yourself too if Blair Waldorf came to you and apologized."

"What?"

"She apologized, I think.. Just like that."

"I think end of the world is closer than we think." He started cracking up, "Maybe I should just go and kill myself now."

Jenny cleared her throat discreetly, shooting him to shut up and stop joking around.

"This is serious."

Dan had a devious smile on his face, "I know it is. I'm happy for you and _Blair_."

She made a face, "You heard what happened with me and dad last night?"

"It was kind of hard to ignore the yelling," He handed her the sandwich, "Did he say anything after that?"

"Not much. He thinks I'm being stupid for wanting to give the baby away to Taylor and Richard." She explained to her brother, "He will come around and realize that he was being the stupid one."

"I'm sure he will. Dad needs time and after this- a whole lot of therapy."

"Anyways," Jenny continued, "I'm kind of happy and know what I'm doing. I've never felt this relieved. Everything is so clear now."

"I'm proud of you Jen," He smiled, "You have changed so much that I'm seriously starting to doubt if you really are my sister."

"I love you too." She smiled back, "I feel like last year well.. was so hectic that we never got the chance to talk like we used to talk. I've missed that."

"Me too." He admitted, "Well now that's changing! Can you believe it, we are both happy at the same time. This is rare."

"Yeah, and it only took one unplanned pregnancy." Jenny said, fighting back a smile.

"And one gorgeous blond girlfriend for me."

She looked at him with curiosity, "So, what happens next?"

"Huh?"

"Well, now that you and Serena are back together and going strong.. shouldn't you take the next step?"

He bit his lip, shifting his feet uncomfortably.

Jenny's eyes snapped wide open, "Are you going to-"

"Don't squeal." He hissed, "I don't want to talk about it here."

"You really love her don't you?" She muttered uncertainly.

"I feel like this time it's going to last. Nothing is stopping us."

"That's great," She finished her sandwich and pushed the plate aside, "You at least have someone.."

He looked at her, "You have Nate."

"I don't know.." Jenny said suddenly, her voice sounding doubtful, "He is still so distant."

"Maybe I should talk to him?" Dan suggested.

"No! I mean.. he is still a bit hurt by everything," She blinked, "I understand that and when the time comes he will be ready to talk directly about this."

"He loves you."

Jenny's face flushed. She shot him a sharp glare. "You're delusional."

She was playing stupid. Dan knew it as well as she did. Everything from her exhausted posture to her remorseful eyes plainly gave away the fact that she knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Oh come on, you can tell me."

Lily passed the kitchen and Jenny decided to take advantage so that she could escape Dan and his hard questions,

"Lily! Dan needs to talk to you!"

"What!" Dan gasped, "No I don't."

"Yes you do." Jenny grinned and ran out of the kitchen.

"Dan.." She spoke brightly as she walked up to him, "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing really." He stammered out squeakily, pale cheeks flushing.

"Oh." Lily bit her lip. "Are you sure?"

"Well.. " He fumbled over the words, "There is something."

"Does this have something to do with Serena?"

"Kind of.."

"Well?"

"I'm going to ask Serena to marry me." He announced, voice croaking.

* * *

Well this was more of a not-so-full-of-tension chapter! I had fun writing it.. That last twist, what do you think?

Do you hear the wedding bells or not?

So.. Yep Chuck has something on his mind.. and that will be explained later.

I just realized I again messed up Jenny's life.. poor girl thinks she has everything under control and then Chuck doesnt agree- yikes

And Im glad to announce; Check my profile, you will find two photo links if you want to see what Taylor and Richard look like!

I had to find them some faces because its easier for me to write when I know what the person looks like lol.. i know im crazy!

well again thanks !

PS. MANY people have asked me to stop bolding my texts.. So I'm trying of this style.** Hate it? Like it better? Let me know!**

_XoxoDesireh_


	19. No Chucks allowed

_Here's the day you hoped would never come_

_Don't feed me violence, just run with me_

_Through rows of speeding cars_

_The paper cuts, the cheating lovers_

_The coffee's never strong enough_

_I know you think it's more than just bad luck_

_Speeding cars - Imogen Heap_

_..._

"Wow," Lily's face changed. It had been sympathetic and concerned, and now it was worried and confused, "That's a big decision."

Dan looked uncomfortable, "I shouldn't have said that- I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologize if that's what you are really considering about."

"I'm crazy about her, and you know that." He continued, "I love her and the time we spent apart just made everything clearer. This time I'm more than sure about us, I just love her that much."

"I do acknowledge that you love her," Lily informed him, "I know you are good to her and have always been, but.. you two are still so young."

"But we wouldn't have to get married straight away. We can wait." His expression softened, "I want her to know how much I love her and show her that this time I'm serious about making this work. Serena means the world to me. She saved me from myself when this whole Jenny _thing_ happened.. I couldn't live without her. I want her to be my wife, have my children and be there for every single moment of my life."

She smiled, "What about your dad? Have you talked to him?"

"Not really. Serena is your daughter after all so I figured you should know what my intentions are."

Lily had to laugh at that one, he was being so sweet and shy, "Are you asking my daughters hand?"

"I guess I am." he said, coughing a bit, "You are the closest _'father figure' _I could find in the near distance. I mean of course I will talk to Mr. Van Der Woodsen in person, but right now-"

"Dan," She interrupted before he started to trail off, "You have my permission in one condition.."

He was listening closely.

"Talk to your father and Serena about this. I want you all to be on the same page."

"I won't let you down." His reply was simple.

"I know you won't."

...

"Run!" Jenny cried, dragging Nate behind her, with all the force of her pregnant body held.

"We're not late." He spoke calmly and he stopped moving, forcing Jenny's frantic pace to a halt.

The action concluded one thing: her strength was nothing compared to Nate's. The thought annoyed her.

"Will you please cooperate with me here?" She demanded, "I'm nervous! I don't want to be late."

"But we're not late." He stated simply and smirked. "As a matter of fact, we might be there even early. "

Jenny was not impressed. "I don't want to keep them waiting."

He smiled. "You're too cute when you're nervous."

"Ha ha, funny."

"I'm a comedy genius."

"Let's go!" She growled in frustration.

With renewed strength she forced Nate down the street, nearly yanking his arm out of his socket.

He blinked "You're one strong pregnant lady." He sputtered in disbelief.

Jenny rolled her eyes, "And you're getting on my nerves. Hurry up."

"I told you we should have taken the car.."

...

Serena had spent her whole day relaxing around the pool. For her nothing was better than the turquoise colored water that sparkled with the light. With a mojito in her hands she got startled when she felt a hand touch her shoulder.

After quickly turning around, "Don't scare me like that!" she yelled.

"I'm not the one who is so lost in her dreams that she can't tell when someone jumps into her pool!"

They smiled at each other, before their expressions grew subdued.

Blair propped her arms across the edge of the pool, leaning her cheek on a forearm.

"Are we still friends?" She asked quietly.

Serena mirrored her form, eyes meeting hers.

"I don't think that's solely up to me." She replied, "Are you ready to talk about everything? I just want you to be brutally honest."

"Ugh I guess.. I'm a little bit bitter." Blair admitted. She paused. "Okay. More than a little bit bitter. I feel kind of betrayed, actually."

Serena sucked in her lower lip to chew on it.

"But now without being completely drugged.. I understand why you didn't tell me." Blair gave a wry smirk. Serena couldn't help, but to smile.

"What about you?" Her voice was faint.

Blair's smirk faded. "What about me? It's not like I'm with Chuck. He doesn't even care anymore, and truth to be told neither do I. This is killing him inside and that's enough for me."

She didn't say anything, feeling a lot of empathy towards her.

"What?" The girl rose a strikingly arched eyebrow at her.

"Nothing." Serena shook her head. She stopped. "Actually..."

"What?" Blair repeated.

"Well, shouldn't you-" Serena paused for a bit, letting her thought develop a bit, before continuing. "Shouldn't you be angrier at me and not talk to me for-" She broke off again, to gesture wildly in the air, with a hand. "-at least a year?"

"Hey." Blair raised her hands in a somewhat defensive position. "I always knew Jenny Humphrey would bring problems. I'm angry, but where the hell's not talking to you gonna get me? I mean, I already tried that for like.. two whole weeks. It's freaking bullshit. Jenny Humphrey or Chuck Bass could never ever ruin our friendship." She scrunched her dainty nose up like she was sniffing something foul.

Serena raised her eyebrows.

"I mean, we're best friends." Blair waved off her surprise. "Still like I said, I'm a bit bitter." The smirk returned. "So, you better watch it, bitch. I'm only talking to you, because I missed you."

She was joking and laughing again which made Serena extremely happy.

"I'm still so sorry Blair." She looked away. "I really wanted to tell you. I really did."

"I know...and I really did miss you."

They just stood there for a moment, staring at each other.

"Should we hug now?" Serena finally questioned, slightly confused.

"Did we just make up?" Blair looked just as puzzled.

"I guess we did.. for a change."

"I'm still kind of mad at you." Blair pointed out.

Serena threw her arms up, before yanking Blair into a tight embrace. She squeezed her hard.

"I've missed you B."

Blair smiled back, before moving away.

"So what now?"

"More mojitos?" Serena shrugged back.

"Sure."

...

Jenny and Nate were standing on the doorstep of a fine old brick mansion. It looked so impressive that Jenny had to wonder how come she hadn't noticed this particular house before. It was gorgeous, just plain beautiful and must be full of family history. The big windows and the large rose garden were just a couple of details she admired.

Almost immediately the door swung open, revealing an excited Taylor in a fashionable cream colored suit, "Please come in." She allowed her guests to step inside.

Both of them walked inside and her eyes widened from what she saw.

This place was huge.

"You have an amazing home!" Jenny gasped in excitement.

"Well this is actually Richard's childhood home. He grew up here and has never lived anywhere else unlike me. I was born and raised in Denver, but then my mother moved to Upper East Side after re-marrying and I've lived here since that." She explained while walking towards the living room where they stopped, "Oh how rude of me! I'm Taylor Aldridge" She offered her hand to Nate.

"Nate Archibald-"

"Nate is my close friend." Jenny cut him off nervously.

She could have slapped herself for being so stupid.

"It's nice to meet you." Taylor smiled, "Richard is participating a meeting right now so he will probably join us later during dinner."

"Oh," Jenny looked guilty, "I don't know if we can stay that long."

Nate shoved his hands into his pockets, letting out a slow exhale, "Jenny didn't tell her parents that we were coming here."

"Is there some kind of problem?" Taylor looked at her.

"My dad is having some _minor_ difficulties on accepting everything." Jenny lowered her head, hands nervously picking at her nails. An embarrassingly strained silence followed, where neither of them moved or spoke. She still felt like she needed to fill that silence though, "It means nothing. He is just trying to protect me."

"I understand that this is a big step, but I just want you to feel comfortable," Taylor said sweetly, heavy eyelashes lowered bashfully, "Now that we reached the subject.. I wanted to tell you that I've spoken with our lawyer and she has indeed done all the paperwork, but I don't expect you to sign anything until after the baby is born."

"I appreciate that." Jenny chimed.

"And obviously we will compensate you for your medical expenses."

Jenny smiled shyly at her, tucking a wisp of hair, behind her ear, before giving a nod.

"Are you looking for any other compensation?"

Nate raised his brow at her question.

"No, of course not. I'm not selling the baby.. I just want to do it the way people used to do it." Jenny looked at Taylor who was clearly ecstatic about how noble she was being.

She glowered at her intensely, various things toiling in her mind. "Would you like to see the nursery?"

"You have a nursery already?" Nate hesitated for a short second and stared doubtfully.

Jenny elbowed him, and shot a look towards him.

"I never really took it down after I lost the baby. I've upgraded it once in a while, but I guess it gave me hope to have that room and now after all these years.. I get to use it. Just because of you, Jenny." She beamed and hugged her.

...

"Penny for your thoughts?"

He shrugged, opening his eyes and looking at Lily.

"I was just thinking about The Gallery."

"I bet you were," Her teasing smile softened, "You can be honest with me Rufus."

Rufus dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Am I so transparent?"

Lily nodded her head in a dubious way. "Uh-huh," she intoned,"You were never a good liar."

Rufus shot her an amused look and grin. "Truth to be told.. I'm still worried about Jenny."

"Rufus, maybe you and Jenny should go and talk to someone who is a professional."

"You mean therapy?" Rufus whispered to her.

"Me and Eric went to a good family therapist when he had.. problems." She shrugged slowly, "It's a good experience. I think just one session could clear some air."

"I don't know if Jenny will agree."

"She could find it very helpful."

"Jenny doesn't know what she wants from life." Rufus stared down at Lily, eyes unflinching, "What if she suddenly changes her mind and decides to keep the baby, then we have more problems. Taylor and Richard would not be happy. Chuck doesn't even know about how far this has gone."

Lily clenched her jaw, forcing herself mute.

"Maybe we should just try to first talk at home." He replied with a shake of his head, "I just want my daughter to be happy."

"When I made the decision to give our son away.. I never looked back, even though it hurt and made me feel like a horrible person, but if I had just kept him out of my own selfishness we probably wouldn't be standing here with our beautiful family. You understand that right? Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to sacrifice." She had to take a deep breath to continue, "Jenny knows how to look at this from the right perspective. She understands already how much it will hurt her in the future. She is a strong girl, Rufus. You raised her in the best possible way and I can see no reason why we should judge her decisions."

He did not reply, and yet his face remained impassive.

"Talk to her and she will let you know how she feels."

...

Taylor led Nate and Jenny to upstairs, at the end of the hallway waited a door that she opened.

The ceiling was painted like it was the sky, with it clouds and amazing detail.

Jenny walked over the crib that was positioned in the corner.

It was brown wood with precious beige colored sheets and a blanket, over the crib hang a mobile.

Everything about the room was perfect.

Taylor had put so much time into it that Jenny couldn't almost believe it and the colors were nice and soothing.

"I really like this." Jenny turned around and smiled at her, "It's perfect, isn't it Nate?"

Nate still had that same worried look on his face which irritated her. She brought him there for support, not to bring her down.

"Yeah, it's nice."

"I chose colors like these because you can never know if it's a boy or a girl."

"That's a good decision," Jenny's voice was tiny, "Do you mind if I don't want to know the sex? I mean I don't want to know until it comes out."

"It's your decision," Taylor spoke up softly, "I'm happy as long as you are happy."

Interrupting their lovely chat, the doorbell rang.

"I better get that. You two can look around the house."

Soon as Taylor walked out of the room Jenny wanted to say something,

"Could you at least pretend that you're happy to be here?"

"Jenny-" There was a warning in his scratchy voice.

"No." She snapped. "_I'm_ talking."

"What's wrong with you?" She whispered. "You've been weird since yesterday." She gulped. "I mean, I know I'm difficult and I make things hard for you, but-"

Nate closed his eyes. "I don't want you to get mad at me."

"Huh?" She asked, confused, "Mad about what?"

And with that the answer walked in the room, Chuck.

"Look who I found outside my door," Taylor chirped, "Now we're all here."

Jenny stared at him helplessly, eyes wide. Her lips tightened, before she looked away.

"What are you doing here?" She defended herself.

"I figured as the father of the baby I have the right to talk to the people who will raise it."

Chuck stared at Jenny, unimpressed. She looked determined and intense.

"Of course you do! I'm happy to finally meet you in person." Taylor smiled towards Chuck,

not having any idea what was really going on in his mind..

It made Jenny feel insecure and crappy as she stared at him, knowing that Nate had something to do with this.

It made her want to bury her face into her hands and scream.

It made her feel...horrible.

She was very upset. Upset enough to tremble.

Jenny frowned.

"Stop frowning." Chuck ordered, "This is a good thing Jenny, right Nathaniel?"

Nate's gaze flew from Chuck to Jenny. She was not happy.

"So, how did you two meet?" Taylor broke the intense stare that Jenny was sharing with Nate.

"It's a bad story. You really don't want to hear it." She protested.

"Don't be rude Jenny. The lady asked a question." Chuck smirked.

"Chuck!" She exclaimed, closing her eyes, face flushing.

Chuck shifted his head back, an annoyed look in his eyes, "We met at a party."

"Oh," Taylor still had her smile on, "You were close friends then?"

Botch Nate and Jenny glared at Chuck as a warning.

"No. Not really," He grinned, "I tried to rape her."

* * *

Oh daaamn you can just imagine how our desperate housewife Taylor will react to that one..

Chuck is clearly up to something.. or is he _?_

Btw. just so we are clear, I'm not quite sure if in the show Nate knows about the Jenny-Chuck almost rape incident, but as you can see in my story he knows..

I want to concentrate now writing more about Chuck, YAY!

And no, I'm not making him the villain here, no! Chuck isn't a mushy marshmallow guy everyone should know that already. He does and says these things because thats how Chuck reacts or deals with situations like these.

And yay for S+ B reunion!

Next chapter **20!** I feel like I just started! Thanks for reading and all that stuff!

_XoxoDesireh_


	20. Please, meet me halfway

_You got a woman to the left_

_and a boy to the right_

_Start to sweat so hold me tight_

_Somebody mixed my medicine_

_I don't know what I'm on_

_Somebody mixed my medicine_

_My Medicine - The Pretty Reckless_

_..._

Jenny ran out of the house, feeling humiliated and betrayed. Taylor had looked so.. disgusted after Chuck made very clear to her what she had done. She was pregnant by the guy who had tried to rape her when she had just met him. This is what Chuck wanted.. people to think that she was scum.

"Jenny!" Nate yelled behind her.

"Are you happy now!" She screeched.

"I didn't know what he was going to do. I wanted Chuck to see where his kid was going to grow up- "

"Stop it!" Jenny raised her head, eyes narrowed, "I thought I could trust you. Since when did you start talking to Chuck again? Were you even going to tell me?"

Nate was interrupted when Chuck walked out of the door, "I explained everything to Taylor, she understands- Stop being so hysterical Jenny."

"Is this all a big joke to you?" She snapped. "You've ruined everything again! Do you have any idea how humiliated I am?"

Chuck glared at her incredulously, "Oh come on. Come back inside."

"Jenny-" Nate tried again.

"No! Both of you, just leave me alone!"

This time, she turned her back on both of them and continued walking into a different direction.

Chuck rolled his eyes and rushed after her, stopping her.

"Are you really going to go and leave Taylor like that?"

She pushed him away, "Why did you have to show up? Do you really hate me that much?"

He gave her a slow, lazy grin, eyebrows rising mockingly. "Of course not."

"What is wrong with you?" She demanded. "What did I ever do to you? I'm trying so hard to make this easier for both of us, but still you can't just leave me alone." Her voice was weakening with the lack of conviction. "You just have to make sure that everything good that happens to me is taken away.. " It was really unnerving staring at someone so unresponsive; especially since she could not see his expression. Yet, she plodded on. "Why can't you just let me deal with this alone?"

"What do you want me to say?" Chuck asked stonily.

"I don't want you to say anything. I want you to back off!" She argued back defiantly.

Nate walked up to them and placed his hand protectively on her shoulder, "You should calm down. For the baby."

Jenny turned away from him, brushing his hand off, "Stop acting like you care about me!"

"Nathaniel is only trying to help you."

"Both of you need to back off-" She protested, trying to twist away from Chuck who caught her by the back of her elbows, disabling her defense.

"Would you shut up?" He was so frustrated that she could see his eyes blazing furiously, hands tightening their grasp, yanking her closer so she flush up against the length of his body. "Listen to me, for fuck's sake!"

"Let go of me." She whispered in the pause that he waited for her answer.

"This is hard enough as it is. Calm down." He looked like he had something coiled up so tightly within his very being that he just needed to unwind, untangle it. "Okay?" His voice softened now, yet his eyes continued to burn. Perhaps, not with the same chagrin as before, but they glowed, even in the murky lighting.

She nodded.

"I only wanted to see this place," Chuck's voice was low. "I have the right to know what you are doing. It was my only option to come here when you don't even listen to what I have to say."

"You, actually, you-" Her voice cracked and she had to swallow to continue. "care about the baby?"

Embarrassingly he gave slight nod.

She bit down on her lower lip. Hard. She was restless.

It came out of nowhere. She experienced a full-blown panic was all there, the racing heart, the sweating palms, the spinning; feeling faint, unable to breathe, a sense of utter dread and impending around her.

"Jenny?" Nate approached her, Chuck following closely behind him, "Is everything okay?"

She puffed out her lower lip and her eyes glazed over with water. "I don't know. I don't know! Something is wrong.. I can't- can't breath," Her words became nonsense as she started to cry leaving clean streaks down her face.

Nate captured her in his arms, squeezing her shaking body against his own.

"Nate-"

"Not now Chuck." Nate hissed while hugging Jenny.

"Nate!"

"What?" He fumed, his eyes on Chuck.

"She's bleeding!"

...

"Serena."

The girl awoke groggily. A pair of serious eyes stared down at her.

"Dan?" Serena rubbed at her own eyes. "What are you doing home?"

He looked taken aback. "I live here."

"I know that." Serena scratched awkwardly at her neck. "But weren't you spending time with Jenny?"

Dan's smile was brilliant. And slightly mischievous.

"She had something else to do, so.." His voice was throatier than usual.

Serena groaned, grabbing a pillow to cover her face with.

"You're so indecent." She whined.

She heard an amused chortle beside her.

"Speaking of which, I think we should go out today."

"I can't," Serena tossed her pillow away and sat up so quickly, "I actually made plans with Blair.."

"_Oh_," His smile was weak with pain, "You two are talking again?"

"I thought you knew," She turned around and saw how disappointed he looked, "I mean we have spent so much time together that I figured that I should go with Blair tonight. She is finally accepting this whole mess and doesn't even have a grudge against Jenny-"

"So you think she is allowed to have a grudge against her?" He cuts her off.

"Well," She sounded scornful," Dan, Jenny slept with her boyfriend."

"But they weren't even together when it happened," He retorted, "I thought you had Jenny's back on this."

"I do," She explained, "I just can't choose her side because of you. I have to think about Blair too."

He shrugged dismissively. "So when Blair asks you to ignore Jenny you will do what she asks?"

"Dan where is this all coming from? I thought we weren't supposed to get ourselves mixed up with this." Serena demanded.

"Would you choose Blair over your own family?"

"What kind of question that is?"

"I realistic one, "His low voice drawled in a gratingly easy way, "Would you choose Blair over Jenny?"

He repeated, "I need to know."

"Dan." Her voice scolded lightly, "This is stupid."

"It's not stupid. This is serious-"

Rufus walked into the room interrupting them, "Dan we need to go."

"Dad we are in a middle of a conversation, would you excuse us?"

"No." He took a deep breath, "Jenny is in the hospital."

"What? What!"

...

The medical team was standing by at the emergency room door when Jenny was rushed inside.

They rushed him to a treatment room quick as possible leaving two very confused guys behind.

Nate and Chuck had attempted to go into the room with her, but the nurse prevented them, taking them to the waiting room instead.

"The doctor will be out to give you some news as soon as she can."

Nate nodded as an thank you and then looked over at Chuck, "I'm going to go and call Rufus. You can _leave_ now."

"I don't think so," He paused for a moment, "I still need to talk to her." There was no concern in his voice, just a healthy dose of rudeness.

After 10 agonizing minutes the whole Humphrey family rushed into the hospital.

Nate made sure they knew what had happened and soon they all sat there, in the waiting room with Chuck.

While they waited in the waiting room it felt like everyone moved in slow motion, doctors running here and there, nurses with charts, families with drawn faces waiting anxiously.

Rufus paced up and down, breathing rapidly, waiting for news on his daughter.

An anxious Lily is sitting on the chairs, watching her husband pace back and forth.

His look of concern seems warranted, as he bites his lower lip and trembles in fear.

"Rufus, I'm sure she is okay." She tries to encourage him.

Dan jumps up and tries to coax Rufus to sit down, but he can't, fear too overpowering for him to do anything except try and walk it off.

"Why is this taking so long?" Eric lets out an exasperated sigh and shifts in his seat.

Chucks eyes open in surprise at the face that is now looking at him, searching for answers.

"What?" He asks, annoyed.

"It was you wasn't it?" Eric growls, "You pushed her over the edge with something you said and now she is in there."

"Oh please," He roared, "You have no clue on what you are talking about."

"I have no clue? I'm her best friend! I know how she feels about this and you-"

"Stop being a baby." Chuck murmured.

"You are the one having a baby here! I can't believe you! After everything you did to her! You can't even man up and admit that you are a scumbag Chuck!" He lashed out.

"Boys!" Lily raised her voice, "We are in a hospital. Behave."

Nate was still standing in the same position, staring blankly ahead. He was so silent and still in a crowd of chaos.

All he could do is stare ahead, down the hall to where they had taken Jenny and wonder if it was all his fault.

...

Her hair blows across her face, tickling her nose as she opens her eyes, slowly blinking back to reality.

She looks around the room, all the white walls and the flashes of light in her eyes.

Jenny closes her eyes once more, just checking if she is actually there.

And she is.

_"Jenny?"_

A familiar voice, and a face calling her.

Hands by either side of her neck, feeling, checking, searching. She looks up into these strangers eyes and recognizes her as the same person who flashed the light into her eyes a moment ago. She watches her curiously and suddenly the doctor smiles at her.

"Where am I?" Her voice is raw and scratchy, "What's going on?"

She looks around and sees two monitors, the other one smaller.

She was also hooked up to IV fluids and a monitor to check her pressure readings.

"Do you remember why you were brought here?"

Her eyes widen in shock as she stares at Karen, "Is my baby okay?"

"There was a complication-"

Jenny's eyes began to well up. "Tell me already! Is my baby okay?"

Karen looks at the chart she is holding, "You were brought here because of heavy bleeding, and we did have to run some test.. there could have been a chance of a miscarriage, but right now your baby is condition is improving, but still in a critical state. We have to wait for the test results and monitor the baby's heart beat before we make any decisions."

"Wait.. What? What decisions?"

"Jenny," The doctor sighed, "There is a chance that the baby has brain damage. The amount of blood you lost was.. a lot." Seeing her face crumble in front of her she tries to encourage her, "But, nothing is confirmed until I get the test results. Everything could be completely normal, the baby's heart beat seems to be getting stronger and that is always a good sign."

Jenny nods her head, her face full of confusion and disbelief.

The nice doctor hands her a tissue and she accepts it, sniffling, but never letting go of the feeling of hope.

...

Jenny is lying in bed, staring at the baby's heart monitor. Rufus was talking, but she barely registered what he was saying as she breathes in and out. Lily watched her from the corner, as is trying to decipher her thoughts. Suddenly he gets up and makes his way over to Jenny, kissing her on her forehead. She looks up at him, momentarily awakened from her trance, and smiles at him.

"You should go and get some rest."

"No, I want to stay here." He looked concerned, "I don't want you to be alone."

"Dad, I'm safe here- please both of you, just get some coffee and go eat something."

"Maybe we should Rufus," Lily says softly, "I called Taylor and she promised to visit you tomorrow."

"I know. She was really concerned when I called her about the baby, but she understood.. everything."

Rufus steps away from her bed, "Give us a call if you need anything.. Dan and Serena are sleeping in the waiting room with Eric. We will drive them home and then come back here, okay?"

"Sure," She nods, "I need to rest now."

"We love you Jenny." Lily says quickly before disappearing with Rufus.

Just as the door is about to be closed, Nate walks in.

He makes his way over to her bed, pulling a chair up next to it and sitting down. She stares ahead, not looking at him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Her voice was harsher than she had intended, "We are _both_ fine."

He looked down at his own feet, "Listen we need to talk… and I hate to be bring it up right now."

Jenny sighs and leans back into her bed, pulling the blanket tighter around her.

"I know what you are going to say."

"What happened today.. was my fault," Nate looked at her sadly, "I feel like this- what is between us is hurting you and.. I don't want to hurt you Jenny."

She closes her eyes as a tear rolls down her cheek, "It's not like that."

"A few days apart will be good for you." He lowers his head, "It will be better for both of us."

"You don't care anymore?" She speaks with an edge of pain in her voice, "I can't blame you.. I almost killed my own child."

"I do care Jenny, more than you think. Besides it wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was," She turns her head and looks at Nate with hurt and anger in her eyes, "I remember how you told me like thousand times to calm down, but I didn't listen! I was wrong when I said that Chuck was ruining everything- I always thought it was him, but it's not true. I'm the one who ruins everything. I'm the one who ruins and destroys everything."

The room falls silent again, the only sound being a clock ticking somewhere in the distance.

"You should go."

Nate nods slowly and looks at her before going.

When he turns to leave he glance over at her one last time, then opens the door and makes his way out.

...

She slides over on her side, not in the mood of thinking about how everything had happened.

Her bottom lip begins to tremble as the tears form in her eyes.

She had screwed up big time, ruining everything.

Nate didn't want her because he was afraid of hurting her, there was nothing worse for Jenny than this. She had disappointed everyone.

She closes her eyes tiredly, but at the same time recognizes the steps that came closer.

She looks up at him and shakes her head as a _'no'_, but he comes in anyway.

He blinks a few times, contemplation etched across his face, "I'm sorry."

Jenny opens her eyes a little and she swallows slowly. She turns and sits up in her bed,

and looks back at Chuck, unsure what to say.

"For what?"

His eyes fall a little as he looks at her, "For.. this."

She nods her head in acknowledgment and processes the information. She looks again at Chuck directly in the eye, "What do you want Chuck? Why do you keep coming back?" Jenny sighs, "I thought you didn't want to have anything to do with-"

"Stop saying that," He took a sharp gasp of air as she watched him, his words wounding her more than she thought possible, "It's more complicated than that Jenny. Have you even stopped to think about what my thoughts on this are?"

Something about him felt odd, somehow.

She turned to face him, her eyes relaying her confusion at his question.

"Why would you even ask that?" Jenny let out a defeated sigh, "You said to me that you didn't want the baby, you said it yourself."

"You can't see it can you? Look around yourself," He raised his voice, "You have Rufus, Lily, all your siblings, friends.. a family. Now tell me what do I have?" He saw Jenny's face fall, realization hitting her like a ton of bricks.

_So this was why he was so upset about this? _Family.

"What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry for being the responsible one and finding someone who can love this child like their own," She said firmly, "I'm not going to be a mom, and you aren't going to be a dad. Maybe.. one day you will, but this baby doesn't deserve to have horrible parents like us."

Chuck looked at her, clearly insulted. He stood up then and paced the room, slight anger filling his voice as he turned to look at the blond, "I won't sign the papers."

"What?" She looked surprised.

"I won't sign any papers Jenny. That baby is MINE."

She opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't find the words.

"You cant-t!" Her voice trailed off, unable to finish the sentence because it was just too painful to even contemplate, "You can't do this to me!"

He spared her a last glance before turning around and walking out of the door.

She completely falls to pieces then, violently shaking from her crying as she falls to the bed, clutching at her heart in pain as the sorrow consumes her. She then and stops fighting it, allowing the pain to take over her.

* * *

Tense much?

Baby in danger: ouch, Chuck going mental: double ouch and to top it all off Nate leaving her.. Poor Jenny.

You guys had really good opinions on the last reviews.. Could this happen on the show? I.. don't think so, well it has been speculated that Jenny could come back pregnant, but now that Georgina stole the baby storyline.. I don't think it will happen- too bad.. I would have loved to see Rufus's reaction! :D Two grandkids just pop out like that.

Side note; I had the most amazing day in Detroit when I visited my cousin. GUESS WHAT?

I saw **The Pretty Reckless** live! Amaaaazing! Seriously I was blown away, Taylor can sing. Like really sing!

If you have the chance, you should definitely go and see them. This was like effin awesomeness for me because I life In Australia and I was just in in the US for a couple of days and I got to see them! SQUEE!

I don't care how Tay dresser, acts around- she is freaking hard core :D

Okay, now I'm going to sing myself out of here..

_somebody mix my medicine, somebody mix medicine..._

_XoxoDesireh_


	21. Not the best of days

_Nobody knows me, I'm cold, walk down this road all alone_

_It's no one's fault but my own. it's the path I've chosen to go_

_Frozen as snow, I show no emotion whatsoever _

_Space Bound - Eminem _

_..._

"How is she?"

Nate sighed, "I haven't seen her since last night, but Rufus told me that the doctor is positive."

Serena looked at him, concerned, "I thought you two were-"

"We aren't," He said bitterly, "Jenny doesn't need me."

"This isn't your fault.."

"Then why does it feel like it is?"

She hadn't seen him, or even tried to explain to him what had happened. She was with Dan now, even though Nate knew that.

"Because you're hurting," Serena sat next to him, "I know you Nate. After all that we have been through- I hope that you can still trust me.. I didn't mean to lie to you about Chuck and Jenny. I didn't want you to hear it from me.. that's why I didn't tell you."

"Serena," He was frustrated, "I don't want to talk about the past. Not right now.. I'm coping okay?"

She looks at Nate with sympathetic eyes, "I understand that, but you have to know that me and Dan did nothing while I was with you. I don't want you to feel like you were betrayed by everyone. We care about you, all of us and you can come to us if you want to talk."

"I really don't think now is the right time to talk about this."

"But Nate-"

"Look, I don't want to talk about this shit right now. What happened months ago has nothing to do with this day. I'm happy that these _feelings _that you have for Dan came up now, better now than later.."

Shaking her head, trying to clear her foggy head, Serena said nothing and clung on to Nate's arm.

"I never intended it to happen like this."

He pushed her hand away, "This all happened because we were lying to ourselves."

"I wasn't lying when we were together. I was never thinking about Dan when we were together."

"Oh come on, we were both pretending that nothing was wrong." He shakes his head, and let's out an exasperated sigh, "We were over before we even started. I'm not hung up on you anymore."

Serena sighs deeply and looks up into his eyes. His sincerity makes her heart sore, but she nods her head, wanting to make him feel better.

"What about you? I'm worried about you. You spent the whole night here, you need to go home."

"I honestly don't know what to think anymore.. You know, not that long ago, I had a home, and a girlfriend, and a best friend that I could trust… and now what do I have?"

"You have me, Dan, all your friends."

His eyes relay irritation and he closes his eyes to compose himself, more or less trying to keep his cool.

"I need to go." He gets up from the table and leaves Serena alone in the hospital cafeteria.

...

_Jenny's eyes snap open, she was still in her hospital room. _

_She lies on her back and soaks everything in, everything looked so dark, foggy... her eyes, slowly blinking back to reality, or was it reality?_

_Suddenly she hears a baby crying in the background and sits up straight. She's on her feet then, walking out of her room into the hallway- She scans the hallway, searching aimlessly for the crying, that continues to sound out in the distance._

_"Hello?" Jenny's voice echoes in the empty hallway. _

_Suddenly she stops and looks around herself, nobody was there._

_She takes a deep yet confused breath, but before she can gather her thoughts she hears the baby crying again. _

_She whirls around, glancing behind her, but sees nothing._

_"Hello?" _

_Silence. Frustrated, she begins charging through the hallway, more determination now than before. _

_She breaks into a run as the baby's cry grows louder, and becomes upset._

_Frustrated and confused, Jenny runs in all different directions, the tears beginning to form as the crying goes louder and louder. She runs around blindly, sinking more and more into a confused state before she trips and falls onto her chest, arms outstretched. She cries out in shock, and lifts herself up slowly onto her knees. That's when she sees a woman holding a baby. She watches this in amazement, a feeling or protectiveness growing within her. She reaches out to touch the bundle, but the unknown woman backs down, hiding the baby._

_"That's my baby," Jenny's voice trembles, "It's my baby!"_

_The woman turns her back on her, quickly walking away with the crying baby on her hands._

_Without hesitation Jenny goes after her, "You can't take my baby! You can't-"_

"Jenny?"

Again, lying in the same hospital room, her father by her side... he brushes a hand over her hair.

The voices mix around in the air, whispers floating around her mind.

"Are you okay?"

Jenny looks confused, feeling how her whole body was drenched with sweat.

"It was just.. a bad dream." She said in a small, hoarse voice.

She gazed up at him, the look of concern in his eyes was overwhelming, "You look so pale.. maybe I should I go and get the doctor."

"No, dad I'm fine." She whispered, a rising panic in her voice.

"Are you sure?" Rufus asked, in a gruff voice, unable to mask the concern.

She nodded slightly.

"The doctor told me that the test results should be soon processed."

He noticed Jenny stiffen at the mention of the baby, he nervously looked at her again, and almost wished he hadn't told her.

The look in her blue eyes was a mixture of deep sadness, regret and anger, she didn't look at him, but stared blankly at the wall.

"I just... I'm scared" Jenny sniffed, wiping the tear tracks from her soft cheeks, she paused, wondering whether or not tell him about Chuck. She dropped her head and nervously continued, "He doesn't want to give the baby away." her voice wavered as she held back more tears.

"What are you talking about Jenny?"

"Chuck," She looked at him, glassy eyed and whispered, "He doesn't want to give the baby up for adoption and I can't, I just can't keep it.. I can't even take care of it when it's still inside me. How am I supposed to do love a baby that I never wanted?"

Rufus stared at her, slowly processing what she'd just gabbled at him. He didn't know if she was going crazy or if it was just brought on from lack of sleep. He was completely speechless. He gazed at her sadly, and wondered why his daughter had to pay for her mistakes so highly.

He shook the thoughts from his head.

"You're exhausted Jenny. Everything will be clear when you get some sleep."

"No," Fear was evident in her eyes, "I need to stay awake."

"Jenny.."

"_No_," There was pain in her voice, "I need to make sure nothing bad happens."

...

Chuck walks around the room distracted, a perplexed look across his face as he agonizes over something in his mind. He sits on a chair and tries to to read some work papers, but finds himself continually looking over at the photo, the photo of his father. As he stares at the photo thinking, suddenly there is a heavy pounding on the door. Awakened from his thoughts, he sighs and pulls himself out of the chair, making his way over to the door. As he pulls it open, his eyes go wide with surprise.

"What are you doing here?"

Blair stands at his front door, her face a mixture of irritation and pure boredom at the insane question.

"Special delivery," She smirks and steps to the side and Chuck sees Nate, on the ground behind Blair. He was mumbling nonsense with a beer bottle on his hand, "Are you going to invite us in or not?"

Chuck looks at her as if she has gone mad and steps aside.

Blair drags Nate inside and lets him lean on to her.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Blair, annoyed that she has to spell it out for him, "Nate. Drunk Nate."

He scoffs at Blair who glares back at him, clearly not in on the joke

"I found him on the street and brought him here, home."

"He doesn't live here anymore," Chuck explained, "He hasn't lived here since.. months ago."

She scowls and helps Nate on the sofa, "Well he can't sleep out on the streets Chuck."

"Fine," Chuck holds his hands up in the air defensively and drags Nate from the sofa to his room.

While he was helping his best friend, Blair's hands find aa interesting piece of paper that was resting on his coffee table.

Her eyes snap open as the read the paper, "That mother chucker!"

He sneaks behind her, "You called?"

"Are you serious about this?" She holds the legal document.

Chuck roughly grabs the paper from her hand, "You can leave now."

She was dumbfounded by the way he acted.. like he didn't care anymore.

If this was the same Chuck Bass she used to know, he would have done anything to keep her there.

"Whoa, now hold it just a minute there. You, Chuck Bass want to have the sole custody of your bastard child?" She sees his expression and looks over at him, waiting for him to speak.

He takes a little step back away from Blair's glowering stance to give himself a chance to respond.

"I don't owe you any explanations. Remember you didn't want to speak to me?"

She tilts her head, brushing off the subject of their relationship, "What about Nate? Call me crazy, but I don't think that he is going to like your idea when he is with the _mother_ of this baby. "

"Nate isn't with Jenny anymore."

Blair looks at Chuck with concerned eyes, "What did you do?"

He lefts out a chuckle, "I'm clearly flattered, but this time it was Nate's decision."

"Have you no shame?" She spats.

"Huh?"

"You are going to destroy Nate's life if you keep that baby. He is going to wake up every day with the same pain that drove him into the bar in the first place."

A guilty look crosses Chuck's face, but Blair doesn't see it.

"It doesn't even have anything to do with Nate or Jenny." He snapped, clearly frustrated.

"Really? You think she is just going to hand over her baby when she knows that you should never be trusted. Is this one of your stupid games again? Chuck after everything you have done this is the lowest, the most idiotic plan ever." Her voice was harsh. She was surprised by its brittle tone, "I'm not coming back to you, no matter how hard you try."

Chuck laughed and shrugged again, his arrogance getting to the brunette, "You really think this about you?" He smiled cheekily, "Sure, I love you and still believe that eventually we will be together, but this has nothing to do with you. Not this time. No games."

Blair sighs in defeat and lowered her glance.

There was silence as they stared at each other.

"So you brought Nate here because you care about him?"

She rolls her eyes, "Yes. I care about him, but I brought him here because you broke him. It's your problem to fix him and be a good friend to him, not mine."

She promptly turns around and leaves.

...

Lily listens to monitors beep and Jenny's breathing as they clock ticks loudly on the wall. She sighs then, a deep sigh, and leans back into her chair while watching her sleep. Just then the door opens and Taylor walks in, tentatively closing the door behind her as she notices a sleeping Rufus and Eric in the corner.

"How is she?"

Startled Lily, looks at her, " We are still waiting for the results."

Taylor walks over to the other side of Jenny's bed and looks down at her.

"It's good that she is finally sleeping," She looks back at Lily and she looks up at her, despair etched across her face.

"Well, this has been extremely hard.. waiting for something that could change everything, is just horrible. Everyone is tired, Rufus doesn't even want to leave the hospital." Lily stares at her with sorrow, "Are you okay?"

"I can't help but to feel a bit guilty.. if I hadn't-"

"Don't say that," Lily smiles, but she looks pained, concerned, "Charles isn't the most gentle or understanding person on this planet.. but he doesn't do it on purpose. He just sometimes doesn't think about other people around him."

"I've heard a lot about him, but never expected him to be that cruel."

"Well Charles is.. one of a kind."

"It seems like that," Taylor rolled her eyes, "But now we have to focus on Jenny."

Lily gave a desperate smile, trying to hide how offended she was by her remark. Chuck was her _son_.

Both of their eyes suddenly turn to look at the door when it opens, and Doctor Karen walks inside.

Rufus moans aloud at the ache in his head, bringing his hand up to his forehead, he breathes in and out slowly as if to compose himself, after realizing the doctors presence.

They watch her with wide eyes as she makes her way over, and then smiles at them. Lily looks hopeful, but the suspense is too much for Rufus who implores the doctor for some answers.

"Jenny.." Rufus nudges the sleeping blonde.

She sets out a tired sigh, her body stiff and sore as she rolls over onto her back and rubs her groggy eye in circles, "Wha-Whats going on?"

Jenny notices Karen and registers her expression and looks straight at her, so she begins her line of inevitable questions.

"Did you get the results?"

She nods.

"Well doc?" Rufus prided.

Karen sighs, "Right now I can say that the danger is over. There are still problems with Jenny's blood and pressure levels. So if this happened again, it would be worse, but right now the baby is one hundred percent healthy and the risk of brain damage can be crossed out of the list."

Rufus lets out a triumphant 'yes', Lily smiles and hugs Jenny as the doctor smiles at them.

Tired Eric smiles to himself on the chair, and gives a tiny, silent fist pump in the air for victory.

"So I can go home?" Jenny gets excited.

"Tomorrow you can go home. We will keep you here over the night and still keep you attached to the heart monitor because of the baby. Only advice that I can give you is that.. you need to be very careful and try to relax, like I said next time you might not be as lucky."

Jenny gave a nod and smiled brightly.

"Thank you so much," Rufus shook Karen's hand.

She smiled back, "Don't thank me, thank the people who rushed her in here so fast."

Rufus nods at the doctor who makes her way out of the room.

After the hugs and smiles were exchanged, Jenny knew what she had to do.

"Could I have a moment with Taylor?" She looked seriously at Taylor then back at Rufus, Lily and Eric.

After her family stumbled out of the room, Jenny sat straight up, facing Taylor.

"Is something wrong?" Taylor raises an eyebrow.

Jenny's eyes cloud over in a little pain, but she nods to herself, ready to spill her heart out and say all the words she rehearsed time and time again.

"Actually is.. Chuck," Jenny shifts in her spot, urgency in her voice now, "He told me that he won't sign any adoption papers. At least not any time soon."

Taylor, her eyes filled with utter disbelief, "I'm sure he didn't mean it."

"He meant it. I know Chuck and when he decides something.. he isn't backing down."

"But you still want to give the baby away, right?" Her eyes well up in tears and a sob escapes her lips.

Sighing, Jenny looks up at, her eyes filled with a wild desperation.

"I-I guess I do."

"You _guess _you do?"

"No. I mean I do." Jenny shakes her head quickly, madly, trying to shake away the feeling of uncertainty. Taylor also shakes her head as a no, indicating to her that she doesn't want to fall apart by discussing her lost child and all the other times she had lost hope.

"Taylor, I promise you that I can make Chuck change his mind. I promise you that you will have this baby." She tries to convince her.

Taylor composed herself and looks at Jenny dead in the eye, the sadness still prevalent.

"I need to go." She turns and walks towards the door, leaving a distraught Jenny, disbelief rife in her eyes.

Just before she turns, Jenny calls out to her in one last effort,

"I want you to have this baby. I'm not this baby's mom, you are."

Taylor stops in his doorway, but doesn't look at her, "I'm sorry." She sniffles, before closing the door behind her.

* * *

I personally think this was one of my best/fave chapters :)

Nate is just really lost, and felt like the Nate-Serena conversation was needed. So.. Chuck wants sole custody.. eeek wtf I know.

Don't worry Taylor isn't going anywhere and Jenny is going to try to fight back of the subject of being a mom.

So much is going on that I get confused even myself.. lol

Sorry if this is moving too 'slowly' but I really want to make sure you guys understand the plot and that 9 months is a long time.

You gotta love Eric and his fist pump! yeah :D

Until next time

_XoxoDesireh_


	22. You say whaaat?

_Ouch I have lost myself again _

_Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found, _

_Yeah I think that I might break _

_I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

_Be my friend, _

_Hold me, wrap me up _

_Unfold me _

_Breathe Me - Sia_

_..._

Jenny tries to take another bite of her sandwich, but she can't, feeling her stomach churning.

Suddenly there is a glass of water in front of her, and she looks up to see Lily holding it out.

"You need to drink something."

She nods a thank you to her and closes her eyes as she gulps the liquid down, feeling surprisingly better. It had been almost a week since she had gotten out of the hospital. Everything was falling apart around her. Taylor didn't want to talk to her, and she understood that. Lily had explained to her that she needed time to think about everything. Then there was Chuck.. He hadn't even called her after she got out of there. Nothing, which frustrated her. She was moving nowhere with this baby because she didn't know what he wanted.

"Is there something in your mind?"

Jenny opened her eyes, the look of pain arriving back on her face just as it had been there before.

Her gaze turning down, towards her stomach, "I guess you know already what I'm thinking about."

"I tried to call Charles, but he isn't answering," She smiles at Jenny, finding herself at a loss for words.

"Everything is ruined. Taylor has given up on this and I don't have the strength to look for another couple. I feel so stupid for dragging them into this and then disappointing them! You know, he is doing this as a revenge. Chuck wants me to suffer because I got pregnant and his relationship with Blair ended. He is being childish and ignorant, nothing else."

Lily listened to her with sympathetic eyes, and nodded.

"I know it's frustrating to wait, but we have to stay positive. I'm sure Charles understands this from your point of view."

"No he doesn't. Just a month ago he wanted me to be mother to this baby. He was almost forcing me to keep it." She looks at Lily and realizes that she had to be completely honest with her, "At the hospital.. I was almost thinking about _keeping_ the baby, but I guess I was just scared."

Lily's eyes become large and she looks at her, concerned.

"Jenny, are you sure about this? I've been there, it's hard.. you made this decision so determinately that I'm worried that you eventually are forcing yourself to do this when you really don't want to."

She takes a deep breath and lets it out in a slow, whoosh of air. She looks into Lily's eyes and looks for her compassion, "It hurts, but I'm doing it for this one." She wraps her stomach tightly, "I don't want to end up hating my own child. I would have to drop everything out of my life. No more boyfriends, no more friends, no more school or fashion. I couldn't handle that."

Lily looks at her curiously and steps back, unsure what to think.

Jenny watches her, the guilty look on her face, and she knows what she is thinking about,

"You think I'm being selfish."

She sighs and shakes her head. She holds her hand over hers and tries to comfort Jenny,

"No I don't. Not at all.. It's just.. that's the way I used to think about it, before I gave my son away,"

Lily closes her eyes and smiles, "Bad memories."

"I should have known that when something good finally happens to me it's taken away."

"This whole thing is solved soon as Charles clears his head. I'm sure Taylor and Richard are still willing to adopt."

"What if Chuck was really serious? That he wants to keep the baby?"

Lily sighed at her questions because they were so hard.

"We just have to wait." She finally says with a distant expression in her eyes.

...

"I thought I would find you here."

Nate looks at his left and sees Chuck standing next to him. Both of them now standing at the yard of their old school. Distant memories plague their minds as they gaze at the scene before them, remembering their carefree, adolescent attitudes, many years ago, before everything went to hell.

"Sometimes I wish we could go back in time," Nate begins to bite his bottom lip unknowingly, his mind awash with confusing images as he watches the young students laughing before him, "When did it all come to this? Remember.. we always swore we wouldn't become people like our parents. Now we are worse than our parents."

"You shouldn't say that," Dragging him out of his dazed state, Chuck looked over at Nate with concern, his eyes displaying his thoughts clearly, "You weren't the one who _ruined _everything Nathaniel."

Nate shifted uncomfortably, unsure if he really was okay or if he was seriously losing it.

"I'm not mad at you anymore if that's what you wanted to hear."

"You don't need to say anything," Chuck flashed his signature smile, "I know what you mean."

They stood there in silence. Words weren't needed.

"Remember when we stole all the student files from the principals office?"

Chuck laughed then, "Your dad would have killed you if he found out that his precious Nathaniel, straight A student failed math because he was too busy partying with his best friend." He went on, "And our summer plans would have ended there."

"I can't believe we didn't get caught-"

Chuck shot him an amused look, "Whoa, there. I did get caught."

Nate laughed, "I almost forgot about that." The laughter between the friends faded, "You got my back."

"I still have your back Nathaniel, believe it or not."

Nate looked up at him, uncertainly. The boy, then, started chuckling, hand going up to his forehead, as he tossed his head back, "You can say it aloud. I won't mock you."

Chuck raised his brow, "Aw, shit.." He chuckled, "Okay, okay.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for fucking up your life yet again Nathaniel. I was stupid to sleep with her and use her."

Nate smiles and pats him on the back, "No hard feelings.. But I still think you should stop and think about what you are doing. You said it yourself; you were stupid. You need to let Jenny know that you respect her enough to go and say sorry."

"I have everything under control."

"Really?"

"Well.. actually I made some decisions that I believe are good for both of us." He gave Nate a cocky glance, "I'm doing her a favor."

"I really think you should talk to her before you do anything. I know Jenny, she doesn't like it when people make decisions for her."

Chuck sighed then, eyes trained on Nate as he stepped forward , "Are you sure you don't still have thing for her?"

"What do you mean? I care about her, but right now I don't want to get in the middle of this. She has to focus on the baby and getting through the adoption- I don't want to rush things with Jenny like I did with Serena and Blair."

"The adoption.." He thought about it before speaking, "It's not going to happen."

"How come?"

"Well.." Chuck swallowed, "I'm going to get sole custody."

"What!"

...

"Serena!" Blair waved at her best friend on the other side of the street.

Her smile faded soon as she saw who was she with. Jenny walked behind her with Dan by her side.

Serena hugged Blair, and silence landed among them.

Blair looked at Jenny over her shoulder, "Jenny." She simply greeted with a small smile.

"Blair." Jenny greeted back icily.

She was pissed off and frustrated.

She didn't even want to go to the damn shopping centre, but Dan had insisted that she needed to get out of the house.

"We will go inside and wait.." Dan stood awkwardly between the three girls feeling more than trapped.

Jenny nodded as an bye towards Blair and walked off with Dan.

Blair watched them leave, "Well somebody is cranky."

Serena's shoulders slumped, "She is tired."

"Why?" The brunettes eyes snapped up, curiosity in them.

"First she had to deal with the hospital, and now Chuck is being more than difficult."

She sighed, "I'm surprised that she isn't taking it harder.. If I was being thrown into a custody battle against Chuck Bass and his fancy lawyers-"

"What did you say?" Serena's voice was little strained as she spoke.

"Chuck and his intentions on getting sole custody. S, try to keep up."

Serena was shocked and pulled Blair to the side, "Chuck wants sole custody?" She whispered.

"I thought you knew..."

"Well nobody knows! Except you." Serena glanced nervously towards other people who she knew were watching them, "When did you even find out about this? Are you sure?"

"I saw him a while ago and he had the paper work for it. I first thought he was kidding, but Chuck is serious this time Serena. I could see it in his eyes, he knows what he wants. I was wrong about him when I thought he wouldn't be able to do anything else than make my life miserable. Now he is going to make Jenny's life miserable. "

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"You never asked. Besides I thought Chuck sent the papers to Jenny week ago."

Serena glanced back at the crowd, "This will ruin everything. I can't tell Dan, not now."

"What are you talking about? This has nothing to do with you and Humphrey."

"Yes it does. If I now go and tell him about this, he will think that I knew all along and then he will again think that I'm on your side-"

"S, slow down," Blair tried to reach out and snapped , "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Dan still thinks that you have a grudge against Jenny."

She rolled her eyes, "I don't understand why do people have to drag me into this. It's bad enough that Gossip Girl follows my every moves because she wants me to be miserable about this. Well newsflash, I'm tired of talking about Chuck Bass and his damn baby."

Serena smiled, "I'm glad that you're taking it like that, but many people including Dan don't trust what they see. I just don't want to ruin this with him. I love him B."

"Then don't tell them.. Jenny will find out eventually. I really just want to _move on_ and I think Jenny wants you to do that too."

"But I would just feel guilty. She is already thinking about other couples who could adopt. I can't watch by while she makes plans and one day that piece of paper arrives, ruining everything again for her."

"Who knows.. maybe Chuck changed his mind. I really don't want to get mixed up with this." Blair sighed with a touch of annoyance.

...

When they arrived inside, everyone was staring, whispering.

Jenny tried to walk among all the people proudly, but she ended up wrapping her arms around herself tightly, like she was ashamed.

Jenny had feared for what might happen when she would finally go out in public with her huge stomach, but before all the idiotic, gossip-driven peers could even have the chance to look at her, Jenny stared away. Dan was walking by her, trying to encourage her.

All she could hear was pictures being taken, the awful whispers and see the eyes that stared her down.

Jenny thought the situation couldn't get any worse, but it could..

Without a notice she had bumped into her ex-minions. Her troops.

"Jenny!" Sawyer chirped with her expensive Gucci bag on her hand.

The other girls stood behind her, like she was the new.. Oh..

Then Jenny understood it, she had taken her place.

"Hi." Jenny said firmly, not allowing herself to feel humiliated.

"You look big," One of them retorted, "Maybe you should cut down on your diet."

There were smirks exchanged and devilish laughs.

"Jenny, maybe we should go." Dan nudged her.

"Yeah maybe you should." Carmen rolled her eyes, "Nobody wants you here."

She looked at her brother, "You go ahead, I'll be right there."

Dan frowns at her slightly and then turns into a different direction.

"Things have changed you know." Sawyers voice was cold, " We were stupid to just follow you around when you didn't even deserve to be followed. You are just scum and it was just the matter of time when you showed your true colors."

Biting her bottom lip, finally she nods her head and laughs, "I really don't care what you think."

"Good because when you come back to school don't expect anything from us."

Jenny turned around laughing to herself. She had never felt so mature.. These girls were childish and plain stupid. She couldn't believe she had been like that before, maybe even worse.

"Everybody knows," Sawyers words stopped her," You used Chuck Bass to get pregnant, so that you could be the next it-girl in Upper East Side and have your own special section on Gossip Girls site."

"That's ridiculous." Jenny laughed, " Do you seriously think that I would do something that desperate? Do you think I like this attention? I hate this."

"It wouldn't be your first time to do something like this. You're an attention whore Jenny, everybody knows that." It was now Jane who spoke.

Jenny just turned around and ignored them this time, not giving them the pleasure.

"See you in school!" Sawyer shouted behind her, "Bitch.." She muttered to herself.

...

Jenny's eyes flutter open, breathing in deeply as a frown forms on her lips, memories of what had happened earlier playing over in her mind like a horror film. Biting her bottom lip, she sits up in the bed and pulls the sheet over herself, glancing around the room. She gets out of bed and changes, running her hand through her hair as she opens the door and makes her way out. She hears the familiar sound of food sizzling in a pan, and soon enough the familiar smell of her favorite food wafted through the air as she hesitantly walks into their kitchen. Rufus was hunched over the stove, his eyes a picture of absolute concentration as he works away at the feast. Her presence suddenly becomes noticeable to him, and he looks up from what he is doing, a huge smile forming across his lips as his eyes meet hers.

"You had a good nap?"

"Good as it gets." She yawned and sat down.

"I heard from Dan that you ran into some of your classmates.."

"Dad, really. I don't want to talk about it."

"I was just curious," He explained, "You know that you are going back to school next week. I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"No matter what I do, I will feel uncomfortable." As she sat and watched him cook, Jenny poured herself a glass of juice and waited.

"I hope you're hungry. I think I may have gone a tad overboard."

"You always go overboard with food dad." With goofy grins on their faces, they smiled at one-another.

"I just want my girls to be healthy."

Her blue eyes gazed at him, "Girls?"

"We were thinking about this with Lily and I said that you are going to have girl and she said that you are going to have a boy." He ran his hand through his hair, clearly uncomfortable with his confession, "I shouldn't have said that.."

"Dad don't worry.. Eric and his boyfriend even made a bet about it." There was a grin stretching to the corners of her mouth, "Why do you think it's a girl?" She asked curiously.

"Your mom was the same when she was expecting you.. craving pickles, even though she hated them."

"It was just one night!"

"Jenny darling you ate the whole jar."

Botch of them cracked up instantly.

Pounding heart and nervous breaths, Lily walked up the steps to the house she knew so well, the people she loved so much within it's very walls. She could hear their laughter from the kitchen and hated herself for going in and ruining their fun.

Rufus's eyes found Lily staring at the laughing daughter and father, "Sweetheart you arrived just in time, dinner is ready."

Jenny's cheeky blue eyes glanced up at an intense blonde, "Lily? Is everything okay?"

She passed the orange envelope to Rufus and glanced nervously as he opened it.

"Chuck has sued for sole custody of your baby."

* * *

Blair finds out from Chuck.

Chuck tells Nate.

Blair tells Serena.

Lily tells Rufus,and Jenny.

Dan finds out, Serena doesnt know that Dan knows and tells Dan.

Get where Im going here?.. Drama :D

Upper East Side never, neveer gets boring.

What about the bitchy minions? I have to admit.. I had to go to google to check out their names because I didn't even remember them.. lol

_XoxoDesireh_


	23. Snap back to reality

_I never thought I'd fall for you as hard as I did_

_You got me thinkin' 'bout our life, a house and kids, yeah_

_Every morning I look at you and smile_

_'Cause boy, you came around and you knocked me down_

_Knocked me down_

_Knock You Down - Keri Hilson ft. Kanye West, Ne-Yo_

_...  
_

_..._

Chuck had been walking into his apartment when he was suddenly shoved up against the door.

"Jenny." He acknowledged, hiding his surprise. The blonde looked pissed.

"Didn't know a delicate girl like you could man-handle so easily." He flashed his teeth.

"Oh, please." She scoffed, "I have reason!" She shoved the papers on his face.

"Maybe we should go inside."

She snorted disgustingly and followed him.

"Wasn't it enough when you made sure that I could never give this baby away? How could you do something like this behind my back!"

He smirked, "I thought you told me to '_stay away_' "

"I didn't." Her voice was flat. "But I want you to do something for me now."

He was surprised, but remained silent.

"Get rid of these. Please." Jenny gave him the papers.

"What?" He drawled carelessly, slouching on the sofa, "I told you how I felt about this. I'm not giving the baby away for adoption."

"Are you joking?" She demanded. "Chuck wake up! You are not someone who is ready to be a father."

Chuck raised a single eyebrow, casually slipping his hands into the pockets of his pants.

"And since when did I start caring about you opinions?" His voice was casual.

"Listen to yourself! Do you know how to take care of a baby? Do you know how much work it means? You couldn't just run on the streets like some kind of established, infamous Don Juan. You would have to be there for _him or her _for every single second and we both know that you can't do that.. You're popular,you've got influence. People won't let you sit at home with a baby while they need you at the Bass industries or somewhere else." Her voice was smooth, but her eyes were earnest.

"Why would you think that," he asked in a detached sort of tone, "I would be working at the same time? It's my company I can step down whenever I feel like it."

"You wouldn't," She spat, "You're doing this because of your father right? You want to make him proud by bringing another Bass into the family, to continue the legacy!"

He snapped, "It is not about that."

"Yes it is," Her voice was hard and her hands were on her hips, "But I don't give a shit about what you think of me, I don't care if you think I'm low-life trash. At least I have the guts to admit that I would be a horrible mom."

"You probably would because you are so damn stubborn." He held back a sneer.

"You are such a pig." Her voice was loud. "A rotten, selfish pig. It's not bad enough that you think this baby is a some kind of toy, but now you want sole custody! You don't even care whether the baby is happy! That's the only thing I want for this child! I don't want it to be pawn in your game! Why can't you help me?" Her voice hid a plea.

"I can make the baby happy," He tossed casually over his shoulder. "I can give my son everything he wants."

_Oh gosh, here we go again, _"Your son?"

He smiled sheepishly, "Generation after generation.. The first child has always been a boy."

"Chuck listen to yourself.. You are doing this because your father would want you to do this."

"Why do you have to bring up my father?"

"Because," She breathed, "Would you want your _son_ to be as miserable as you? Do you want this _boy_ to have the same kind of childhood like you did? Unloved, alone while _daddy_ is out handling business.. Do you want to make the same mistake ?"

Chuck had an uncertain look in his eyes, "Do you really think I would treat my child the way my father treated me? And how can you be sure that these Aldridge's can raise him any better? They could end up doing more damage than me."

"It's not about damage control Chuck.. It's about what you believe in, and I have my faith in them. You saw the nursery yourself.. Would you really steal that away from this baby? The love and the opportunities they can give. We could never offer something like that."

"No." Chuck shook her head vehemently. "You're wrong," He turned to meet Jenny's eyes. "I'm not giving away my son."

Frustrated, Jenny throws her hands up in the air and screams at him, "What are you going to do then? Raise the baby on your own? You can't even take care of yourself!"

His eyes fill with fury as he hears her words. He turns around and storms towards her, anger evident in his eyes as he stares at her accusingly, "Who are you to say that? Jenny you are the problem here. You only think about yourself."

"You think I only think about myself when I spent hours on doing research and going to these meetings considering the adoption progress. You should be thanking me for giving this child a chance!"

Chuck shakes his head at her and laughs at her hypocrisy.

"You think this is funny?" With disgust in her eyes, she faces him, "It is not funny! I'm trying to stay calm and rational because of the baby, if I wasn't a size of a whale right now I would kick your ass!"

He looks up at her with a new, resigned expression.

"You threatening me isn't helping at all."

She rolls her eyes, "And you getting sole custody helps a lot."

"This a good way to go. I want this child and you don't. I could guarantee you that you wouldn't have to hear or be a part of this child's life in any way."

"Chuck I'm not giving this baby to you. I will say this million times; As long as I breathe I will NEVER sign those papers."

"This is about my son!" Chuck lets out a long sigh, before turning to look down at a silent Jenny, her eyes distant as she looks in front of her, "Please," Jenny moaned into her hands. "Just give up already. Let _him_ go."

"Could you do it yourself?"

Jenny was confused, "Huh?"

"Could you give away your only family? There is nobody else left for me."

She stared blankly at him, not able to give an answer.

"I thought so."

He brushed past her, opening the door, "Come back when the papers are signed."

...

"Wait.. Jenny is with Chuck now?" Dan asked, confused, "Jenny is alone with Chuck and Chuck wants sole custody?"

"I tried to stop her, but after she saw the papers she couldn't just sit and wait." Rufus explained, "She wanted to go alone- I tried to stop her, but she didn't listen. Ive never seen her so.. fragile."

Dan looks at his dad, imploring him with his eyes to find some answers, "Well how the hell did all this happen? I thought Chuck was more than thrilled to give away the baby."

"Looks like he isn't."

Dan paced around the room anxiously, "What are we supposed to do now?"

"We wait. It's best if we let Jenny first talk to him and if he isn't giving up, then I will go and talk to him."

"Dad, you can't punch him this time. Chuck seems to be more than serious about this."

"Who said I was going to punch him?"

His serious son shoots a look towards him, "Dad.."

"Okay, okay.. He just really makes me mad, first he gets her into the hospital and now he wants to take away the baby."

Rufus looks at his son and they stare at each other in silence for a moment.

"We have to trust Jenny and Lily."

"Lily?" Dan asked suspiciously, "Is she going to talk to him?"

"She just left to pick up Jenny. I'm sure she wants to exchange some words with Chuck."

Just as Dan opens his mouth, a voice rings out behind him.

"Dan? Are you here? Oh there you are.. listen I tried to call you.."

Serena's voice trails off as she notices that Dan is not alone.

Rufus's sad eyes looked tired as he stared at his half-daughter.

"What's wrong?" She asked, surprised by the cold atmosphere, "Where is Jenny?"

"With Chuck.."

Serena raised a brow to her boyfriend, waiting for more.

".. he sued Jenny-"

"for sole custody." She finished for him.

Dan glares defiantly at her, "How did you know? Did Lily tell you?"

"No." Serena admitted, "Blair did."

Rufus took that as cue to leave the room, "I'll go and call Lily.."

Serena opens her mouth to speak, but Dan puts his hand up, signaling for her not to say anything,

"You knew?"

"I just found out today at the mall by accident. Blair knew about it a lot earlier, but she never told me."

Still holding his hand in the air, he scrunches his brows, "You could have told everybody hours ago! It's almost eleven o'clock and Jenny is exhausted, out there talking to Chuck in the middle of the night. She should be still resting. If you told me earlier this would have been worked out already."

"A couple hours don't mean-"

"No. Couple hours, couple seconds, all of it matters Serena. You weren't honest with me and that is the only thing I have been asking from you since we got back together. Where were you anyway?"

"I was with Blair. I had dinner with her and her mom."

Dan sighs, conflict crossing his expression as he decides what to do.

"You could have just called and tell us about this. Instead you spent your time with Blair and her mom eating fucking caviar."

"Dan, believe me.. I never intended anything bad. We are talking about couple hours here. If I had told you it wouldn't change anything.. please don't blame this on me when I'm already upset about everything that has been happening. I really need you and I think you know that. The talk with Nate in the hospital was hard enough.."

Serena throws herself onto him and clings to his shirt. He puts his arms up in the air, not knowing what to do, but finding himself unable to console her the way he normally would, the way he always has. Noticing his lack of reassurance, She peers up at him, a look of confusion and disbelief showing in her face, "Dan?"

Dan looks at Serena with sympathetic eyes, "I understand that.."

Relief floods through her eyes, and she smiles up at him.

Dan's stiff stance however does not change, and she loses the smile when she realizes he is not quite done.

"But we talked about this earlier. I need to protect her- I need to protect Jenny. I can't deal with this drama that always comes up when we are together Serena.. Nobody can."

Dan places his hands over Serena's grasp and gently unclenched her hands from his shirt.

As he releases her hands, she steps back and brings them into her chest, almost comforting herself as she looks down at the ground.

"So you don't want us to be together because of Jenny?"

"I never said that," He insisted, "I need a moment to help her, and our family. Dad and Lily can't even sleep because they're so worried. Eric barely stays at home because he doesn't want to cause any trouble."

Serena thinks to herself for a moment and then looks up at Dan, a resolved look on her face.

"Just promise me that you won't try to fix all of her problems. You are just her big brother."

He smiles a bit and gives her a quick peck, "I know."

...

Jenny was furious, fuming. She was so tired of this! Drama! D-R-A-M-A !

It followed her everywhere.

There was always a new problem ahead; Chuck, her dad, her baby, the Aldridge's, Blair, Serena, Dan and the list went on and on..

She had wanted a simple life, careless life! not this. She kept cursing to herself while walking.

Without watching where she walked, she bumped into more drama.

"Jenny?" Nate asked, confused, "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing.."

He tried to hide the bag of takeout, but Jenny immediately understood what was happening.

Nate looks at Jenny bewildered. His mouth is open with shock, and he shakes his head from side-to-side trying to make sense of her calm reaction, "You okay?"

"Am I okay?" She looks at him intensely, "You are the one who should know! You're buddies again huh? I thought you were on my side!"

"I'm not choosing sides Jenny."

She laughs a little hysterically, "You are not choosing sides?" She was bitter, "You are here in the middle of the night taking food to your _dear friend_ and you haven't talked to me in days," Her voice turned nasty, "You knew didn't you? You knew what he was planning from the beginning!"

"I never said I was okay with what he was doing..."

"No, you're right. It's not okay. None of this is THIS," She pointed at him and his takeout food, "is okay."

"Don't be hysterical Jenny," He snapped unintentionally, "Chuck has been my friend for years. I would never hurt you. You are my friend too and I care about you."

"So what, this is payback ?"

"No, this is not payback. This is me following myself. I'm tired of this hatred that has surrounded me and all of the people I know. Life is too short."

"Whatever.." She shakes her head, "I don't have time to argue with you or your _best friend_. I have to go and get a lawyer."

"I'm sorry for hurting you, and I'm sorry that-"

Jenny angrily interrupts him, "You are sorry, Nate? You are a sorry excuse for a human being. I mean, I know maybe you and I were not exactly working but…you are allowing him to do this to me? You held me and told me everything was going to be okay when I lost myself.. You told me to fight for this baby…now he is taking my baby away? Can you not see how wrong that is?

"Don't say that. You _know _how hard it was for me to forget what happened between you two. This was never just about you and Chuck. This is about all of us. You were equally involved. You can't seriously expect me to shut Chuck out."

"You betrayed me! You knew about this for days and did nothing do stop it. Id rather let my baby _die_ than give it to Chuck!"

"Jenny, stop it-"

"No," She looks at Nate with one last glance, his eyes saddened by what has happened, "This thing…this sick, unstable thing that we call a friendship. It's done. It's over. I want nothing from someone who is a friend of Chucks."

Without looking back, she walks down the hallway and into the darkness that awaits her on the other side.

Watching Jenny disappear, Nate lets out a long sigh.

...

Dan stands nervously, hands on the railing, eyes busily scanning the endless darkness out in front of him.

It felt like the everything and everybody was suffocating him.

His dad nervously waiting for Lily and Jenny..

Serena _trying_ to talk to him..

Nothing was making sense anymore.

He hears someone breathe out a confused sigh, and he brings himself to turn and face that someone.

His eyes go wide in shock and he stops, pulling his ear phones out slowly as he watches her.

Looking into her eyes, eyes that demanded some sort of explanation from him, he took a deep breath and tried to search for an answer he knew he didn't have.

She smiles awkwardly at him and steps towards him.

He watches her, not saying a word as she converges on him. Finally stopping in front of him, she takes a deep breath and looks into his eyes.

"Hey. I'm home." Vanessa holds her hand out to him, trying to comfort him. Her fingers reach out to him, nervously twitching in the night air.

* * *

I got my groove back! Sorry for not updating earlier.. I was having a crisis :( But now I'm back on writing.

Vanessa is back. Jenny is pissed out. Nate and Chuck are buddies.

So much happening again.. Let me know if you liked!

_XoxoDesireh_


	24. The past never dies

_I feel like I'm hallucinating_

_Yeah you're tripping me out_

_I can't control, it's you I'm craving_

_I can just tell you're down_

_Come get me, Let's get rowdy_

_Boy you'd look so damn good on me_

_Chain Reaction - Ke$ha_

_...  
_

The sun shined through the morning window as Dan rolled over, half expecting to find an empty space beside him, however his arm found a sleeping Serena and he happily wrapped himself around her, breathing in her scent as he snuggled into her, his nose playfully caressed the back of her neck. He'd forgotten how beautiful that part of her was- how much he'd missed it. She sighed in contentment when she felt him find her sensitive area, remembering how it felt when he used to do it, wondering how she'd gone so long without it. She rolled over into him, curling up and pressed her face onto his, rubbing their noses together softly before she drifted back off to sleep. He closed his eyes and smiled, finally feeling at peace with the world now that Serena was back in his arms, exactly where he'd always wanted her to be.

...

Jenny lied on the side of her bed, staring at the wall as she contemplated where her life had taken her. She rubbed her belly softly, remembering it wasn't that long ago that there was nothing inside her. She closed her eyes, her thoughts drifting back to Nate.. wondering why he hadn't called and told her earlier about what was going around in his mind. A tear rolled down her cheek again and his grip tightened around her hand. Eric laid next to her, rubbing her back. He had promised to her that he wouldn't leave her, not now. She was crying the pain away again. He took a tissue out of his pocket, handing it over to her. She nodded as a silent _'thank you'_, not able to admit that she was not crying just because of Chucks plan and Nate.. There was something that had bothered her mind for a long time.

...

Rufus's eyes opened suddenly as he realized where he was, a smile forming on his lips as his arms found Lily, sleeping peacefully next to him on the couch. He knew that she hadn't slept well for months now. He just wanted to make sure his wife was happy and.. healthy.

He wanted to be strong because of her, but it was getting harder when he saw her suffer in pain. The pain that had filled her life and made her weak. He couldn't lose her. Not when there was so much for them to experience together.

He slipped out from under the blanket and stood up, wrapping his arms under her body as he lifted her up; her head curling into his chest. He carried her down the hall and made his way into their bedroom, placing her on the bed and leaning down to brush her lips softly with his own. As he gazed down at her beauty he smiled, running a soft finger through her hair as she mumbled in her sleep and rolled over, causing a little breath of happiness to escape Rufus's lips, content with watching his beautiful wife sleep peacefully. He couldn't believe that she could be terminally ill.

...

Chucks head spun out of control making him see double, no wait.. triple.

He couldn't keep his eyes open for more than a minute. The young man struggled to even stand up.

Bad move. His body was completely numb. A throbbing pounded through his head. He felt like shit.

"Fucker..." He moaned in an agonized voice-

A hard drilling noise continued to shake inside his head.

"Hangover?" Chuck opened his eyes to find the familiar brunette standing over him. A coffee cup in her hand. Thank God for coffee, "You've been asleep for a while. How do you feel?" He reached for the coffee and greedily swallowed it down. He yelped out loud as his tongue burned from the hot contact. "Oh sorry, should have told you it was hot." Blair smirked.

He was surprised by her presence and gasped dryly, "Blair.. What are you doing here?"

She sighed, "Nate called me."

Chuck furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion.

"You don't remember?"

"I think it's the other way around..." He grinned.

"No Chuck seriously.. You don't remember?"

"What?"

"The meeting. Bass industries. Biggest deal of the year."

Holy mother-fucking-

"Shit." He breathed, as he struggled to let her reminder sink in,"Fuck." He swore under his breath. He rubbed his hands roughly over his face. He felt like he'd been bawling his eyes out, "Fuck." He swore much louder this time.

He looked at her. He eyed her face, almost forgetting what he was thinking in the first place.

Her heavy hazel lashes, the same antique brown as her soft, waving hair and eyebrows.

Oh god, that mouth.. Those generously full lips were just made to kiss-

But that wasn't the point. That wasn't what was important. At least not at that very moment.

Chuck felt prickles of anxiety creep into his head, behind the aching hangover. What the hell had happened last night? He remembered Jenny, and Nate coming by.. Then.. Oh..

The bottle of Johnnie Walker.

Well that explained a lot.

"What do you think you are doing?" Blair watched him stumble across the living room with his suite jacket on the other hand.

"I have to go and fix this!"

"Well it's too late for that Chuck. It's almost noon. Besides if you barge in now it will make things even worse. Nate can handle it."

He was snarling under his breath, "Why didn't Nate wake me up?"

"He tried. Even I tried. Nate left hours ago to talk to the other executives and investors for you."

Chuck closed his eyes, as he heaved a weary sigh, "This was important. The most important day of my life. For my father. If we don't get this deal it can crush the Bass industries.. for good." He sat down looking crushed, "You can laugh now."

"Why would I do that?" She asked carefully.

"I guess I got what I deserved.." He admitted to himself rather bitterly, "I ruined my father's legacy, I almost killed the _baby_ and most importantly I lost.. you."

"My god..." Blair groaned. "Someone like you should be illegal..." She took a step closer to him, "I'm going to say this just once.. Snap out of it Chuck! Moping around like a poor person won't help at all. Get it together. I mean it! I don't want to watch you like this."

Chuck turned to look at the brunette goddess, tilting his head curiously.

"I thought you didn't care?" He turned to look at her, keeping his wariness in check.

She was caught off-guard by his husky voice.

"Don't even start- I didn't come here to talk about.. us."

He studied her then, as if he was trying to figure her out.

Fat chance. She snorted to herself. She wasn't going on that road again.

"But you did come. That must mean something."

"I was doing a favor for a friend," Blair's voice piped up, "Nate."

Chuck scoffed. "Let's be honest here. You came because of me."

Blair rolled her eyes. "Real cute, Chuck."

"I try."

"Oh, I know." She replied with a shake of her head.

"Why would you want to help me then?"

"I didn't." She sounded sour and to emphasize her point, she playfully smacked him.

"Wouldn't do that if I were you." He warned, lips hovering over her cheek.

"What?" She demanded. She rubbed at her wrists, shooting him a glare.

"Don't ever smack someone that.. roughly." He murmured, rolling his shoulders in a semi-stretch, "That's just asking for sex."

"What?" She repeated, voice rising hotly.

"It causes fighting." He narrowed her eyes at her, "When like us fight it causes passion. Passion incites a response or responses of pleasure. You don't do that unless you're horny. And you're not horny unless you want sex."

Blair gaped at him; her expression was comical.

He smirked.

"Don't patronize me." She snapped.

He gave her a slow, lazy grin, eyebrows rising mockingly. "Of course not."

"Don't mock me either." She growled.

"Never."

"I'm serious."

"But you just make it too easy, love."

Blair's nose twitched a bit; her eyebrows followed with spasms of their own.

She returned with a smirk, "You are so unbelievably childish, Bass."

"I thought we were all for a first-name basis." Chuck's voice was dry.

"It's a two-way street."

"I thought that was respect. Or trust."

"This is _my _two-way street." She grinned.

...

"I'm so tired," Jenny yawned while walking into the kitchen, "and getting fatter by the day isn't helping."

Dan frowned, trying to focus on his sister, but his own thoughts took over, "Tell me about it."

She nodded her head in agreement and took a seat next to Dan, watched him with expectant eyes.

"What?"

Jenny smiled, "Talk to me. Tell me what's going on. You have that very familiar _'something is in my mind' _face."

"Everything is such a mess right now." Dan admitted.

"Hey, what is it?" She looked concerned, "You can tell me."

He sighed, "Vanessa is back."

Jenny leaned back in her chair and mouthed _"oh."_

Dan sighed again as she took in this new information.

"So what does this mean?"

"It means that Vanessa wants to get back together with me and I sold the engagement ring that I was supposed to give to Serena."

Jenny shook her head in confusion, "Wait, slow down, Go back, Rewind. Why would you sell the ring? I thought you loved her!"

"I do love her! It's just that- this _situation _with you has brought up some.. bad memories. I'm tired of being the second important person in her world. Suddenly it's all about Blair again."

"Dan, that is stupid." Jenny decided to be straightforward, "We are talking about Blair and Serena here. B and S, Dan. They are going to be friends for the rest of their lives and if you love Serena, you should be able to handle Blair Waldorf on the side."

"Still, Blair Waldorf is a lot."

"Well what about Vanessa? Did you talk to her?"

"Of course I did." He said simply, "She apologized for telling me about _him or her_," Dan looked at her larger than life belly, "Vanessa is ready to move forward. Forget about the photo _you_ took and blasted on gossip girl."

Jenny grimaced, "Well did you ask her why now? Why didn't she come back earlier if she loved you that much?"

"She needed time I guess. I don't know, I didn't ask for answers."

"You didn't ask? Are you crazy? Why would you not want to know?" Jenny got exasperated.

"Because it doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters goof! She can't just show up and expect you to leave Serena because she decided to come back! She left in the first place because things were hard."

"Hey don't shoot the messenger. I'm as confused as you."

"I'm just not understanding this. Are you leaving Serena for her?"

"No!" Dan exclaimed, "I mean I don't know!"

"Don't make a stupid mistake and lose her now. Vanessa comes and goes around- Serena is the one for you. I want you to be happy and I know she can make you happy.. you know that too. I don't want you to make a decision like that because it has been _bit_ intense around here for the past months. This is about you and her, nobody else."

He smiles, "Who are you and what have you done to my sister?"

She made a face, "I ate her."

Dan laughed as Jenny gave him one last hug before heading to the fridge. She pulled out a bar of chocolate and walked over to him, placing it down in front of him.

"Chocolate? I'm not a girl Jenny, I don't need chocolate to make me feel better."

She socked him in the arm and pushed it towards him.

"No, smart ass. It's for Serena."

"Serena?" He looked confused.

Jenny gave him a nod and smiled, "I know it's nothing fancy, but it's a gesture."

"I think I know what I should do." He held his hands out and beckoned his sister forward. She wandered over and allowed herself to be wrapped in a bear hug. As he leaned on her head, she closed her eyes and smiled.

"You can have this." He tossed the chocolate bar to her, "I know you wanted it anyway."

"Oh shut up already."

...

"_The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched, but are felt in the heart._" Lily smiled as she noticed the movie that was playing on the background in the waiting room.

"Huh?" Rufus woke from his thoughts, "What did you say?"

"English Patient. It's been a _long_ time since we went to the movies."

"It has." He said quietly.

She simply smiled back at him, "Rufus, it is just a simple scan. They won't find anything."

His eyes are glued to hers, "I know that."

Rufus had never feared a word before, but right now there was one ringing in his ears.

Cancer, cancer, cancer

Those six letters could haunt him for the rest of his life. It was his worse nightmare..

To see her each day slip a little father, no matter how tight he hold her hand.. she would still be gone.

...

"Pick up. Pick up. Pick up," Jenny groaned on the phone.. waiting for an answer.

"Jenny?" His voice was deceptively light, "What do you want?"

"I need to talk to you. Right now." She said in a hurried tone.

Chuck looked over his shoulder, at Blair who sat on his sofa with a glass of wine on her hand, "Now is not a good time."

"Then when is a good time?" She asked warily, "Chuck I'm not going to sit and wait for you to change your mind about the whole adoption issue.. and that is why I'm asking for you to come and have dinner with me and the Aldridge's."

"I don't know..." He sighed, "Why would I do that?"

"I'm not asking you to do any decisions, you could just come and talk to these people. I want you to see them before you make up your mind."

A flicker of irritation crossed Chucks face, "Why are you being so nice?"

"I'm not trying to be nice you donkey! I'm being reasonable and fair, unlike you."

Chuck rolled his eyes, "I have my reasons and I don't think I have to explain them to you again. You know how much-"

"Just say _'yes'_" She demanded, "I don't have the time to hear your whole life-story right now. I have better things to do."

"Will you let me finish?" He shot back.

Her sullen silence permitted him to continue, "As I was saying.."

"Just say _yes,_ Chuck." She sighed.

There was a long pause.

"Fine. Yes," There was a cockiness in his voice, "But I insist that you come here with your _guests_. I'm not going to sit and eat cold peas in another restaurant."

"As long as you are there alone I'm okay with it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't want you to scare them away. After what happened last time-" Her voice was distracted and yet taut with tension.

"You are still blaming me for that?"

She didn't react on his question, "Just.. keep all the tramps away for a day, please."

He shook his head and closed the phone, turning his attention on Blair, "Where were we?"

"No where. I'm waiting for Nate." Annoyed, Blair stepped a good meter away from him.

"Who gave you permission to move away?"

"Do you really think you can control me after-" Her head snapped up to shoot Chuck a death glare.

He cut her off with a peck on the lips.

"I'm kidding." He murmured against her mouth.

"Ugh!" She pushed him away.

He moved back, an amused look on his face.

"You and I both know I could hardly boss you around, even if I tried." He smirked, "Would you just relax? I was just kidding."

"I'm relaxed, I'm absolutely relaxed. I'm unbelievably relaxed. What are you talking about me not being relaxed? I'm so relaxed, I'm almost-" She turned around to see her savior of the day, Nate Archibald, "Nate! You're here! Good now we can leave and never come back."

He nervously looked at Blair,"..Okay" Nate rolled his thoughts over in his mind, trying to think of some way he could say what needed to be said without making things...uncomfortable and bad.

"So how did it go?" Chuck asked carefully, "What did they say?"

"Well.." Nate Blinked, "They were not happy."

"What does that mean Nathaniel?"

"We have a little problem," He swallowed, "I might have told them that you would sell your part of the company.."

"You did what!"

* * *

I'm sorry that I can't update so often these days, but I'm working and going to school so it is hard to find some time..

The last chapter was so super tense that I thought this would be good now.. a bit lighter chapter.

Poor Lily and Rufus :( ...

_XoxoDesireh_


	25. When everything went to hell

_Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone_

_I hear you call my name_

_And it feels like home_

_When you call my name it's like a little prayer_

_I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there_

_In the midnight hour I can feel your power_

_Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there _

_Like a prayer - Madonna_  
_..._

Soft eyes stared down the crisp white hospital corridor, a sturdy grip linking with a shaking delicate one as Rufus took his wife's hand and lead her to the doctor's passed by in a blur of off-whites and grays for Lily, her throat closing and her heart beating unsteadily as they edged ever closer to the room that held her future within its cracking walls. Without a sound, he pulled his wife onward, her own body unwilling to push herself forward, his strength was needed now more than ever.

"I can't do this.."

"Everything is okay Lily. Don't worry."

The white lacquered door was suddenly upon them, the sound of beeping machines, wheeling gurneys and patients names sounding out around the couple as Lily took a deep breath, Rufus waited patiently by her side.

He turned the knob of the door to the doctor's office, leading his wife into the room that would soon announce whether the fight was starting.

...

"Nathaniel, I swear to God if you are playing me I will kill you with my own hands."

Nate swallowed, "I'm not playing." He gritted his teeth, "They don't want to waste their money on you Chuck. The only way you can make them stay and finance this company is selling your shares. They feel like their money is going to be wasted and I can guarantee you that more than one will pull off the pluck on Bass Industries."

"That is not an option! I don't have the money to continue this alone. This hotel isn't making any profits yet." Chuck growled in frustration, "Why didn't you just wake me up?"

Blair had a distant expression in her eyes, "This isn't Nate's fault." She shook the feeling of unease away and turned to look firmly at Chuck, "It's not like this is the first time this has happened. You've been walking around doing nothing for months and this is what happens when you do that.."

He was angry at himself, "What now then? I just give up?"

She looks up into Chucks concerned face and shakes her head 'no'.

"What about your other bank accounts? your father's shares? You must have some money left. You told me when you got the hotel back that everything was under control."

He made a growing noise in the back of his throat, and when Blair glanced up at him the jovial humor in his expression had been replaced by an anxious smile," I didn't exactly tell you the whole truth.."

She took a determined step closer, "What do you mean Chuck?"

"My father left me a pile of debts and when Jack came along he caused even more money issues. He basically emptied all of my father's foreign bank accounts that I didn't even know that existed and when I found out it was too late. The empire wasn't making enough money so I took a loan." Chuck explained, his voice so low that he was almost whispering.

"A loan?" Nate looked confused, "From who?"

"Someone who offered help," Chuck responded vaguely, "Blair's mother."

"What!" The brunette shouted frantically, "When did this happen?"

"It was right after we got the hotel back-"

"We! "She snapped, shouting just inches away from his face, "I was the one who-"

"Okay, okay calm down." Nate pulled Blair away, "Chuck," He turned to look at him, "How much?"

He sighed, scratching at the day-old stubble on his face, "Hundred thousand. All gone. I paid most of the debts with it."

Both of them could feel the anger tremble in Blair's limbs. "Why haven't I heard any of this?"

"I told your mother not to speak to you about it. It was my decision."

Nate's breath was caught in his throat, but Blair and Chuck continued to stare each other off, as though he wasn't even present.

"You know very well why I didn't tell you-"

"Because you are a liar!" She cried, her voice rising with her agitation, "You promised me that you would never lie to me again and here we are again."

"I'm sorry." He said quietly.

Blair shook her head, muttering under her breath furiously as she walked out of the apartment.

"Well.. that went well.." Nate said shortly, killing the conversation with his sarcasm, "I have an idea." He bites his lip, "I will buy you out."

"What? Are you out of your mind?"

"No Chuck, this is the best solution. I will hold the Company under my name and they will think that I'm in charge, but truthfully it would be you in the end. You could pay me back when you had the money."

"That's a great idea, but.. you don't have that much money." He pointed out.

He scowled, "I can always borrow, or-"

Chuck cut him off, "Nathaniel you are not gambling or _borrowing_ money from anybody."

"So you are just going to sell out?" He finally blew out the truth, "This is the one thing that I have always admired about you. This business and how you handle it. You can't give up now. I know certain people and I have the money, just let me help you."

"What if you worked with me?" He asked calmly.

"What?"

"Partnership," Chuck explained, "Until I get enough money to buy my part of the deal, I think you should work with the company. I can show everyone that they can trust me with you."

He looked at Chuck, "You really would trust me to handle your father's business?"

"While I figure out what to do with the Jenny, I can trust you to look over something that my father built. This way I can keep The Empire and The Bass industries." Chucks voice held a rare sincerity.

"I guess we are partners then." Nate patted Chucks back and smiled widely.

...

For a split-second Vanessa didn't realize who was standing in the doorway.

As soon as she did, instinct had her bracing herself for a fight.

"Jenny."

Jenny simply looked at her for a moment, "Oh, um, hi," She said finally, still unable to gather her thoughts, "Can I talk to you?"

Vanessa gave her a blank expression, "Sure.." She sighed and folded the dishcloth that she was holding.

The heavily pregnant girl frowned at her, "Why did you come back?"

She raised her eyebrows at her, "What do you want me to say? I felt betrayed. I was needed somewhere else and this whole year has been extremely confusing."

"Unlike you.. I'm not running away, but if I had the choice I wouldn't be here." Jenny said quietly. "You know why."

"Jenny I was only thinking about you when I told Dan. I helped you." She looked down at her, arrogant and annoyed, "You're like a little sister to me."

"It was none of your business. That is the problem Vanessa." Jenny graced her with a knowing smile, "Anyway, I'm not here because of that." She tilted her head to one side, "We need to talk about Dan."

The brunette nodded sadly as she understood what she was doing there, "I think you should let him do his own decisions."

"I know that you want Dan to be happy and you love him. At least I thought you were mature enough to let him go and stop messing with him and Serena."

She fumed. "You don't know anything about it. I do love him. This has nothing to do with Serena."

Jenny's smile widened, "We both know that is a lie." She lowered her voice conspiratorially, "I know that is hard when someone like Serena Van Der Woodsen steals something from you."

"Serena didn't steal Dan from me. They weren't even involved." Vanessa gave an uncomfortable shrug and walked back into the kitchen.

"She did steal him," Jenny muttered, "She stole his heart and you can never get it back."

Vanessa stopped mid-step and turned around. She watched her as she continued, "Vanessa this isn't going to help anybody. You need to admit to yourself that what was between you and Dan is gone. It's fate."

"What if there is no fate? What if we came together to make our own fate, did you ever think about that?"

Jenny wrapped her arms around her body, "I just want Dan to be happy and believe it or not.. I want you to be happy too."

She sighed and looked at her, a small smile forming at the corners of her mouth, "What if I made us some hot chocolate?"

"I'd like that." The blonde lowered her eyes and laughed a little at herself, but was interrupted when she got a surprising message on her phone.

...

Lily and Rufus were standing close together as they came in.

He had his arm wrapped protectively around her. Jenny could tell that they were both upset, not just Rufus.

Lily was gripping a piece of paper in her hand tightly, wrinkling it up.

"What's going on?" Rest of the family looked anxiously at their parents, "Why did we all have to come here?" Jenny asked curiously.

"Dad, what's wrong?" Dan rushed towards them, but Rufus reached his arm out and gently grabbed his shoulder, signaling for him to stay away, "Let's sit down for a second. We need to talk."

"Mom, what's going on?" Serena was getting even more worried. This couldn't be good. She felt her stomach turning.

When they all finally managed to sit down, the front door opened.

Eric turned to look at the hallway, "Are we expecting somebody?"

Lily gave a weak smile, "The whole family needs to be here."

Moments later Chuck barged in with a worried look on his face.

"What is he doing here dad?" Dan tensed and Jenny got up, "I'm not staying here if he is staying."

Rufus shot a look towards her, "Jenny. Sit." and so she did.

"He is family." Lily gave that same desperate smile again, "Charles, please sit down."

Chuck sat beside Eric, nervously tapping his fingers against the leather sofa.

The silence in the room was deadly. Each pair of eyes glued to the older couple who both looked devastated.

Lily remained frozen to her chair, the shock of seeing all her children in the same room made her weaker. She had longed, prayed for an answer and now she had it. Tears sprang forth like tin droplets of salty rain, the mother hearing a strange whooshing sound escaping into the air. It took all of two seconds for Rufus's arms to envelope her completely, and it was then that she realized that the whooshing sound was coming from her, all shock releasing itself from her body like a tidal wave of emotion.

"Mom.." Tears begin to well in Serena's eyes as Dan held her hand.

She had seen that look on her mothers face before.

Rufus opened his mouth to say something, but closed it and looked down shaking his head.

Jenny saw droplets of water fall from her father's face and hit the ground. The first time she had seen her dad cry in a long time.

"What is it?" Chuck and Eric prompted barely staying on their seats.

Lily glanced at her husband before finally speaking.

"I," She was shaking from the tears and sobbing with every breath, "I didn't want it to come to this but.." She tried to stutter out what she needed to say, "I have leukemia."

Eric felt like he'd been stabbed in the heart and perhaps even the lungs, since his ability to breathe seemed paralyzed.

Jenny looked at Lily in confusion. Her mind was in too much of a haze. The words she heard were blurry and jumbled up. She could hear Serena crying even harder and louder now. She was going into pieces. Serena's eyes widened with fear as she tried to comprehend what they just said. Dan walked over to her, and pulled her into her side, obviously trying to comfort her. Chuck sat eyes widened and stared at her, not knowing what to say.

"What does this mean?" Eric finally cried, tears streaming down his face.

"I've been feeling sick for the past couple of months, but the doctor's finally confirmed today that it is leukemia." Lily tried to keep herself together.

"You've been sick for months!" Eric shouted, "And you're just telling us now?"

"Eric-" Rufus tried to make him stay, but he pushed him away.

"No! You lied to me! Both of you! Stay away from me!" He rushed out of the room, trying to escape the situation.

Jenny looked at Serena, who had tears freely rolling down her cheeks.

Jenny, herself, felt emotionally numb.

"What's your prognosis?" Chuck asked carefully.

Jenny still couldn't find her voice.

Lily swallowed hard before answering her _son's_ question, "If they can't find a bone marrow transplant, maybe a year or two. There's not a whole lot they can do."

"I need a moment, I'm sorry." Chuck said, trying to compose himself as he walked out of the living room. Dan and Serena were curled on the corner of the sofa, crying. Rufus held Lily's hand while shaking his head in confusion, "I promise it's going to be okay.." Lily said desperately and looked at her, "Jenny.."

She shook her head, still unable to speak. Wordlessly, she got up from her chair and went into her bedroom. The moment she closed the door, she let the tears go and sunk to the ground, sobbing loudly.

...

"Got a light?" Chuck approached Eric.

Eric looked up and saw Chuck holding a cigarette on his hand. He tossed the lighter to him and shrugged.

"So you smoke?"

"I don't smoke." Eric said calmly, blowing another puff of smoke.

"I smoke because it relieves stress." He replied in a calm tone and continued, "Eric, she isn't going to die."

He shook his head, "When did you get your doctors permit huh? Chuck you can't say that when you don't know. "

"Lily is strong. I know it and so do you."

Eric swallowed hard, fighting tears, "It's mom. My mom." He closed his eyes and laughed humorlessly. "You know it's bullshit. Everything I have raised to believe in is bullshit! No one wants Gods will to be done. Because that will doesn't make any fucking sense!" Eric gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut, holding back the tears. It felt like he was the one whose life was over. The pain built up in his chest, making it seem like his heart was about to explode. "Why?" He choked out. "Why my mom? What the hell did she do?"'

Without caring about future teasing and photos that would hit in the web, he leaned in and hugged his little brother "You did nothing Eric."

* * *

Boohoo I got a little teary eyed as I imagined the scene where everybody broke out crying :(

I just wanted, for a second to take the focus from the baby to other characters...

The whole story arc of Lily being sick had me fascinated in Gossip Girl because cancer is a bit of a taboo topic.

So it will be also a learning experience to write about it. Like I have been doing research on the baby too, how it grows monthly which is funny :P

Hopefully my mom wont look at my web history.. She could get seriously scared and think that I was pregnant.. :D

Thanks again for support :)

_XoxoDesireh_


	26. Nervous? Anxious? Frustrated? Hell yeah

_Both hands, tied behind my back with nothing_

_Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again_

_Why we gotta fall for it now_

_I never meant to start a war_

_You know I never wanna hurt you_

_Don't even know what we're fighting for_

_Battlefield - Jordin Sparks_

_...  
_

Jenny tried to compose herself before stepping inside the room. She would have to deal with her own problems again and she wanted to finally get some answers. She felt like she was walking into the room with a whole new perspective on everything and yes, she was.

Lily's sickness had made her weak, tired- she couldn't think or eat without wondering about what laid ahead of their family. This baby was the last thing on her mind and the whole battle with Chuck had been forgotten. What other new light could she have seen lately other than that unexpected epiphany?

With sorrow weighing heavily in her damaged heart, she walked in with a serious look on her face.

"I brought these." She handed him the last ultra sound photos she got from the doctor, "I thought Taylor would like them and there is an extra copy for you too."

Chuck looked nervous, "Sure, thanks."

His voice was weirdly quiet without the harsh attitude that he usually portrayed, "So how is Lily ?" He coughed nervously.

"Fine I guess," She answered simply, but decided to be more straightforward, "Honestly.. I don't even know. They won't talk to me about it. They think it's too much for me too handle."

"Oh."

They sat there waiting for the Aldridge's.

Both were staying far away from each other as they could and sat on the edges of the sofa.

"They should be soon here." Her voice was distracted and yet filled with tension.

He blinked, not knowing what to think. It was like he was.. dreaming.

He hadn't felt like himself since Lily told what was going on. It was like he was in a middle of bad nightmare and was unable to wake up.

Just two weeks ago Chuck had known what he wanted, but now everything was blurry. Did he _really _want this baby?

He looked at her belly, "Uh, so everything was okay?"

"Yeah, heart rate was normal and everything looked good." She inhaled sharply, "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"I mean- You haven't said a word about the baby since what happened with Lily. I guess I'm waiting for you to snap out of it and talk to me."

Chuck hesitated, "What's that supposed to mean? Well I'm sorry for being upset and not thinking about myself for a moment." He muttered sarcastically, "Jenny, sometimes it's easier to go with the flow and not talk about it."

"I'm not just going to _'go with the flow'_. We don't have that much time left."

As far as Jenny can remember, there were several incidents in her life, she had done that may have either physically, emotionally or mentally harmed someone else rather than herself and she refused to let it get to her or kill her later. The blonde had decided that she wouldn't mope or live around to regret it, the adoption. But something about this day had made her choke when she looked at herself. This would possibly be one of the rare things that would haunt her and plague her mind for a long time until she was able to completely cry the pain away.

So there they were now, looking at each other and still not able to comprehend how they had gotten there.

It had been a long hard journey which was far from over. She was still pregnant..

She was still carrying his baby like she was five months ago.

He looked at his watch impatiently, "They better get here soon."

...

Serena was making her daily walk through Upper East Side with her handbag on the other hand and a coffee in the other had made it a new routine, walk around without a reason.. just walk. She felt trapped at home. She felt like she couldn't even look her brother in the eyes and watching her mom in pain was too much to bare. It still felt surreal, but Serena knew she could do nothing now. It took patience and the only thing right now to do was wait.

This time she walked into a different direction. On purpose, not by accident. This was planned. She was going to see someone who she needed to face now that she had the strength. Walking up to a house, her eyes fall as she knocked on the front door. The door opened and Vanessa looked at her, and before she can grumble to her about something, Serena holds up the coffee and she moves to the side, taking the coffee and letting Serena in. She closed the door behind them both, lead Serena to the couch and sat herself in a chair. She took a sip from the coffee and looked over at Serena who clearly had something on her mind.

"I can't say that I'm surprised to see you here."

Serena shrugged and looked at the small apartment, "I like your place. It's cozy."

"Well it was the only thing I could afford." She muttered and dared to change the topic, "I heard about your mom. I'm sorry." Vanessa looked at her and suddenly saw her face grow full of worry.

"Thanks, but I'm not here just so we could talk about my mom."

Vanessa immediately understood what she meant, "Dan."

"I just don't need any drama on my life right now- and I'm asking you for not to cause it."

"Why would you think I would want that? Sure I still care about Dan, but getting into the middle of you two isn't what I want right now. It took me some time to understand that, but I'm kind of over it. I don't want to start that battle again. One time was enough."

Serena smiled at Vanessa appreciatively, "I'm sorry for being stupid and coming in here. I should have known that you don't want him back anymore and don't love him anymore-"

The brunette cut her off, "I do love him. That is never going to change."

She sighed and looked at Serena, pain in her eyes. Her anger began to subside when she saw her expression, "But I'm not here to cause trouble. I want him to be happy and if you are the one who makes him happy I can _try _to live with that. As long as you treat him right."

They stayed still in silence for a moment.

"Believe me Serena, I would never do what you did to me. I'm tired of being a part of that sick world you people live in. Dan wants to be a part of Upper East Side and as long as he wants that I don't want him. He is not the same Dan anymore."

Serena got up and looked at her for the last time, "Dan never changed.. it was you who never gave him a chance."

...

Jenny was secretly horrified as she sat there next to Chuck and sat across the perfect couple at the small, round table built for four in his kitchen.

"So, uh…where you thinking about going to college?" Richard tried to politely ask with his hands folded in front of him on the table. Not even ten seconds passed after sitting down before he tried to prevent an awkward silence from overtaking the table.

"Uh…I don't know yet, but as long as I get to work with fashion, I'm fine." Jenny answered with a nervous smile as she looked back at him.

"Well that's certainly interesting.. What about you Chuck?"

"Do I look like somebody who would go to school voluntarily?" Chuck answered sheepishly. Jenny elbowed his side as an plead to act appropriately and he continued, "But, if I had to choose.. I'm thinking business. Either that or law."

"Really!" Richard said with way too much enthusiasm. "That's great! You could probably make a lot of money as a lawyer. I can guarantee that." He grinned.

Taylor laughed, "I'm sorry he just gets hyper if somebody mentions his work."

Chuck sighed loudly at the dry conversation that was taking place. He really didn't want to sit there and ignore the whole topic why they really were there.

"I understand that this is a bit strange, but I really appreciate that you agreed to meet us Chuck."

He grumbled, and frowned at her, "I'm just doing what Jenny wants me to do."

A nervous smile appeared on Taylor's lips and she looked at Jenny this time.

Clearing her throat after silence became deafening, she asked, "How are you doing?"

"Well naturally I'm tired and just waiting for the baby to get out of me already, but I'm happy that there is only like four months left. I just want to focus on my family for now and get this over with."

"We heard about Lily's condition. If there is anything we can do to help.."

"I think you're doing more than enough by willing to be here and talk to us." She smiled at her.

The awkward silence landed in among them yet again, but Chuck decided to break it.

"Let's talk about what we came in here to talk about. Why do you want our kid?"

"Chuck!" Jenny snapped.

"No it's okay Jenny." Taylor smiled, "I'm sure Jenny has explained a lot to you and I'm sure that you don't want to hear that same explanation again. We really could give this child a happy home. A stable environment and love him or her like our own without any hesitation. We really, I mean _really_ want to give your child that, love and a home."

Richard continued, "Both of us has wanted a child very long and I can give you our word that we will protect this child and raise it the best possible way. We know that these are just words, but I'm sure that you can admit to yourself that right now you wouldn't want to be in this situation. We can make it disappear in a way. You both could carry on with your lives and not be tied together for the rest of your lives."

Chuck looked nervous, he was frustrated, "Yes. I admit that this whole experience has cost a lot to me, but-"

"There is no_' buts'_ Chuck." Jenny turned to look at him, "You have admit it to yourself already. Taylor and Richard are going to be this baby's parents. You know it."

Taylor looked at him with sympathetic eyes, "We don't want to pressure you Chuck. We just need some answers." The conversation had lasted all of twelve seconds, and Jenny struggled to come up with new material to keep the night from becoming even more painful to endure. She simply had nothing to say to him.

Chucks brown eyes were trained on hers, "Fine."

Swallowing tightly, her hand fisted against her thigh as she pulled her eyes back from their guests to him, "You mean that-"

"Jenny don't make it harder."

Biting her lip as she mulled over his recent words, she needed him to say it once more, "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," Chuck replied quietly, shaking his head, mentally wincing as he remembered that it had taken him far longer than just a few days to come to grips with the decision that had been there in front of him all along, "Call me when you need me to sign the papers." He got up and felt defeated, powerless, but slightly relieved. He gave the couple a last glance, "Promise me that you will take care of the baby."

Taylor nodded, her lips tightening for a moment as she smiled in his direction, then relaxing again,

"I promise."

"Thank you Chuck." Jenny said, quietly.

Nodding, he slipped out the door, turning in the frame to meet Jenny's eyes one last time before quickly turning away and walking out of the room.

...

Couple hours later, there she was, curled up on the sofa.

Jenny felt sad that it was coming into a full circle.

And just then, the entire situation became crystal clear to her. She was going to give birth in less than four months and then she would hand the baby over to Taylor and Richard. A part of her was still anxious because of how Chuck had acted earlier, but she knew this time he was serious and ready. They had talked about it after Lily's illness was revealed. Even Chuck knew that right now he was not ready to be a dad when he was battling with his own demons.

"Are you ok?" Lily asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"Yeah I'm fine, why?" Jenny asked, staring at her.

"You look troubled," She stated and sat next to her, "So how did it go?"

"It's done," She explained "Chuck is ready and so am I."

"I'm sorry." Lily said, hanging her head.

"About what?"

"For not being there and for letting you go through this by yourself."

"Don't worry about it I'm not going to hate you for it," Jenny laughed, giving her a reassuring smile, "It was time. Time to move on and get it over with. Chuck knew it too and I'm just glad that I can be at peace for the last months and focus on other things."

She understood her hidden message, "Jenny darling, you don't have to worry about me."

"Don't I? What about the way you're losing hair and sleep for most of the day? I'm pregnant, not blind. Dad doesn't want to talk to me about it and I only want to help."

"It's just the chemo that makes me sick. I'm not going anywhere, the doctors will fix me and I will be there when the baby is born and many years after that." Lily smiled brightly and hugged her.

"I'm sorry for being so silly," Jenny huffed, rubbing a small hand against her stomach as she eased onto the couch beside her, "You have no idea how much you have helped me through these months. Without you I probably wouldn't be here right now."

She still had that same smile on her face, "It's going to be okay. I promise you."

...

Serena was walking home, her arms wrapped around her body as the wind picked up around her. The thunder boomed across the night sky, causing her to look up at the black blanket that stretched above her. As her hair blew around her face, she began to feel the first drops of the night's rain. Increasing the pace, she began to jog, rounding the corner and crossing the road to her house. Home. As she wandered up to the footpath leading to the door, she sees Dan stand up from the steps, watching her, his face full of concern as he steps towards her.

"You okay?"

Serena nodded her head as she walked towards him, her eyes a little saddened.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just had a long day."

"I woke up this morning and you were gone. You had me worried."

"I just needed to have some time for myself and think. You think I'm crazy don't you?"

He lowered his eyes and laughs a little at himself, "Something like that."

Serena laughed at him and leaned in to kiss him softly, her lips pushing onto his as he closed his eyes.

"I was helping someone."

He smiled at her, "Always helping others…"

The thunder roared above them as she stepped back, her eye suddenly falling.

"All except one." Her voice was quiet, "The test came back negative. I'm not a match."

He walked towards her as she watched him, and he took her face in his hands, "I'm so sorry."

Serena took a deep breath as the tears ran down her cheeks, flowing over Dan' hands as he held her, "I can't save her."

"Serena.. there is still so many chances."

She stepped back, angry at herself, "I've always been a failure in my life. I was the one who made her worried and after everything she has done for me- I-I can't even save her."

He comforted and rubbed Serena's arm, a distant expression in his eyes. He didn't want her to pull away, so he held her hand on his arm, circling his thumb around her fingers as he tried to think of what to say to her, "Lily is going to make it. We are going to make it."

She looked up into his concerned face. Serena pulled her hand out from under his and smiled at him sadly, her voice soft and weary, "Do you think it's this place? This same city where we fell in love. This same city that has ruined so much, so many people. I can't take it anymore. I can't watch by when people suffer."

She began to walk away slowly as Dan began to think quickly. Watching her go made him feel as though he was losing her, and without another moment to lose, he turned around and called out to her.

"Let's leave.. leave when Lily gets better. We can leave."

A brilliant white flash of lightning stroked across the sky and thunder clapped above them as Serena turned around slowly and faced Dan, who was standing in front of her as the rain began to fall lightly.

"Dan.."

He stepped forwards, his eyes glued to hers as he continued, "We don't need this place anymore. We don't need anybody else, just us two."

Serena's eyes began to well up as she stepped towards him, biting her lower lip in anticipation.

"Because we're gonna have a big family, two girls and a boy. We are going to be happy and married. We will have everything that you always wanted. That beach house we can spend our summer vacations in and a nice house in southern France for the winter."

Dan stepped forward and took a strand of Serena's hair, pulling it behind her ear as she stared at him through glassy eyes, a loving smile stretching across her face. Suddenly the rain began to fall heavily, covering their bodies and dripping down their face.

"Because it doesn't matter where we are…"

"As long as we're together."

...

Nate walked down the rainy street, a quickness in his stride as he wiped his mouth and breathed out quick breaths of the fresh cold air. He stared out ahead of him, thinking, his eyes sad and tired. He looked across the street and stared ahead of him at a young couple gazing at each other, kissing each other and looking adoringly into each other's eyes. Dan and Serena.

With a saddened, desperate expression and a little anger in his eyes, Nate looked away from the sight, and continued walking. He had never in his life felt so lonely. He bumps into a girl and looks up at her blue eyes as he excuses himself. He watched the petite girl walk away with a care-free look on her face.

For a second he could have sworn that it was Jenny, but it wasn't. That look he hadn't seen on Jenny's face for a long time.

He crossed the street, and finally arrived at a familiar corner.

Nate stared at the house, with a mixture of emotions written on his face. He looked around him, and turned around to head away again, but he shook his head to himself and clenched his fist, and finally turned around and made his way to the door, knocking loudly.

"What took you so long?" Vanessa smiled.

* * *

Sorry for not posting earlier, but SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL UGH IM SO MEGA SUPER EFFIN MAD AT SCHOOL. So frustrating!

So this chapter was one of those "gosh this is so frustrating to write" chapters because I'm so stressed out.

So guys please leave a little review if you are still reading.. Those give me so much inspiration to write :)

And I would like to know: **What would YOU want to see next? What are you most excited about?**

Next chapter will be better. This kind of sucked. lol. I hate myself because I'm such a bad writer :( sad face.

with sleepy eyes and a freaking headache

_XoxoDesireh_


	27. The misery of Mr Eric Van Der Woodsen

_I do not wanna be afraid_

_I do not wanna die inside just to breathe in_

_I'm tired of feeling so numb_

_Relief exists, I find it when I am cut_

_I may seem crazy or painfully shy_

_And these scars wouldn't be so hidden_

_If you would just look me in the eye_

_Cut - Plumb_

...

Lily laid on the hospital bed, Rufus by her side , a worried look etched across his face. When she looked at him he smiled at her, trying to hide his fear and emotions, but he couldn't. She winced at his face, a face she thought she'd look into a thousand times for the rest of her life, but suddenly it felt as if she had no time left. She pulled her hand to her face, covering her eyes, the sting of truth sliding down her face through her salty tears. Rufus watched her, unsure of what to say, and he leaned in to place his head next to her body on the bed. The doctor walked in with her file then, and they both looked at him, the expectation of what he was about to say hanging thickly in the air…

"Mr. and Mrs. Humphrey." He looked at them, "As you know that I called you here because we need to discuss on the methods that we will use to put Lily's cancer in remission. Right now, we have to focus on killing the leukemia cells and that is what the chemotherapy will do."

"How long will the treatment last?"

"Once we adjust the levels of chemotherapy so they are the best match for your cancer, then you'll get to go home. You're lucky to live near one of the world's best cancer research centers because that way, once your chemotherapy is stabilized, you can be discharged and become an outpatient. You'll have to come in every once in a while for more treatments, but for the most part, you'll be able to lead a normal life at home. The goal is to get the chemotherapy to put your cancer into remission and keep you there. The longer the remission, the better the chances that you survive. If you can stay in remission for five years, we consider you cured. If you relapse, we'll have to tackle your leukemia with another method, but let's not think about that now. For now, we'll concentrate on just getting your chemotherapy stabilized."

A look of confusion swiped across Rufus's face and he turned to look at his wife.

She squeezed his hand and smiled at him.

With all that she is was going through, all the pain and all the fear, she was still more concerned with how he war feeling. In that moment a mixture of pure love and desperation filled him as he grabbed his wife's hand and looked deeply into her eyes.

"So if the cancer goes into remission.. there won't be any need of a bone marrow transplant?"

The doctor nodded, "Exactly," He then looked at Lily, "We tested your children and they weren't matches, so this is the best option for you."

Lily closed her eyes for a minute, building up her strength again. When she opened them, she looked at the doctor straight in the eye, "What are the side effects? Five years is a long time and I need to know what I will have to live with."

Instantly, Rufus's face crumpled. Lily was aghast at the reaction, but pushed on. She had to know. "Tell me."

The doctor sighed. He didn't like where the conversation was heading, but he had no choice, but to answer her question.

"Nausea, dizziness, and all those other symptoms you get from the flu, but they will be stronger and more tiring." he began," There's also weight loss or weight gain, depending on your medication, puffiness, swelling, and you will lose your hair."

Lily looked over at Rufus, as if she was asking for answers from him.

She knew that he wanted her to start the treatment right away and not wait for the transplant.

"Let's do this."

...

Jenny sighed in frustration as she read through the book Taylor had given her.

She didn't like it how she was pushing books and pamphlets to her, but Jenny figured she was just excited.

There was this one ridiculous book about depression and she had flipped it through, even though Taylor was expecting her to read all of them- _'just in case'_, she had said.

It did feel great to be pampered and cared, but right now Jenny was willing to pay thousands for some privacy.

"Your mom is really killing me," Jenny whispered to herself, rubbing her belly as she shifted her growing body exhaustedly. Her eyes soon found a sad boy staring at her from the doorway, "What are you doing?" She smiled at him.

"Sorry, I was just thinking." Eric walked over to her bed and sat down, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine. I guess a bit overwhelmed with all of this," She tossed the book from her hands, "Eric, I'm sorry for not.. talking about it with you or trying-"

"Jenny, it's okay." He said firmly.

A moment passed.

"So how are you?" She pried as gently as possible.

He hated that phrase. People always asked it from him when they pretty much knew what the answer was. Saying it now was pointless, "I've been better," He just made a small sound in his throat and motioned how upset he really was, "You know the feeling.. The feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, the nerves, the tension, the anticipation. All leading to a moment you can predict, a feeling you get, like you know what will happen by the time the curtain falls. That is how I feel right now."

She nodded and smiled affectionately back to him, "I know that feeling, believe me." Her gaze dropped towards her stomach, "I still keep telling myself that I could be wrong, or that I'm doing it for the wrong reasons. I constantly change my mind, but still I always end up thinking the same thing, and that's what I want for this baby."

He understood what she was saying, but stayed completely silent.

He was a little nervous and for some reason...ashamed. He couldn't even bring himself to look up at her.

"Eric, what's really going on?" She had noticed how tense he was.

He just shook his head. Honestly, hell.. he didn't even himself know what was going on.

Jenny knelt down beside him and placed a hand on his arm. "What's wrong? You know you can tell me."

"She didn't tell me," He kept his face buried in his arms, "She didn't even bother to tell me."

"About what?"

"The test results!" His head snapped up, "Mom didn't even bother to tell us that me or Serena weren't matches. Just like that, she is dying and we are supposed to understand and wait. I can't wait anymore Jenny!"

"She is not dying." Her voice was harsh, "She is not dying, okay? Don't think about it like that. It is not going to help anyone."

His eyes studied her carefully.

He thought she was getting upset with him, but instead, she was just worried.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to scream at you."

"You had a reason." She sighed and collapsed on the bed, "Why is this so hard?"

"Tell me about it," He hung his head a little, "Aren't you supposed to be at school?"

"No.."

He laughed, "You didn't go?"

She frowned and got up again, "I just can't deal with that shit right now. Please, just don't tell Lily or dad."

"Jenny I'm not going to cover up for you again.. But, wait. Where have you been then during all these days?"

"Taylor's, duh. Adoption does come in handy once in a while." She grinned happily, "Anyway, I'm not going to school, not right now. I need to know that Lily is doing okay. Besides I don't even fit through doors anymore, they won't be needing my pregnant ass in there."

He laughed, "Oh come on you don't look that bad, in pictures you look so pretty with that bump of yours." He grabbed a phone out of his pocket, but Jenny stopped him and paused before looking at him seriously in the eyes, "No Gossip Girl in my room."

...

Nate stared blankly ahead while Chuck went through the pile of papers that rested in front of them.

He rubbed his stubble in thought, and sighed warily.

"What now?" Chuck groaned, leaning back against his chair.

Nate paused for a moment and rubbed his hands through his hair and over the light stubble on his chin, "I was with Vanessa." Not even pausing, he pushed on, his jumbled thoughts coming out quickly, "I mean nothing happened! We have just been talking and trying to understand each other and suddenly I feel like there could be something there, you know? But then I remember Jenny and the promises that I made to her. I promised to be there for her and now I'm here. It doesn't feel right. I'm way too old and cynical for this. It's not like we are in ninth grade anymore! Can I honestly expect that Vanessa is the right one for me?"

"Nathaniel," Chuck urged, his voice low as he tried to understand his friend, "First of all.. We are not _old_. Secondly, you owe nothing to Jenny Humphrey. Remember she was the one who slept with me?"

His face holding it's default stone expression, he merely cocked one eyebrow as he replied, "Are you going to help me or just sit there cracking jokes?"

His best friend sighed as he said, rolling his eyes, "It's not that serious. You like the hippie, end of story. You need to move on. You will always find someone, but me- I already found her, but lost her in the process."

Nate propped his elbows on the round oak table "Blair."

"It's okay though, I need to focus on The Empire and Bass industries- Blair Waldorf is too much to handle right now."

"Oh cut the crap. We both know that you two will end up together in the end."

Smiling grimly, Chuck nodded his head slowly, "And that is why I'm not worried."

"You think Blair will forgive you now that the baby is out of the picture?" Nate asked tiredly, leaning back in the sturdy office chair.

"It was never about the baby," He replied, "She hates Jenny. That is the problem."

"Chuck, you have to admit that it was you who screwed up here, not Blair. You decided to bang your _half sister _and knock her up."

"I was not saying that I was right Nathaniel, I was saying that Blair is still bitter."

"What if.. she is jealous?" Smiling tightly, he added, knowingly, "She must be threatened by the idea of Jenny having your baby. I mean, nothing is going to change that. She is having your baby in less than six months and when the kid is here- its parents will always be Chuck Bass and Jenny Humphrey, not Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf."

"Thanks for reminding me." Chuck said dryly, "I'm not going to push her and force her to come back to me. She doesn't deserve that," He paused with his jaw slack, watching him intensely, "What are going to do about this problem of yours?"

Nate laughed at how awkwardly he had changed the subject, "I honestly have no idea."

"Maybe we should just start celibacy. No more women."

Nate gave his best friend a suspicious look, "You know you are really scaring me."

...

Eric collapsed on his bed, trying to convince himself that it would be fine. That he could go back to school tomorrow, and everything would be back to normal. He would act like nothing happened, and everyone would be happy. But inside he knew that it wouldn't happen. It was impossible to get back to the strong, confident, driven person he was before everything happened. Finding out about Jenny and watching his mom get sicker every morning had thrown him into a casket, and each time he grabbed his knife, each time he took a drink of Jack, each time he lit a cigarette, each time he stuck a needle in his veins, it was like putting a nail in the coffin. And now the thought of having his mom leave him was like throwing the casket in a grave and pouring cement on it.

There was nothing he could do.

He had lost everything that had meaning to him. Everything that mattered. Gone. And it was all his fault. Every bit of self-respect he had was gone.

He was too deep in everything.

Eric Van Der Woodsen was a addict, a smoker, a cutter, almost the entire list of things he had sworn he would never be again.

He was not doing all those things for fun. No, it was about something deeper than that.

It was not about his mom.. There were so many things hidden inside him that no one knew.

He hated himself for being different.

He hated the strange looks people gave him at school.

He secretly hated his family in a way that nobody understood.

He hated that he always fell for the wrong guy.

There was a knock behind his door, "Come in." He mumbled and Serena walked in.

"We were thinking about going out to eat with the whole family now that moms chemotherapy has started."

Eric nodded silently, "I'll be there in a minute."

She watched her little brother and could tell that there was something terribly wrong, "Eric, you can tell me if there is something bothering you."

He hesitated, these were his problems and nobody needed to know about them, "I'm fine Serena."

"Are you sure?"

He nodded again, "Go. I'll be there in a minute."

She smiled at him and closed the door behind her.

His eyes glanced over the pocket knife his dad had gotten him for his thirteenth birthday.

The blood trailed along after the blade, the bright red glinting off the stainless steel.

Eric threw the knife down and stared at his wrist in horror of what he had just done.

Just like that the circle continued and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

...

Lily watched Jenny from the doorway while she was putting finishing touches of makeup on.

"You look gorgeous." She smiled and stepped inside.

Jenny's attention from the mirror turned towards her, "I look like a balloon with lipstick."

Lily laughed and smiled, "Don't be silly."

She stood behind her while Jenny still sat watching herself from the mirror of the vanity.

"Is everything okay?"

"There is something." Lily's tone was serious, "I need some help from you."

"From me?"

"Yes," Lily's voice was soft and even, but Jenny could still hear the sadness in it. She was trying to hide the fact that she was scared, "Could you cut my hair?"

"Why do you want to do that?" She tried to turn her scared frantic voice into a calm soothing one.

"Because I don't think Rufus will enjoy picking up my hair after it falls out. Besides," She chuckled a little, "I don't really enjoy shedding like a dog."

"Oh." A demented little smile came to Jenny's face.

She could tell what was coming. Lily was making sure she was okay.

"Could you do it?" Lily asked carefully, her face crumpling in front of her.

Jenny was not exactly sure why this bothered her as much as it did, but after seeing the look on her face, she gave a firm nod.

She glanced at Lily through the mirror once more before getting the scissors, "Are you sure?"

She nodded, "I trust you."

As soon as Jenny had the scissors in her hands, she felt tears pressing against her eyes.

She held her breath, then let it out in a rush of air.

Snip. The first perfect lock dropped on the floor.

Lily's mind was racing as she watched the hair drop on the floor- She would be okay.

Her hair would grow back, the chemo would stop, and so would the tears. She would be okay.

* * *

No Im not dead Yay for that!

I promise that I update once in a week. If I have time Ill update more, but more importantly you can expect at least one chapter from me on either on Saturday or Sunday. Ive been really caught up with school and don't have really time to write so..

But better than nothing, eh?

Im really into writing Eric, I feel like I kind of ignored him in this story, so he deserved a storyline.. sort of.

I know, WHERE IS BLAIR? that is what you are thinking right now.

Dont worry miss B will be back sooner than you think and lets just say that Chuck is the key word here.

Thanks for supporting and loving and being so effin awesoome!

Now, Im gonna go and listen to my Marshall Mathers..(lol my current obsession.. dont ask.)

_XoxoDesireh_


	28. My darling, you and me were meant to be

_The worst is over now, and we can breathe again_

_I wanna hold you high, and steal my pain, away_

_There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight_

_I wanna hold you high, and steal your pain._

_Because I'm broken, when I'm open_

_And I don't feel like I am strong enough_

_Broken - Seether feat. Amy Lee_

_..._

Jenny sat comfortably on the fluffy sofa when Taylor walked into the room smiling happily.

Her blue eyes were glowing, full of joy.

"What?" Jenny asked curiously.

She took a seat next to her and laughed, "I was just thinking," Her voice turned a little squeaky, "Would you like to hear the names that I've been thinking for the baby?"

The anxious woman didn't even give her a chance to respond and pulled out the little note book.

Jenny sat there, quieter then a mouse, as she thought about what was happening.

She watched her carefully, trying to think a way to escape the conversation that was happening.

She didn't want to know the name. Simple as that.

If there was a name, it would mean that it was an actual person. For Jenny that was too overwhelming.

She had decided from the start that she wouldn't want to know anything.

Taylor sat and waited for her to say something, anything. Her narrowed eyes gazed at Jenny, and she finally nodded. Then she opened the notebook and started to read the names through,"So I've narrowed down my list and found the perfect names," Taylor explained cheerfully, "For a girl, I was thinking Alexandra Scarlett and Parker James for a boy." She waited for Jenny's reaction and looked at the pondering blonde.

"I like both of them." She simply stared at her and nodded her head, a smile escaping her lips, "Very beautiful."

They were indeed beautiful, but for her the names just didn't.. fit.

She began to bite her bottom lip unknowingly, her mind awash with confusing thoughts.

Yes, she had thought about it. The girl imagines what she will name her first born, it's just natural.

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, unsure if she could sit there like nothing was wrong.

"Oh I forgot to ask, Would you like it if we threw you a baby shower?"

She gawked at her then started laughing. "Seriously?"

"It would be fun. I _really_ think we should have a baby shower." Taylor tried to convince her.

"I don't know.."

"Just a little get together. Your friends, Lily, me and couple of my friends. Even your mom could stop by."

"That sounds…" Jenny forced a smile. "Nice."

Taylor looked dejected, "You hate it."

"No! I just never imagined having a baby shower at the age of seventeen for a bastard child."

Surprised by the sarcastic tone of her voice, Taylor's smile fell.

"Sorry, sorry, it was a joke."

An uncomfortable silence landed among them.

"Jenny, I just want you to-"

She cut her off, "You don't need to do anything for me. I'm grateful for everything you have done for me already. I don't need a baby shower. Really, Taylor I just don't want to make it a big deal."

Taylor smiled, clearly uncomfortable with Jenny's confession. Something within her implored her to speak, but she felt like she was betraying herself by speaking aloud; like it would open a wound that would never heal.

...

Blair made her way through the fancy lobby of the Bass industries trying to think about something else than how much she hated him. After all she was there because he had to return the money. Now, out of all days.. he just had to call her when she was having the worst day already. She was not going to wait two hours to meet him when she was already on the neighborhood. She was getting this over with, now.

She hated him.

She hated the way his brown hair looked all shiny and soft and flipped whenever he turned to look at her.

She hated how deep his dark brown eyes were and the little specks of gold that were in them.

She hated the way he winked at her and his stupid grin.

She hated it when other girls would start giggling all over him, like he was some sort of celebrity to be giggled over and ogled at.

Her heels stomped against the marble floor and people turned to look at her perfect figure. Blair knew what she was doing. She was cutting the cord. After this there was nothing between them.

Her pace grew as she passed his secretary that he had probably fucked.

No, he had fucked her. Blair knew him that well.

"Miss Waldorf you can't-"

The gorgeous redhead tried to stop her, but she just pushed pass her and turned to look at her.

Blair raised her right hand and shot a devilish grin towards her, "Talk to the hand."

With that, she continued her way towards his office and opened the two main doors.

It apparently took him more than twenty seconds to realize who was standing on the doorway of his office.

Blair, and she looked good. Very good.

"Blair.. How are you today, Angel?"

"Oh, wipe that stupid smirk off your face, Chuck," Snapped Blair, glaring at Chuck who got up from his chair. "Just give me the check and I can go." She frowned and turned away from him.

Chuck raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "Touché, my dear…" he said, leaning over towards his desk. "I thought we agreed on having dinner before business." He smiled impishly.

"Oh Lord…" Groaned Blair, staring up at the ceiling, "Are you really that stupid?"

He stopped and stared.

Her eye twitched. "Quit staring at me."

He sighed. "Sorry. Can't. Must be something wrong with my eyes. I just can't take them off of you." He beamed.

"There's something else wrong with your head, too," she replied scathingly, "And soon there will be broken bones if you don't stop messing around with me." She swore one of these days he was going to drive her literally insane and then she'd have to be committed, "I'm here because of the check. Nothing else." She crossed her hands over her chest.

He had to take a second look at her determined stand, but soon understood what he needed to do.

"I can't give you the check without your mothers permission and apparently her phone is closed.. so that means while we wait for that certain phone call, we have dinner together. You know it's the law."

There was a slight pause in which Blair looked tremendously horrified and Chuck looked tremendously ecstatic.

"Chuck," She took a daring step closer, "I want the money now. I might be here because of my mother, but believe me when I say this once- I will never sit on the same table with you and your lying mouth."

"Come on Blair," He said, sounding just a tad arrogant, "We haven't talked in months. I know that you care for me enough to sit down and just talk."

She sighed, "There is nothing to talk about."

"There is a lot to talk about." His voice was deep, "One dinner. One conversation and I will hand you the check." His genuine voice made her head dizzy. She knew that if she just went, it all would end quicker, but at the same time she couldn't stand the idea of having dinner with him, _"No… NO… NO! AAAGH! Blair! No! No!"_

She gritted her teeth. Just one dinner. It means nothing.

...

Jenny took a deep breath then slowly exhaled. _You're going to be fine_, she told herself for the millionth time, _you've done this before_. Nodding her head resolutely and clenching her fists- a vain attempt at reassuring herself- she pushed the glass door open and stepped inside. She didn't like places like these. Actual cafés that were always full of people who knew her. Public cafés at Upper East Side. A nightmare for pregnant Jenny Humphrey who badly had to go to the bathroom.

Now that she was inside, Jenny had no idea what to do. People were staring.

Should she say something, or run away while she still had the chance? Her eyes roamed the café and she caught sight of Vanessa and Nate laughing together on one of the tables. His blue eyes met Jenny's and he straightened up. A lock of dark brown hair fell into his eyes as he motioned her to join them.

"Jenny! What are you doing here?" Vanessa smiled ever so kindly.

She took a deep breath, frowning in her anxiety. "I just needed to use the bathroom.."

Vanessa propped her elbows on the table, looking slightly amused, "You could join us."

"Uh.. Sure." Jenny smiled, and turned towards the bathrooms.

Vanessa watched her leave and turned to look at Nate, "You don't mind that I asked her to join us?"

He grinned, a row of white teeth gleaming from a shadow of his lips, "No, it's fine."

"She just looks so.. lonely, you know? She needs her friends right now."

"I know." He said nervously.

A few minutes later Jenny walked back and sat across them.

She shifted her feet, feeling awkward, "So.."

Vanessa cleared her throat, "You've grown."

The blonde laughed dryly. She looked from Nate to Vanessa, a puzzled expression on her tired, pretty face, "Being pregnant usually does that."

A strange fascination grew as he saw the new-found motivation in her sky clear blue eyes. For some reason he found that he couldn't stop looking at her- there was something new about her, something intriguing that he couldn't quite put his finger on. She looked so fragile and _innocent_, but there was also this fiercely independent side to her.

"How are things with Lily and all that?" Nate asked.

"Better. She started chemo and the doctors are positive. It has been hard, but thankfully I don't have to worry about the adoption anymore and I can focus on other things."

"That's great-"

He completely ignored Vanessa and interrupted her, "Yeah I heard about that. Chuck wasn't too pleased."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jenny raised an eyebrow at Nate, bemused, "What we talk with Chuck, is between me and Chuck. It's _our _baby after all."

His scornfully reserved manner was beginning to irritate her and she wondered what had set him off.

Nate turned to see Vanessa watching her intently. She cleared her throat awkwardly, "Of course it is. I completely agree and so does Nate, right?"

He tried to compose himself and act like he knew what he was doing.

He shrugged coolly and feigned a smile, "Right."

"Anyway, so what are you two doing here?" Jenny tried not to pride, but it had caught her eyes in the first place. Vanessa and Nate together enjoying coffee together? Was it purely innocent? She needed to know.

"We are just catching up," The brunette smiled and playfully nudged him. She blushed, a fantastic crimson that drifted across her skin, "It's nice to just sit and talk."

"Oh." It was the only word Jenny could muster. She couldn't tell if she was more shocked or embarrassed. Here she was, pregnant- alone- and she was sitting across someone who she still loved while he had clearly moved on. Her face burnt in humiliation and her hands began to sweat like they always did when in adverse situations. She gripped the strap of her bag tightly, and her knuckles gleamed white against her porcelain skin, "-I mean, it's great that you are such great _friends_." She added hastily. Jenny rose from her chair, "I should go."

Vanessa was taken aback, "Couldn't you stay another five minutes? I just would like to hear how everything is going with the baby and-"

"No, I can't." This time she looked straight into Vanessa's eyes.

Vanessa took a sharp intake of breath as she met Jenny's moist eyes and flushed face.

"Oh, okay. It was nice to see you."

"You too, both of you." She smiled shyly and turned to leave.

Just as she was about to walk away, his voice stopped her, "Jenny, wait."

Jenny winced and reluctantly turned around

"About before… I apologize." He said softly.

"It was nothing." She looked away and a moment later the door had swung open. She was gone.

Soon as she was gone, Vanessa turned to look at him, "What was that all about?"

...

Blair was busy looking around the room with the many fine pieces of oriental art work and classic place setting complete with high end priced linen table cloths. She was so involved that she had not noticed that Chuck was now watching her until their eyes inadvertently met.

"What?" Blair said a bit nervously adjusting her menu on the table for her hands to have something to do.

"You look surprised. What's wrong?"

She shrugged, "You were never a friend of restaurants like these."

A young man, the waiter, interrupted them with a small tray and began to place a small metal tea pot between them along with a large piece of French bread, pre-sliced and several dipping sauces with slices of fish before disappearing.

Waiting until they were along again, Blair cocked an eyebrow at him.

He laughed, "Blair, it's just food."

"Isn't that like raw fish or something?" She made a face.

"Yeah," Chuck chuckled, "It's not half bad if you give it a chance."

She gave him a slight smile and decided to just eat the bread.

Blair pursed her lips and leaned forward in her chair, bored out of her mind. Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt a warm hand over hers.

She gritted her teeth, telling herself to keep her anger in check. Prompting herself to remain calm- or at least, as calm as she could be- she half-hissed, "What do you think you are doing?"

His eyes raised to meet Blair's furious ones. He didn't know why he had done it; he hadn't meant for it to happen, "Sorry. Old habits."

She said nothing and blankly stared ahead.

"Blair?" his voice brought her attention back to him.

"Oh. Um. What?" She stumbled. Her tongue felt heavy, like she couldn't form words properly.

"You're bright red." He pointed out.

And she was. She was beyond flustered.

"What do you want from me?" She demanded in protest, "First you act obnoxious and then you take me out to a cheap restaurant to eat raw fish. This is not like you."

"Just...I don't know." He said huskily, "Maybe I'm trying to change Blair, for you."

"That kind of change doesn't happen over night." She gnawed on her bottom lip.

"We both know that it's still there," He leaned closer, "The spark. It will never leave."

They stared at each other, breathless, as if saying what they felt would make the moment disappear– changing into a reality that neither wanted to remember.

But apparently, Chuck could not even enjoy an amazing moment like this without being assaulted by one of…

"Charles!"

…one of them.

It was a blonde this time, a blonde with blue eyes- how perfect is that? She kept batting her eyelashes at him and the most that he could do was smile pitifully and try to stay alive from Blair's hateful gaze.

"Hi." He said briefly.

She grinned and giggled, "You didn't tell me that you were coming here today!"

He couldn't remember her name. _Something with a "-na" at the end. Maybe Tina? No._

"How are you?" The blonde asked cheerfully and took a seat on the table.

Blair was not excited by this sudden guest of theirs.

"Fine," he said dryly while looking at Blair, "You?" _Was it Christina? No…._

She smiled and replied, "Oh, I'm just great."

Blair rolled her eyes, "_Charles_," She snapped, "Would you like to introduce me to your _friend_?"

_Good God. _He rolled his eyes and took a wild guess, "Blair this is-"

The perky blonde answered for him, "Brittany"

"Brittany," He corrected, "One of my co-workers daughter. We had dinner a couple days ago."

Blair flashed a nice fake smile, but Chuck knew that she was hurt.

"You know what? I will leave you two here to catch up," Blair rose from her chair and looked at him, "That check please."

He reached into his pocket and handed the check. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

His sad eyes watched her leave, unconsciously, his hands balled into fists. _No. _

He was not ready let her go.

"What are we having?" Brittany giggled and took Blair's seat.

* * *

AH I know everybody wants to kill "Brittany" right now :D lol.

I'm so proud of myself for updating because there has been a lot going on in my life and once again I want to thank you guys :)

2 chapters and we have full 30! AMAZING! THANK YOU FOR SUPPORT! :) LOVE YA ALL!

_XoxoDesireh_


	29. Blue or Pink?

_I don't know where we going?_

_I don't know who we are?_

_I can feel your heartbeat_

_I can feel your heartbeat (he said to me)_

_I can feel your heartbeat (running through me)_

_Feel your heartbeat_

_Heartbeat - Enrique Iglesias feat. Nicole Scherzinger_

_..._

"Dad?" She asked quietly as she walked closer to the tired man who looked like he was about fall asleep.

His head snapped up, "Oh, Jenny I didn't see you there."

She smiled sweetly, "It's kind of hard _not to _see me," Jenny took a seat next to him, "Why are you awake? I thought you would be sleeping."

He only looked at her, eyes blank as he stared at her, "Lily had an early appointment so, I drove her to the hospital."

She stared at him, trying to figure out what was going on. Something was bothering him and it was leaving a bad taste in her mouth, "Dad you are wearing yourself out. You need to sleep and most importantly eat! You can't be there for Lily if you don't take care of yourself."

"You don't have to be worried about me sweetheart."

"I do, dad. Please just go to sleep. I will wake you up when Lily calls."

"I'm not even tired," He muttered, eyes looking everywhere, but at her, "Jenny I'm alright."

She sighed, "Fine then."

"So did you talk to Taylor about the childbirth class?" He quickly changed the subject.

She looked up at him, her eyes unfocused, "She already signed us in."

"What's wrong?" He smiled, "You are terrified about it aren't you?"

She nodded rapidly, "Dad I'm not ready."

"Well you should have thought about the consequences when..."

"Dad! I know. You don't need to remind me." She whined at him, "It's just so disturbing. I don't want to go there and pretend that I'm.. ugh. I'd rather just get it over with the day it happens and don't think about it. Ever again."

"It doesn't work that way Jenny," He had to remind her, "You have to respect Taylor. She is only trying to help you with everything. She has been a great help now that Lily doesn't have the strength to make arrangements like these."

Jenny sighed, "I know. I'm grateful for everything she has done for me."

Silence,

His voice was soft with hesitant apprehension, "Have you talked to Chuck?"

She rolled her eyes, "Nope. I don't need to."

"Jenny-"

"I thought you hated Chuck. Why should I even talk to him?"

"As much as I dislike Chuck Bass.. I think he does have the right to be there when the baby is born." He explained calmly, "It's his child too."

"Yes, I know that, but I'd rather just go alone than have him there. It would be way too freaky."

"Just bring it up with him and let him decide. I'm sure he won't even want to be there."

Her blue eyes skittered away, landing on a picture of their family, "Fine.. I'll talk to him."

Rufus stood up and placed his hands on her shoulders, effectively stopping her pacing and forcing her to look at him, "You will do great," He smiled, "Oh I almost forgot- we are going out tonight so be ready at six."

"What? Where?"

"It's a surprise."

...

Nate ran for the rebound as the orange basketball bounced across the court, landing in his large hands as he jumped and shot again, face losing it's happy glow as an squeaky voice rang out behind him.

"Nate!"

He turned and looked at Serena, "What are you doing here? I thought we would meet up later at Taylor's." Nate's jaw clenched, the ball dropped to the ground as he stepped forward, eyes trained on Serena, "What's on your mind?"

"I was just walking by and thought maybe I should ask you about the photos that Gossip Girl posted last Thursday-"

"Serena, I don't see how does this consider you."

Serena's eyes went wide as she realized her bad choice of words, "I know that it doesn't consider me, but it does consider Jenny. I didn't know that you were with Vanessa. I thought you loved Jenny, but I guess I was wrong."

Nate swallowed hard, eyes still trained on Serena as he tried to think of what to say.

The truth was, he thought about Jenny all the time.

"Just because I still care about Jenny doesn't mean that I can't be with Vanessa."

"Just do something about this Nate before you lose them both."

"I know what I'm doing," He stood his ground, eyes indignant as he glared at her, "I'm staying away from the drama for once and that's what Vanessa stands for me. I want a normal relationship with a person who doesn't lie or make me go crazy every ten seconds."

"Jenny never lied," She pointed out, "She still loves you and you're stupid for not seeing that."

"Slow down saint Serena," He said sarcastically, "Just let it go, okay? I never asked your advice and neither did Vanessa, so just back off and focus on your own relationship."

She was dumbfounded by how he was acting, "Fine."

"I don't need this- We are way too old for this."

She understood what he meant. She knew that Nate wanted privacy, but Serena just couldn't understand what he was doing. One minute he is standing by Jenny and the next he is _'in love' _with Vanessa which for her seemed impossible. Nate and Vanessa weren't perfect couple material like she and Dan were.

"I never intended to hurt you."

"Serena I believe you, but please just don't make your conclusions after a couple of photos from Gossip Girl. Yes, I'm with Vanessa and right now the best thing for me is to stay away from Jenny Humphrey."

"Well today is an exception right?" She smiled at Nate as she corrected him.

"True," He admitted, "I'm coming because I know she would be hurt if I didn't show up and the last thing I want to do is hurt her."

He lowered his head and let out a long sigh, closing his eyes in pain as thoughts of Jenny ravaged his mind.

...

"You'd think that after everything I would have some privacy while drinking my coffee..." Dan muttered in disbelief. "But, _noo_..."

"What?" An amused voice rumbled beside him, "I never asked you to join me Humphrey so if you don't need the company you can just walk away and sit in another table."

"Why are you even here?" He demanded, "Girls like Blair Waldorf don't visit diners like this."

"Whatever," She tossed her brown perfect hair, "So what's up cabbage patch?"

An awkward silence followed because he was so.. shocked about the whole situation.

He was having coffee with Blair Waldorf.. _just great_.

"Nothing. I'm waiting for Serena so we can go and buy Jenny a gift to the.." He stopped after he realized who he was talking to, "I mean you know.. nothing."

Blair rolled her eyes at his poor attempt, "I know about the little party you are having for her."

"Oh."

"I was invited." She smirked as she saw his surprised expression.

"What?"

"I was invited!" She said louder, "You should listen when people are talking to you. It's rude not to listen." The brunette giggled offhandedly, "Lily invited me and mother. We are practically family now Humphrey don't forget that."

Blair shifted uncomfortably, regretting the abrupt sourness of her previous statement, "How's Serena?"

"What do you mean?" He was curious, "Are you two fighting again?"

"No! I've just been worried about her. I know it's hard to believe, but she doesn't always tell me about everything."

"Really?" He sounded surprised, but his tone changed quickly into a serious one, "Lily's cancer has changed her and made her more.. vulnerable. There are nights when she will cry her eyes out and then there are days when she is okay again. Serena will be fine. She just needs time, like all of us."

"But..." Blair tried to protest feebly.

"Blair do you trust me?" He asked softly, eyes searching hers, making her feel exposed and uncertain, "Tell me honestly."

"I..." She could have teased him, as she had done so heatedly for the past year, "Yes. I trust you Humphrey."

He nodded, "Then trust me when I say that I won't let anything happen to her."

"Fine." She smiled, "So what are we having?" She tossed the menu at him.

...

Jenny collapsed on her bed after she finished her last school assignments. Skipping school maybe hadn't been so smart, but she was doing the best she could. She had received a harsh talk from her dad and Lily, but eventually they understood what she meant. Jenny was not ready to go back to school. It was one of those things she dreaded because the whole mess was still so fresh and _big_.

Jenny knew that sitting in school would not help her at all. The baby was on her mind every minute, every second and it was hard. There were those little moments that took her breathe away. Her one hand absently caressed her big stomach, and she smiled when she felt a little kick from inside.

"You're going to be strong, little one." She found herself smiling as she felt the baby move again.

Little did she know that she was being watched by her dad who hated himself for breaking the calm atmosphere that surrounded the room, "Jenny."

Her head snapped up, "Dad, I was just.." Jenny's voice trailed off, she was unable to finish the sentence because it was just too painful to even complete.

Rufus sighed and looked at the girl, unsure on what he should say to her, "Are you ready to go?"

He knew that she needed to talk about the baby, but as he stood there and looked at her, her obvious pain etched across her face, he couldn't help, but to stay quiet and back away.

"Yeah I'm ready."

She got up and walked past her dad, but he stopped her before she could get a way from the uncomfortable conversation, "You shouldn't be ashamed about-"

"Dad just drop it okay?" She closed her eyes in pain, biting her lower lip as she spoke the words she never wanted to speak, "_Don't_, just let it go because you're only making it worse."

Rufus stepped back, taking a deep breath as he looked at her, disappointment written all over him.

...

The car ride was quiet and awfully awkward. Taking a deep breath, Rufus pulled over to the side of the road, just before a long driveway. Glancing in the rear view mirror, she gazed at her and Eric.

"Why are we at Taylor's?" Jenny asked.

Eric looked at her, "Why do you think we are at Taylor's?" His voice was quiet and cocky, "I'm tired. I want to go home."

"Eric." Rufus deadpanned, "Lets just go inside and you will find out okay?"

She rolled her eyes.

She was so tired of those awkward 'family' dinners they always had with the Aldridge's.

They walked up the steps and Eric rang the doorbell, an uncomfortable look on his face.

Soon the door opened, revealing something shocking that Jenny was not excepting.

Everything was decorated, there were pink and blue balloons flowing around the room. A whole crowd of people were expecting Jenny to step inside, but she was clearly still a bit.. well. SHOCKED.

"Jenny!" The ever so gorgeous Taylor took her hand and hugged her tightly, "Surprise my darling!"

"W-w-what is this?" She managed to stutter out, "What's going on?"

"Welcome to your baby shower!" The woman kept smiling like an idiot.

Jenny flashed a nice grin to the guests and then whispered to Rufus, "You knew about this?"

"I'm sorry, but Taylor insisted."

"You could have told me dad. I look like a moron." She referred to her casual dress while the guests looked rather dressed up.

"You look gorgeous." Lily patted her shoulder and lead her to the living room.

The living room was even more decorated.

The blue and pink colors were filling the whole room and even though she hated the attention she was getting- She felt loved.

A moment later Taylor was basically introducing her to everybody. All her friends and family seemed really nice and some of them even hugged her as an thank you for giving her baby to Taylor.

It wasn't a typical baby shower, it was more of a gathering of two families.

Surprisingly, Jenny found herself excited for meeting these people and being able to talk to complete strangers who didn't know her whole life story.

After chatting with a few people she ran into someone who she was definitely not expecting to see there, "You have got to be kidding me."

"We meet again." He flashed one of those annoying smiles of his.

"Chuck, what are you doing here?"

Rufus's eyes immediately caught the scene and he suddenly felt the urge to go and save his little girl.

"I'm only stopping by. The host invited me," He looked towards Taylor, "No hard feelings."

Nervously, Jenny smiled back, "That's good. It's good that you're finally moving past this."

He awkwardly walked closer to her and hugged her.

Jenny stiffened completely at the hug, having been caught off-guard. After a moment, she returned it awkwardly, then quickly pulled away.

He was surprised by her weird reaction and laughed, "I'm just going to walk away before this turns into something even more awkward."

She stepped away, laughing at the absurd moment and without noticing- bumped into Nate and Vanessa.

"Girl what was that all about?" Vanessa referred to her and Chuck, after seeing what happened "He hugged you?"

Nate laughed then, anger swelling in his throat while he tried to keep himself calm.

"He was just kidding around." Jenny tried to avoid his piercing gaze, "I didn't know that you two were coming."

"Well we did come." He said bluntly.

Both Jenny and Vanessa looked at Nate, just waiting him to blow up.

The brunette took Nate's arm into hers, "You are our friend, of course we came."

"I appreciate that." Her voice was choking up, "Umm.. Well enjoy. I'll talk to you later."

Jenny walked away feeling his gaze burn her back. She needed him to say the exact opposite of what Chuck had said. She needed to regain the sense of love and belonging that she had been missing ever since she had left Upper East Side in the first place. Not only that, but Jenny realized that she didn't even tell him that she loved him before she left, she didn't even give him a real hug. She was acting ungrateful again, and that frustrated her.

...

Chuck yawned and stood in one of the corners alone with his drink.

He knew that it was stupid to even attend Jenny's party, but somehow he felt obligated to be there. Besides, Blair would be there.

That would save his weird evening.

"Charles!" Brittany approached him with a big grin on her plastic face.

He almost felt the need to turn his back on her, but he knew that he couldn't do that when work was involved. If he offended her, she would run to daddy and tell what a bastard Chuck was. The Bass Industries needed every financier they got and he wasn't going to let this little girl ruin his reputation.. even more.

He turned to look at her, "I didn't know that you were coming."

"Taylor's husband James is a friend of my dads."

Chuck rolled his eyes, "Well.. that's a connection."

She giggled at his unintended joke, "So how do you know Taylor and the girl who is pregnant?"

_Is she kidding? _Chuck wondered.

Before he had the chance to even explain the facts to this girl, his eyes found her.

Blair was standing there, few meters away, her face filled with disappointment.

Of course it looked bad, it looked really bad in her eyes.

"Excuse me." Chuck walked past the blonde and ran after Blair who had walked off.

...

Jenny needed to go out onto the terrace and get a breath of fresh air, to clear her head.

But just as she was about to turn, she found herself staring at a familiar face that looked up into the sky.

She took a couple steps closer to Eric and sat next to him on the steps.

"Aren't you supposed to be enjoying your little party?" His voice was arrogant and cold.

Eric had been like that for weeks now. He didn't want to talk to her and she knew why, but it was a issue that wasn't so easy to discuss.

She tried to smile, "I just needed some fresh air."

He didn't say anything, he just got up and walked past her to the door. When his hand was on the knob, he noticed something. She hadn't followed. Eric turned around and quirked an eyebrow when he saw her just standing in there.

"Are you coming?"

"You cut yourself."

His heart trembled and breath hitched. "What are you talking about?"

"Eric. Just please tell me that it isn't the truth. Tell me that I'm wrong." Her voice had gotten quiet, there was a despairing look on her face. She was afraid of the answer, so he didn't give her one, "Why?"

"I don't know." His tone was sour and bitter, "Can we just go?"

Jenny looked at him firmly, "No. We can't."

...

He finally found her from one of the guest rooms.

He glanced across the quiet room, and faced the incensed brunette, eyes red and puffy from obvious crying.

Chuck scratched his head in confusion, "Blair… why did you run? I thought we… I thought.."

She stood up and glared at him, "Obviously you still don't understand!" Her voice was harsh and cold, hurt dripping from every syllable as she spoke, "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to even come here? And then you bring your little slut here as your date to embarrass me?"

Chuck looked at her in surprise, unsure what she was talking about.

"I didn't bring her here!"

Blair turned around and threw a cushion from the couch at him, he ducked as it sailed over his head and bounced off the maroon wall.

"Have you lost it? Blair calm down!"

"Don't you dare stand there and make it out like I'm the one who's in the wrong here! Don't you dare!"

Chuck sighed, throwing his hands up into the air as Blair continued on her tirade.

"I think you should leave now! You have done enough already."

He shook his head and walked over to her, "I didn't bring her here or invite her the other day to the restaurant, okay? Why would I do that when I want you."

Blair breathed heavily; her heart beating expeditiously as she implored him to give her answers, saddened eyes reflecting internal pain.

He stepped forward, a small smile crossing his lips as his hand brushed across her cheek, her eyes closing at his touch, but still she stepped back, slapping his hand away as he looked upon her in amusement, "Why do you have to do this every time? Why is it always me who gets hurt?"

Chuck sighed, taking her hand in spite of her struggle and gazing into her fiery eyes, eyes he could so easily get lost in if she just put down her swords and listened.

"Do I love you? Yes, I do. Did I decide that I want you to be my wife? Yes, I did. Do I regret for ruining it all? Yes! Every single second, Blair!"

"I can't do this again." She stared at him helplessly, eyes wide.

Her lips tightened, before his lips were on her.

Blair closed her eyes as she fell into him, into the intoxication she knew she would never recover from.

* * *

Sorry for not updating during the weekend :/

My computer is completely broken and I will have to get a new one which sucks!

So Im trying to save every single piece of text that I have saved on my old computer, but apparently it wont even open up so Im like AAARGH.

I had like chapters 30,31,32 done, but now I have to re-do them all and also go through extra classes for school..

So sorry if Im not updating this weekend, but I will definitely try.

Sorry for this.. crappy chapter lol.

_XoxoDesireh_


	30. Authors note

**IMPORTANT! READ!**

**So I havent posted in ages and Im sorry for that!**

**BUT right now my computer is still broken (im posting this from our school computer..)**

**And Im still waiting for my new computer.. So that means that I can post next week!**

**Just thought you, my readers needed to know because I feel bad for not posting anything in weeeks!**

**Im very sorry if you have been waiting anxiously for the next chapter, but yes- next week Ill post it so be sure to come back then..**

**Thanks and with a lot of love**

**XoxoDesireh**


	31. It Hits the Fan

_And I know that it's complicated_

_But I'm a loser in love_

_So baby raise a glass to mend_

_All the broken hearts_

_Of all my wrecked up friends_

_Speechless - Lady Gaga_

…

"Why do you do it?" Her gaze was threatening. Happy thoughts swirled within Jenny's fragile mind, euphoric images of his former self, "Eric you need to talk about this before-"

"Before what? I end up in the hospital? Does it really matter?" He shot back and looked away, "You're clueless about everything Jenny! Don't come here and pretend that you know _me,_ when you clearly don't."

"How can you say that? I've never complained or stopped listening to you. Not even when this whole Chuck _thing_ happened. I've been there plenty of times, but it is your problem when you decide not to talk Eric." She narrowed her eyes at Eric's blatant staring.

"Are you serious? This whole fucking year has been about you! Wherever I go it's always about you and that little bastard child of yours." His words were caught in his throat as he tried to calm his voice down, "This," He lifted up his sleeve shirt, "All of these came before mom was ill. This is what you did to me when you decided that we weren't friends anymore."

It was Jenny who now held her head down in shame. The world around her shifted downward, aspirations crumbling against a greater threat. Her eyes opened burning with tears looking up at Eric, "W-we can still fix this! You are my best friend Eric. Those days mean nothing to me. I was stupid, selfish-"

He interrupted her, "You are still being selfish."

Jenny looked curiously into his eyes. They slowly turned sad as the air grew cold. She only sent him a questioning look, "What do you mean?"

"Come on! The baby, Jenny!"

"This baby has nothing to do with you."

He smiled sheepishly, "True," and he looked at her, "But you are being selfish towards the baby. What makes you think that the baby will grow up to be better than you? Taylor and Richard are giving this child a life you always wanted so desperately, and look where you are now. Alone, at your own fucking baby shower with fake stupid smile on your face. It's in the genes. You are going to give birth to a _monster _who will be ten times worse than you or Chuck."

He watched her blue eyes well with tears knowing what was coming,

"Just go," Eric forced, "I don't wanna hear it."

She closed her eyes and took a long deep breath. Upon opening them she still felt the anger. Her tears wouldn't stop, her anger couldn't subside and above all; her love for her best friend would not weaken. She nodded and slowly exited the terrace. There was nothing more left for Jenny, she felt like total and utter garbage. She knew what he had said was harsh, but was it true? Was she really a coward who was just escaping her responsibilities?

_Yes. _

She was nearly knocked over by the people who were inside. They surrounded her asking if she was alright, but she ignored them and pushed through.

"Jenny?" Rufus tried to stop her, but she was already gone.

…

Her soft flesh melded perfectly and she let out a happy moan before pulling away and blabbering again," But are you sure? I mean, this is a huge deal and there is so much to think about, and I know that you ju-"Chuck silenced her with his lips, his hand trailing through her hair as he pulled her towards the couch, shirt lost along the way."Just shut up for once, Blair." As darkness blanketed them, they smiled at one another, her beauty bedazzling him, his cheeky smile warming her heart, two bodies moving as one- suddenly out of nowhere the door flew open, causing them to stop what they were doing. Luckily they were still half dressed so when Jenny turned around to face them she wasn't traumatized for life.

"Jenny! What are you doing?" Chuck yelled at her before putting his shirt back on.

She looked horrified, "I-I..." Her stuttering was not going to help her case.

She was not the only one who looked lost and ashamed. Blair was covering herself up and at the same time trying to look like she knew what she was doing. When she clearly didn't.

Chuck was still waiting for her to say something, but no words were coming out of her mouth.

Instead there were tears, "Are you crying?" He asked which surprised her. Comforting girls was not his specialty; breaking girls' hearts were.

Jenny blinked a few times trying to clear the tears that were threatening to spill over. "No I'm not," She retorted, inwardly wincing.

She didn't sound confident enough. He must have picked up on that.

"Yes you are."

"Stop it okay?" Jenny raved, "I'm sorry for interrupting this _session_ of yours. This is just great! Life is great!" Her tone was sarcastic as she laughed at her own misery.

Blair and Chuck glanced at each other. Trying to read each others minds because neither of them knew what they were supposed to say.

Realization hits Jenny in the face as she stumbles a little, "So this is what you always wanted for me Blair huh? While I'm making a fool out myself, you two laugh at me behind my back," Her voice cracked, "I hate both of you! I don't care anymore! I don't care what you think of me. I'm happy that you two found each other again. You deserve each other!" Her mascara had leaked down her cheeks, her eye-shadow was smudged into her brow, and her lips were a dark red smear of lipstick and foundation.

"Stop being so dramatic." He coughed.

She grabbed his hand and slammed it down on her stomach.

"Do you feel that? There is a _human life_ in there!" by now, she was screaming, "And we created it! And by creating this baby, we also destroyed something. Me. My whole life is a fucking mess! You don't get to judge me! You did this!"

Chuck and Blair stared at Jenny in complete silence. The pregnant teen's shoulders heaved as she tried to catch her breath. Finally, she looked up at them.

Her eyes were sunken and sore and brimming with tears, but still Chuck didn't even bother to spare her a glance.

The door was thrust open again, and before they knew it, she had disappeared into the hallway with a slam.

…

After thinking that this _party_ could not get any worse, Jenny found herself wandering around the guests.

"There you are! I've been looking for you." Taylor smiled, but Jenny immediately stopped dead in her tracks.

"Oh I was just," She tried to look elsewhere and hide her messy face, "Never mind. What's going on?"

Richard was suddenly standing by his wife, "It's time for presents."

"You don't need to- I mean I don't want anything." She stuttered while trying to hold back the tears. It seemed like she was always at the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Don't be silly!" Taylor took her hand and lead her to the centre of the room.

She grabbed her champagne glass and tapped the edge delicately with her knife. "Toast shall we?"

Everyone else in the room picked up their glasses. Jenny nervously stood beside her and it got quiet all of the sudden. All eyes were on them.

"As you all know this whole years has been a roller coaster. When I first heard from my dear friend Lily about Jenny's situation, I knew that this would be our last chance," The woman looked at her husband, "And I don't know where I would be right now without you Jenny," She turned around to look at Jenny, "You are giving me a new life. A new reason to live my life on the fullest. During these past months I've felt like you are my own daughter and the fact that you are giving your child to me means the world to me. I promise to cherish this memory, these months we have known. You are the strongest person I know and I know that you will make it. One day you will do great things and that is why I got something for you." Taylor looked over at Eleanor and she handed her an envelope.

"With the help of my other friend Eleanor Waldorf- I got you a internship from Paris to work as an student for Waldorf Designs."

Jenny swallowed, "What?"

"You can start working there after school or even sooner. It's of course up to your parents."

Taylor was smiling from ear to ear as Jenny took the envelope.

All eyes were on her then, waiting for her to say something.

Nervously her head jerked back up, "I'm sorry I can't do this."

"Jenny?" Lily looked confused, "What's wrong?"

"I- I cant! I can't do this!"

She stuttered the words out and ran out of the room.

…

"Why would she leave like that?" Dan sounded worried and looked at his dad.

He shrugged, "I'm sure this all was a bit overwhelming," Rufus shifted in his seat, "Maybe we shouldn't have done this. I knew this was a horrible idea."

"Dad, stop it." Dan said firmly, "Once again, we tried to do something good for her and she just took it for granted. That's Jenny! She is never going to learn. Think how embarrassing this is for us. Taylor has worked her ass off to do something nice for her and Jenny acts like a brat and leaves without saying anything!"

"It's not that simple," He reminded his son, "I'm sure she left because-"

Dan growled, "Because what?"

As silence fell up on them Serena and Lily walked over to their table, "She still isn't answering her phone."

The older brother threw his hands up in frustration. He didn't want to feel sympathy for her anymore, "So now what?"

"We can't just wait around. She looked really upset." Serena added.

Shock and worry was written all over their faces as they glanced at one another.

Taylor paced up to them, "Did she come back already?"

Lily shook her head, "I'm sure she went home."

"I shouldn't have done this. I knew she was so uncomfortable about this whole baby shower and I should have just listened to her. Wait. What if she is having second thoughts- Then I won't have my baby and-"

"Honey calm down," Richard looked at her.

The hectic woman took a deep breath, "I'll just tell the guests to go home and then we can go and look for her."

Rufus and Lily glanced at each other. They knew that Jenny didn't like it when they worried about her so much. They knew that she was okay. She just needed time.

…

"So," He started, mildly casual. On the inside, he was fuming because once again Jenny had ruined his chances to reconcile with Blair, "Your place or mine?"

Blair looked at him, "You really don't have anything else to say?"

He shrugged, "It's not my fault that she just happened to barge in like that."

"Do you really think it was coincidence?"

"I don't think Jenny is so into threesomes." Chuck said shamelessly, "After all in her condition it would be hard to-"

Blair snorted slightly and shook her head. "No Chuck- I mean she must have seen us come here."

"What does that have to do with anything?" he prompted.

Blair didn't know why, but whenever Jenny's name was mentioned it caused a knot to tighten in her stomach.

He tilted his head, "Are you jealous?"

"No!" She huffed and crossed her arms, "Maybe she thought that she could-"

"Blair, she just told us that she hates us both and I don't think that she was kidding."

"Jenny Humphrey does not care if she-" She stopped abruptly, realizing what she was saying.

Chuck laughed, "You really think that she is into me when I was the one who _kind of _ruined her life? You don't have to worry about her. Pregnant teenagers are not my type."

"I'm not jealous!" The fuming brunette tried to say reassuringly, but Chuck wouldn't have it and sat next to her on the bed.

"You know I'm serious about starting over with you." He smiled uncertainly.

"I know." Blair gnawed on her bottom lip.

"Just...I don't want to mess it up again." He sucked on his teeth. "So it's not like I can promise that there won't be problems because well.. at the end of the day I screwed up and I know that I can't be a nice, normal boyfriend for you. So-"

"So, what?" She demanded in protest. "Chuck we both know that what we have isn't normal. But, if I know one thing, it's that I wouldn't want a anybody at all if he wasn't you. I want you, Chuck Bass."

"Even if we miss or clash?"

"Even if we miss or clash." She murmured.

"Then, what about your problems with me that you mentioned earlier?" He asked lowly.

"I-" Her eyes scrunched up even tighter. "I decided that even if you get tired of me and hurt me later on, I'm still going to go through with this now. Because it's right now that I-" She gulped. "I can't get you out of my mind."

There was silence. "You're okay with that? With the insecurity of having me possibly break you beyond repair?" He finally asked.

"No. No. But, I can't help the way I feel about you right now. I'm so happy or sad or angry whenever I'm with you...But whatever it is that I feel when you're around, I feel it so bad that it hurts. It hurts so much Chuck." She croaked out, still refusing to open her eyes. "And the reason I probably feel so uncertain is because I feel as if I could like you like this for years...two, three, ten years, until forever."

He gulped, surprised.

"Do you-" There was an audible crack in Chuck's voice. "Do you plan on _liking _me for ten years?"

"I don't know..." She whispered honestly. "But is there a problem with that?" She raised her head and finally opened her eyes to meet his.

"No. It's not a problem."

…

Jenny had found her way back home.

Home, Brooklyn.

The people and the buildings that she had missed so desperately brought so many memories back. She loved Brooklyn. The cold air felt harsh on her skin as she continued her journey, after all winter was coming and the air was getting colder by the day. She didn't know why was she going there, but something in her mind had told her that it was the right place to go.

Where do you go when you've lost yourself and your faith?

Where do you go when you have nobody to talk to?

Finally, she stood outside of the old church she hadn't seen in ages. She remembers the many Sundays she had spent there.

Her family had never been very religious, but they did go to church on Sundays when she and Dan were younger.

Jenny was not a religious person. She didn't know if she believed in God, but she knew that she needed to be there.

She strode quickly inside of the old church and turned around to see the long benches. The warmth she felt had given her courage to sit down. Jenny couldn't help, but to feel like a hypocrite as she sat there. People who went to church were pure and innocent. The blonde didn't even remember the last time she had prayed. She stared ahead and sat there in silence. Someone sat next to her and she immediately knew who it was.

"How did you find me?"

Nate smiled, "You told me about this place. A long time ago."

Tears welled up in her eyes. She could not bear to look into his beautiful, deep eyes. "This is the only place that reminds me of what I used to have. When everything was normal."

"You still have something," He said gently, "Like your family. They were worried about you when you left like that."

Jenny raised a hand over her mouth, "I completely forgot to call them. I have to-"

He stopped her, "Don't worry about it. I already called them."

"Oh." She looked confused, "Where is Vanessa?"

"I took her home before I came here."

He reached up and attempted to wipe away the moisture from her eyes. She could not bear any more of his touches, and twisted away, slipping from his grasp.

"I don't need your pity."

Nate shook his head, "I'm not here because of that. I came because I knew that something was wrong."

"What gave that away?" She chuckled, "My past – my shame, my pain, my tears? I don't understand why you would even talk to me."

"I care about you Jenny."

She smiled, "I _care_ about you too." People say time heals pain. But as time went, the pain increased for her. The pain of not being with him, of watching him being in the love of others. Despite being his rock, the friend he could always count on no matter what, she did not mean to him as much as his latest girlfriend did. Jenny blinked again, taking a few deep breaths to center herself. She didn't want to appear wimp in front of him. When she was sure her tears had subsided, she turned and looked at him, and attempted a smile. "Thanks for finding me."

"No problem," he said, returning her smile. His smile warmed her heart, despite seeing his concern in his depthless eyes.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Go ahead, I'll be there in a minute."

Nate got up and walked out of the church, leaving Jenny on the bench.

She glanced at the ceiling before getting up, "_Thank you_."

…

Taylor paced in her living room with her phone on the other hand.

Struggling with the decision she was making.

She knew she could either win or lose.

With hesitation she puts the phone back on the table and glances away, but seconds later she knows that she has to do this.

She picks up the phone and dials a number, "Hello, is this Allison Humphrey?"

* * *

Im baaaack!

And guess who will be back in the next chapter...

_XoxoDesireh_


	32. Bad images

_Would you look into my eyes, put me out of my misery_

_I have never told lies; I hope that you come back to me_

_I want to spend my time in lovin you forever_

_No matter what happens, we must stick together_

_Come on trust on my words; give me your heart back again_

_Adore you - Lil' Rain_

_..._

The envelope. It was a new opportunity, but still Jenny never really thought that she would actually receive a gift like this.

An internship to Paris was a dream for her. She could just leave everything bad behind her and move on. Of course it would be hard because she loved her family, but still..

Jenny stared at the paper that rested on her nightstand and sighed.

It hurt to think about these things. It really did. It hurt to talk about it, but she knew that eventually the baby would be born. No matter what she would do the baby would be there-

Time had fled by, after Christmas it would be January and at the end of February the baby would be there in her arms. It was inevitable that one day she would have to face the unnatural idea of her baby being taken away from her. She just did not know that this reality would be so harsh, so wrong. Her dad or Lily would sometimes speak of it, but during those occasions it just seemed like some far off event in the future, nothing really concerning _her._ The truth was that she didn't have that much time left.

Jenny was silent for a while.

"I – I want to forget about this," She decided. "I want to forget all about him, and the baby, I want to somehow forget that this ever happened… I want to leave and never come back."

"Jenny –" She could kind of foresee what her dad was about to say. He'd said it a couple times before, whenever she expressed a desire to forget what had happened between Chuck and her. "I know this is hard for you. It's hard for me too. I don't want you to think that anybody is forcing you to take that internship. Our family has never been this close," He swallowed, "and I think it was the _incident _that happened between you and Chuck what brought us together. This baby- It has changed everything."

It was undeniable, "I guess, you're right." Without the baby she would not be the person she was today,

"But – If I stay.. I might see her or him everyday. I couldn't handle that dad. I couldn't just watch by while Taylor- "

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Her dad agreed, nodding, "It's hard, but day by day it gets better."

"Sometimes I forget."

He was deep in thought, "Huh?"

She sighed and clarified, "Sometimes- I wake up in the morning and forget what I did and what it caused." She punctuated her sentence with another sad sigh, "If I could go back in time.. I wouldn't have swollen ankles."

Rufus sat up straighter and looked at his daughter, "Jenny, listen to me- Sometimes things happen because they are meant to happen. Maybe this happened because you were meant to have this child and give it to Taylor, but this whole internship is up to you. I know how hard it would be to stay here, but just remember that we are your family and whatever you decide.. We love you."

She leaned on to his shoulder, "Thanks dad." A minute later the smile had turned into a frown as she surprisingly sobbed "I love- I love my baby, but I'm not good enough." she said sadly, tears falling from her eyes.

"You could be" He said softly, "There are other options."

She quickly got up, "No." Bravely Jenny wiped the tears away, "That's not an option for me."

…

Chuck sat back in his office chair trying to concentrate on his work, but somehow his thoughts always were interrupted with the beautiful images of Blair.

"And if we raise the stock for five percents we have a better chance to raise our market-" Nate stopped and shot a glance towards Chuck, "Could you concentrate for a second?"

"What?"

He was frustrated, "We have to figure this paperwork out before the buyers come in. I'm not going to let you blow this up."

"Alright, just chill. We have nothing to worry about," Chuck snorted, "Seems like you're on the edge because of something else or someone."

He furrowed his eyebrows together, "There _is nothing_ bothering me."

"So," He tilted his head at him eyebrow raising in amusement, "I heard you drove Jenny back home from Taylor's party."

"Chuck, could you just focus on these?" He dropped the stack of papers on his desk, "Besides it was you who made her upset."

He stood up abruptly, "Oh come on Nathaniel. She knew that me and Blair would eventually-"

"Yeah she knew that and didn't care about it, but you decided to insult her when you took Blair into the guest room. She is pregnant with your baby. You could at least respect her."

Chuck looked dumbfounded, "I do respect her," He looked at Nate, "Why does this even upset you? I thought you were with Vanessa."

"I am with Vanessa."

"Then why are you defending Jenny?" Chuck continued, "What happens between me and Jenny, stays between me and Jenny."

"You are the one who brought this up!" Nate defended himself.

"Calm down Nathaniel." He retorted, "Everything is okay now- I have Blair and you have Vanessa. We don't need to talk about Jenny Humphrey."

"You're right.. Just forget about it." He mumbled.

Chuck smiled to himself, "Our lives would be so much easier if you had been there that night."

"What are you talking about?" Nate turned his attention from the papers to Chuck.

"Jenny. If you had been there, I would have not touched her." He chuckled as in it was amusing.

"Chuck, you should shut up now." Nate he countered sharply.

"-I mean think about it. She could be pregnant with your kiddo and you could actually admit that you love her."

Fury flared inside of him. He was tired of being civil, "Drop it!"

Chucks huge grin had faded away, he had been just joking around.

"_If _I had been there she wouldn't be pregnant because unlike you I respect her. I would have never touched her or made her feel worse about herself. I would have listened!"

He dropped the papers on the table and stormed out.

"Oh come on Nathaniel! I was just joking!" Chuck yelled after him and sat back in his chair with a grin on his face.

…

Lily poured herself a warm cup of coffee in the kitchen.

She blew on it to cool it off before she took a sip. She liked her coffee black.

Rufus walked into the kitchen, his eyes dull and tired.

"Is everything okay?" She asked, "What's going on?"

"Oh, nothing really," He replied inaudibly, "I was talking to Jenny."

She noticed the long look on his face. "Is something wrong?" Of course she knew that something was wrong. The whole house had been quiet after the baby shower. Nobody knew what to say to Jenny or how to feel about this. It had been a week, but still the whole situation was fresh.

He shook his head and glanced at her. "Nothing new," he told her.

Secretly he hoped that the look on his face did not betray the hurt he felt in his heart, "She is tired of this. I don't know how will she ever recover from this."

It pained him to know and see that his _little_ girl was broken. His only intention was to give her a better life. Why did all his good intentions go so terribly wrong?

"Should we talk to Taylor about it?" Lily asked gently.

He hesitated on the reply, searching his heart for the answer, even though right off the bat, he knew it already. "No. Jenny told me that they are in good terms again. I don't want to upset her or Richard."

She understood what he meant and smiled, "She is a strong girl Rufus."

"I know that, but I'm afraid that if she leaves to Paris- she might never come back."

"It's her dream."

"I understand that, but there are other options."

Lily gave him a curt smile to ease his tension. "We shouldn't worry about this right now. Soon it's Christmas and we should be enjoying it as a family. We can talk about these things later."

Rufus smiled at the thought of the whole family celebrating togethor, "You're absolutely right."

He looked at his wife, "Are you feeling all right?" he inquired softly, concerned for her health. "You look kind of pale. Have you been getting enough sleep?"

"Plenty," she assured him. "Maybe too much," she even added.

"Did the doctor say anything?"

She shrugged, "Not much. The treatments are working as planned so we have nothing to worry about."

He grinned and planted a kiss on her lips, "That's good. Very good."

…

Nate walked into Vanessa's apartment, "Damn door," he muttered under his breath

. This was not a great day for him.

He sealed it with the shove of his shoe and set the groceries on the kitchen counter.

He took an immediate notice of Vanessa, sitting lifelessly on the couch. "Vanessa? Are you okay?"

She looked over her shoulder to address him.

His brows creased and the stern look of disapproval slipped into every facet of his facial features. "Is there something wrong?" he asked gently. He knew that prying into her for intimate details would only worsen the gap between them.

Vanessa closed her eyes and sighed, "Actually, I'd like to talk to you about something, if you don't mind."

He was quick to reply, "No, of course I don't mind."

"I've been thinking . . . about a lot of stuff, pretty much the same old stuff as before, so I'm going to give you a fair warning about my rambling and repetition." She laughed gently, hoping to ease the tension brewing in the living room.

Nate smiled to help her out and let her know that he was here for her.

"I feel like your very distant and that's why I need to know what's going on ?"

It made sense that she asked that. He had kind of already figured that one out.

"Lots of mixed feelings here," She stated, grossly oversimplifying. "But I think I've narrowed down how I really feel."

"I know how you feel and you should know that I feel the same way." Nate pointed out, "I think we are doing great. This is what I want, you and a normal relationship."

"Maybe . . . just _maybe_ that is not enough for you. Nate you know that I can't be with you if you don't feel the same way." Her eyes were pleading with him. What they were asking of him, he wasn't sure, but they wanted _something_ from him, something he hadn't been able to give her.

He stared at her. What did that mean?

What was she trying to say?

He hadn't been prepared for _those_ words. How could she be breaking up with him if they hadn't even _officially_ gotten back together?

If his face revealed his confusion, "I don't understand what you are saying here Vanessa."

Vanessa made no reaction towards it at all. She continued speaking. "Before, I didn't know what to do, but now, I think I do."

"What do you mean?" It was time that he asked for clarification. He didn't think he'd be able to continue this conversation any further without understanding her previous statement.

"We'll start all over," she suggested frankly. "Be friends first and work from there. I just don't want to get tangled up into something I'm still not completely sure of, but if we were just friends and talked to each other here and there, maybe then, we'll know for sure if we want to get involved in this again."

Vanessa stood up on her feet. Her heart thundered in her chest, but she had spoken what she needed to say.

Growing defensive, Nate rose with her, keeping a comfortable distance, but still leaning in close enough to show his seriousness about the suggestion. "I don't understand why should we do that when this is actually working out!"

"It is not working out!" She snapped, "It's not working out when you still keep thinking about her."

"What? Who?" He of course played dumb.

"Jenny!"

"You know that there is nothing between me and Jenny."

She shrugged, "There might be nothing going on, but it doesn't mean that you don't love her."

"I don't love Jenny," He tried to reach out, "This is not the solution."

"Well, do you have any _better_ ideas?"

"As a matter of a fact, I _do_," he told her.

Her defiant eyes challenged him, called his bluff. "Oh yeah? _What_?"

Frustrated, he could only glare back at her. He cursed at himself. He couldn't come up with anything, but he sure as hell didn't like _her_ idea.

"I didn't think so," she whispered tightly. "Look, I'm gonna go take a walk, okay? I'll be back in fifteen minutes. When I am, we can talk some more."

He still wasn't agreeing. He was desperately trying to stop what was happening.

He knew that he wanted Vanessa, kind of.

Her hand touched the cold doorknob when suddenly, he said something.

"Lets move in together."

…

Jenny woke from her nap and was walking into the living room. She groaned, feeling nauseous. Suddenly her nausea became stronger as she walked pass Eric's bedroom. Their eyes met, but she didn't know what she should do. They hadn't changed a word in days. Jenny opened her lips to gasp, but no sound came out. The nervous feeling had overwhelmed her system. She knew she had to break the silence, because Eric wouldn't. It wasn't his conversation to begin. It was Jenny's alone to start and to finish.

"Can I come in?" She stood on the doorway, but he just stared ahead.

Jenny wasn't sure what to say or do, the mere sight of him leaving her speechless. "I'm sorry," She finally whispered. "For everything I put you through. But I want you to know that...that I couldn't stand the idea of losing you." She choked and shook her head again, biting back the scream. "I know I didn't show it half as much as I should have...but I love you, Eric. And I'd do anything for the chance to go back and show you how...grateful I am for all that you've done for me."

He looked at her, "I'm sorry too." His voice was shaky, "I'm not going on that road again."

"You don't need to." She squeezed his hand.

"I'm going back to therapy." He informed her, "I already talked to mom. She knows."

Jenny was surprised by this," Oh, but that's good."

"It's a step." He gave her a smile, "I didn't mean what I said to you back at Taylor's. I was just frustrated and needed someone to blame."

She was silent.

Eric turned to look at her, "Does it hurt...more than you let on?"

Her eyes shot towards him, a reluctant expression on her face. Once she realized that he wasn't going to just take easy answers, that lying to him about it wouldn't cut it, she finally answered, "It does. Some days are better than others, but it's hard because at the end of the day I will have this baby and then give it away."

He nodded, "Jenny, just don't do it because people are expecting you to do it."

She stared at him blankly, then in confusion. "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked incredulously.

"I want you to be happy. That's all."

…

"I still can't believe you and Chuck are back together. " Serena rambled as she walked beside Blair.

"It just happened-"

"I don't find it hard to believe." Dan pointed out and shoved between them.

Blair glared at Dan, "S, tell me again why is he spending the day with us?"

"Because unlike you she loves me." He playfully kissed Serena on the cheek.

The gorgeous blonde laughed, "Exactly."

"Ugh," Blair muttered, "You're are such a buzz kill Humphrey. Just like your sister."

Dan froze and Serena burst out laughing. Everybody knew about their little _escapade _that took place in Taylor's guest bed room, thanks to Gossip Girl.

"Hey, that's not cool." Dan complained.

The brunette brushed off his lame comment and continued, "At least we still had clothes on, but I guess Jenny has already seen Chuck in all of his glory so it wouldn't have mattered if he didn't have anything on at all."

Serena tried not laugh, "B!"

"Remind me that I will never ever join you two," Dan looked at Serena and grimaced, "You have scarred me for live Waldorf." _Mental images.. Mental images._.

Blair smiled devilishly, "Mission accomplished."

They walked for a while, but then Serena spotted someone.

"Hey isn't that Taylor?" She pointed at Taylor who sat inside of a café.

"I guess it is." Dan pondered, "Should we go and say hi?"

Blair rolled her eyes, "She is obviously there with someone." And Blair was right, there was someone with her. A blond woman about the same age as her.

They waited for her to turn around and what they saw was not expected.

"Mom!" Dan gasped.

* * *

Yay! Im so exicted to write my fanfic again :) and to update for you guys!

Hopefully I didnt disapoint!

Remember to leave a comment if you liked it! I always love to read what you think about my little twists and turns.

_XoxoDesireh_


	33. A new beginning

_Do you understand who I am  
Do you wanna know  
Can you really see through me now  
I am about to go_

But just tonight I won't leave  
I'll lie and you'll believe  
Just tonight I will see  
It's all because of me

_Just tonight - The Pretty Reckless_

…

Jenny locked herself in the bathroom, bawling like she couldn't even remember. The months that followed her pregnancy had been full of tears, but they had grown silent over time, and eventually it had reached the point where the weeping she did was entirely in her heart and soul. At the moment, however, Jenny let all her tears pour out from her heart and soul and soak the thin clothes she wore. Her mouth hung open in an eternal scream. She curled herself up in a ball beside the pearl white toilet and hoped that she would cry herself to sleep, but she had no such luck. The tears choked her breathing; she would never fall asleep like that.

She couldn't sleep. Her dreams were cruel. She dreamt of her easier days. She dreamt of not even meeting Chuck. All cruel dreams. Cruel, because they would never come true.

When she finally woke from her thoughts, she found Eric sitting down beside her. Somehow she had managed to get back to bed. Before she even opened her eyes, she prayed all of it was a dream the same way she had wished for too long that the last few years were part of some terrible nightmare.

"What . . . time is it?" Her throat was dry. Eric must have heard it because he immediately offered her the glass of water on the nightstand. Jenny drank it up and spoke again. "What time is it?"

"It's one, thirty-two," He told her. "You slept through the whole afternoon."

Shock struck her then. "Oh my god! I was supposed to meet Taylor hours ago and go through the paper work."

"Don't worry about it. Rufus already called her."

Then she remembered why she had been so upset, "Is it really true? You're leaving?"

She searched Eric's eyes imploringly, as if he had the power to somehow change everything and make it better.

"I have to," He answered, confirming Jenny's fears, "I won't get better if I don't get help."

She cushioned herself against her pillows once more. She just wasn't ready for this- She had to sign the papers and say goodbye to Eric.

She understood now why he was the one who was sitting next to her. She now knew why it wasn't her brother or even her dad. It was because, out of everybody, Eric seemed to understand the most. He had always sympathized and been there for her. Jenny knew she could pour out all of her heart to Eric. He understood her heart the best.

"When will you come back?" Jenny asked softly.

It was something that had bothered her since yesterday.

He turned and brushed the hair from her forehead tenderly, "Before the baby arrives, just like I promised. It's only a couple months."

Another tear slid down Jenny's face. "But if you leave- I have nobody here."

"You have Rufus, my mom, Dan and even Serena," He suggested. "You can visit me anytime you want. I'm not leaving for good Jenny."

"I'm sorry," She said. "Everything just seems so.. Near."

"Hormones." He grinned. "It will get better. I promise."

"It's easy for you to say that," Jenny replied. "You have a good heart, Eric."

He smiled at her when he responded, "So do you."

* * *

"You haven't told them?"

Dan turned around to face his girlfriend, "How am I supposed to tell something like that without making everything horrible again.

"Still it's going to be out in the open soon."

He sighed, and allowed her to take him into her arms.

"Have you seen Jenny?" Serena asked belatedly.

"With Eric. I guess she is desperately trying to escape the fact that she has to talk to Chuck and to Taylor about the final settlements." When she nodded, he continued. "I don't want to tell her or dad about mom. The last thing I want is her to end up in the hospital again. I know that she isn't ready to sign the papers yet. She's been acting so weird lately. "

"We'll figure this out Dan.. Maybe we should go and see your mom."

"I guess you're right, " He frowned, "Even though I know that it will just blow out of proportion"

When she tiredly rested her head against his shoulder, he looked at her.

"You okay?" he whispered, his lips mere millimeters from her ear.

She nodded, then changed her mind and shook her head, tears creeping into her eyes. Her fist tightened where it was clutching at his shirt, "It's just- Eric."

He pressed a tender kiss to her temple. "Just like Lily survived the worst, so will Eric."

It took a moment for her to calm down, but Serena nodded bravely, "We will be alright. All of us."

* * *

The sun greeted her as she stepped outside of her home. It was a beautiful day. It was strange. She had never felt so alive. She had cried her eyes out, but it was something that she needed to do before meeting.. Him. She felt relieved, truly liberated from the hurtful things of the past. Her troubled soul and broken heart were hopefully cleansed now.

Jenny's eyes followed the crowd. She knew people were watching. Her even bigger baby bump almost jumped out of her nylon sweater. She held her head up high, not letting people bring her down anymore. She had been through hell because of these people, and this time she was not letting them crush her. She was Jenny Humphrey, pregnant with Chuck Bass's baby. Simple as that.

A small laughter escaped her from her lips. Her life was so ridiculously dramatic.

She kindly said hello to the doorman before making her way up to his suite.

God, she hated this part. Listening to stupid music while the elevator slowly, by slowly- she meant extra slow made it's way up.

The doors opened and she quietly stepped inside.

Jenny took a deep breath. She knew she had to do this. It was the first step in healing, "Hello? Is anybody in here? Chuck? "

She looked around, but ended up biting her nails nervously.

"You shouldn't bite your nails."

She jumped. She was startled at first by Blair's sudden appearance, but Jenny quickly recovered, "Blair! Oh, hi."

There was an awkward silence.

"So, what are you doing here?" Her voice was impatient.

Jenny closed her eyes and calmed her nervous heart. "Actually, I'm here to see Chuck."

"Chuck?" Blair stood proudly in front of her.

"Yes, Chuck."

The brunette thought about it for a second, "Chuck is not here."

"I can see that," Jenny dropped her bag on the floor and walked pass her.

The confused woman walked after her, "What are you doing?"

"I need to talk to Chuck." Jenny tossed her boots and sat on the sofa comfortably, "And I'm not leaving until we have talked about _our _baby. I'm sure you don't have a problem with that, right?"

Jenny tossed her a look and Blair knew this was a payback for what had happened at her baby shower.

"No. I don't have a problem with that." Her smile was bright.

* * *

Allison Humphrey looked at herself from the mirror.´

_I could get used to this_, she thought.

Her new dress that she had received as a gift looked gorgeous on her. The beautiful image was shattered as someone knocked on her hotel room door.

"Who is it?" She called.

There was a short pause.

"Mom? It's me, it's Dan."

"Dan?" Allison gasped, shocked. Her jaw hit the floor, but she instantly went over to the door.

She opened the door and found Dan and Serena waiting for her.

"Mom…can we come in?" He managed to choke out eventually after they both stared at each other. She was looking at them up and down, taking in every ragged, worn detail in.

"Please do so," she smiled, and stepped from their way, "How did you know I was in town?"

"it's a long story," Serena sighed and Dan continued, "I'm going to be straight with you and ask you what are you doing here?"

Allison chuckled, "Why do you make it sound so bad? Can't I visit my children when Christmas is coming up?"

"You haven't been there for the last ten Christmas's, so quit the act" Dan looked at her, shooting daggers from his eyes.

"We saw you with Taylor." Serena stepped in.

His mother smiled again, her eyes soft, "And that's a bad thing because..?"

"Because! Mom! I won't let you ruin this for Jenny." He was angry, "Whatever you are trying to accomplish with this- please for the sake of our family stop it, now."

"Calm down for Gods sakes Dan." Allison Scowled, "I only saw Taylor because she offered to give me more details about how Jenny is doing with her pregnancy and this whole adoption process. Do you understand how much it hurts when your own daughter doesn't want to talk to you?"

Her voice sounded sincere, but he didn't know what to believe, "There is no one else to blame, but yourself."

"I know that darling, but I'm sure that you understand where I was coming from.. I'm sure you both do," She looked at Serena, "You out of all people can say that Chuck Bass is a bad person."

"I don't know about bad, but" Serena muttered, "Chuck is just complicated."

"Complicated, is not good for Jenny," Allison looked at Dan this time, "Your sister does not need to be tied up to him for the rest of her life. We both want the best for Jenny and know that giving that baby away is the solution. If the baby is out of the picture, so is Chuck Bass."

"And she is giving the baby away," Dan pointed out, "She never even thought about keeping it."

"Are you sure?"

Dan lowered his voice to his mother. "What's that supposed to mean? Do you know something we don't know?"

"I just know what I've been told," She dodged the question, "I'm here to make sure Jenny takes the opportunity to leave to France for the internship she was offered. I'm also making sure Chuck Bass is completely out of her life, for good."

* * *

Jenny had gratefully eased her growing bump down onto the sofa, crossing her ankles, relieving some of the weight from her recently swollen feet. Blair sat next to her, staring at the TV with blank stare.

"Are you two seeing each other again?" She asked finally, cocking her head at Blair.

"Why do you care?" Blair asked, although she knew what Jenny thought about her and Chuck.

The blonde shrugged, "I guess I'm just curious."

"It just seems like you're more than curious." Blair replied, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

"Huh? You think I'm into Chuck?" Jenny said softly, watching her lip twitch at the mention of his name. "Are you kidding me?" she laughed, leaning her head back against the leather headrest. "You don't honestly think that I'm interested in him when he well.. Umm lets see.. Destroyed my life."

"I never said anything." She returned tightly.

"You didn't have to. Your face is doing it for you," The blonde replied, turning her head in her direction, "You're jealous," she breathed incredulously.

"I don't have the right to be jealous," Blair said quietly, and got up, "It's you who is carrying the baby, not me."

"Yeah it might be, but it's also me who is giving the baby away. If you were pregnant the situation would be different. You would not be sitting here and waiting for him to come here so that you could just talk about paper work and hospital arrangements."

She understood her point and nodded-

Their cozy moment was interrupted by the man himself, "Anybody in here-"

"Surprise" Jenny threw her hands up, "Glad you could finally make it."

"Jenny . . .?" He had never been at such a loss for words, "What are you doing here?"

"We agreed on talking about _certain_ details today," She didn't have the same force behind her voice that he did. "You didn't remember did you?"

"Is that so horrible?" Chuck hoped it would relieve _some_ of the tension.

She snapped, "Chuck I'm not going to come and go as you please, okay? Let's get this over with."

"I guess I have a few hours to spend," Blair picked up her purse from the table and kissed Chuck quickly, "Call me when she has left."

"How have you been?" Chuck inquired once he had settled next to her.

For some reason, Jenny felt it was an odd way to open up a conversation.

She had to admit it was more than odd, it was damned awkward.

Jenny honestly did not want to get into the details of everything, "Been through good and bad. Just life in general, you know?"

"Same here," he started, "I'm sorry about the whole mess at the baby shower.."

"I am, too," She replied honestly, "I shouldn't have freaked out like that."

"You had the right to do that."

She chuckled, "I know I did." She pulled the papers out of her bag and gave them to him, "There are all the guidelines, also the papers that need to be filled before the baby is born and these we sign now-"

"Hold on," Chuck interrupted her, "I'm not signing anything, now."

"Sure you are."

"No, I'm not." He got up and poured a glass of whiskey for himself.

Drawing in a deep breath, Jenny said, a slight warning in her voice, "Chuck…"

"I thought we agreed on signing them after the baby is born." He tried to reason with her, "It makes no sense to do this now."

"Why can't you just sign them?"

After a moment of pondering, Chuck knew what he needed to do, "Fine. I'll sign, if you sign them first."

"No way."

"Why not?"

"Because!" She retorted uneasily, "If I sign them first that makes me the bad person. The one who doesn't care and just gives her baby away in a heartbeat."

"And you wanted me to sign them first," Chuck replied evenly. She had responded just as he thought and he was more than satisfied with that. "You're easier to read than a book and I don't even read books."

She gasped in shock and threw a pillow at him, "Oh no you didn't!" Jenny exclaimed, "You tricked me!"

"Only to prove a point," He explained, "You are not ready to sing the papers and neither am I."

Staring down at her hands, she said softly, admitting something she might not have even realized until recently, "I hate it when you're right.. Maybe we should wait until the baby is born. I'm sure Taylor won't mind waiting a couple months. She knows that we will sign the papers and we both know that _we will _sign the papers. There is no way that we would suddenly just change our minds, right? So in the end it doesn't matter if we wait."

Smiling slightly, Chuck nodded, "Exactly."

"It's good that we are talking again." She said, forcing a smile to her lips. At that moment, she felt proud of herself, proud of the fact that she had kept her cool, even in front of Chuck Bass.

* * *

Where have I been again...

Im just bummed that I dont feel like writing so much because YOU PEOPLE HAVE DISAPPEARED! :O

Where is everyone? Am I alone here or what?...

Please if you are still into this fic or something give me a little sign or a review that you are reading.. Even you people who are just passing by! anonymous or registered- dont care.

Reviews and other peoples thoughts get me writing more and I feel like its important that I hear what are you, my readers thinking!

**So please leave a review, few simple letters are enough **:) Negative or positive- anything!

Sorry for the rant. Im just a little frustrated :/

_XoxoDesireh_


	34. For my angel

I've been trying to figure out how to start this, but I can't come up with anything that would make this easier for me. I'm not even familiar with this site and right now this all is very confusing. I'm doing this for my sister, Desiree who unfortunately isn't here with us anymore. Desiree passed away on December 11th 2010 for dehydration and kidney failure. I'm not sure where to begin because its been really hard. I have been going through her stuff for a couple of weeks now and found this sticker with her username and password for this site. I was curious enough to take look and now I'm grateful I did.

I was not there for her when she was struggling and it made me feel better when I found out that she had been communicating with people through internet in someway, that she had someone who to talk to. I know this must be very weird for people to read, but I am trying to pick up the pieces and figure out what was she doing and who was she talking to before she passed away. My sister had BDD, _Body dysmorphic disorder _and was battling against _anorexia_ and _bulimia _for over 5 years.

Honestly, I hadn't seen my sister in almost a year because she did not want to see me. I was the one who was always pushing her into treatment and when she turned 18 she moved into her own place and that's when she stopped talking to me, to our whole family. I was so mad at her and angry that I gave up. I felt like I was making the situation harder for her and backed away when she kindly asked me to.

The grief that we feel right now is unbearable. At the same time I feel relieved because I know that she is with God now and in peace, but still I feel like I lost a part of myself. I can't blame her for this. I can't blame anybody which makes me frustrated. The reason why I want to share my sisters story here is also to help others. Most of you are girls, teenagers just reading these stories (?) and I want people to know that this pressure that drove my sister into losing herself is horrifying.

I want you to know that its okay to be different and I wish Desiree had seen that.

I watched by as she destroyed herself for others. She could not see the beauty that I saw, inside and out. There were days when she wouldn't step out of her room because according to her she was too ugly. I cant even count how many times she did that. I've been sitting in her bedroom for three hours now and I still cant comprehend that I'm doing this. I'm writing her goodbyes to people who she probably didn't even know, who I don't even know. I'm sorry that she isn't here to finish this. I'm trying to understand her decisions, but in a way I can't. I'm mad at her for tearing up our hearts.

I can't even explain how much I miss her. I miss my sister. I miss my best friend.

I know me and my family will make it through, but it will take time. My little sister is an angel now and I want to remember her the way she used to be.

Her big heart and fun personality. Her bubbly laughter and her sparkly eyes.

I just wish I had gotten the chance to say that I love her for the last time.

Don't take love for granted. Show your love before its too late.

Help your loved ones if they are sick like my sister was. Don't give up. Don't leave them behind.

If you talked to my sister in anyway, please contact me through this account and I will give you my email.

Or if you just need advice considering these diseases, please dont hesitate to ask.

xxx

When the clouds part and a ray of sun shines through

We look to the sky; and think of see our tears and feel our ache

We breathe you in with each breath we take

There is no need to miss, what is not gone

For us, you are right here, where you belong

You are the suns warmth on our face

Guiding us through this dark place

You are the whisper of the wind through the gentle sparkle in a stars light

You are the colors of the rainbow after a summers rain

Dazzling, vivid color's nothing could ever tame

You are the elegance found after a first snow

That small, beautiful, blinding glow

You made your own path from the start

And we continue to carry your footprints on our heart

When we stop to think of all we miss

Look around and think of this

Something so special & rare could never fade &

That is how we know you stayed

Because when the clouds part and that ray of sun shines through

We will smile, knowing that glimmer is you.

Rest in peace little sister,

Your big sister Sarah


End file.
